The millionare, the practical joker, the reporter, and the underacheiver
Let's face it, the Hogwarts days were long gone for Harry Potter's generation. Everyone was now an official grown-up, with real jobs and real lives. Heck, last month, Parvati Patil gave birth to a set of Fred Weasley's twins. It seemed that life was finally starting to take off. For everyone except Hermione Granger.
Hermione, Head Girl in her days, had come to work at a Muggle diner. She had chosen to completely block everything that had to do with magic out of her mind. Hadn't heard from any of her old "childhood" friends in years, or so it seemed. She had come to the utmost conclusion that Harry and Ron didn't give a blast-ended-skrewt about her problems, and in doing so, shut them out along with the rest of the world.
Still, Hermione liked to keep tabs on them. All had made out like bandits in the game of life while she was stuck here putting up with drunk bikers trying to grab at the back of her waitress uniform. Last she had heard, Harry had become the new Minister of Magic. He and Cho were obviously very happy together. She might have even tricked him into marrying her by now, the little chink, Hermione thought bitterly. Ron had made a carreer of selling laughs concerning his childhood poverty. Really quite like his twin brothers, Ron was probably busy on some world tour at the moment, still single. When will he ever grow up? The thought brought a warm smile to her face. The first good feeling she'd had all day. It really had been too long.Without thinking, Hermione threw down her black apron and walked right out of Mel's Diner into a new chapter of her life.
She didn't have much. Just a few items of clothing from Wal-Mart to throw into her duffle bag labled "Big Al's Automobiles". She threw her hotel key and a few dollars at the clerk and took off in a '77 Pacer (lol) she had fixed and repaired herself. Sometimes, magic was simply more convenient then pouring over manuals for hours at a time.
Before setting off towards London, she had one more stop to make, a very special stop. Hermione pulled off the highway into a secluded forest outside of Manchester. She walked until she found a patch of ground looking as though it wasn't supposed to be there and shouted "ACIO TRUNK". She didn't even have to use her wand this time.
It seemed like only yesterday that Hermione had last seen her faithful Hogwarts trunk. Hogwarts, it hurt to say that name.
She riffled through the contents, spilling various objects onto the forest floor. Robes, spellbooks, inscense... WAND! "Aha." Hermione muttered a complex incantation, and soon the world around her was disolving...
Hermione Granger landed with a thud in front of a respectable "Offical" looking building on the outskirts of London. Perhaps going back meant starting over with Harry. She'd always liked him more than a friend. But then Cho Chang went and ruined it all.
"Thank God this is Muggle repellant.", she muttered while steping inside of the Ministry of Magic Headquarters.
"I'm here to see Harry Potter, please." Hermione used her "I'm rich, I have money, and I'm important" voice to the robotic looking secretary sitting at the desk.
Taking a glance at Hermione's attire, the lady gave an artifical smile and thrust a stack of forms in Hermione's face.
"No, you don't understand ma'm, you see, I'm not here on buissness-" she was cut off.
"That can be well assured Miss." the secretary rudely scoffed glancing once more at Hermione's bohemian (sp) orange tank-top and boot-cut jeans.
"Harry was one of my best friends at Hogwarts."
"Right. And now you're going to claim that you happen to have been Head Girl."
Hermione whipped out her diploma. "Handy, isn't it."
The lady gasped, and with a shudder Hermione realized that this cruel, and damaged person was indeed-
"Lavender, could you fetch me today's copy of The Daily Prophet? Those goblins from Argentina have held me up all morning. It's a nightmare just trying to translate Gobbledegook without a Brazillion accent."
Harry Potter, twenty-five and still oh-so-fine walked right past Hermione without a second glance. This is exactly why I left, Hermione reminded herself.
It was Lavender's shocked look that gave her away. Harry whipped around to see what all the commotion was about and did a sort of once-over glance that guys do when they check out girls. Apparently Cho's leash wasn't as restraining as it was prior graduation. The expression on his face told Hermione everything she needed to know...
"Hey stranger. How's life been treating you these past five years?"
Harry stood, confused as ever, with a glazed look about his face.
