If it was one thing a guy hated, it was knowing his friends were starting to get fed up with him and watching them pretend they weren't. Being felt sorry for wasn't exactly something Kurt wasn't used to by now, but there was a limit and Kurt had to admit he'd been annoying them pretty thoroughly all month with his behavior.
To be honest, Kurt had missed Amanda horribly when her parents moved them out of state. He had been miserable company and had spent as much time on the phone as the girl could manage without getting noticed.
When Kurt's grades had started to slip because of it, Xavier had restricted his phone time. It had generated a lot of fuss on his behalf, but Xavier was stern and stuck to his word. It wasn't until Amanda started calling less and less, with more awkward silences than conversation that Kurt realized the man had seen something he hadn't about the girl.
Eventually she stopped calling. He doubted very much it had anything to do with her parents' intervention.
Then there had been anger. Kurt had been doing fine, keeping it inside until he'd had a run in with one of the Brotherhood. He hadn't said which one when he showed up, bleeding and with three knuckles on his right hand split open, but everyone could guess. Kitty had seen Todd with a busted lip and a bruise that took up nearly his whole jaw the next morning at school.
It had gone on like that for two more days. Todd had been the one to put a stop to it on the third.
Kurt had come home not himself.
Already tired from hearing about Amanda and about unfairness, Scott had excused himself shortly after Kurt sat next to him in the recreation room. Kurt had stared after him long after the lights dimmed to save energy. He hadn't wanted to talk about Amanda at all.
Kurt didn't try to talk to anyone else about that day again. He had however stopped coming home with bruises, and so had Todd. It was all so very confusing and it must have contributed heavily to the idea that he was still moping about his unofficial breakup. Scott politely avoided him, not wanting to be on the end of Kurt's angst. The girls tried talking to him and were frustrated by his awkwardness.
A fortnight later, Kurt had yet to tell anyone about the way Todd's lips had tasted against his own, warm and forceful and flecked with blood. Every time somebody asked, tried to get him to open up, he'd be on the verge of it and then he'd backtrack. He'd lie and say he was missing Amanda.
Instead he'd be thinking about how badly Todd had been shaking when he pulled away, yellow irises flicking back and forth, searching Kurt's face for reaction. Eyes wide, shaking himself, Kurt had tightened his grip on Todd's upper arms, keeping him there on top. It was a good enough answer for both of them.
How to hide it was another interesting little question. Was there even really something worth the effort of hiding? Kurt didn't know. He didn't know what Todd felt about it, because every time the boy looked at him, or just ran his fingers through the fur on Kurt's arm, Kurt didn't ask him. Things were different with a girl. For Amanda, Kurt had been ready to defy anyone who told him he couldn't be with her.
Having a girl was normal. Having a girl was understandable. His friends would stand by him if he had done something stupid for her.
Todd didn't protest and he didn't ask questions about the continued stalemate. And Kurt kept ignoring the strange and worried looks, figuring things would change back to normal as long as he didn't tell the exact truth to anyone.
Another night came and went, and things were beginning to change.
Todd had already downed a few drinks before Kurt came to their meeting place, not that the elf could tell right away. He offered Kurt one and sat hunched against the wall, cigarette clenched in his thin lips and eyes focused on Kurt's hand instead of his face.
"Been about a month, dawg."
The words were mashed together and it took Kurt a moment to pick them apart and decipher them. He had known Todd for years, but only in that month he'd known Todd to speak like that when he was stressed. Kurt swallowed some beer.
"Since we . . ." Kurt strived to fill in. He somehow managed to leave an emptier gap.
Todd looked at him and put out the cigarette on his shoe. Kurt watched him, not adding anything. He didn't know where this was going. He didn't even know where he wanted it to. "Got together. If there is a together," the boy said finally.
Kurt stared. "Is there?" he said softly.
Something in Todd's face wavered and broke, leaving a brief stain of misery. Todd looked down at his knees. "You tell me, jackass."
"I guess we are. Does it matter?" Kurt set down the beer and stared at it. Todd looked up again. His shivers seemed to be back. Kurt felt something twist inside but kept talking anyway. "It's not like we could tell anyone."
"Yeah?" His voice was small. "So what, is it more of a turn on this way or somethin?"
The twisting in Kurt's gut got worse somehow. "I'm sorry. I just . . . things have been weird enough. I'm really trying everyone's patience as it is. And throwing this at them . . . it's asking a little much."
