Shattered

A/N: Spring Awakening is one of my favorite things in the world right now, and I think about the characters a lot. Particularly, I love the characters of Ilse and Moritz, and the scene that they share together. This is my first fan fiction in a while, and I hope you enjoy it. e

"Ilse! Ilse!"

The desperate call rang in Ilse's ears, but she shrugged it off and ran. Ran, tears threatening to spill from her clear eyes as she tried to get as far away as possible.

"Ilse!"

The call rang one more time, and Ilse fell against a tree, gasping for air. Instantly, she felt regret. What had she done? It was just- she didn't recognize Moritz anymore. Her childhood best friend- one of the only people who had understood her. They had spent countless hours pretending together- mostly to be pirates, of course.

Ilse had loved pretending then- in fact, she still did. Sometimes, when her life was particularly gloomy, she just sat against a tree and pretended that everything was alright. She had spent half of her time with her parents- with her father- pretending that nothing was wrong. Ilse was one of the best pretenders in the world, she thought sometimes.

Moritz hadn't been the best pretender- he had been fun to play with, sure, but he had never really been able to get into the mind of the pirates, like Ilse had. Ilse was a very perceptive person, it was natural for her to discern someone's true feelings. It was clear to Ilse now that Moritz had been trying desperately to pretend during that entire conversation, to pretend that everything was alright. He had been acting upset, secretive, and distracted, and she had been too distracted herself to see that.

Who was he kidding? No one. Nothing was alright. And Ilse- she had just ran! She didn't have the courage to help her former friend, she needed too much help herself. And she hated herself for it.

Ilse slid down against the tree, sitting as she did when she was little, staring up at the cloudy sky. Why hadn't she gone back? She had a horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach. She didn't know what was going to happen now, but she knew it wasn't going to be anything good.

Why had she said that to him? How could she have been so cruel, when something was clearly wrong? People didn't have to focus on her problems all of the time, and she shouldn't have expected that of him. She wished that she could run back and comfort Moritz, but she knew that she couldn't. Something had happened in that meeting in the clearing. Something, a bond, had broken between them. And there was no room for a friendship anymore. Ilse had to leave Moritz his space. Perhaps it would all work out.

Perhaps they would play pirates again together, someday. Once he was better, and she was happier, and they were through with this cruel thing called adolescence.

She allowed her eyes to close, and fell into an uneasy rest.

Suddenly, the still, calm air was interrupted by a loud crack that resonated through the air and caused the trees to quiver. Ilse jumped up, and looked around, her heart pounding loudly. What had that noise been?

As she walked around the forest, an even more uneasy feeling began to settle deep in her stomach, a place where she could not get that pit to go away. She tentatively approached the place where she had left Moritz, her heart racing, her breaths quickening, and the pit in her stomach became a lead ball, forcing her to move her feet forward in a mechanical fashion. She already knew somehow what she would find. She took a deep breath. She wasn't sure she wanted to find it. She paused, and saw something lying on the grass.

The lead ball in her stomach dropped, and she ran, faster then she had believed possible, panting harder, and faster, her hair fanning out behind her and creating a brisk wind as she breathed faster and faster, getting away. Suddenly, the panting stopped- she couldn't breathe, period. She stood, feeling like she was going to vomit, bent over heavily, her sweaty palms resting on her light, skinned knees. She felt a salty taste in her mouth, and bent over harder, trying to regain some sense of herself. Finally, she just let herself collapse onto the moist grass, losing the battle with her tears and with her stomach- she vomited into the grass. She lay there, sobbing uncontrollably for what seemed like hours, shaking , suddenly freezing cold despite the warm day. She tried in vain to escape the terrible sight that she knew would haunt her for the rest of the days, a clear remember of what she hadn't been able to do.

"Moritz?" she gasped, praying that the sweet, childish voice of his youth would somehow answer. "Moritz?"

When nothing answered - no shock to Ilse - she pounded her face into the grass, which quickly became a soaked and muddy muddle from her tears. God, she hadn't cried like this in- how long? As a little girl she had vowed never to cry. Suddenly she hated herself for being so weak, and she stopped thinking, just lay in the grass, sobbing, the horrible sight still tormenting her vision.

She lay there as it grew dark, and she heard the unmistakable voice of another one of her childhood friends, Melchior.

"Moritz? Moritz?" the voice grew worried, and louder. "Moritz? Your father sent me, he wanted to apologize! He was worried! Moritz?"

Unsurprisingly, there was no answer. Ilse could hear the voice growing louder. "Moritz? Please answer! You can come home, no one's angry at you anymore? Moritz?"

Suddenly there was a silence, and a gasp. Then a quiet mutter, "oh my god. Oh my god. No." He started screaming. "Father! FATHER! SOMEONE!!!!! FATHER! SOMEONE, COME QUICK!"

She watched the dark figure of Melchior collapse into the grass besides his best friend's body. "FATHER!"

And suddenly it was too much for Ilse. She gasped one more time, in absolute grief, and the world went dark around her.

Another childhood dream shattered.

And heaven waits, so close it seems

To show the child the wonders of a world beyond her dreams.