DISCLAIMER THE FIRST: It is by JKR's writing alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the grace of coffee that thoughts acquire speed, the back acquires pains, the pains become a warning. The warning is that I make no money from this. All lyrics used are owned by Dido & her label.
DISCLAIMER THE SECOND: This is an AU take on JKR's work and a song-fic to boot. Each chapter will be based on a Dido Song (some chapters might have elements of two songs) – This is an expanded version of my previous fic Ginny's In India Now. I highly recommend you listening to the song first. I suggest the remix version which can be found on YouTube.
CHAPTER ONE – NORTHERN SKIES
I have returned to northern skies
Where summer hasn't touched the clouds that pass above
I have returned to the somber grays
Of days too early to come and too hurried to stay
THE GROUNDS, HOWARTS, SCOTLAND – MAY 2nd 1998 – EVENING
After all he had gone through, it all came down to this: A walk to towards his own death.
The grass barely crunched under Harry's boots as he made his way along the path away from the castle. He knew he had to take a roundabout way to the Forbidden Forest to avoid anyone who might stop him. There was no turning back now that he knew the truth. The memories Harry had seen in the pensieve proved this truth to him.
As Harry carefully made his way past bits of broken gargoyles and pieces of parapet, he found himself unable to keep from looking into the sky. Like always there was an amazing shroud of stars in the northern skies above Hogwarts. A blue-black darkness of pure emptiness filled with a million lights dancing like faerie lights.
He found familiar constellations and felt a pang of sadness when he spotted Sirius bright in Canis Major. The brilliance above made a mockery of the night sky over Privet Drive where London washed out the star's light. The northern sky seemed a living thing compared to the pale stars vainly trying to outshine the garish, artificial light of London.
To keep from being seen, Harry cut across the Quidditch pitch. When in the middle, Harry was overcome with nostalgia and stopped to once again drink in the sights and smells of all around him. He gazed up at the craggy mountains surrounding the valley. Even though summer was coming, there was a sense of the stillness of winter's grip which would never be broken. Under the glacial ice lay ancient powers and secrets. The stars glinting off the snow-capped mountains had always taken Harry's breath away and made him feel protected.
Hogwarts was lit up as Harry first remembered it that fateful September day in the boats with all the other First Years. Curious how the somber grey stone contrasted with the lights just as the snow did with the darkness of the Black Lake and Forbidden Forest. The deepest darkness bound together with light. Harry was sure there was some meaningful symbolism there.
Harry soaked up the feeling of the only true home he had ever had. Even with the recent battle and stench of fear and death in the air there was the sense of the timelessness to the ancient school. A sense of children being brought abruptly into a new and sometimes frightening world of magic. A seething cauldron of energy as generations of children eagerly rushed towards adulthood, straining at the bit to leave childhood behind.
Harry felt a sadness well up in him. He was too hurried by destiny to stay. There would be no happy graduation and one last train ride back into the unknown of adulthood for him. His story had been written before he was born and now the final act was upon him.
I have left a million stars
And an ocean light and clearly blue
I have left warmth of the sun
And a million adventures not yet begun
Harry hurried down an infrequently used path towards the Black Lake. He wanted to get away from the pitch which held so many memories of good times which threatened to drown him in remembrance. Memories which might weaken his resolve to do what had to be done.
When Harry finally ended up at the shoreline he found his feet had taken him to the same spot he and Hermione had tried to comfort Hagrid after Buckbeak had been sentenced to death. In his mind's eye he could see the huge man choke up and weep like a small child. Another instance of the contrast of opposites. So much like Dumbledore; the kindly grandfather and manipulative schemer all in one.
Harry shook his head as he pushed that thought away as he looked out at the inky vastness of the Black Lake. So different from how blue the ocean had looked lit by a million stars. He had stared at it long into the night the long watch to see if Dobby would live or not. The sea had called to him, to his Potter blood.
While at Grimmauld Place, Harry had come across a historical tract about many of the prominent Houses of Britain. While in the wilderness Harry had found reading about the exploits of his ancestors had eased the weight of Slytherin's locket when it had been hard to bear. Within its pages he had found tales of how the Potters had not only been brewers, potion makers, diplomats and warriors but also bold merchant explorers.
The Viking blood of Harald Harada burned brightly in his line and many a Potter had hoisted sail to seek fortunes among far away lands. As he had looked out at the timeless sea from the cliffs of Shell Cottage, Harry couldn't help but think of all the million of adventures which would never be. It was not his destiny to stare across an ocean into the rising sun of a new day filled with promise.
Harry sighed and wiped away a tear running down his cheek. No, the warmth of the sun was not his fate. He was to fall into darkness and be consumed by it to bring about a new dawn for others.
For once there was beauty here for me
Under the wide northern skies
And once there was magic here for me
Under the wide northern skies
Seeing no one watching for him, Harry carefully worked his way towards Hagrid's hut. As he did, more memories came unbidden to him. Of Norbert, of Ron burping up slugs and the tooth-breaking cakes served with tea. These thoughts drew Harry to look up at Hogwarts, brilliant against the wide northern sky. Again Harry seemed compelled to stop. He reflected on all the good times and bad which he had in the castle which loomed over him.
There had been so much magic here for him. Making friends, learning spells and just the little day to day joys he had been denied at the Dursleys. He remembered little bits of time fresh as the day they happened, like they were frozen in amber.
Harry remembered the bats flitting about on Halloween and the fairies as they danced among the Yule trees. Of Professor Flitwick seemingly dancing across the stage as he conducted the choir. The odd comments Dumbledore always seemed to delight in making at feasts. The surprise at seeing a cat transform into the stern Professor McGonagall.
