The Downton Christmas dance – or, Cinderella re-visited

Robert loves Downton at all times of year, in all seasons, and he especially loves it at Christmas. Impressive as the house is, it is stunning when it is decorated as it is now. Robert stands in the ballroom with Cora, looking appreciatively at the decorations, the tree, waiting to greet their guests. The staff are arriving, laughing and talking amongst themselves. Robert smiles, murmuring, "Merry Christmas," to each person as they pass him.

And there she is. Robert hasn't even thought about Jane being present. She looks…well. Pretty. No, lovely. He allows himself to admit that much. Robert has tried to keep his distance from Jane since that night, and….

He starts as the music begins, and takes a sip of wine. He can't ask her, although no one knew what had almost happened. No one would possibly suspect that…but…. It is Christmas, after all. Robert sets his glass on a table, straightens his cuffs and begins to stride to Jane's side. Yes, he can.

Jane has been working for the Crawleys for over a year now, but the house still amazes her. When she sees Christmas at Downton , she feels the same admiration she had felt the first time she saw the house. She had never imagined anything like it, had never even been able to imagine it. Nothing, she believes, can compare with Downton Abbey, nothing.

She had not realised that there is a servants' ball, or that she'll be invited to it. Last year, she spent Christmas with her family and had missed out on an invitation. Whenever there has been talk about the dance, and even more so after that night in particular, Jane has frequently found herself wondering and worrying about it, and what will happen. Sometimes, she hopes that Christmas will take longer to arrive, so that she has more time to think about how she should tackle this (what is 'this', she wonders. Perhaps it was the ball. Or other things?) Yet sometimes she is as excited as the other servants. Now the day is here, and it has come so quickly, she still isn't quite sure how she feels, other than a mix of nerves and excitement.

Jane makes sure she is close to Anna when they enter the ballroom, so that she can see how to behave. In a dark blue dress, her hair arranged by Anna, she joins the crowd of guests, giving and returning seasonal greetings. She is glad of her dress's discreet colour for she doesn't want to stand out. It wouldn't do to attract a great deal of attention. It isn't her place to attract anyone's attention.

Yet, is it her place to look? Whether it is or not, she finds her eyes on him as she looks around the room. What is she doing, looking in his direction? Master and servant will mingle as equals tonight, but this could be going too far.

But is it, really? She doesn't think so; her eyes happened to find him as she took in the room and its beautiful appearance; the family ,the ladies, the gentlemen - she is bound to see him among them. There isn't anything wrong with that. No-one can blame her for looking.

Jane's attention is taken away from the family, from him, as the orchestra begins to play and the men begin to ask women to dance. She watches with a smile as the couples take to the floor and position themselves in the correct hold before taking the first steps of the waltz. Fleetingly she wonders who might ask her; and blushes slightly as she thinks that perhaps no one will. It doesn't matter, she's happy to watch the others.

A movement catches her attention and she turns her head slightly to see properly. Who is this man, coming towards them, a small group of maids, going to ask? Her breath catches in her throat and her smile falters when she sees that it is his lordship who is approaching them. She swallows nervously and turns her head back to the other girls and looks at the dancers again. Why does the mere sight of him provoke such a reaction?

She doesn't have to look in his direction again to know that he is walking closer and closer towards her. She half hopes that he will stop, ask another one of the maids who sits a few seats away instead. Yet, she dares to hope that he is coming to her. She attempts to take part in the conversation that is taking place - anything to stop her from hoping.

Robert slows as he reaches the line of waiting maids. He nods, smiling at each maid as he moves past them, making his way to Jane. He hasn't taken his eyes off her. She is not looking at him, however. His nerve falters but only for a moment. Robert presses on and at last he stands in front of her. "Happy Christmas." He had said it so often this evening but it doesn't feel the same now - he doesn't feel the same. He is suddenly anxious and excited… giddy.

"Jane - may I have the honour of this dance?" Robert asks, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible. He can feel his hand trembling as he offers it to her.

Jane looks up in surprise. One moment he is walking towards her, the next he is standing there. She does her best to be calm and natural.

"Jane - may I have the honour of this dance?" - she glances at his hand, then back to him, his eyes. She feels as if something heavy has been lifted from her chest. Was this what she had wanted? She can't answer that, she doesn't even quite know. She does know that it would be rude not to accept, and that it is kind of him to offer.

"I…would very much like to, your Lordship." Robert hasn't realized he has been holding his breath until he hears her answer. Her small hand slips into his. Looking at her eyes he wonders if he has made a mistake. He shouldn't be singling her out like this, in front of everyone, in front of his wife. He has put her in an impossible position; it would be an incredible slight if she refused him. But is he leading her on or…does he really feel something for her? Lord, they haven't even begun dancing and he is already dizzy. Robert closes his eyes for a moment, attempting to compose himself.

"You look very…nice…Jane."he says hesitantly, gently placing his arm around her and taking her hand. He is all too aware of how close she is and how many people are watching them as they begin to dance.