Todd looked up at Kurt. He bit his lip and twitched some hair out of his eyes with nervous fingers. It fell back and Kurt brushed it out of the way without a thought. Todd moved his head away, but half-heartedly and not by much.
"You think you're the only one scared, dawg?" Todd muttered at the ground. "I don't got nobody to worry about finding out?"
"Sorry," Kurt said, lamely. He didn't know what to do. He leaned in to kiss Todd, that had been all it took to convince him in the past. Todd put a hand on his mouth.
"N-No!" he snapped. Kurt could actually see his teeth chattering from nerves. "N-Not if you don't . . ."
Todd looked so vulnerable just then. The boy looked at him, eyes meeting Kurt's for a long moment and pleading for . . . for something.
Kurt didn't say a word. He didn't try to kiss Todd again however.
The next night, Todd wasn't where he was supposed to meet him. Kurt waited there half the day and finally went home.
There was a phone call later, around midnight.
Kurt heard, ported into the recreation room to answer it. He was hung up on before he said hello the second time.
He replaced the phone and turned around to see Rogue, Kitty and Rahne on the couch, staring at him. On the TV screen, Michael claimed his second to last victim.
That was about when Rogue exploded.
"Okay," she said, plunking popcorn down in Kitty's lap. "That is IT."
Kurt actually backed up a few steps, alarmed at his sister's tone. She jabbed a finger into his chest. "We are going to take you out!"
"Vas?!"
"This Friday we are going to a concert and you are coming with us."
"What are you talking ab--"
"Don't even!" Rogue growled. "You've been a wreck! And now you're answering prank calls cause you think she's gonna call back, well she's not!"
Kurt bit his lip. Now would be the time to tell somebody. He sighed and opened his mouth.
"Like, shut up, Kurt!" Kitty agreed. Kurt obeyed, blinking. "You need to get out. I am so totally serious."
"We will drag you kicking and screaming if we have to! You're gonna have fun or else!"
Rahne stayed out of it. She had the remote and the popcorn. Never in his life had Kurt thought it possible to envy a person in yellow poodle pajamas.
"Listen, I'm fi--"
"No you aren't!" they snapped. Kurt backed away slowly. Nothing was more terrifying than girls who knew best ganging up on you. Todd would have to understand.
"Okay, I'll go. Seriously. Whatever you want. This Friday?"
"Eight. Be home." Rogue sat back on the couch and tried to get Rahne to surrender the remote. That was Kurt's cue to sneak out. Kitty put a hand on his arm.
"Look, sorry for being harsh, but we're worried about you. You aren't, like . . . you anymore," she said softly.
"I know," Kurt said wryly. Kitty glanced over to see what show Rogue was protesting five more minutes of, and by the time she turned back Kurt had ported out with the phone.
Lance answered and Kurt was told to fuck the hell off. Todd might've heard but Kurt didn't have the nerve to try calling again. Kurt lied awake waiting the rest of the night and the phone remained silent.
He wasn't much good all day Thursday, opting to crash at the mansion rather than wait for Todd after school. Kurt woke up to the phone ringing again but it was another hang up call.
He suddenly couldn't wait for Friday.
When eight o'clock did finally come around, Kurt had been home since seven. Twice he'd almost knocked on Kitty's door to ask her to please call the Brotherhood house and ask for Todd. And both times he'd rethought it, having no urge to answer questions without knowing whether he was alone in this for real. He didn't want to explain. He just wanted to talk to Todd and make things right.
Scott was appointed to drive and getting irritated in the foyer. Kurt honestly didn't know why girls set a deadline if they weren't going to be ready by it. Eight thirty or so and no phone call happier, he heard Rogue rap on his door in passing and storm downstairs in jeans and a t-shirt. Kurt ported after her, also wearing casual clothes plus his inducer. He wanted to get out now, and he must've looked it because Evan yelled up the stairs that they were going with or without Jubilee and Kitty.
Fifteen panicked minutes later, the car parked in front of the club and let them out. Kurt was subjected to Jubilee and Kitty's gossiping about boys and he was glad this wasn't about him any longer. That way he could just be left alone.
There of course was no such luck as Evan put an arm over his shoulders and steered him towards the refreshment bar. Kurt got some water, knowing he'd be needing it soon in a fur coat with this kind of heat. Listening with one ear while Evan talked about school and the many pains known as teachers, Kurt made vague sounds of assent and drank his water. He nearly choked on it when his eye caught a pale face and yellow teeth moving through the crowd. Evan clapped him on the back unhelpfully.