"Don't tell me you've already gone and forgotten about your best friend. You know, dear, sweet Hermione."
Realization dawning, Harry's mouth formed a huge "o" as he rushed to give her a bear-hug. Now this is the life I remember...
Hermione sat in the Misister of Magic's office pouring her guts out to Harry. Why she left. Why she gave up wizardry. And a zillion other explainations. Harry Potter's office was filled with all sorts of fascinating toys. Little gadgets were strewn accross the desk, lying atop letters labled "IMPORTANT! OPEN IMMEDIANTLY!" and "CONFIDENTIAL". Life must be so sweet as Minister.
"Well, Mr. Potter, I see life's been treating you good. How's Cho?" Hermione spat out the name like a poisoness plant.
"Actually, Cho and I went our seperate ways about... two years ago. She became way too-"
"Clingy?"
Harry shot her an angry glance. "Controlling is a better word. And I haven't heard from her since, although it's rumored that she and Crabbe have been seeing eachother."
Hermione chuckled. "Gee, Harry, it must be nice to live in your world. You get to play around all day at the office as well as catching up on your gossip."
Harry swollowed the lump in his throat. "I was kind of hoping by your visit that you were willing to let me make you a part of my life again."
"Harry Potter." Hermione put her hands on her hips. "Are you asking me out?"
"An invitation. To the greatest gal I've ever known to come and stay at my "rad pad" for awhile."
"Accepted."
Hermione toyed around the office with Harry and Lavender for the remainder of the working day, catching up on everything that had happened to her favorite people. Fred and George, appropriatlly enough, married identical twins Padma and Parvati, who since had both given birth to twins of their own. Ginny was hapilly engaged to Neville Longbottom, and were to be wed sometime midspring, while Lavender was currently dating Percy, whom had worked his way up to the position of Minister in-Cheif.
Harry and Hemione took the Muggle underground to Harry's "rad pad". Being Muggles themselves, simple things like subways were a lot less work and energy-comsuming than Apparating. Harry and Hermione walked arm in arm as he showed her the sights. He seemed to be on a first name basis with most of the street beggers and vagabonds.
"And here we have the Nation's public toilets.... Learn to savor that smell right there..."
Finally, he led Hermione to a quaint little street and showed her into a vine-covered building that reminded Hermione of the Little House in the Muggle novel Stuart Little. Harry didn't bother with key. He muttered something that sounded like, "freakmugglelock", jabbed his hand into his pocket, and had soon magiked it open.
"Wow!", Hermione muttered sarcastically. "It's just like magic!"
Hermione was greeted by a mound of dirty clothes at the front door. "I didn't do that", and "Who left the pizza here to rot" excuses rang out from the three floors above. Harry motioned her to sit down at what looked like an entertainment center and wait.
Every angle around Hermione stood a pile of junk. A spool served as the coffee table, mystery stains were spread all throughout the beautiful gold-green shag carpet, and the nine-thousand dollar stereo sat very unstabally on top of a board and a concrete block.
Three minutes later, Harry returned with two other individuals, both very recognizable.
"So, Harry, who's the broad?" whispered a twenty-five year old Ron Weasley.
"Gentlemen, let me introduce you to a gal that needs no introduction. The one, the only... HERMIONE GRANGER!!!!!"
Ron rushed over and Hermione recieved another bear hug. Draco Malfoy stood in the background, yawning. As he reached over to shake Hermione's hand, he noticed her staring at the massive stereo and stated, "We're going hungary, but we've got tunes"
"Is that so, Mr. Malfoy?"
Draco had changed. He didn't look it, but he had. To Hermione, he seemed less haughty, less aggressive. Much different from the version seen at Hogwarts.
"Shall we show the goddess to her room?" Hermione liked being treated as the guest of honor.
Hermione was to reside in an untouched room on the third floor, next to Malfoy. The guys decided that it was only fair, since the third floor was the only place in the house that had remained unscathed over the years. But now that Hermione was here, life in this dump was about to change for the better!
Inside of her mini-appartment, Hermione was equiped with the same lovely carpet, minus the stains, and a balcony that overlooked the street below. Draco pointed out that the best feature of the entire suite was the rusted-up habatchi grill outside.
