Title: Define 'Normal'
Pairing: Robin x Starfire (possible other pairing)
Rating: future M
Warning: language, content, dark, possible OOC (to people's POV)
Genre: romance, angst, drama
Summary: loved by many, Robin only hated. Hated by the world and everyone else, Kori only loved. As their lives entwine, their past not only destroy them, but beliefs on their own normality as well.
Credits: MARS by Fuyumi Soryo (I take absolutely no credit on the plot, except of the writing idea, omit the drawing) / Teen Titans
Author's Note: I've posted this story before but I had no idea why I deleted it. It took me 2-4 years later to decide that I should repost it again.
stage o1
My Daily Diary, Entry #1 of today's event:
' Writing is not simply about telling other people what you want them to know in words. It is about secretly expressing yourself in a way that no voice can convey. '
That is what Raven told me.
I have met her and been her friend before summer started this year, which was three and a half months ago. I am still new to this place, to this world... although I am born on it.
I do not know why I have been well kept 'in the box', as Raven tells it, for nearly my entire life. But as I was saying—err—writing, I am told that authorship is a great way to endure the troubled mind.
Is Raven correct?
I do not know.
Although I am human, I have not seen the world properly yet. Mother, father, and even sister, tells me that I am too fragile to encounter it. They tell me that many obstacles will be in my way and that there are many 'deviants', as my sister puts it, that will wallow my sight with their 'ugly eyes'.
I do not know.
I do not get it.
The world is wondrous.
It is a what you call, a 'paradise', yes?
Jump City is a wondrous place, no doubt. I am able to express my feelings to both Raven and on this daily book she had given me out of the blues. I am happy.
If I were to secretly express myself in a way I cannot voice out... I will write the word 'happy' all the way down the page until I am able to reach the second page.
Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy. Happy—
I am sorry for not fulfilling such an assumed easy task.
I have forgotten how tiring it is to write a word repeatedly so much... and so fast. I think I will just continue with what I have in my mind.
I do not think I have mention anything about my friend Raven in today's daily event. If I had done so, I will repeatedly write it again.
She is the person who told me to not just express my feelings with actions or voices, but also with words or pictures. I am satisfied to learn this for I would not have written this right now.
Have I not mention that Raven is my bestest best friend in the world?
I believe I have not.
Very well. I will write about her here.
Although we are bestest best of friends, we are not... exactly alike.
Since I am new to this outside world, I still do not understand what it is for people to 'get close' to each other. I have asked Raven such a question yet she merely replied the same monotonous ' ... ' when such... elating topic picks up.
I guess she and I are not alike in more than one way. But she is the only person who understands me.
It is... like you say... yin and yang? Black and white? Peace and war? Fire and water? Light and dark?
Oh, yes.
Light and dark.
As to say, I am mostly... more uplifting than she is. Even if we are not exactly similar I feel the aura that we are the same in emotions.
' Bright people have their own shadows, as shadowed people have their spark of light. '
That is what she told me. I believe she is right.
I believe we are different outside... yet similar inside.
I believe we almost have the same past.
I believe that we also share the same pain.
Do we not?
(If you are attempting to read this, Raven, do not worry. I have no words written against you here. Merely, just a praise :) )
Then... Raven, have you anything bright in your soul, then? As I have anything shadowed in my heart?
She giggled.
I am told that I have many talents. That if I could write, I can write. If I can draw, I will draw. If I can, I can. That is what mother, father, and Raven told me.
I think they are right.
Found City has always been my home. I think I will miss it dearly. As of now, I will enjoy Jump City for the time being.
Mother does not want me home yet. She is rather content that I had befriended someone so quickly.
I feel she is rather... surprise.
Sister is quite shocked, too. I do not know why.
They are acting very strange.
She tapped her pen on the page for a minute.
I love to write.
I deeply love this daily journal book. I am able to write my feelings when nobody is around to share it with.
The wondrous of it all is that, I am currently writing out in the park. I feel the breeze against my skin and hair. It is not quite cold, and neither is it quite warm.
Autumn is a wondrous time of the season, yet I cannot wait for winter.
It is quiet and white and the snow is very bright—oh, look, Raven! I have made a rhyme! I am able to write another short poetry! This time, it is not so depressing!
She smiled.
This is a point where I begin to wonder.
Why are people so.. different?
I imagined the world revolves around people who are the same. But they are different. Raven is different. My other classmates are quite different.
