What About the Scoobies?

I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or What About Bob? They belong to Joss Whedon and Frank Oz, respectively. I think…

If you haven't seen What About Bob? yet, then go for it... ;)

Chapter I: What About Bob?

Dr. Carwsell Fensterwald slammed his phone home with a frustrated grunt. He had been sure that just a little ego stroking would have had Dr. Marvin all but begging to take Bob Wiley off his hands. Carswell may have been desperate to get Bob out of his life, but he was not yet unhinged enough to try to unload the man on someone that Carswell actually liked and respected. Leo had seemingly been the perfect candidate. He was a pompous jerk who thought that writing his precious book some how elevated him over the rest of his profession.

Dr. Fensterwald sighed and shot a hateful glance at Leo's new book, Baby Steps. Thinking on Leo Marvin served nothing. The fact was that Leo had said no. Carswell flipped through a reference book of the other psychiatrists he used for referring patients, hoping to find just one other that he would feel bad about pawning off the needy and annoying Bob upon.

Carswell froze as his name got to the letter W. Walsh… Maggie Walsh. Did he dare? Goodness knew that the woman was a cast iron nightmare who made everyone around her miserable. She was arguably a monster herself, much worse than Bob Wiley could ever have hoped to be. Would foisting Bob onto her be ethical? Probably not. Was he going to do it anyway? Absolutely. Carswell was at the end of his rope and was more than willing to bend his ethics a bit where Bob's safety and sanity were concerned. And if the irritating man wound up as an experiment in Walsh's lab…? All the better.

His hand was dialing Walsh's number before he was even done his thought. Three rings later and the dragon-lady's voice was heard over the telephone. "This is Doctor Margaret Walsh. What is it?"

Carswell chewed down the nasty comment he wanted to drop on the cold and calculating woman. He needed her help. He had to play this politely. "Dr. Walsh. This is Carswell Fensterwald. You may remember me from college. We were…"

"Fensterwald. Yes, I remember you. Your doctoral thesis was painfully derivative, but at least you didn't talk my ear off like that twit, Macavoy. What is it that you need, Doctor."

Oh how he hated that woman. Carswell ground his teeth in silent rage. He'd heard enough about his thesis from his overbearing father. He didn't need it from this witch too. "Actually, I'm leaving my practice for an extended period. A sabbatical, if you will. I was rather hoping to refer one of my patients to you. A man by the name of Bob Wiley."

Walsh didn't ask why he was leaving his practice. Thankfully she also didn't offer up an sage advice on him maybe doing better in another profession. He was having enough trouble not throttling the vile woman through the phone as it was. "I'm not entirely sure that I can take this man on, Doctor. Aren't you located around the east coast?"

"Ummm… Yes. I take it that you're not?"

"That is correct. I'm taking a professorial position at a small town in southern California. I don't see how I could possibly take on a patient that lives on another coast, even if I had the time… I imagine my teaching schedule will be eating up a lot of my hours."

Carswell sighed in frustration. This was all quickly falling to pieces. Bob Wiley was not the type to relocate on a whim. The man's various phobias often paralysed him beyond all reason. Still, Walsh hadn't said no yet and Bob was certainly suggestible to a little skilled manipulation. The man squared his shoulders. Words don't fail me now. "I'm sorry to hear that. Still… Maybe you could use him as an example to some of your classes. Demonstrate how real therapy works in a classroom setting."

"He would need to agree to that, given confidentiality laws. And that still does not explain how we are going to deal with him living on the wrong coast, Doctor. I am rapidly beginning to think that you are wasting my time."

"I certainly would never waste your time, Dr. Walsh. I believe that Mr. Wiley could be persuaded to relocate and to sign the requisite paperwork that would be necessary for you to counsel him in a classroom setting. I daresay that he would be honoured to receive therapy from a psychiatrist of your skill and background." The words tasted like ashes in his mouth, but Carswell could feel her will buckling under the ego-stroking he was laying down. Walsh was every bit as arrogant and full of herself as Leo, if not more.

The woman on the other end of the line paused for a long moment, apparently considering his proposition. "Very well, Doctor. If you can convince this Mr. Wiley to relocate and to sign the requisite paperwork, I would be willing to take him on."

Carswell barely restrained a cheer. "That's excellent news, Doctor Walsh. I'm sure that Bob will be thrilled. I'll call you back with the details once I've confirmed it with him." He slammed the phone down and raised a fist in triumph. Freedom: It was so close that he could almost taste it. Now he just needed to steer Bob the right way. Carswell breathed deeply and prepared himself for making another persuasive argument. The clingy and multi-phobic patient would be a much harder nut to crack than Maggie Walsh or Leo Marvin could ever hope to be. Still, he had come this far. If he was going to be free of Bob's absolutely poisonous personality, he could and would be his persuasive best.

The opinions of Carswell Fensterwald are his own. Other people may have different opinions of Bob, but Carswell hates his guts. If you don't remember, Carswell is the doctor who pawns Bob off on Leo Marvin in the movie What About Bob?

Jasper