"You alright, man? I just said Mrs. Arrosh was stacking on the homework."
"Yeah, I'm fine." Kurt drank his water. "Wrong pipe," he croaked and looked again. There. Todd was standing over there. If he could just get away from Evan, god dammit, he could go talk to him.
"Whatever man."
"Hey, I'm going to check someone- I mean, something out." Kurt said. Evan grinned and Kurt wanted to smack his forehead. Smooth move.
"Oh, I get it. Saw a girl?"
"No," Kurt groaned, but fortunately Evan didn't believe him and prodded him forward. Well that was easy. Unless Evan was going to watch. The elf gave Todd a wide berth, cursing at himself for being such a coward, and then looped back in his direction, hoping to get Todd to come over. Before he opened his mouth he was taken by the sight of Todd on the dance floor.
Kurt hadn't known Todd could dance like that. He blinked in a daze, still unnoticed by the boy in question, eyes trailing over the lithe body as it moved, awkwardly beautiful.
He snapped out of it soon enough when a pair of arms came into view. Arms that didn't belong to him, covered in black bracelet-bands and ink drawings, wrapping around Todd's chest. Kurt's attention snapped to Todd's face.
The boy seemed to be concentrating ahead of him on the music, and finally Kurt noticed the edged smile. It wasn't like any smile Todd had made before - not the smile Todd had ever given him. Not the one that reached his eyes. Kurt backed away before Todd could notice him and blended with shadow, watching.
The girl pressed closer against Todd and Kurt wondered if maybe it was just a dancer on the floor who liked the way Todd moved his hips or something. Wasn't too terribly odd to think Todd was attractive was it? Kurt couldn't be the only one who noticed there was something about him. She was probably just out for a dance partner. No reason to get clogged up in the throat just because Todd turned around and put his own hands on her hips. Just because she leaned to whisper something in his ear that made him laugh.
Friends then. Maybe they knew each other at school. .
Not really wanting to see anymore, Kurt went and got another drink. Evan was still there, consign it to perdition.
He raised his fourth sprite in a toast to Kurt. "You meet her?"
"Yeah, I met her," Kurt muttered. He ordered a coke and drank it, turning away from Evan to catch sight of Todd again. He couldn't see anything but a blur of the boy's face through other people from here.
Evan unfortunately looked where Kurt was looking. "Hey, that her? Dude, she's dancing with Toad."
"Nngh." Kurt didn't comment.
"Oh man! Gah! Sorry dude. You're better off with anyone who dances with that piece of work. I mean come on, how desperate do you have to be to dig Toad?"
Kurt gave Evan a frosty glare before he quite realized what he was doing. Evan faltered and quirked an eyebrow. "Um. Dude?"
This time it was Kurt's eyebrows that shot up. He sought to save himself by drinking only to find the questioning look still waiting there after he swallowed. "It's erm, not nice to talk about people that way," he muttered, face hot.
"Oh, right -- Say whaaa?" Evan just looked even more confused. "But he's TOAD. Why would anyone want to dance with a slimeball?"
"The same reason they'd want to dance with a furball?" Kurt countered, snapping. He choked on his drink yet again, cursing inwardly at Evan's new confounded expression. Damnit, he'd done it again!
Evan shook his head. "First he steals your girl, then you defend him. I don't get you man."
"She wasn't my girl," Kurt muttered, staring into the glass completely mortified. "Why can't you leave it? So what if it's Toad. He still deserves a date if he finds one, ja?" Which held true despite the fact Kurt didn't mean it. For selfish reasons entirely.
He stared unhappily at the couple on the floor. It was just one night. Todd probably just wanted to get his mind off things, have some fun. It wasn't like Kurt wanted him to deal with his problems the way he had - staying in his room and sulking. He'd talk to Todd later at school, and maybe get this sorted out.
Evan was quiet. "Are you really bothered that much by Amanda?"
Kurt closed his eyes. "Not anymore," he muttered just as quietly. He glanced sideways to see if Evan had heard him.
"So you're getting over her?"
"Already did," Kurt groaned, figuring he should just explain. Amanda wasn't the problem-
"Good, cause the sooner you do, the sooner you stop creepin' me out."