"Life as a single is as close to homelessness that we'll ever get."Malfoy added with a sigh.
"You've got to cherish it, man.", Ron replyed, Billy Madison style.
"You know, sometimes I get to thinking that Draco here would've made a better commedian." Harry added.
"But no, I'm a miserable reporter for the Daily Prophet, surrounded by my formor enemies."
Hermione was treated to dinner at the local McDonalds. Big-Macs and Chicken Nuggets for everyone! Harry went on to explain that as singles, Mickey D's counted as a four star restarant. Millionare as he was, Harry didn't seem to realize that he had all this money to spend. He biggest purchase had been the ivy-laden building some five years ago. Other than that, no one could have known that he was the "Millionare Next Door".
This is a change. One moment I'm out on the streetcorners and next I know, I'm sitting here having dinner with my two best friends and Draco Malfoy. I wonder why he's here in the first place...
Hermione woke early the next morning. For a moment, she'd forgotten where she was, but the shag carpet brought it all back. She dressed, and went downstairs to do exactly what she'd been doing for five years now, make breakfast. To Hermione's surprise, someone was already occupying the kitchen.
Malfoy stood beside a stove covered in several inches of crud flipping pancakes on a rusted out frying pan.
"Nice apron, Malfoy."
Draco turned around, aknowledging her presence and added, "Dude looks like a lady. Harry won't be down till at least noon. His philosophy is to never waste a Saturday morning without getting ten hours of sleep first."
"I see that you've remained as sardonic as I remember. But why are you living here? Don't you hate Harry, Ron, and me?"
"Ah, that's a long story indeed, Granger." After all those years, the two were still on a last name basis. "I wouldn't be here on normal circumstances if someone paid me. It's just that Potter did me a favor a few years back, and needed help paying off the morgage completely."
"What'd he do that must have been great enough to make you live here with him and Ron?"
"Got me the job at the Daily Prophet."
"Which you've made clear you hate."
"Well, what about you, Ms. Head Girl? I don't see you with a job that you're worthy of. You could have been a Professor by now if you'd stuck around."
"I guess I'm just the underacheiver."
"You can say that again."
"I guess I'm the underacheiver."
Malfoy laughed. Hermione realized that she'd never really heard him laugh. It was more of a gurgling chuckle. Thinking about his laugh made Hermione burst out laughing.
"Morning guys." Ron emerged from the stair case, yawning and wearing a Japanese Kimono (sp) sporting his picture on the front pocket.
Draco and Hermione just about cracked up again seeing Ron's attire.
Noticing their facial expressions, Ron added, "You like it? I've come a long way from lacy dress robes."
Malfoy stifled a laugh. "Hermione and I were making pancakes. You want?" He had called her Hermione...
Ron shot Draco a puzzled expression. "Since when has Hermione's name changed from MudBlood?"
"I figure that after fourteen years, I should be able to put that nasty grudge behind me."
"Well, all I have to say's that it's either the reason you've just stated... or... you just want to get into her pants." Draco and Hermione shot daggers at Ron.
"No one here will be doing any-such thing." Hermione said firmly. She prayed that it wasn't the reason she was suddenly getting all this attention. And certainally not from Draco. eww... that was just gross.
The week passed quickly, and before Hermione knew it, she had been at Harry's for an entire fortnight. During the day, Hermione helped Ron write a few jokes and explored new developments at Diagon Alley. Mr. Olivander had passed away leaving all of his secret to his very cute nephew. And it seemed that the ever-bitter Snape had retired from his teaching career to run the Apothecary. But the most impressive of all had to have been the Weasley's innovative joke shop, run by the twins and their families.
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Harry and Ron had been very sweet to her from the day she'd arrived, buying her little presents, attempting to cook for her... She supposed this was getting to be some kind of silent competition by the time the two weren't speaking to eachother. All the same, it was very cute to be sought out by two guys simotaniously.