These memories stirred up deeper and more poignant memories. The look of sadness on Hermione's face as her conjured birds circled her wand. The unblinking gaze of Luna as she spoke of her mother's death. The look of steadfastness in Neville's face when he told Harry he wouldn't fail him in regards to Nagini. The myriad of times with the red-heads of the Weasleys. Pranks by the Twins, Ron's face as he contemplated his next chess move and the softness of Ginny's lips.
I saw trees as green and this dark as blue
Heartbreak and poetry with deeper roots
Now I know this is lonely country
And leads me only back to the sea
The Forbidden Forest loomed ahead of him. The ever-green canopy stretched out in front of him like a verdant sea. Just as the blue of the ocean had called to him, so too the green so dark it was almost blue beckoned.
To Harry it felt like he was coming back full circle to the beginning. The first time he had really met an aspect of Voldemort was within this forest in his First Year. The blood of the dead unicorn seeping into the ground like a poem of heartbreak and woe. Now his steps would take him back into the deep recesses of the forest.
Harry stopped at the edge of the forest. The path through the trees had been made by the Ford Anglia back in his Second Year. If Voldemort wasn't there after all, would he be able to walk all the way to Aragog's old lair? He knew there would be no magical car or helpful centaur to save him this time. The trees swaying in the wind reminded him of the waves. This was the ocean for him; an ocean where his bones would lie under the swaying boughs.
Knowing he shouldn't, Harry look back for one last look at Hogwarts. All his friends, all his hopes were there, behind those somber grey walls. They would all mourn him but it was for them he was knowingly going to his death. His love for them demanded it.
He frowned. Harry knew the Headmaster had manipulated him. Created in him a boy who was scarred, alone and desperate for acceptance. A boy who would find friends, find a surrogate family and find love. He would find people for whom he would die for. Harry would die for them because of his love for them and because he was still, after all he had been through, that lonely, unwanted boy from under the stairs.
For once there was beauty here for me
Under the wide northern skies
And once there was magic here for me
Under the wide northern skies
Harry did a quick check to be sure he had the Stone; his wand ready in his hand. Once inside the Forest there would be no turning back. The Forest would be his death. As if to stave away the inevitable, if only for a few moments more, He turned away and his eyes swept up and down the valley and the surrounding mountains. Upon looking up, Harry was caught up again in the brilliance of the wide northern sky. Somehow in the vastness of stars, he felt a calmness come over him.
Yes, there had been magic here for him. Perhaps enough for an entire lifetime. Couldn't it be said ever day after that fateful Halloween had been a gift? Here had he not found magic, beauty and love? Isn't that what any life should have, no matter how long or short?
Harry's eyes dropped to the turrets and parapets of Hogwarts. Yes it would have to be enough. Yet Harry's heart was heavy. While he knew it was for the best, there was the wish that things could have been different.
Regardless of how painful the memory was, Harry could not help but remember the softness of Ginny's lips upon his. The feeling of her breasts under her sweater as they hugged and kissed under their tree by the lake. The dreamy look Luna had as they connected in ways no one else ever had. Then there was Hermione.
Harry shivered at the how Hermione had felt in his arms as he danced her around the tent. Holding her close to help her through the pain of Ron leaving them. The look in her eye as she broke their embrace and led him to her bed. The sudden desire as their clothes fell away; the moist heat between her legs. The sound of her voice as she cried out his name in her release.
Oh yes, there had been magic here for Harry but at the same time it could be a lonely country. A place where people had turned their backs upon him like they had before. A place where friends had turn away from him in jealousy. A place where Hermione had chosen Ron over him with a hug and deep, soulful kiss.
With a long sigh, Harry turned back towards the Forbidden Forest. It was time to face the destiny that Fate had written out for him. As much as his heart was breaking at the thought of Ron and Hermione having a happy life filled with family, he knew he had to face Voldemort. He had to give them that chance at happiness he would never have.
With a briskness in his step, Harry made his way into the forest. His eyes quickly adjusted and the darkness of the forest seemed less forbidding and more like a comforting blanket being pulled over him. Harry knew it was more of a death shroud as his life was rapidly coming to an end.
Yet feeling the ancient rhythms of life in the forest, the smells, the sounds and the energy, Harry felt the same sort of peace he had seen in the stars. As he made his way deeper into the forest, it almost felt like the forest was welcoming him home, drawing him into a loving embrace of a parent finding their long lost child who had come home at last.
Harry smiled at this imagery as the forest's presence washed over him. Soon he wouldn't be a lost child. He would be in the bosom of his dead family and friends. He would finally be loved. Even more importantly he would finally know peace.
I have returned
I have returned
I have returned
A/N: Once again iTunes works against me. Just as before with Ginny's In India Now, having certain songs come up multiple times on my iPod got me thinking of things. When the Muse calls, one must listen. I'd like to thank my wife for her excellent beta reading of this.
Changes: While this is an expansion of my earlier fic, Ginny's In India Now, there is one major change. As shown in this fic, Harry and Hermione did hook up briefly after Ron left them in the wilderness. Yet just like in canon, she seems to give Harry the boot for Ron the minute he shows back up. As shown in my previous fic, she'll regret that but in this fic we'll get the entire back-story only hinted at in GIIN.
Judge Me Not! Since this is a song-fic, the chapters obviously relate to the song. Some like this chapter and the next will be small. Other chapters (like Chapter 9) will be quite large. You've been warned.