Kurt slammed the drink down, hard enough to send the bar table rattling and other patron's drinks trembled. Kurt ignored the angry muttering of the customers and the dirty look the server gave him, and stalked off in a different direction. He walked until he realized he was heading straight back to the dance floor, possibly to find Todd again. Kurt grimaced. No place was safe right now. He slunk back under the overhang, shaded and dark. A couple not six feet away from him were groping and kissing noisily. Kurt really hoped Todd wasn't a part of it.
No, he saw them on the dance floor again briefly and his stomach burned. Todd was still with the same girl. And his face had changed. Instead of the same easy-going smirk he gave everyone - just anyone - he looked nervous. Nervous and a little scared and trying but failing not to. Kurt's stomach dropped. Todd couldn't be serious, not now when he'd figured it out.
When he thought he had.
Still, it was just a girl. Just a one-night thing. Maybe he was getting nervous because he was thinking about Kurt.
Kurt scowled at himself, sounding ridiculous to his own ears. He was here and Todd was over there because of a lot of reasons, most of them his own damn fault. Not true. All of them his own damn fault. For fuck's sake . . . he couldn't even properly defend Todd from Evan's digs. He couldn't look Evan or Rogue or hell, even the Professor in the face and tell them . . . No, he couldn't think about doing it.
Where the hell did he come off being surprised Todd didn't want to talk to him? Where did he get the nerve to be jealous of something he couldn't even admit to caring about in the first place?
Kurt groaned, pressing his wrist against his forehead. He had to talk to the boy later. He'd do anything, he'd go to Scott and tell him, he'd make an announcement on the freaking chore-board on the kitchen, if Todd would just talk to him again.
Of course he would, now that the threat of losing him was apparent. Kurt scowled at the realization, not liking what it said about him.
Kurt opened his eyes, sighing. The girl was talking to Todd, saying something. Her back was turned - Kurt couldn't tell what it was, but Todd frowned started muttering, dragging her by the hand off the floor. He came towards where Kurt was lurking and the elf panicked, thinking for a minute Todd had seen him.
Kurt stood still as Todd walked across his vision, pulled a chair from the table and told the couple macking there to kindly find someplace else. They told him to fuck off. Todd spat slime on the woman's dress and she shrieked. Her date's shriek was no manlier and he ran after her.
"Crazy fool woman," Todd muttered sitting the girl down and pulling her feet into his lap. "Your toes are bleedin'. Why the hell you wear sandals to a rock concert?" He asked taking them off. Kurt closed one eye, expecting the sound of a slap. One didn't talk to girls in that manner. But the concern in Todd's voice wasn't masked and he poured some of the water left on the table onto a napkin, gently wiping at the girl's injured foot. She, for her part, had no protest at the verbal treatment, yawning and prepping her arm against the table to watch him.
"Bitch," Todd muttered, grinning. She tossed a napkin at him, smirking, and leaned back in her chair.
Kurt stared. This wasn't just a normal one-night thing was it? He swallowed, leaning against the wall until they were out of his line of sight. And why should it just be a one-night thing? It would be a good for Kurt if it didn't work out. It was easy to try and see all the ways that the relationship wouldn't go anywhere, would falter and die the first time Todd ate a bug in front of her or made a comment that was perhaps too dirty even for her tolerance.
But why would he want that? Todd deserved more than what Kurt was giving him, and he should have realized it along time ago. He deserved someone who wasn't afraid to introduce him to friends and family. He deserved someone who wouldn't give a damn about who saw when they kissed.
Neither of them were the other's first choice, and if Amanda had stayed with Kurt, maybe Kurt could have been normal too and stayed that way all his life. Who knew? Todd deserved a chance to know for sure, didn't he? He couldn't do that so long as Kurt was in the way.
Kurt bit his lip, and looked in Todd's direction. Things were going to change now. Todd might tell him later what was up. Kurt doubted very much somehow that he'd earned himself any sort of explanation.
He blinked at the side of the machine that read the service number should change or other items become stuck, staring through it. Kurt closed his eyes, resting his forehead against it. He murmured something through his teeth, something he probably should have told Todd a long time ago but too low for him to hear it over the pounding music.
Kurt said it anyway. Somehow it finally being said helped him steel himself a little better, before he teleported away from the waste he'd made.
If Todd heard or smelled brimstone, he clenched his jaw behind the kiss and tried to pretend he hadn't.