Disclaimer: Tite Kubo owns Bleach. Disney owns Hannah Montana.
"You get the limo out front
Hottest styles, every shoe, every color
Yeah, when you're famous it can be kinda fun
It's really you but no one ever discovers
In some ways you're just like all your friends
But on stage you're a star
You get the best of both worlds
Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show
You get the best of both worlds
Mix it all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds "
-Best of Both Worlds; Hannah Montana
Part 1: The Best of Both Worlds
"Come on, Ken-chan! We gotta get home! The show's about to start!"
Division eleven's pink-haired wonder, Kusajishi Yachiru, called out as she sat on a rock. She watched as the great Zaraki Kenpachi slashed and cut everything in sight. Another hollow went down as Kenpachi cut through the thing, taking it down in one blow. He sighed. Easy hollows didn't amuse him.
"I know, I know. I'm tryin' my hardest! There's just so many of these fuckers!"
Slash! Cut! Rip! Another hollow went down. Yachiru sighed, wanting to get home as quick as she could.
"But Ken-chan! The Jonas Brothers are in tonight's episode of Hannah Montana! Feather Brows won't forgive me if I miss it!"
And then, Yachiru got up off the rock and charged toward a hollow. Kenpachi didn't usually like receiving help, but this was a special case. If Yachiru helped out, they could leave sooner than they would if only Kenpachi fought the hollows. Yachiru was not about to miss a new episode of Hannah Montana, even the great Zaraki Kenpachi could not oppose that.
"Oh, Yachiru! You're just in time! The show is about to start!"
The show Yumichika had been referring to was, in fact, Hannah Montana. Though a Disney show and aimed toward children and pre-teens, Hannah Montana had lately been gaining notable popularity in Soul Society, much like in the physical world. Apparently shinigami couldn't get enough of the "lovable, gorgeous" Disney popstar.
"Y' hear that, Ken-chan? The show's about to start! C'mon and watch it!"
Kenpachi didn't hate Hannah Montana, but he was absolutely positively no fan like Yachiru or Yumichika. Nor was he inexplicably drawn to the only TV set in division eleven every Friday at 6:00 like Ikkaku, who had no idea why he liked the show. Kenpachi just watched the show because Yachiru made him. That was all.
"Feather Brows! Feather Brows! It's starting! It's starting!"
Not only were Yachiru, Yumichika and Ikkaku huddled around the TV set, but various other members of division eleven were there as well. It was times like these that made Kenpachi question what kind of men were actually in his division. After all, he saw absolutely no appeal in the girl on screen.
"You get the best of both worlds..."
It was almost tradition that Yachiru and Yumichika sang the theme song together.
"Oh, Yachiru! You see him, don't you? Joe Jonas! Isn't he amazing?"
However, Kenpachi wasn't expecting the hysteria that came with "The Jonas Brothers being on Hannah Montana." Yumichika was getting all hysterical over "Joe Jonas" while Yachiru just smiled, laughed and watched the show. Thirty minutes watching something that Kenpachi had seen forty one times over and over wasn't that interesting. In fact, he was bored by the constant squealing over boys, sitcom shenanigans and over-all bad acting that came with the show, but he would never tell Yachiru that.
"Y-Yachiru..."
Kenpachi was finally brought out of his boredom when everything was silent in the room, save for the wonderful voice of Hannah Montana.
"Hannah's going on a world tour! Hannah's going on a world tour!"
Yachiru began jumping up and down, squealing over how the "lovable" popstar was touring all over the world. Yumichika sat there, amazed by this latest news.
"Yachiru...the dates said she was coming to Karakura town..."
Yumichika said, still amazed. Yachiru paused in her joy, only to resume again. This time, even happier.
"Ken-chan! Ken-chan! You gotta get us tickets! You just gotta!"
The pink-haired girl pleaded as she looked up at the much larger man, puppy dog eyes in full effect.
"Eh. Whatever. I'll get 'em. How hard will it be?"
Little did Kenpachi know, finding four tickets to see Hannah Montana would be more troublesome than killing fifty hollows. Finding tickets would be harder than killing Aizen. Finding tickets to see Hannah Montana was one of the most impossible tasks in the world. If anyone could find tickets to see Hannah Montana, though, Zaraki Kenpachi would be the best man for the job.
"Ichigo. I was wondering..."
Rukia stood there, looking up at Ichigo. A question was trying to come out of her mouth, but couldn't.
"Yes, Rukia?"
The small, black-haired woman sighed, gaining enough courage to finally state her proposition.
"Ichigo, I was wondering if you would like to go to Hann-"
However, before she could even finish her sentence, she was interrupted by the loud sound of Zaraki Kenpachi charging toward Ichigo.
"Ichigo, give me your tickets!"
He demanded as he slashed at the deathberry, who easily dodged the attack.
"I don't know what you're talking about!"
