Escapist
It was pouring in City 04. A gloomy sky, tinged in concrete, had been the usual sight for days. Now it hung up there indifferently – without a care for the mess going on beneath, but always mirrored in Chell's distant eyes.
She never really cared about the weather; it didn't affect her at all. Whatever the Earth chose to express its moods, there were the same unbreakable walls to enclose her freedom; and there, in the square, small space that her new life was, she had no choice but abandon herself to long shivers, to terrible sleeps.
A renewed light shone in her glance nonetheless. Those few last minutes had been different from usual; for the first time in weeks, out of her usual tiredness and fear, she was trying to see through herself.
She was caught in a spell, just out of a dream.
Come hell or high water
My search will go on
Clayborn
Voyage without an end
Of course – the condition of her nerves was anything but good, even after that. But she couldn't let go of that small miracle; it had been there, clear as a daylight she had been missing for so long.
It had been a small change, yes, and too short for her tastes. Just a shade of fresh air, come among her painful heartbeats. She knew for sure, however, that she hadn't seen anything like it in forever. Not around her, and especially not in her sleep.
But it was enough – and something new, a reborn feeling from the bottom of her soul, began to dawn on her.
A nightingale in a golden cage
That's me locked inside reality's maze
Come, someone, make my heavy heart light
Come undone
Bring me back to life
She had dreamed of wings. Not wings of blackbirds, nor of crows in a misty sky – she felt them on her feet, just as she pierced the air of countless test-chambers. But it was nothing like Aperture; there was no death, no crying, in the visions she ran through. There was power and beauty, knowledge and wisdom, in the way she flung her legs among the dangers of life.
Chell had stared at herself, at her joyous fighting through the air. That, and that only, after centuries of nothing, had been the moment in which she had found out, in the dream and in her life. She had let out a gasp.
She had never seen it before – how beautiful she was.
This is who I am
Escapist
Paradise seeker
She had opened her eyes in pure disbelief; and still she couldn't stop basking in the levity of that feeling, as if it had been the only glimpse of truth in an ocean of lies.
It was something she had known before, there was no doubt about it – how could she have dreamed about it otherwise? Deep down she also knew that the feeling, whatever it was, had nothing to do with the reality around her.
That endless days had been different enough. The dream was, in a way, truer than them all. And Chell clung to the certainty she was slowly finding in herself, obstinately, struggling not to let it drown in the pain from her destroyed body.
It hadn't been a vision. It was a goal.
It was true freedom no less.
Farewell, now time to fly
Out of sight
Out of time
Away from all lies
Chell curled up in a ball, finding a colder floor beneath her hips. She was too tired to think it through; but she had seen a ray of light, and sure was never going to let it go.
She needed to get some rest; she craved for it. She knew well what her sleep was bound to bring in her mind. And she chose to fight it with the full might of her mind and body, in spite of her weakness, in spite of her long dead hopes.
Although not really knowing how, and why, Chell felt she needed to collect all of her energy, no matter what.
It was that very afternoon when time proved her right. For just two hours later, following a dream of happiness, she was already flying away.
A nightingale
In a golden cage
This, my dear Jen, is yours to love, hate, read and reblog. Do whatever you wish of it - I just know it needed to be written. A personal need of mine, of course, but bringing it to life was one of my very first dreams since I entered this fandom and came across your masterpiece. Which, I hope, will go on for a very very long time. 3
Nightwish have been a great source of inspiration since the remotest times of my fanwriting, and Escapist is the song you are now reading the quotes from. Listen to it here. I knew it way before HoHW was written; so, when I came across it, your story always reminded me of this song. Until one day I realised how good it would be for Chell – for your Chell especially, for her warrior spirit, for her strength which never ends.
I hope you enjoyed my little insertion in your timeline – or rather, before your timeline – and made the most of this little gift of thanks. Keep being awesome as you are, for the good of all of us. Even for the ones who are dead, or about to be.
With love,
Ely
Happy, happy, happy to finally have it written down for Jen and the other readers! 3 I waited for her to publish it on the official blog, portalhellorhighwater dot tumblr dot com, before posting on my own blogs and accounts. Whatever way, it's a great joy and I feel fantastic now. X3 If you don't know the stunning longfic this story came from, please RUN and go read it. Hell or High Water, now twenty-seven chapters of sheer beauty, on deviantART, and said tumblr. :)