Why is Raven treated so... ' normally ' whilst my new school friends treat me as if I was never born in this planet?
' The world is a cruel place... Life is never fair... Nobody is the same... '
Raven has made sure it was correct.
I had just came out of my 'in the walls' many months ago. My new school year is quite... I do not know... intimidating?
Raven says they are always intimidating. I quietly understand her pain for she is what they call ' depressed ', or, was it not ' gothic '?
Yet I do not know why they call me a ' wanna-be '. I ask friend Raven why I am called that. She tells me that I merely try too hard.
Am I really?
Do I really?
I ask her why classmate Kitten refers me as a ' bitch '? I am not a dog, neither am I a female canine, and I am a human being like her. But Raven does not reply.
There are many things I do not understand... especially this—
"Excuse me. Do you know where the new hospital around this area is? I've been kinda circling around but I can't find it anywhere."
Innocent sad eyes met a pair of eyes hidden beneath thick black sunglasses. Kori Anders quietly widened her eyes and stared at the boy who had just spoken to her. Or, rather, stared at her stunned reflection.
"Ulp...?" she squeaked silently.
The boy gave her a look, his brows shooting up.
"Um... can you tell me where it is?" he repeated.
Beneath his politeness, she felt the tint of impatience. Her stomach did a frightening flip and she gripped the edges of her notebook tight. The boy stared at her.
"Uh..." he muttered, "do you know where it is? It's all right if you don't... I can just someone else..."
There was a moment's pause before the boy decided to turn around and walk away. Instead, Kori Anders flipped her book the other way and skimmed through her wrinkled pages. The boy watched as she quickly drew something with slight nervousness. When she was finished, she quickly ripped the paper and shoved it to his chest. The boy stepped back, confused.
"Uh... thanks?" before she could hear him, she turned around and ran away.
The young man frowned.
"What the hell...? What was that all about?"
Kori Anders quickly turned the key and opened the gates. It took quite a while to reach the entrance door since it was practically half a mile away from the front garden, silently cursing her parents for affording a grand manor when they barely use it.
She ran up the high staircase, turning right onto a large hallway.
"Oh... you're back already?"
Kori looked up to see her sister passing by.
"Sister," she huffed. "I thought you were partying today?"
"Oh puh - lease," the black haired look-alike rolled her eyes, "I'm already exhausted from yesterday's party."
Then, she frowned.
"Hey, I thought you were living what that freak of a friend of yours."
Kori straightened up and sent her sister an expressionless gaze.
"Please do not call Raven such a monstrous word, Komm," she remarked. Although she sounded a little harsh, there was a hint of sadness in her voice.
Her sister flicked her ebony hair over her shoulders and 'tsk'-ed.
"Whatever," she muttered, "oh, and it's Blackfire, to you, Starfire."
Kori pursed her lips.
"Very well, Blackfire," she murmured, "I will retire to my untouched room. Raven is doing her job at her book store. I cannot go in the house for the door is locked."
"Didn't the goth give you a spare key?" Blackfire chided.
Kori gave a timid chuckle and rubbed the back of her head.
"Um... I have forgotten it inside the house again," she answered nervously, her cheeks tinted pink with embarrassment, "I believe I will have to stay for the night in my old home until I am able to call my friend... again."
Blackfire clucked her tongue.
"So... then what's the hurry, sis?" she asked. "You never were so excited coming home here."
Kori pursed her lips. Blackfire never cared, especially when it was about her or Raven.
"I was happily writing on my daily journal when a boy I am not quite comfortable with began to converse to me," she answered quietly.
Blackfire sneered.
"Aw, and he didn't try to violate you or anything?"
"No. I was able to run away before he could say any more."
"Oh. Well that's a bring-down to my life," Blackfire pouted sullenly. "Typical you. Careful, sis. Innocence can be easily broken. And I don't just mean your heart. Any boy will try to make a woman out of that body of yours." Kori heard her chuckle and walk away.
Why does she always advice me such disturbing phrases?
She turned around and quietly slipped into her room. She shut the door behind her and sat on a large bed. With a sigh, she stared at the familiar surrounding.
Thank goodness tomorrow is the last day of the week-end. I do not like the memories of this place at all.
1 o'clock A. M.
Raven turned the door knob and raised an eyebrow when it didn't turn.
What the hell...?
Kori never locked the door when she came home. Routine followed with Raven being the last one home and locking it.
