Trying Not To Love You (A Kiba Oneshot Songfic)
You call, to me…and I fall at your feet
How could anyone ask for more?
And our time apart…like knives in my heart
How could anyone ask for more?
I turned at the sound of my name being called, and a smile came to my face as I noticed that it was Kiba, waving to me, telling me to wait for him. Mentally shaking my head, I quickly morphed my smile into a teasing smirk, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Why should I have to wait, dog boy? You're fast enough to catch up!" I called back to him, and he pouted, which looked adorable. Once again, I had to mentally shake the thoughts from my head, almost groaning aloud at how difficult this was becoming. I looked down to the fox cub at my feet as she whined, looking up at me with large, brown eyes. I leaned down and picked her up, flicking locks of my dark, red hair over my shoulder.
"I know, Chihei," I murmured to the small creature, "I hate not being able to admit it too."
Needless to say, we stood there, waiting for him and his dog, as he flirted with another girl.
But if there's a pill,
To help me forget,
God knows I haven't found it yet,
But I'm dying to,
God I'm trying to, 'cause…
I lay curled up in my bed, tears pricking at my eyes, threatening to roll down my cheek. The image was burned into my mind, and it hurt, really badly.
Kiba, kissing another girl that wasn't his sister, or his mother.
I felt like he'd ripped my heart out of my chest, and rubbed it into the dirt, as if it were nothing, and the worst part was that he didn't even know that he was doing it. The pain was close to unbearable, and tens of thousands of 'I-told-you-so's were running through my head.
Trying not to love you,
Only goes so far,
And trying not to need you,
Is tearing me apart,
Can't see the silver lining,
From down here on the floor,
And I just keep on trying,
But I don't know what for,
'Cause trying not to love you,
Only makes me love you more…
I was on the floor now, stroking Chihei's small head gently, as tears fell freely down my cheeks and t the floor. The hole in my chest felt bigger than my small home, and it was only growing larger.
I stiffened as I heard a knock sound on the front door, and listened as my mother answered the door. There was a murmured conversation for a moment, before two pairs of footsteps traipsed down the hall towards my room. I hastily wiped away the tear tracks on my cheeks, as my mum opened the door, and poked her head in curiously.
"Hikari, honey? Kiba's here to see you." She opened the door wider, and Kiba stepped into the room, hands stuffed in his pockets, with Akamaru in his jacket. I managed a small smile, before looking at the floor again. Mum sighed, before closing the door and walking back down the hallway and into the kitchen to start preparing dinner. I didn't move my gaze as Kiba traipsed over and plonked onto the floor beside me. I stiffened when he reached over, and wiped a stray tear away.
"What's up with the water works, Kari?" He asked, not uncaringly, but it stung me none-the-less.
"Nothing." I mumbled, turning my head away from him. Chihei whined, and I stroked her back slowly, rubbing behind her ears fondly. I felt Kiba's eyes on me for a moment, before he cleared his throat.
"Look, if some idiot did or said something that upset you, Kari…" He trailed off, and I could tell that he was looking at me expectantly. I sighed, gathering every ounce of courage that I had. I was already broken in two, how much worse can it get now?
"It's nothing special, a certain idiot just ripped my heart out of my chest and threw it to the ground in front of me." I murmured, burying my head in my knees, as I hiccoughed a little. I felt Kiba rubbing my back soothingly, but knew it wouldn't last.
"Who's the doofus? I'll teach him a lesson for you." I half growled. I sniffled, and turned to look him in the eye.
"Is it really that easy to teach yourself a lesson?" Kiba's eyes went wide, and he remained silent. He opened his mouth in attempt to say something, but closed it again, swallowing hard. I dropped my head to my knees again as the crying began anew. I had a feeling what his reaction would be, and I knew I wouldn't like it at all, but it still hurt like nobody's business.
"Kari, I…" He trailed off, and I heard the catch in his voice, knew there was a massive 'but' in what he wanted to say.