She wonders what she should do. It would be very rude to not look into her partner's eyes when talking, especially when he's someone of a higher class who deserves respect. But Jane is worried, for both their sakes, if anyone sees them gazing at each other for too long.

No, that won't happen, it is only her who is being silly, who has the tiniest flicker of hope despite the chaos she knows the fulfilment of her dreams would bring She is thinking too much, and making herself nervous as her hopes grow; making impossibilities seem more like possibilities because that's what she wants.

She must stop this immediately. It is wrong and it will never happen, it can't. The invitation to dance is nothing more than it appears to be. It's an invitation to dance, no more. But the what ifs still linger.

"You're very kind, your lordship. Thank you," she says quietly, her eyes meeting his for a moment. Then she drops her gaze onto his chest as they dance, and focuses on the movement of her feet instead, so that she doesn't embarrass herself.

This is nothing more than a dance, she tells herself, nothing more.

It is something of a relief to him that she seems as anxious as he is. "You're very kind, your Lordship. Thank you." Her slight smile makes something jump in his chest. He is grateful that she has lowered her eyes.

There it is. He does feel something for her. He is relieved that he isn't a complete villain taking advantage of her.

"And are you well, Jane? how is Freddie doing at school?" he asks, trying to appear casual. At the same time he wants Jane to know - to know that she does mean something to him. But what can he do here, now? He glances around quickly to make certain no one is looking at them. As they complete a turn, Robert gently tightens his arm around her waist and pulls her slightly closer to him. Jane gives a small gasp, but stifles it quickly. The music is loud enough for no-one but Robert to hear. He can feel her trembling in his arms, and all at once he wants to take her away from the dance and everyone there, carry her off to a place where there is no-one but the two of them and he can hold her in his arms for ever.

"Are you well, Jane?"

Her legs are shaking so much she can hardly make the steps of the waltz, and she knows he can feel it. Now she only wants the dance to be over so she can go back to her chair, hide in the crowd and try not to look at him again. Please, she prays, don't let him hold me like this if he doesn't care for me even a little bit. Jane isn't quite sure whether she's happy or sad that they will have to part soon. She wouldn't dare to admit it but despite her nerves she finds comfort and warmth in being so close to him.

"Jane, I…" he says quietly, then stops, fearful of being overheard. Instead he clasps her hand tightly – much more tightly than a dance partner should.

No matter how quiet, she hears; for him, she will always hear. She looks up, and it is then that she decides she will look him in the eye for the rest of the dance. They will not dance together again and it is only good manners to smile amiably and chat meaninglessly.

His thumb is gently stroking hers. This… isn't... part of… waltzing… is it? Or did the aristocracy have different ways of doing things? She might want to believe that, but Jane knows that this is something more. There is something in this tiny gesture, but she doesn't know what.

Hadn't they - he - put it behind him? She has been sure it was the end of it for him. It might not be the same for her, but she has forced herself to push the memory away. So what is this supposed to mean? Should she be ashamed of herself, feeling like this again? More importantly, should she be ashamed she hopes that even though it isn't possible, it is possible between them?

The sensible thing to do, the proper thing is to say and do nothing. However, do nothing and she'll have missed an opportunity, a chance, and endure for the rest of her life of it might have been, what if. There's been enough of that the last few years - but she must be very careful what she says and does. Furthermore, she decides, she will take her cue from him.

"Yes… my lord?" she whispers back, meeting his eyes. He is so much taller than her, and they are so close, that she has to tilt her head back to do so.

Of course she's nervous. He suddenly realises how self indulgent he has been. He has been so worried about trying to show her what she means to him that he hasn't stopped to think that it's possible he means nothing to her. He curses his own vanity.

But then she looks up at him and quietly asks, "Yes…my lord?" and he can see that his fears are groundless, though he isn't certain why.

"I…I hope you're enjoying yourself. I hope I haven't been a disappointment." That's all he can manage. It's not what he wants to say to her but it's what he settles for. If only he could speak to her privately for a moment, to explain his feelings and, more importantly, to find out hers. If only she will understand that it's not his dancing that he means.

He realizes that they've been looking into each another's eyes for some time now. All he can think of is that night so long ago, the night that could have been. She had wanted him that night but does she want him still?

The musicians are playing the last bars of the waltz. Tense, awkward and stilted as it has been, he has enjoyed holding her in his arms.

She smiles up at him demurely as he escorts her back to her chair among the other maids, determined now on one last gamble and to show him she has understood his words. She might never have another chance. "Oh no, my lord. How could you think that you would ever be a disappointment to me in any way? Thank you for asking me to dance." She drops a small curtsy, he bows slightly and walks away, his head reeling with her last words.

This is adapted from a blog I read over Christmas. I liked it so much that I have adapted, deleted, added and re-worded so that I've kept the spirit of the piece, and the sequence of events, but in my words. Thanks to the original writer for the great idea.

Thoughts, please. The second and final chapter is poised in the wings ready to make its entrance.