Confusing as it all was, Hermione had her heart set on Harry. It wasn't that she didn't like Ron, Harry just seemed more mature, while Ron wasted life into oblivion writing jokes. He's the guy who'll be dating supermodels by this time next year. But, there was Harry Potter, cute, smart, and Minister of Magic. Not that those things mattered much, but they did rack up a few points. It was just that... well, she liked Harry better in a romantic sort of way than Ron.
She hadn't dated in god-knew-how-long, so Hermione sought out advice from someone outside of the battlegrounds, someone who could be trusted with her secrets...
"Draco?"
Malfoy looked up from his copy of the Daily Prophet. "Hmm?"
"I need some advice; from a guy's point of view."
"Oh god, not one of those embarressing little girly talks where you get together and discuss "becomming a woman together" things. Shoot. The sooner we're done, the sooner my face will return to its usual, pale color."
Hermione giggled. "Have you noticed the exsessive tension between Harry and Ron lately, how they always seem to be bickering amongst themselves?"
Draco nodded. "And you've assumed that this might concern you."
"How'd you know?"
"I'm an advice coloumist. I get paid to anyalize peoples' problems on a daily basis."
"Ohh! So, that's what you do all day... Wait a minute... Tell me you don't run that ridiculous thing called "Dear Diane" or something like that..."
"I am her and she is me."
"Oh my god, no wonder you're so depressed."
"I'm so glad you share my pain Hermione."
Hermione quit laughing and continued with her discussion. "And, I've decided that Harry definately holds my attention more than Ron." She paused for a moment. "You were here, how did Cho get his attention?"
"Basically being her slutty self while Ron swooned. Harry trusts his best friend's judgement above anyone else's, so if Ron gets all worked up about some girl, Harry follows suit. It's a strange, and wrong triangle. And everytime it ends in disaster."
"Disaster?"
"Well, the entire time Harry was going with Cho, Ron wouldn't stand to be seen standing in the same room as the two. Ron never gets the girl because let's face it, he's a struggling comedian with average looks that makes an hourly wage at a club. Harry on the otherhand, is Minister of Magic, has saved the world multiple times, defeated Voldemort, and brought Brittian victory to the Quiddich World Cup. What witch wouldn't want him?"
"And that leaves you Draco, the sarcastic, reportor who is all alone and depressed about his "secret" life as Diane, the advice coloumist."
"You know me too well."
"I'm gonna go now."
"Good. Get outta my house kid." Draco smiled as he gestured towards the door.
The odds were not good. One way or another, disaster was bound to strike, just as Draco had said. If she went out with Harry, Ron would never speak to them again. If she went out with Ron, vice versa. Why did life have to be so difficult.
"I know!", Hermione thought aloud. "I'll ask them both to go out with me on one date, and then I'll decide who I really like better."
Tuesday over lunch in the Ministry Caffeteria, Hermione popped the question to Harry.
The two were laughing over "Draco's career" when Hermione paused for a moment and casually asked, "So, Harry, you wanna go out to dinner some time?"
He was clearly taken aback. "Uh, s-sure. How 'bout tonight? I've got nothing planned."
"That'd be nice. Just no Mc. Donalds, okay?" And with that, Hermione Apparated back to the "rad pad".
There, she found Ron in his room, posters of the Cannons covering the cracks in the walls. Hermione knocked on the open door to let him know she was there.
"Come in."
"Hey, Ron. Uh, I was wondering if we might get together say... tomorrow night and do something?"
"Sure, that'd be great Herm-"
"Good, I've gotta run. Harry's taking me out to dinner..."
A little bit of jelousy never hurt anyone.
A few days earlier, Hermione had gone on a shopping spree at a Muggle Shopping Center, where she branched out beyond America's Wal-Mart to the classy Debenhams. For her evening out with Harry, she dressed in a new Haiwain print sundress, complete with spiky, silver heels.
Harry knocked on her door at approximately 7:30. The two saw the latest comedy, Scary Movie, and topped their evening off with dinner at Diagon's newest restaurant, The Shimmering Shack. Harry was a perfect gentleman all thoughout the night, and sent her back to her room with a peck on the cheek.
Hermione's date with Ron, however, was anything but average. The two apparated to a nearby carnival and feasted on hotdogs and cotton candy after riding the rollar coasters and tilt-a-whirls a dozen times each. Ron really was a fun guy, and by the end of the night, Hermione's oppinion of Harry was wavering.
