What Just Happened?

What You Know

If pain were a flavor, Cody's would have been grapefruit. Because Cody hated grapefruit with the blazing ferocity of a thousand suns. Every pitiful inch of his body was grapefruit. Even his eyelids.

Lying face down on the bed, Cody groaned.

He moaned.

He annoyed the hell out of his roommate.

Ted Dibiase ran his eyes across the same Wikipedia paragraph three times before he decided to do something about the noise. He had to put his friend out of his misery. It was the humane thing to do.

"Cody, you okay?"

Lifting his head from his pillow, he responded, "You know that dangly thing at the back of your mouth?"

Ted opened up another tab on his browser. Went to Google. Typed in dangly thing at the back of mouth. As an afterthought, he remembered to apply the search filter.

God, the internet was filthy!

Finally, he came across the proper result. "You mean the epiglottis?"

"Yeah. I think I may have bruised mine."

The reason the internet was so damn filthy was because it was inhabited by humans, who were also pretty damn dirty. So Ted had to ask. "Doing what?"

"I don't know," whined Cody. He flopped back down onto the fluffy pillow. "Everything is grapefruit."

Sometimes it didn't pay to have an inquisitive mind. "Grapefruit?"

"Grapefruit," Cody repeated. "Whole lotta grapefruit."

"Okay, then." Setting his laptop aside, Ted slid off the bed. He walked over to his suitcase and began rummaging through it. "Would you like something to take the grapefruit away?" He assumed grapefruit was bad and, therefore, a thing worth getting rid of.

"That would be nice."

Ted opened up his zippered bag of goodies. Decongestant. Antihistamine. Antacid. Bean-O. A few tablets of Midol from that one time he'd been absolutely desperate and in need of pain relief right away. It was the only thing Beth Phoenix had on her.

"You want some Midol?"

"This might take you by surprise, but that is one part that does not hurt. So I'll pass."

It had been worth a shot.

Ted came across an expired bottle of aspirin. Except the label and the contents did not match. Only he knew that, of course.

In order to keep the trust fund flowing, his father invested in pharmaceuticals. The elder Dibiase had sent his son a sample of a pain reliever still in the testing phase. Somehow, Ted had not gotten around to trying it.

No time like the present.

"How big of a grapefruit are we talking, Cody?"

"You remember that boulder that chased Indiana Jones down that tunnel?"

"Yeah."

"Imagine its bigger, meaner brother."

After fetching a bottle of water, Ted handed him two pills. "This oughta cure that ails ya." Or at least put the man to sleep so he could get to the bottom of his Wikipedia page.

Rhodes rolled over. He swallowed the pills with minimum fuss before introducing his face to the pillow once again.

Cody flipped onto his back. He pried opened his eyes. The smiling face of Zack Ryder startled him into full wakefulness. The man's grinning mug was uncomfortably close to his own. Only inches separated them.

"Hey, Ted!" Ryder shouted, directly into Cody's face. "He's up! He's awake, I mean."

Ted rushed out of the bathroom. Cody could have sworn his friend had been wearing a shirt only a minute ago. "Oh, good. Now I won't have to worry about that involuntary manslaughter charge. Because, quite frankly, I'm too pretty to go to prison."

Cody found comfort in the fact that not a single part of him hurt. The pills did the trick. If only he could make Zack Ryder take a few steps out of his personal space. The man was a little too close for comfort.

"How do you feel?" Ted asked, also leaning over Cody.

Having endured more than enough crowding, Cody sat up, pushing them out of his way. He twisted and turned his body. Waiting for a twinge of pain. None came. "I feel fine. My head's a little fuzzy, but nothing to complain about." He noticed the open curtains and the sunlight streaming into the room. It had been nearly eight o'clock when he'd laid down his head. A quick glance at the bedside clock told him it was a quarter to nine in the morning. "I guess all I needed was a good night's sleep. Can't believe you let me go to bed in my clothes, though."

Ted and Zack shared a look. The kind of look that filled Cody with a curiously uneasy feeling. "You guys didn't do something dumb to me while I was sleeping, did you? Like draw a dick on my forehead?"

There was another look between them. "No," they said together, stretching the word out longer than was comfortable.

Bolting off the bed, Cody rushed to the bathroom. He had to make sure his beautiful face had not been defaced. Leaning over the sink, he checked himself from every angle. No sign of vandalism. He examined the rest of his body. Arms. Chest. Back. Legs. Even his butt. He had to be sure.

Cody heaved a sigh of relief. His skin was pristine.

Poking his head out of the room, he called out, "Let me take a quick shower and then we can head to the gym."

"Okay," said Ted and Zack.

That whole speaking in unison thing was starting to creep Cody out. He made sure to lock the bathroom door before undressing.

Luckily, the hotel gym was empty at that hour. Deserted, save for one person. Wade Barrett stood beside the wall of mirrors.

Cody waved; Wade walked over.

He was about to ask Wade if he'd been there long. Then the strangest thing happened. Wade Barrett kissed him. Not a quick, European greeting kind of peck. Full lip, all tongue, no misinterpretation.

Cody stood stock still. Hands at his side, eyes wide open. He was in too much shock to do anything. Couldn't push Wade away. Couldn't mount a protest because his mouth was otherwise engaged.

There was a bright flash and then it was over.

If he were in his right mind, Cody would have kicked Barrett's ass all over the gym. Probably would have smashed every one of those mirrors with Wade's head. Done thousands of dollars' worth of damage.

Cody simply stared. Dumbfounded. His lips moved, but no words came out. His brain was too busy rerunning the last minute and a half to come up with a single insult.

Wade stroked his cheek. "There. Now we're even. I feel better now." He walked away, whistling.

"Ummm…" Cody nervously licked his lips as he watched Wade's retreating back. "What just happened?"