Hello everybody! This is your beloved neko-jin, Chaine-sama (Please, hold your applause.), here to introduce V-chan's latest afrontment to good taste and decency.
That's right, kiddies! It's another quickie *Stifles a snicker. * Gundam fic from the psycho herself! So just set back in you chair, grab a glass of fine wine [Or soda if you're underage!] and enjoy the fic!
NOTICE: All Chaine's comments are in {}. All V-chan's (That'd be me!) are in []. Otay?
SIGN: 'WARNING: Yoai, shouen-ai, and mild citrus.' *Flips sign* 'If you don't like that, then...' *Pulls out another sign. * 'F--- OFF!' *Flips sign. * 'Thank you.'
Leaves.
It had started out as a normal day at the safehouse. Trowa had volunteered to make breakfast and Quatre decided to 'help' him. {*Cough* MAKE OUT SESSION! *cough*} Wufei was stretched out on the couch; lazily channel surfing while Heero read some Sailor Moon fanfics. [Author receives the DEATH GLARE! from Yuy-san.] AHEM...I mean, he researches some battle tactics.
Ah yes, everything was tranquility and bliss. But, this being a HUMOR fic and all, this peace is about to be blown all to hell!
Emerging from his lair, the God of Death, freshly buzzed from a caffeine/sugar/ 'anti-depression medication' {Aka, a joint. *Looks at the following paragraphs* Make that a HUGE joint!} binge, ready to spread mayhem and raise some hell. [Pun intended!] Skillfully, he stalked downstairs and crept up behind the couch, waiting, like any good fiend would, for the perfect moment to strike. And soon, an opportunity presented itself.
In his quest for something remotely entertaining, Wufei had inadvertently stumbled onto an extremely rare event in cable history: MTV was showing a MARTHON of metal & rock videos. [Take a moment to let that sink in...] "Ahhhh...at last, those bakas play some decent music!" He mused as a block of Godsmack videos roared to an end.
Soudgarden's 'Spoon man' came on next, and that's when the braided devil struck.
This musical interlude is brought to you by Shinigami.
"*Hums the music* Feels injustice throughout the land; Feels injustice for his clan...ooooh, WU-MAN." Duo leaps onto the coffee table {WOW! Even when he's stoned he's agile enough to do stunts!} "Rants on justice all day long; Rants on stupid onnas too! WU-MAN! Ahhhh...WU-MAN! Bum me out once again! You act like one depressed Jackie Chan! Spare me! Oooh...Spare me. All your rants are wearin' thin; All of them are gettin' old!"
"Shut the hell up, baka!" Wufei growls. "You're butchering a perfectly good song!"
But his words fell upon deaf ears. "WU-MAN! Now you're 'bout to snap. But I ain't scared of that! Ooooh...WU-MAN! Bum me out once again! Always acts like one depressed Jackie Chan! Spare me...aaaahhhh, spare me...from you stupid rants!"
"Dammit Maxwell, I told you to shut up!"
Realizing the danger, Heero wisely retreats, laptop in hand, to the safety of his room.
Feeling even cockier, {Heh-heh... you said 'cock'!} Duo starts dancing about the room chanting, "Get the burr outta of your ass!" over and over again in time with the song.
" Grrr... " Wufei glares at him.
"WU-MAN!" Duo grins madly at him, pleased by the response. "Bum me out once again! Always acts like one depressed Jackie Chan! Spare me! AWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHH.... SPARE ME FROM YOUR STUPID RANTS!"
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAARRRGGGHHH!!" He gets up as he screams, knocking Duo off the table. "CAN'T YOU JUST BE QUIET?!"
"Yep, I sure can!" He replies perkily, between giggles.
"No you can't! You too weak!"
"Oh yes I can!" Came to retort.
"Oh no you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
{Boy, this is such a mature argument.}
"Yes I can!"
"No you can't!"
"I so can so!" Duo barks, sticking out his tongue. "I betcha I can spend an entire day being silent!"