Getting to know both romantic sides of Harry and Ron just made life on Hermione harder. Before her experiment, she had her heart set on Harry, but now that she'd dated both of them, Ron seemed like a better choice.
What kind of crack-pot idea was this in the first place? Hermione was fed up with the entire "Romance" thing. "Love stinks." This was it, she was going to Draco.
Hermione crept swiftly down the hall towards Malfoy's room, surprised to find that someone was already there. Two people, to be exact.
"What? You took her to the carnival? Ron, that's for little kids." Harry's snickering followed Malfoy's comment.
"And she had a damn good time, too!"
"Oh, yeah? Well I got to kiss her, you idiotic clown."
"Just stop it you two. This is ridiculous. We're fighting over your best friend, here."
"Oh, god, don't tell me you're interested as well Malfoy."
"I just think that Hermione's a very sweet girl."
"Cut the crap Draco, we all know that you're infatuated with her. I'll bet that you're the one who told her to ask us both out, one night after another."
"Actually, guys, that's her own doing. I didn't tell her to do anything of the sort. I just told her that you two got into horrible fights whenever there was a girl involved."
"At least that's half true, Harry. Everytime I find a girl that actually seems interested, you go and steal her from me. Cho, Audra, and now Hermione."
"Just shut up, you two. She's bound to hear you squabling at each other."
Hermione was furious. She decided to blow her cover. She'd heard enough. Throwing the door open she shouted, "Gee, I never knew you'd throw everything away, even your friends just to get to me. I feel so honored, so honored that I'm leaving first thing tomorrow morning."
The situation was worse than she could've ever imagined. And now she was leaving, just when things were starting to turn around! Tears streamed down Hermione's face as she grabbed her duffle bag and shoved everything into it. She'd get a ticket to some foriegn country, far away from here, heck maybe she'd even go back to Hogwarts. She just needed to get away from this damn house. Away from Harry and Ron. And Draco. Draco, the person she had counted on most had let her down. Told her flat out lies just because he wanted the spotlight. And as if telepathic, Malfoy entered the room, his face expressionless.
"I thought it best to at least appoligize.
"Hermione, I'm really sorry for whatever I did to make you want to le-"
"You let me down, goddammit, Draco. You, of all people I thought I could count on, let me down."
"I guess I was trying to help you. Hermione, I've always liked you, although I haven't been showing it. After what I did to you at Hogwarts, I thought it stupid to believe you could ever really like me. So I suppose I was thinking that if I couldn't have you, I'd convince you not to go for Harry or Ron."
"And that's your pitiful excuse for lying to me, isn't it."
Draco Malfoy nodded.
"Hermione, I can't go on just being your friend. Otherwise, for the rest of my life, I'd feel that I'd missed out on something big."
Hermione thought, really thought about the time she'd spent in London. Every memerable image included Draco in it somewhere. Then she realized it; the truth.
As Malfoy stood to leave, Hermione said, "Then, could you be the boyfriend thing?"
Draco turned around. Hermione just nodded.
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The next morning, Hermione was faced with bidding her two bestfriends and new "boyfriend" goodbye.
Her duffle by the door, taxi waiting outside in the pouring rain, Hermione spoke. "I suppose I should give each of you a goodbye kiss then."
Harry and Ron looked as though Christmas had come early. Draco wore his famous, stubborn expression.
She rounded on Harry, and gave him another peck on the cheek. He was somewhat disappointed, but that was the whole point.
Ron recieved another friendly kiss on the cheek, blushing furiously.
Hermione smiled and gestured towards Draco. She put her arms around his neck and brought forth the most passionate, kiss she could manage, tongue and all.
"I'll owl you when I get to Hogwarts, Draco."
Harry and Ron stood there, flabbergasted at how they had been cheated out of the chance of a lifetime.
"Bye, you two" Hermione giggled before running out the door.
"How-what-huh?" Conversation broke out between the three. Draco just smiled mysteriously and headed back upstairs, muttering something about having to write to his new girlfriend.*