Let Me Fall
Tokio Hotel one shot
Bill
My heart was still racing as I walked into the hotel. We were on the last leg of the American humanoid city tour. It was the first concert in New York this tour. A few more days and I had vacation. I got a shower and changed into comfortable clothes but my blood was still hot. I decided I should go up on the roof the night air would cool me off. I needed to relax just like at the end of every other tour I was so tired but now I was running on adrenaline. I got up to the roof and the cool wind washed over my face. I was grateful for my hoodie. I paused at the sight of a girl in front of me. The moon had washed the whole world into black and white that meant her to. Her clothes were black with silver illumination where there was metal. Her skin had been turned to the color of pure moonlight. It was so pale it seemed to be translucent and yet it seemed to glow. Her nails were black as were the fingerless gloves on the hands that held her knees to her chest. Her lashes where long and black against her skin, her face was delicate and so forlorn it hurt my heart. Her hair was probably the most spectacular though. It appeared to be black and fell in spirals down her back. The moonlight gilt the tops of her tresses silver. She looked like an angel, a fallen angel. This had to be my imagination. People didn't sit on the edge of the roof in a tee shirt in this weather not when there was a 208 meter drop. I could almost see black wings cascading from her shoulders but of course that really was my imagination. She was so beautiful it made my heart stop. I never thought I would find a girl that was this amazing, but I don't know her, I argued with myself. Yet here she was an angel right in front of me. An angel with a broken soul, which was another thing, my imagination never, could have come up with such a heart breaking scene. I stepped closer to her until I was at a cooling shaft. It was between me and her so I sat in its shadow so I could see her but she couldn't see me. I also realized that she was singing. I listened and the words threatened to break my soul.
"Tear my heart apart
Throw it to the ground
I don't care
Anymore
Can't even hear
Its sound
My soul is broken
The shards sharp
They cut me deep
Let me bleed
Tear my heart apart
"My heart
Is a hole
Can't feel it
Anymore
Close
My eyes
Let the world fade
Tell myself
It will get better
Can't even believe it
For a day
Tear my heart apart
"Pretend you're here
Pretend you care
Walk away
Ignore the stares
Fall apart
When no ones there
I just hold
Myself on pins
So they can't see
The pain I'm in
Tear my heart apart
"I leave
My world behind
I have to hide
Inside my mine
Even here
It isn't fun
There's no where else
For me to run
Places with peace
Never last
Can't leave myself
In the past
Tear my heart apart
"They can't see
What they did to me
And only you
Can come save me
Only you
Can help me forget
All the misery
That I did get
Can't help but think
That I don't deserve
This terrible life
That I was served
Tear my heart apart
"So just tear
My heart apart
And throw it to the ground
I don't want it
Without you
Can't even hear
Its sound
I dream of the fall
Dream of the end
Of you my angel
That heaven did send
And I dream
Of this goodbye
When I hide away
Inside my mind
As I leave
The world behind
Tear my heart apart"
Alex leaned against the wall. She was trying so hard to ignore the voices all around her. She didn't want to hear what they said. She knew what they thought about her she didn't need to be reminded. She knew she was a worthless freak that the world hated did they have to tell her. What is so wrong with me? She asked herself not for the first time either. So I'm not the most beautiful girl out there neither are they? She would have said it was her style. The Areopostale teens at her school did not like the hot topic style teens. Why did I even come? She asked herself it was basic stupidity that let her go on a trip with them four days of there hell for her all day all night. At least at school she could go home not that it was much better there. All they ever told her was how she needed to try harder. Why? She begged God or whoever was listening, Christ, the saints, Mary, any one who would listen, what am I doing wrong how can I be enough? She forced the tears away she could not let them see her cry, her life would be over if that happened. She pushed the sadness back into the well of pain the darkness where she kept al of it. Where she kept everything. Her entire misery kept in a well that slowly ate her away more corrosive than any acid. She felt her knees quiver and she mad herself stand up and walk to the teacher.