Wufei almost snapped "And that'll be the day Hell freezes over!" but stops when he realizes what Duo just said. Ever so slowly, a cruel little smirk curls his lips. "Alright Maxwell. Since you suggested it, how about we make a little wager." His smirk broadens into a leer. "If you can't keep that loud flapping hole you call a mouth closed for the rest of today, you must do my bidding for an entire week!"
"And what do I get if I can?"
"*SNORT! * If by some act of GOD you can pull that off, I'll...I'll...I'll do whatever you say for a week!"
"Aaaaalllllrightee then!" He grabs Wufei's hand and shakes it vigorously. "You've got yourself a bet, WU-MAN!"
Both grin. 'SUCKER!'
They plop down on the couch and watch some videos. Soon, Heero comes out of his room and joins them.
Twenty mintues of silence pass before Heero notices something's missing. "Oi, Duo. Are you alright?"
The braided god just nods.
Suddenly, Wufei's stomach growls. "Grrr... What the hell is taking those two?" He grumbles. "Oi, Duo! Go find out way the hell we don't have breakfast."
Duo almost snaps at him to do it himself, but catches on to the trick. He gives Wufei a dirty look before getting up and heading for the kitchen.
As soon as he leaves, Heero turns to Wufei. "You wouldn't have cut his tongue out, would you?" He asks monotone.
"Why no, Heero." He laughs evilly. "That would've have been to easy." {Boy, looks like Wuffie learned more than just 'the facts of life' from Trieze...} [That was wrong Chaine. That was very wrong!]
Trowa is sitting on the floor with his back against the counter and Quatre in his lap. They're too busy making out to notice Duo stand just inside the doorway.
'Oh geez...You'd think those two would do this somewhere else.' He clears his throat in an attempt to get their attention.
They continue making out.
Duo coughs a bit louder. Then a little louder. Finally, he gets feed-up and slams his fist down on the counter.
Quatre yelps in surprise. "Uh...ohayo, Duo." Blushing in embarrassment, the blonde boy gets up and starts scrounging around in the cabinets.
Trowa stands and gives Duo the 'Thank-you-very-f***ing-much-for-walking-in-on-us' look. "You know, you could have just said something earlier."
Duo bites his lip, just dying to smart-off.
"Look, just say it and get it over with!"
Red-faced, he turns and runs out of the kitchen.
"...!" Trowa blinks in amazement.
"Did that really just happen?" Quatre asks, also stunned.
"Oh Duo-chan." Wufei calls sweetly as Duo rushes into the room. "Where's breakfast?"
He stops and DEATH GLARES Wufei.
"Well, sweetie," He grins at him. "Aren't you gonna say something?"
Duo gives him the finger and storms off.
"Wufei, what did you do to Duo?"
"Nothing." The Chinese boy feigns innocence. "Why, do you think I should have?" {Again with the 'Rocky Horror' quotes?!}
"You must have done something to him" Heero said, deadpan as always. "Otherwise, he'd have said something."
"Do you really want to know?"
"Yes."
"Are you absolutely sure you want to know?"
"Yes."
"Sore wa, himitsu desu."
*XELLOS: (annoyed) Hey! That's my line! *
{Hey yourself! I'm the only one who gets to comment in this fic! *Throws Xellos-chan out of the fic*}
'I know it's in here somewhere...' Duo scrounges through the disaster area that is his closet. 'EUREKA!!' Smiling, he withdraws the object of his quest. 'Duo Maxwell, not only are you the god of Death and one sexy piece of ass, but you're also a GENIUS!' Gleefully, he skips back into the living room.
"So, are we ready to admit defeat, weakling?" Wufei leans forward with a smile. "My first command for you is to..."
Suddenly, Duo whips out a sign [Actually, it's large erasable marker board on a stick.]. "Not so fast, Wu-man!" The message reads. "*Erase, scribble! * I've now got Mister Sign! *Scribble! * BWAHAHAHAHA!!"
"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Wufei snarls at him.
*Erase, scribble! *"Oh yes I can! You said I couldn't speak, but you didn't say anything about me using signs! (Draws a smiley face. {With a braid and horns!}) Duo begins doing the SHINIGAMI DANCE OF JOY! {Not to be confused with the GINYUU DANCE OF JOY.}
"What the hell is going on?" Heero coldly asks.
