1.
Knock back
August 9
It had been a great day. The whole team was in good spirits after the successful conviction of a serial rapist; a culmination of months and months of hard work. This particular case had been difficult to prove and had dragged on for so long that finally completing it was a huge morale booster to everyone involved. It couldn't have come at a better time either. There had been so many unsolved cases lately that it had been getting to all of them.
Tonight however, they were celebrating. It had been a while since all of them had gathered in Pete's. Even Munch was cheerier than usual, although Olivia suspected that it may have a lot more to do with his latest companion, Marsha Trent, who was currently hanging on to his arm lapping up every word. She seemed a nice enough lady though and Munch deserved someone – they all did.
Olivia looked up as Elliot Stabler returned to his seat next to her and placed a second glass of wine in front of her.
"Thanks," she said, smiling at her ex-partner.
"No problem," he replied.
Elliot joining them had been a last minute thing. He had called her after work, as he often did lately and she had invited him along. He had jumped at the chance to meet up with his old colleagues and it was almost like old times.
A lot had happened since Elliot had left the SVU, not least his final split from his wife Kathy eight months ago. Olivia had been a good friend to him during the last few months and the pair had stayed close despite no longer being partners.
The atmosphere in the bar was lively. Olivia clasped her wine glass, took a sip and sank back into her seat soaking in the camaraderie. It had been hard for her after Elliot had left, but after a while she had got used to the new status quo and when she had realised that him leaving the SVU didn't mean him leaving their friendship behind, she had started to enjoy working with the new team members and looked forward to the time she spent with Elliot outside of work. Her thoughts did sometimes wander and she imagined what it would be like to take things to the next level, but after all these years it was difficult to contemplate anything beyond friendship. He was certainly the most important person in her life and things were good. Why complicate it?
The door opened and Pat Miller and Steve Marlow walked in. Olivia didn't know these two detectives all that well, as they had only joined the team a few weeks ago. They seemed decent enough though. In fact Pat was decidedly good-looking. He was tall and muscly with pale blue eyes, a strong chin and fashionably styled short spiky sandy-coloured hair. Olivia knew he was in his late forties, but he wore it well.
"Hey all," Pat greeted them all confidently. Everyone greeted him. Pat came across and sat down opposite Olivia. She was a little surprised he had made such a quick beeline for her.
"He yours?" he asked, nodding towards Elliot.
"Hah!" piped up Munch, unable to resist. "This is her good friend – her ex partner and current who knows what?"
"John!" warned Olivia, glaring at him. She was embarrassed to see Elliot was grinning.
"This is Elliot Stabler, my ex-partner," she said as neutrally as she could.
"Patrick Miller," he said, sticking out his hand and offering a firm handshake.
"So if you guys aren't getting it on, then you won't mind if I offer to buy the lady a drink?" he said confidently.
Olivia saw the subtle change in Elliot`s expression which told her the comment had irked.
"I'm fine, thanks," she said quickly indicating the almost full glass in her hand.
"Later then?" insisted Pat giving Elliot a wink. It was brazen and obviously an attempt to wind him up. Olivia had no idea why Pat was deliberately trying to rile a man he had never even met before.
"I can get my own drinks, thank you," she said firmly, her tone perhaps a little harsher than she intended. There was an awkward silence.
"So how's the new assignment?" asked Elliot after several seconds.
"It's fine," replied Pat unemotionally. "Should be able to stick the two years… So what happened to you then? Couldn`t you hack it?"
Olivia gave Elliot a sharp look, her eyes pleading him not to take the bait. She was amazed how quickly the atmosphere had turned antagonistic. Pat Miller seemed to have taken an immediate dislike to Elliot and she wasn't sure why.
"Was in SVU for more than twelve years… more than my fair share I should say," he replied. Pat's expression briefly revealed his disappointment, but he quickly disguised it. Even he had to admit, that length of time in one of the most challenging departments in the force deserved respect. He took a long swig of his beer, finishing it off.
"Well, it looks like I need another one already," he said, standing. "You sure you don't want one, Olivia?"
"No thanks," she replied.
Pat stood and walked over to the bar.
"What's his problem?" asked Elliot quietly.
"Who knows?" she replied, genuinely confused. She glanced over to where Pat was standing at the bar, waiting for his drink. He had a strange distant expression on his face and she realised he was staring right at her. She turned away embarrassed.
A minute later Pat returned with his drink. "Look he said, I`m sorry if I came across a little abrasive. It`s been a long week."
"Sure," muttered Elliot.
"Well now we`re all friends again, maybe we can get back to our evening?" commented Munch jovially.
The conversation changed and the atmosphere was suddenly relaxed again. Pat started telling a funny story about a rookie who he had been dealing with earlier in the week and had everyone in fits of laughter within a few minutes. He was a good story teller. Olivia thought maybe she had been too quick to judge. He bought the next round of drinks for everyone and she accepted hers graciously this time. This job was rough, she thought. The long hours and difficult cases were prone to make the most easy-going person tetchy from time to time.
An hour later, Elliot made his apologies and stood to leave.
"Great to meet you," said Pat. There was no trace of the earlier animosity.
"You too!" replied Elliot.
Olivia stood to see Elliot out, stepping out briefly onto the street with him. "Thanks for coming!" she said.
"It was fun," he replied. "I miss the guys." He looked straight into her eyes. "You too," he added quietly.
She leaned forward impulsively and they hugged briefly.
