Lifetime
Genre: Angst, Friendship
Summary: She wonders just exactly how long it has been. A lifetime? Perhaps more. She has lost count. LumiWan, in the Force.
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars and its characters. There, I said it… and I didn't even hyperventilate! Whoo!
A/N: A drabble I thought up while eating dinner. *yay*
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It's been years since they parted.
Years.
She wonders just exactly how long it has been. A lifetime? Perhaps more. She has lost count.
A lifetime.
She watches him. Watches him struggle to guide Skywalkers' son. Watches him shatter.
Shatter.
They are within the same field. Yet they cannot reach each other. He exists in the ethereal world between the Force.. and life. A ghost, so they say.
A ghost.
She has seen death. She has seen light. She has felt, resisted the dark side. She has known love. Yet how does she place how she feels now? She cannot describe it.
Light.
The glow of the Force welcomed her; she wonders how it must be for him. To go on between worlds. To watch the trials of each.
Trials.
She knows, from what he do, what he says, why he remains. She knows, from what he feels, from the Force, why he does not join her. She knows, from her teachings, from the Code, that she should not feel this way.
Truth.
She misses him, more than anything else. She knows why he does not join her. She understands. But she resents the war.
War.
It took away her love, her friends, her life, destroying all she has ever known. Perhaps, had she not been born in such a violent, cruel world, her path would have been different. Instead of fighting for survival, she could have led the life of a peasant, free from the horrors of blasters, death, struggle. But had she existed that way, would she have met him?
Struggle.
No. She wouldn't have. He was born on an economically powerful world. She on a poor, devastated, polluted, planet. Different systems, altogether. No chance of meeting.
Chance.
So, in a way, she did not regret. Did no regret that her life had been taken up by fighting the war of another. Did not regret that she had not had enough time.
Time.
A precious thing, time. It could surprise you any minute. You could, even, believe that it controlled all. Controlled life. Controlled death. When, where. She can't think of a occasion when time hadn't made a difference.
Difference.
What could he hope to do, by staying? He would only hurt himself more. Watching the galaxy fall apart, unthreading his efforts. Did they care about what he had done? How much he had sacrificed?
Sacrifice.
No, of course they didn't. They focused on the bigger picture. Force, now, the Jedi did not even exist. Only a handful of rogue Force-adepts. She has watched him be disappointed too many times.
Exist.
Did it matter, really, to exist? Of course. If you did not exist, you were no longer living, in the Force or otherwise. But would it stem the pain?
Pain.
Perhaps. She didn't know, had no need to. Pain was a friend, someone she was used to. She didn't necessarily accept it, want it, but it came, unheeding. She couldn't free herself.
Free.
What would it be like, to fly free? Free from the bonds of despair, of sadness and longing. Free.
Longing.
Is it right for a Jedi to miss? Would it be attachment? Even after all these years, decades, a century, almost, she still remembers. Even after the name itself, Jedi, has been wiped off the face of the galaxy. She remembers. He preserves. She still misses him. There is no choice.
Choice.
How many had the choice whether or not to fight? Few did. Every known planet was involved, or at least impacted. She missed the Republic.
Fight.
Ah, yes. Such a strong word. It defined so much. Meant so much. Meant life or death, survive or die. It was her life, all she had ever known.
Know.
She knows many things. She knows the way her Padawan died. She knows how many Jedi were lost. She knows he will join her, someday, to walk through the way of the Force.
She doesn't miss him...
... Right?
Review? *hopeful*