The boy came out of his human shell, into shinigami form. Drawing his sword, he looked at the opposing shinigami.
"Oh, don't give me bullshit like that, Ichigo! I know you got 'em, just give 'em to me already!"
Kenpachi charged again, but Ichigo was easily able to block.
"What the hell are you talking about? What tickets?!"
Ichigo yelled as he pushed division eleven's Taichou back. Rukia sighed, looking at the ground.
"I think he means these."
She said as she held up two tickets to Hannah Montana. Good seats, too, Kenpachi would add.
"Yeah. Those! Give me those!"
Kenpachi yelled as he charged toward Rukia, but was met with Ichigo who defended the girl.
"Rukia, I hate Hannah Montana. Don't you remember me telling you that?"
The orange-haired boy spoke, staring directly at Kenpachi as he held him off.
"So, you don't want to go with me?"
He pushed Kenpachi away, taking a slash at the man at the same time.
"NO! Take Yuzu instead!"
And all Rukia could do was sigh as she watched Kenpachi fight Ichigo over Hannah Montana tickets.
"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! How hard is it to find some fuckin' Hannah Montana tickets in this town?!"
Zaraki Kenpachi cursed as he ran through the relatively busy streets of Karakura town. He was in shinigami form so no one saw him, save for the few select people who had spiritual power, but that is a whole other story. You see, Kenpachi had never been one to like standing in lines, but he had made an exception when he got into his gigai and waited in one of the longest lines imaginable just to buy tickets for himself, Yachiru, Yumichika and Ikkaku to go see Hannah Montana. However, when he approached the front of the line, he was greeted by the news that Hannah Montana tickets were sold out. Now, he was pissed and still needed tickets for Yachiru and himself (He would never let Yachiru go to a concert by herself in the physical world. That would definitely cause more harm than any good), at the least. Too bad Ichigo didn't give him his tickets and instead insisted that Rukia and his sister had to go see the show. At least Kenpachi got a good fight out of it, though...
"Oh, Uryu! You really got tickets? You're amazing!"
The large shinigami paused as he overheard a familiar voice. It was Inoue Orihime, no mistaking it. Apparently she was talking to the quincy boy, Ishida Uryu.
"Well, I was hoping we could go see Hann-"
And he couldn't help charging at the poor boy.
"GIVE ME YOUR DAMN TICKETS!"
Kenpachi yelled, pinning Uryu to a tree. Orihime looked positively horrified while Uryu looked terrified by the sudden intrusion.
"I said give me your damn tickets! Unless, of course, ya wanna die!"
Now Uryu usually would never have complied to the demands of a shinigami, but he was in absolutely no position to refuse. After all, Zaraki Kenpachi had him directly pinned to a tree and was threatening to kill him. This was no half-hearted threat, Uryu reminded himself as he stared at the scary, terrifying shinigami. Zaraki Kenpachi enjoyed killing people.
"Uryu, just give him the tickets. I-It wasn't that important. Maybe she'll come back again?"
Orihime quietly spoke, causing Uryu to sigh. The quincy boy looked at the opposing man who was already in shinigami form and could easily kill on a moment's notice.
"Fine. The tickets are in my back pocket. Take them if you want."
And in less than a second, Kenpachi grabbed the tickets out from Uryu's back pocket and shoved the boy to the ground.
"Thanks. Yachiru sure is gonna be happy when she sees I have these!"
He was gone quicker than he appeared, almost like a dream. Uryu lay on the ground as Orihime stood over him.
"Orihime. Did I just get mugged by Zaraki Kenpachi for Hannah Montana tickets?"
Orihime nodded repeatedly.
"Yes."
Uryu still remained on the ground.
To be continued.
A/N: So, I hoped you enjoyed that. This will be three chapters. Kenpachi's quest. Other shinigami and Hannah Montana. The Hannah Montana Concert and after. Can we say how epic this is? Basically, this idea evolved from my brother and I discussing the Hannah Montana cosplay I want to do for the next Oni-Con and how I should totally go up to cosplayers like Alucard and Itachi. Then I mentioned that I would totally go up to a Kenpachi and would totally annoy him. Then my brother said that Yachiru probably makes him watch Hannah Montana all the time and he wouldn't mind it. Next chapter will have a lot more characters in it. Oh and for those of you who aren't in the know, Hannah Montana's episode titles are usually taken from popular songs so I decided to take a spin at the Bleach opening, "Ichirin no Hana" and make it "Ichirin no Hannah Montana" which actually translates to "A single Hannah Montana"? Andro Firestrike loves Hannah Montana even though I've only seen two episodes of it and I watched them both while I was writing this damn thing. That show is so horribly hilarious and seriously, you know how hard it is to get tickets to see her perform? Reviews would be nice. I love them. And now I'm going to work on the next chapter already while the idea still amuses me.