"Night El," she said.
"Night," he replied. "Now, you go back inside. Make sure you get a taxi home, ok!" he added.
"Yeah," she replied, almost rolling her eyes. She secretly liked that he was still protective over her. "See ya!" She disappeared back inside the bar and Elliot left. He had an early start the next day as he was picking Eli up for the weekend in the morning.
Olivia went back inside the bar and found someone had already taken her seat.
Pat immediately stood when he saw her and offered her his. She smiled in thanks. Perhaps he wasn't so bad after all.
"You two were close, weren`t you," he said to her. It was a statement not a question.
"Yes, we were," she agreed. "He saved my ass more times than I can count."
"And she saved his more!" piped up Munch.
"That's what partners do," she said matter-of-factly.
"How long were you together?" asked Pat.
"Over twelve years," Olivia replied.
"Wow! I think my longest partnership was only about four years."
"What happened?" asked Munch.
"Shot on the job," Pat replied.
"Oh I'm sorry," said Olivia gently.
"Some freaking crazed bitch off her head. She was waving a gun around and Lloyd, my partner, hesitated because there was a kid in the room and she shot him."
"You saw it?" asked Olivia.
"Yeah, I took her out, but it was too late for Lloyd. Bullet went straight through his heart. He died in my arms"
No one knew quite where to look. This was the unpleasant side of the job which was best not to think about, but it was always there.
"Look, I`m sorry," said Pat. "I didn't intend to ruin the mood. Shit happens right. It was five years ago now. Life goes on – whether you want it to or not."
"Sure does," said Munch thoughtfully.
"Still, I`m sorry," said Olivia again. She felt for Pat. Losing a partner was probably the hardest thing any of them potentially faced in this job.
"Thanks," said Pat, placing his hand on her arm. "It means a lot." She smiled back at him sympathetically.
Things were winding down. Munch announced that he and Marsha had better get going and Olivia decided she would head off home too. She dialled her usual taxi company but the line was busy.
"Trouble getting through?" asked Pat. "Where do you live?"
"Only about ten blocks away," she said.
"Listen, I can walk you if you like," he offered. I could do with some air actually.
"Oh no, you don`t have to do that," she replied. "I can hail a cab in the street."
"Well how about we try that and if you can`t I`ll walk you back. Really it`s no problem."
"Well OK then," she agreed and they headed outside. In truth she was feeling the effects of the wine and was just ready to get home now.
He took her arm. She almost recoiled, but she decided to let it go. Her head was starting to swim. The fresh air was helping though, even though it was still warm. They walked at a brisk pace. By the time they had gone about four blocks, they gave up looking for an empty cab and decided they may as well just walk the rest of the way. Pat was making small talk and Olivia was wishing she hadn't had that last drink. She guessed she`d be suffering in the morning. She had planned on going in to work bright and early but decided now that she would play it by ear in the morning, depending on how hung over she was.
Finally they reached her apartment block.
"Well this is me," she announced, pulling her arm away from Pat`s grip.
"I'll see you up," he said.
"That's not necessary," she said.
"Even so, I will," he insisted.
She fumbled for her keys. This guy was so pushy. She couldn`t really be bothered to argue with him. She just wanted to get in, grab a glass of water and snuggle into bed and sleep. She felt exhausted. She dropped her keys. He bent down and picked them up, handing them to her teasingly.
"I think someone has had a bit too much wine," he said, grinning at her.
"I'm fine," she said firmly. "Look, I`m tired. I`ve got it from here. I`ll see you at work, all right?"
"Well if you`re sure," he said reluctantly. "Olivia," he said. She looked up. He quickly stepped forward and took her face in his hands and before she realised what was happening he kissed her firmly on the lips.
Instantly she was back there, in that room with Harris holding her, trapped, his penis was inches from her face. She was screaming, No! No!
The flashback ended. She immediately pushed him forcibly away from her. "What the hell are you doing?" she said angrily.
"I thought…" he stuttered.
"What? Thought you could just maul me in the street?" She was shaking. She needed to get out of here fast. The flashback had come completely out of the blue and shocked her. She hadn't had one for a couple of years now and thought they were a thing of the past.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" he said, raising his voice to nearly a shout. "It was just a fucking kiss!"
His words hit home. She knew she had over-reacted and she knew why. When was she going to get over what happened? She immediately felt a wave of shame. She thought she had recovered, but this must prove she still had a way to go, even now.
"I'm sorry," she sighed. I just, I need to go home. Look, thanks for walking me back." She fumbled with her key and managed to open the door.
"Olivia," he said. "I`m sorry I scared you. I like you. That`s all. I thought you liked me too. Sorry I got it wrong."
She looked at him. "You shouldn`t just assume," she said coldly. "You never even asked me if I had anyone."
"Do you?" he asked.
"Night Pat," she said. "I`m going in," and she closed the door behind her. She paused. Then she peeped through the peephole. She saw him turn and walk away and she breathed a sigh of relief. He was so irritatingly arrogant.
As she climbed up the stairs to her floor, she felt a sudden strong wave of melancholy hit her. She was drunk. She knew she must have led him on. Then thinking she was interested he had tried to kiss her and she had completely over-reacted. What was wrong with her? When was it going to be over?
She entered her apartment, threw the keys down on the side and headed straight to the shower. As the hot water fell over her head and face it mixed with her tears, the tears that she rarely allowed to fall, only when she was certain there was no one else around to see them.