"Just go." I whispered. "You've done enough all ready, I don't want to hurt anymore than I all ready am." He remained silent. After a few, tense seconds, he stood, and quietly left my bedroom, then my house. Once I heard the front door close, I sobbed out loud into my knees, tears staining my pants.
Why does the truth hurt so badly?
And this kind of pain…only time takes away,
That's why it's harder to let you go,
Nothing I can do…without thinking of you,
That's why it's harder to let you go,
But if there's a pill to help me forget,
God knows I haven't found it yet,
But I'm dying to,
God I'm trying to, 'cause,
It's been two years since I last saw him. I spent that time travelling across the Five Great Nations, learning the skills required to be adept at healing people, and strengthening my abilities as a fighter. I knew, however, that I couldn't avoid Konoha, or him, forever, and that I had to go back. My village would be in need of my skills, especially since the village had been low on ninja since the last Chuunin exams. I had received written permission from Lady Tsunade, and took the Chuunin exams while I was in the village Hidden in the Sand, passed, and became a Chuunin.
I slowed to a stop from my run, standing beside a tree as I looked ahead of me to the no longer so distant gates of Konoha. I stood there for a moment, wondering how much everybody else would have grown by now. I looked down at my attire, which was now different to the shorts and shirt that I used to wear. I now wore a fishnet t-shirt under an off shoulder top, with knee length fishnets under mid-thigh length shorts. The shirts ended above my navel, so, needless to say, my outfit, in general, was a bit more risqué than it used to be.
I closed my eyes and breathed deeply for a moment, to calm my frazzled nerves, before stepping away from the tree, and walking purposefully down the road to my home town.
Trying not to love you,
Only goes so far,
And trying not to need you,
Is tearing me apart,
Can't see the silver lining,
Down here on the floor,
And I'll just keep on trying,
But I don't know what for,
'Cause trying not to love you,
Only makes me love you more…
So I sit here divided,
Just talkin' to myself,
Was it something that I sis?
Was it somebody else?
I was walking down the main street now, reminiscing, with Chihei by my side. I took note of shops that had changed since I was gone, but there wasn't much that had changed since I'd been away, despite it being two years ago that I left. I ran into Temari, who was being escorted to the gates by Shikamaru, since she was just leaving, Shikamaru pausing to complain that he was given the 'mission' of being her escort for the duration of her stay in Konoha. I talked with Temari for a few moments, until she had to leave, before continuing my way down the street, my intended destination being my home. What I didn't count on happening was running into the rest of my team on my way home.
It was Hinata I noticed first, then Shino, and Kurenai. He wasn't around when I saw them. Kurenai was the one who noticed me first, and she waved me over. Hesitantly, I looked at Chihei for a moment, who whined, before I gathered the courage I had to walk over to my team mates, who all greeted me enthusiastically, with the obvious exception of Shino, who was, for the most part, neutral in his expressions. I had a long catch up session with Hinata and Kurenai-sensei, who both explained that they were meeting up to go training, and were waiting on him, because he was late. Being a team mate of theirs, I asked to join them also, which Kurenai happily agreed to.
Just as the matter had been decided, I suddenly felt a heavy, panting breath on the back of my neck. Startled, I spun around wildly, coming eye-to-eye with a large, furry white face. When I looked up and saw who was sitting astride the now much larger dog, my face became an emotionless mask, but my eyes were unable to tell untruths. My gaze immediately saddened, and I turned away from Kiba and Akamaru, looking down at the ground in front of me.
"Hey sensei, Hinata, Shino, are we going or what?" He asked, completely ignoring me, which ct through me like a hot knife through butter. I turned to look at Kurenai.
"Um, I forgot that I was supposed to go report to Lady Tsunade," I began, my voice betraying my emotions also, with its distinct, tear filled wobble. "I'll, um, I'll join you for training another time, all right?" Kurenai looked at me for a moment, then glanced at Kiba, before nodding.
