Title: hope it's enough
Author: patientalien
Challenge: SWMININANO
Prompt: Sorrow
Word Count: 668
Characters: Anakin, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka (mentioned)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Some coping methods are better than others
Author's Notes: Character death

He was better than this. He should be better than this. He shouldn't let his feelings get in the way, shouldn't let this monumental failure crush him. He certainly shouldn't be here - should be back at the Temple, or with Padme, or hells, even talking to Palpatine, not trying to drown himself in some seedy bar. It wasn't something he'd ever done before.

But then again, he'd never lost an apprentice before. It seemed fitting, somehow. He'd gone to her memorial, watched her body burn on the pyre, released a memory moth for her, remained dry-eyed, stoic, through the whole thing - the perfect Jedi. And now he was here, and the illusion was shattered. He was shattered.

He couldn't let anyone see. They thought so little of him already - too old to train, too emotional, too reckless, too everything. So instead of trying to pretend it was fine, everything was just fine - rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force and all that - he got as far away from the Temple as he could, as far away from everything.

Everything hurt. The battle had taken a great deal from him physically, without the added burden of loss. He could hardly move and, if he was honest with himself, he wasn't exactly planning on moving for a while. Just, for a little while. Let the galaxy take care of itself for one night, because it sure wasn't going to take care of him.

Obi-Wan hadn't wanted to play babysitter, but when he realized Anakin wasn't in the Temple and a call to Senator Amidala had yielded no results, he knew he had to at least go look. Anakin had put on an impressive show in front of the Council, but Obi-Wan knew better, had seen the look on Anakin's face when Ahsoka had been shot, when Coric had pronounced her dead, had felt the dark rippling current in the Force. He followed that current through the lower levels of Coruscant, dreading what he would find. He didn't think Anakin would harm himself, not intentionally anyway, but he knew how badly his former apprentice dealt with loss, especially loss he felt responsible for.

The bar had a half-lit sign over the door and smelled like several beings had died within its walls in the past week. Obi-Wan did not relish the idea of going in, but he relished the idea of Anakin being in there even less. He braced himself, and stepped inside.

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dank, smokey air. Anakin was sitting at a table, slouched over a glass, his mechanical fingers dancing over the rim as if he'd lost the ability to fully control them. Obi-Wan walked over, trying to ignore the unsavory beings offering him all manner of unsavory things. "Anakin," he said. Anakin looked up blearily, blinked at him, then looked back down at the table. "Anakin, let's go."

Anakin shook his head. "Go 'way," he said, thickly. "I'll... come back when I'm ready." He managed to pick up the glass and knock back its contents, though it obviously took some effort - he'd been at it for a while, Obi-Wan surmised.

"I think you're ready now," Obi-Wan replied, holding out a hand.

Anakin eyed him, swallowing heavily. They remained like that for a long moment, then Anakin broke eye contact. "Shoulda saved her," he muttered, breath hitching. "An' don't tell me I can' save everyone."

"You can't."

"I kriffing know." He stumbled to his feet, nearly crashing into Obi-Wan. "I'm tired of hearin' it. I'm just..." He frowned, rubbed his fingers across his lips as Obi-Wan grabbed him to keep him upright. "I'm jus' tired."

"Let's go home, and you can get some rest," Obi-Wan suggested, navigating them out of the bar. He knew rest wasn't all Anakin needed, but he had a feeling it was the best they could do at the moment. He hoped it would be enough.