"Mr. K may I please be excused I don't feel well?"
"Of course!" the teacher smiled, teachers always were the only ones who liked her. Alex walked away. She stopped by her room. She picked up a bag by the door and swung it over her shoulder. She pulled her phone out of her bag.
FallenAngel: I'm sorry
Zombies: Wish you'd wait for me
FallenAngel: I can't
Zombies: I understand, I'll see you soon
Alex breathed a sigh. Collette would always be accepting she knew Colista wouldn't take it so well.
FallenAngel: Good bye
: NOOOO
FallenAngel: I'm sorry….
: PLEASE DON'T I need you!
: No, no one ever does…. Tell everyone else I love them…
She shoved the phone back in the bag she really did feel sorry for Colista but she couldn't take it and as she'd always told her friends she was selfish and worthless they never believed her until now. She climbed slowly to the roof. She felt a weight coming loose it was finally ending it was finally going to be over. When she reached the roof she paused this place had become her haven her place to hide for the last few days when she had no where else to go. It was about to become her saving grace. She walked to the edge and sat down looking over at the people walking by. She knew none of them would be affected by her loss. It gave her comfort that what she was going to do wouldn't hurt many people. She looked at the drop. She wasn't going to jump. She didn't want to splatter innocents with the blood of her pain. She opened the bag she had brought with her carefully she pulled out the objects. She had put this together when she had seriously planned her own demise Collette had one too. Carefully she pulled out all the things in the bag. Trophies, metals, awards, all of it here, her achievements would enshrine her final failure. None of this had been enough they would see it and maybe just maybe someone would see how hard she had tried.
Carefully she arranged the athletic trophies, academic trophies, awards and medals all around her. What else could I have done? She wondered she had an award for pretty much everything there was an award for. She could feel the soreness in her body still from the newest medal, track and field. She had worked herself to exhaustion and past for this. She had actually ended up in the hospital with lung failure one day. But in the end she had won. She had been the best. She finally placed a mirror in the middle, for her face, her failure.
Alex sat back holding the dagger she had hidden in the bag. It hadn't been hard to get onto the bus. No one expected perfect little Alex to have a weapon. She thought the words bitterly. That's the way her world was the people who she wanted to see what she could do, her family only saw her flaws the things she did wrong, her classmates hated her because they only saw the golden girl who never did anything wrong. No one saw who she was, what she was, a girl trying so hard to make it she was tying chains to the ocean floor and holding herself under. She picked up the knife and pressed it into the skin of her inner forearm. The Final Freedom she was so intent on her inscription that she didn't hear the footsteps behind her.
"Please stop?" came a voice with a German accent; she knew that voice, she would recognize it sooner than her own.
"What?!" Alex jumped to her feet twisting so she was facing the where the voice had come from. She saw a face she never thought she would see in person.
"Please don't kill yourself?" Alex looked into the golden eyes of Bill Kaulitz. Her heart stopped and broke again. She stumbled backwards; this wasn't happening this was her imagination, her body's survival attempt.
"No!" Bill's hand reached out grabbing Alex's arm to steady her before she toppled over the edge of the roof.
"What?" he was so confused, she wanted to reach out to tell him it was okay that he didn't understand. Things would be fine with out her.
"Let me fall!"
"No!"
"WHY NOT?! It's not like any ones going to care!"
"I will," his amber eyes were so sincere, her heart raced out of pace.
"Only if you watch me die, if you leave you can forget about it!"
"No I wont, I can't live with myself, if I let you die!"
"Please don't lie to me? Your just making it worse," she wasn't lying every word he spoke made her want to forget what she was doing. She knew though that as soon as she was safely away from sharp objects and long drops he would send her to her teacher and she would be sent to therapy. She couldn't take this.
"I'm not lying, I see you everyday up here, and I hear you singing to yourself. I've seen the you, you are when no one else is around to make you pretend, you don't deserve to die," Bill looked into the eyes of the girl he'd watched for the past several days. He had watched her sitting up here the moon shining in her hair and on her skin, she was so beautiful. Why did she want to destroy herself?