*Erase, scribble. *"Me and Wuffie have a bet going. If I don't speak for the rest of the day, he has to be my slave for a week!" He grins evilly. {Please V-chan, DON'T elaborate on that.} [Oh, *sigh* okay. Spoil sport. >P]
"Damn you, Maxwell." Wufei glares at him. "Damn you to HELL!"
*Scribble, scribble. * "Been there. Done that!"
Quatre walks into the room. "Breakfast is ready! Umm...sorry if it's late."
*Scribble. *"It's about damn time, blondie! I'm starving!" Duo bolts for the dining room.
"Umm...why is Duo using a sign?"
Heero sighs. "I'll explain it to you over breakfast."
The day goes by smoothly, with Duo 'talking' and annoying his fellow pilots with his sign. It's not until about 11:40 pm that things go wrong for our beloved [And drop-dead gorgeous!] lil' god of Death.
Wufei, pouting because of his failure to make Duo lose the bet, is curled up in his chair watching a movie. An hour ago, Trowa and his little koi disappeared upstairs to have a 'talk' {Yeah, sure they did...}. Heero is busy reading another racy love letter from Relena. [Author receives the DEATH GLARE again.] Umm...I mean, he's reviewing some...eh...new MS blueprints.
Suddenly, the phone rings.
"What the hell do you want?" Wufei snaps at the caller.
"And hello to you too, Wuffie." Hilde grumbles. "Is Duo there?"
"Yeah, hang on a sec." Realizing a golden opportunity, Wufei allows himself a little smile. "Oi, baka! You're woman wants you!"
Duo, who'd been raiding the fridge for a 'small' snack, {Meaning he's cleared out half the food.} bounds into the living room. *Scribble*"Hi...*Erase, scribble* Where's is she?"
Wufei simple holds out the receiver.
*Scribble* "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Dramatically tosses his head back. [Like the time Death scythe was blown up.]
"Well Maxwell," He cooed. "Aren't you going to talk to her?"
*Scribble! * "You BASTARD!" 'Hilde gonna kill me for this but I just can't let him win!' He runs out of the room.
"Get back here, BAKA!" Wufei drops the phone and runs after Duo.
Heero, who'd been watching them, pries himself away from the laptop and picks up the phone.
"Duo's going to have to call you back later."
"Why?"
"Because he's busy running from Wufei." Came the deadpan answer.
"WHAT?! Heero, what the hell is going on?!"
"They have a bet going and both are determined to win."
"He did WHAT?"
"He bet..." Before can finish, Hilde cuts him off with an incomprehensible stream of curses and rants. Calmly, Heero holds the phone at arms length in order to spare his eardrums.
In his attempt to escape the Lone Dragon, Duo dashes upstairs. He tries to get into Trowa's with the vain hope that he might be able to hide. But, to his surprise, the door's locked. 'Dammit! Figures they'd be in there tonight.' {Ah...Murphy's Law in action!}
Wufei slowly walks down the hall toward him, grinning at the thought of his eminent victory.
Panicked, Duo begins to pound on the door.
Wufei pounces.
Trowa opens the door a crack and leans his head out {Not that kind head! Hentais!} to see what all the noise is about. He watches as a very pleased Wufei drag the hapless Shinigami down the hall by his braid. He shrugs and closes the door.
"What was it, saiai?" Quatre looked up at him with his wide blue eyes.
"Just Duo and Wufei." He climbs back into the bed and snuggles up to him.
"*Giggling! *"
As he is dragged {Painfully, might I add!} back into the living room, Duo has given up all hope of winning. Suddenly, he sees a wonderful thing has happened. Smiling, he takes the phone from Heero.
"Hi, honey! Sorry I kept you waiting." He chirps before receiving an earful from one pissed off Hilde.
Wufei just smiles. "I know he couldn't hold out for an entire day."
Heero looks at his laptop. "I hate to break it to you, but you've lost."
"What the hell do you mean I lost?" He grabs the laptop and looks at the date. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
...And so ends the first half of "Vegas Odds". Hopefully you all enjoyed it! Until the next fic, Ja-na!
V-chan