That was when she knew the girl wasn't inside.
"She can't be," she murmured, "there's no other place for her to go but my place and..."
She trailed off. She gave an exhausted sigh and pulled out her own keys.
"Geez," she muttered, "don't tell me you forgot your stupid keys again. Am I supposed to glue the notes I stuck on the fridge in your brain instead?"
She opened the door and took off her boots, pulling her hood down as she set the light to the right luminosity.
She headed to the living room and slumped down on the soft mattress. The dimness radiated her usual mood of vacancy as she stared at the TV in front of her.
Out of all the places you hated, you just had to stay at the worst possible spot.
With another weary sigh, she picked up the phone and dialed her number.
"Better call you up now to make sure you're still sane."
"Yes. I would like to be picked up. It is not a bother for you? I thank you. I will watch out... Really? One can shove a paper note through someone's brain? Is that not possible? Oh... ha-ha, a joke, yes? All right... I will wait half an hour. May my sanity be saved. See you outside, Raven."
Kori hung up and fiddled on her pen as she placed her chin on her palm. She stared at her journal and sighed.
My Daily Diary, Entry #2 of today's event:
I do not think I understand this world. Is it strange for a human to not understand beings that are also humans?
Is it strange for a human being to not understand her world?
People ask me if I was normal. I do not understand. Normal is something regarded as a normative example. Is everyone suppose to be normal?
Am I not normal?
Why do people call me a ' wannabe '? I am told that I merely 'go happy-go-lucky ' for attention. Why can people not be as happy as I?
I am like that, but they do not know me fully yet. I think I will have to make them understand that in order to make the world round, one must be happy and make another happy and make another happy.
That is what I have seen in a cartoon show I have watch that Raven did not like. Hence was it too.. happy?
I do not know.
I do not get it.
She paused.
My name is Kori Anders. I am called Starfire by certain people who knew my past. I do not know why I look like I am right now.
I am only a human being.
Human beings have feelings.
So I am a human being.
Am I not?
Human beings stimulates different looks and sizes, yet... we are just all the same.
Inside and out. Correct?
I do not know.
I am nineteen-years-old, two months younger than Raven. My birthday is in summer yet I prefer the opposite season. I like the color purple. Green suits me quite well, also. I am quite taller than everyone because I constantly wear ' high-heeled platform boots '.
I like to be tall.
Is that why I want to stick out?
I want to make friends. I do not want to be afraid alone.
I want to share my feelings with someone. Someone who is also not Raven. She is a great listener yet she cannot fully express her own feelings.
I would like to help someone's feelings.
Is that why I want to stand out?
Is that why I wish to receive attention?
Kori breathed and scanned her journal. A flashback occurred and she jot down a few more.
Sometimes, I fear the world. I do not know why, but there is really many obstacles crossing my journeys.
Sometimes... I fear humans, though I am also one.
I fear certain kinds, such as that boy who had asked me directions. I have seen him during the last two months of last year's school year I had attended.
He is a troublemaker.
He not quite... kind looking.
He is always wearing such thick shades to hide his eyes. It is so thick that I am only able to see my own reflection clearly as daylight.
I always see him wearing it all the time. I hear that he does not listen to anyone. Someone told me he was a top student in high school, yet... he looks unacceptable to be in business.
That is possibly because he is always seen with his motorcycle?
It is a strange looking thing, anything I have ever seen.
Girls are always following him like a mouse on cheese. I have seen him doing felonious things at such a young age.
I do not like him.
He is very scary.
He has not attended the first month of this year's semester. I believe he is in a few of my courses.
Yes.
I clearly remember which class he is in.
I also fear that he will be seated next to the empty seat beside mine...
I am scared.
I do not know why.
He is frightening.
However... there is a nimbus of hidden feelings that is masking his features. I can feel them. I believe it is a term that Raven calls 'hiding behind a mask of conceit'. As she is also doing. He is called Robin... I think. One boy who I once always saw walking around with him seem to call him that. Such a carefree flight of name for such a troublesome being...
He is scary to me.
I do not think I like him that much.
But perhaps... he was once a shining person whose darkness overpowered him up so much... making him a shadowed person who has forgotten his spark of light?
I do not know.
Though I fear I may be correct.
-
tbc.
AN: ...well, how was my outdated noob prose of fanfic? Yeah, whatever, it's got mistakes .-.