When we dug your will out of the drawer, I still couldn't quite come to terms with what had actually happened. It just didn't seem real, I refused to believe it at first, but there was no denying it; you were gone. Batman, the well respected crime fighter of Gotham City was dead, and he was never coming back. Even now, I still can't really grasp the situation, but the time passed just makes it all the plainer; Bruce Wayne is six feet under.
You still manage to surprise me though, even from beyond the grave. There was me thinking that you'd leave everything to your wards, but no, you left me something too. I didn't expect it, I really didn't, but that was just like you, always doing the unexpected. I know why you left the Villa to me Bruce, it was out special place on the outskirts of town, where no one ever bothered us; it was ours. As if this wasn't enough you left me a sum of money to go with that, more money than I'd ever seen before, it wasn't a scratch on your complete fortune, but it was enough to keep me going. That's why you left it to me isn't it? You wanted to keep me out of trouble, stop me from stealing once and for all. It didn't work.
I probably steal more now than I did when I first started out. It's not that I need to, I just...Well, I just want to see you. I know how crazy that must sound, longing to see someone whose no longer alive, but I can't help it. You're Batman, you can do anything, I've always believed you could do anything, so what's stopping you from showing up on the rooftops at night? Of course, you never do, but I can still hope that when that caped crusader swoops down and tackled me that it's you and not Dick Grayson. Don't get me wrong, he is very good at what he does, just as good as you were, but he's no Bruce Wayne. The man I want to set me back on track is long gone and his ward has taken over his role as the main crime fighter in Gotham City. All I want is to see you on the rooftops at night, feel you hold me close as you threaten to hand me into the police, just one last time.
It hurts Bruce. I miss you so much and just as we were getting so close, you were ripped out of my prying hands as the bullets tore into your weakened body. Damn Joker, he got what he wanted all these years, to see the bat choking, crawling at his feet as you tried to fight back. He'll burn in Hell for everything he's done to you over the years Bruce, and I'll make sure he pays. I just don't know when. I feel so weak, I'm not a tigress any more Bruce, I'm just a kitten, hiding from the truth the best I can. You know better than anybody how death can change a person. But I'm not like you Bruce, losing your parents gave you motivation, anger that you needed to vent in some way and you did that through Batman. I can't do that. I just feel numb inside, like nothing really matters any more, the fun and games, the chases eventually turning into feelings that neither of us could explain, it's all over now. Except the feelings, those just won't leave me, you've gotten to me and now, I can't help it, I'm in love with a ghost; I'm in love with your ghost.
Each night I wake, sitting upright in bed, sweat dripping from every inch of my body as I scream out your name in desperation. There's no answer, there never is, only my own voice echoing through the empty halls of the villa we once treasured. I dream about the nights we shared, whether it be on the rooftops, in Wayne Manor or in this very villa, but they all end the same way; with the Joker laughing manically with a steaming gun in his hand. That's when I wake up, every time. The dream turns into a nightmare, going from our most intimate moments, to me clutching your lifeless body while I scream for help. It stings when I wake up, like a viper has sunk it's teeth into my soft flesh and I suddenly tense up before braking down once again, stroking the side of the bed you once occupied.
I feel like I'm in prison here Bruce, this villa...It's just not right without you and I feel as though I can't escape. I'm not even sure if I want to live here Bruce, but I feel as if I don't have a choice. I don't belong in a place like this Bruce, I told you this countless times before, it's far too good for me. I'm from a broken home Bruce, I lost my parents like you did, then was sent to a below average orphanage. It was horrible there, I had to get out of there, Couldn't take it so I ran for it, into the City. From then on I was destined for a life of crime I guess, it was really the only way I could survive. Then I got a taste for it, I couldn't stop and soon enough I was stealing for the fun of it, even though I had a steady job, it wasn't enough for me. I was off the rails.
You were the only thing that actually helped me. I didn't go completely straight, oh God no, I couldn't do that, but you helped. You kept my feet on the ground and was always there for me when I needed it the most, stopped the sand from slipping away beneath me. Now I'm falling, just kind of waiting to hit the ground or land head first in hell, but even then I'd be a million miles away from you. You were always the good guy Bruce, I was the bad girl that always kept you busy. A cliché pair, but I loved it none the less.
I'm lying in bed now, alone, in complete silence. Funny, in a twisted kind of way, we used to be able to sit in silence, just the two of us, without even needing to say a word; now I can't stand it. It reminds me of how alone I am now. There was a time when I was used to being alone, just me and my cats, but now even they can't keep me happy. A loner for many years, it was hard adjusting to life with the bat, but now it's even harder adjusting to a life without him as the silence around me turns bitter.
This pain I feel Bruce, this aching on the inside, I can't control it. I can't keep it in, God, there's just not enough room for it in my life any more. Don't you think I've suffered enough Bruce? I'm at the edge of sanity and I' going to fall Bruce, and I need help; your help. I'm drowning and I can't swim out Bruce, I'm a cat and I'm in far too deep. I wish I could forget these feelings Bruce, but I just can't and I just want to be with you and it kills me to know we never will be. In a few years, the pain might lessen, but I doubt it. The way I'm bottling it up now isn't working and one day, It'll all come pouring out and I just pray that when it does, I'll be face to face with The Joker.