sorry for the improper grammar. today hasn't been a great day and i couldn't be bothered capitalizing everything. kind of ran free with everything. hope you enjoy! (could become multichap, i kind of like this idea? ps, are awol and mia (MIA, not like the name) the same thing or totally different? wondered about that, but i wasn't sure).
quinn rereads the letter for what feels like the millionth time. it doesn't make it any easier, it just makes her waant to cry. tears are threatening to spill as she looks over it again, the words becoming a blur and that one phrase replaying in her mind. missing in action. the words are still there, even after she leaves it for ten minutes. it's not like he's awol, because that would just be... puck. he'd get bored of it and run away, maybe come back to lima or go off to la or new york, try and chase his dreams for a couple of months, give up and go crawling back to the army. but no, this wasn't like usual because he didn't run away, he's missing.
she takes her phone off of the coffee table and starts typing out a text to santana. all it says is he's mia, because it's all she needs. a few minutes later, she replies with the words puck, right? mia? and that's when the tears fall down her face. quinn always liked puck. at first, it had been totally platonic because she was in a relationship with his best friend. she'd dated finn because he was sweet and captain of the football team, but she slept with puck because he brought out the best and worst in her. she fell in love with him probably as soon as her first proper conversation was him was finished, but she had no idea until she saw him holding beth for the first time. her phone vibrates, probably another text from santana. it keeps on buzzing, until it finally gets too much and she throws it at the wall.
a sob escapes quinn's lips at the thought of a helpless puck lying in the middle of some field somewhere, trying to stay alive because of finn. clutching onto a gun and probably wondering if he should use it to kill himself, because it would be easier and less painful than just lying there and dying. maybe he'd think about her and about beth. probably. or maybe he's just wandered off somewhere and is crouched in a ditch wondering "where is everyone?" that thought calms her down, but she knows it isn't true because she got a letter saying the words noah puckerman is missing in action. the house phone starts ringing, and the name on the caller id says santana mobile. after a moment of hesitation, quinn answers and soon santana is trying her best to calm down a hysterical quinn.
"he'll be fine, shh," is her attempt at comfort, but it doesn't work because quinn's sure that they don't send letters to ex-girlfriends/mother of child/emergency contacts if people are 'fine.'
"no, he won't and it's all my fault! i should of told him to keep away from the military, i should of stopped him!"
"it was his decision, q. he wanted to do it and he knew the risks it would hold," santana says.
quinn scoffs through her tears. "seriously, that's the best you can do? what would you do if brit was missing and i told you to calm down because she "knew the risks it would hold"?"
"well, that's different—"
"no, it really isn't. it's the exact same, because you love brit and i love puck," quinn says.
"i don't love brit anymore," santana tries to defend herself, but her voice comes out more unconvincing than anything she'd ever said before.
"just because you moved to new york and got a new girlfriend doesn't mean you don't still love brittany," quinn states matter-of-factly. "anyway, that's not the problem at hand, here. the problem is that puck is missing and i could of stopped it."
she hears a mumble from the other sound of the line and it isn't santana's voice. the voices get louder and she can hear some of the conversation ("he's gone missing," — "why's it your problem?" — "ex and one of my best friends baby daddy," — "baby daddy?" — "yeah, sixteen and pregnant. not the issue, kid's in good hands now. rachel's birth mom," — "oh, cool. still don't see why she phoned you," — "her and brit weren't that close, and when we weren't ripping each others heads off or slapping each other, we were pretty tight,").
"santana? you know i can hear you, right?" quinn says.
"shit, quinn." there's some static and some muffled noises which sounds like santana's moving positions. "sorry, that was dani."
"right, rebound girl."
"will you stop that? i am not still in love with brittany," santana says, unconvincingly.
"that's like saying rachel's not still in love with finn and mercedes isn't still in love with sam and i'm not still in love with puck. bullshit," she says. "and i know for a matter of fact, she's still in love with you. besides, you two didn't technically break up. what was it? 'not an official breakup.' right, yeah, sure."
"you sure don't seem too upset about the fact that puck's missing. let that sink in, quinn. missing. you'll probably never see him again. i mean, over half of the people that go mia never come back, right?" santana teases, but her heart's pounding at the thought of puck never coming back.
"shut up!" quinn throws a lamp at the sofa sitting opposite her.
"imagine that, though. just going on with life, telling yourself 'yeah, he'll come back any day now,' and then he doesn't and there's nothing you can do to stop it," her eyes fill with tears, because even if she didn't particularly like puck, he was just one of those people that if they were gone, things were depressing. there would be no random outbursts of violence (she knew that wasn't true, but it wouldn't be the same without him), no dopey smiles because not even jake puckerman wore it as well as his brother and no singing to girls who were never going to be into him until it was too late.
"shut up, santana!" another cry comes from quinn, which automatically makes santana regret saying what she had. she hadn't really believed it herself, it was just a story to scare quinn and make her upset, because if they were arguing then it seemed more normal.
"i'm sorry. look, quinn, the bottom line here is that maybe they won't find him. and maybe what i said is gonna come true, but just know that if it does, then we'll all be here for you. i know you two went through a lot together, what with beth and all. but he probably will come back."
"but how do you know?" at that moment, quinn reminds santana a lot of a little kid. her voice is quiet and even though her sobs have gone down and are non-existent at this point, she can hear the cries being held back at the back of quinn's throat.
"well, i don't. but you just gotta believe or pray or whatever you do."
"santana?"
"yeah?"
"what if he gets killed in action, like finn?" tears are rolling down quinn's face as she asks.
"it could happen," santana whispers. "but puck isn't anything like finn. the only thing that really made them alike — other than the fact that they were in glee club and played football together — was that they were both in love with you. all you gotta do tonight, q, is put on one of puck's old shirts — i know you have at least three — and pretend that he's there and then we can deal with everything tomorrow."