"All right, Hikari. Rest up tonight, okay? You've had a long journey." I nodded, murmuring a small thanks at Kurenai's sagely advice. I turned for a second towards Kiba, and gazed at him with a tear filled glare for the obvious snub he'd made at me. He winced, but other than that, I couldn't read his expression. Remembering that he knew how to read lips, I held his gaze with mine and silently said 'haven't you hurt me enough yet?' before turning, and walking away. I needed a hot bath and my pillow, as soon as possible.
When a voice from behind me,
That was fighting back tears,
Sat right down beside me,
Whispered right in my ear,
Said; "I've been dying to tell you…"
Now I was back in the same position that I'd been in two years ago. I was lying on my bed, my hair damp from a shower, hugging my pillow to my chest as I cried my sorrows to the heavens.
Two years. I thought that had been enough time for him to at least come to terms with the fact that he'd broken my heart. Instead, he blatantly ignored me, acted like I didn't exist, which made the pain feel so much worse than it already did.
Just like two years ago, someone knocked on the front door, and Mum answered it. There was a pause for a moment, then two sets of footsteps traipsed down the hall to my room. Just like two years ago, Mum opened the door and let him in, again. The only thing that was different this time was that I wasn't sitting, curled up on the floor, and I didn't bother turning to look at him when the door was closed quietly behind him.
"Hikari," He murmured. I didn't move. I couldn't, not when I knew that he'd only break my heart again ten times over. All I did in response was hug my pillow tighter. I heard him breathe a sigh, and careful, padding footsteps as he made his way over to me, before I felt the edge of the bed sink, as he sat on the bed next to my prone form. He stilled for a moment, no doubt looking down at my tear stained face, before I felt him lay down behind me, as he wrapped an arm around my waist. He never said anything, choosing to remain silent. I let out a shaky breath, turning my head further into my pillow.
"What did I do to deserve so much pain?" I whispered, the question meant to be rhetorical. The words hung in the air for a few tense moments, and I thought that he wouldn't speak at all.
"You didn't do anything, Kari. I was just an idiot for not realising how stupid I was being two years ago, before you left. When you disappeared one morning from training and missions, I didn't know what to do anymore."
"Because you didn't have anybody to hurt?"
"No, because I was trying so hard not to admit something to myself, and I didn't realise what I was doing until you'd left."
"What didn't you realise you were doing?"
Silence was my answer.
That trying not to love you,
Only went so far,
And trying not to need you,
Was tearing me apart…
I rolled myself over until I faced him, and was shocked when I saw the tender look in his eyes, as his other hand reached up to cup my cheek gently.
"That I was stupid for pretending that I wasn't completely in love with you." Not a moment after he said that, his lips found mine in a soft kiss, before he pulled away, nuzzling his face into my neck.
"Forgive me for being an idiot?"
"I'll think about it." I replied, running my fingers through his hair. "If you kiss me like that again."
He looked up at me and grinned.
"I'll see what I can do."
Now I see the silver lining,
And what we're fighting for,
If we just keep on trying,
We could be much more,
'Cause trying not to love you,
Yeah trying not to love you…
Only makes me love you more…
End
A.N. – I think that's the first time that I wrote something that started off depressingly. I don't normally do depressing. That's Holly's thing.
Holly: *grins ecstatically*
Me: Hush you. Anyway…I hope you all enjoyed the happy ending, 'cause I totally fell in love with this song :3.
Kiba: By the way folks, 08794 doesn't own me or the song. I'm property of Masashi Kishimoto, and the song is 'Trying Not To Love You', and was written and performed by Nickelback for their latest album, 'Here and Now'.
Me: Thankies Kiba x3 That's it folks. Hope you all enjoyed the update! If I don't update again soon, Merry Christmas, and a Happy 2012! Buh-bye :D