"Nothing worth saving, I'm a failure!" her eyes were filling with tears.
"There's always something worth saving!" Just then Bill did something he never thought he'd do. He reached out wrapped one arm around the girl's waist and put one hand on her chin. He pressed his lips to hers. She froze for a moment, he could feel her heart beat racing. She kissed him back then. For a moment they both forgot why they were on the roof. They broke away when neither of them could breathe.
"Are you sure?" her voice was unsteady and her eyes were lost and scared as they looked into his. Bill felt like he was drowning in a deep green pool of terror. He could feel the emotions rising off of her.
"Yes," he held her with one hand and pulled the knife away tossing it onto the roof.
"I'm not going back," she told him. "I don't care what you say I am never going back!"
"Then don't come with me!"
"You want me to? Don't bring me just because you don't want me to die, that's worse than letting me die," she wanted him to say he loved her and that he would never let her go but she knew that wasn't going to happen.
"Yes, I want you too, I swear!"
"Really?"
"Yes, I swear I will never leave you to go back to where you are now, I want you to be with me!"
"Okay," her voice was soft and her knees buckled he caught her weight as she struggled to stand up. Stress and terror and pain had all taken there toll on her. "Oh!"
"What?" Bill looked down and gasped the left half of her body was dripping with blood. Bill set Alex on the ground.
"That's not good..." Alex was looking at the blood.
"No' it's not"
'here'" Alex crawled over and picked the dagger up. "Don't worry!" She said as Bill got really pale. She cut a long strip from her long-sleeved shirt and wrapped it tightly around her arm. Carefully she coated the tip of her index finger on her right hand and wrote on the mirror.
Not enough 4 u?
"What's that for?"
"I want them to think I'm dead, I never want them coming after me."
"Well there's enough blood everywhere," he murmured "good thing Gustav wasn't here all the blood would make him sick."
"I don't feel so great," Alex swayed as she tried to stand up Bill grabbed her.
"Blood loss," Bill picked her up as she protested.
"I is fine, I can walk, maybe," you can barely talk straight; you need to go to the hospital!"
"NO!"
"Don't worry I wont tell the who you are, this is New York they get hundreds of cases a day one will remember you and no one will know your name, I don't even know your name," he looked down at her face as he got to the elevator and stepped into it. Her lids were fluttering as if she was struggling to stay awake.
"Alex, call me Alex," her lids were almost settled and closed.
"Alex open your eyes, look at me I need to see your eyes don't fall asleep," he was terrified he was going to loose her after all he had done to save her.
"AB-" she said and her eyes opened. He looked down into her beautiful green eyes they were hazed with confusion.
"What?"
"Blood, the hospital will have to give me a blood transfusion, I'm AB-"
"Okay," he stepped out of the elevator and across the lobby. Lucky for him the lobby was basically empty at 12 p.m. The door man stared for a moment before rushing to hold the door. He lived in New York City he was used to seeing crime victims. He grabbed the keys out of Bill's pocket and handed them to the Valet as he gave Bill directions to the hospital. The valet showed up with the car and opened the door.
"No!" Alex protested, "I'm going to get blood all over your car!"
"I really don't care!" Bill set her in the seat and Alex managed to get her seat belt buckled. "Look," Bill spoke to the valet and the door man. "You never saw this!" He handed them money. It felt strange but he really didn't want this getting to the press. He walked around and got in the car.
The door man must have called the hospital because when Bill drove up there was a heavily muscled male nurse with a gurney waiting. Bill got Alex out of the car. He picked her up again even though she protested. Normally she could have gotten down but normally she wasn't exhausted and dizzy. The nurse came over to help and Alex yelped.
"Get away from me!" she leaned back into Bill shrinking as far away from the nurse as was possible. The nurse ran a hand through his shoulder-length blonde hair in exasperation.
"She's delirious,"
"No, just stay away from me," Alex turned her face into Bill's side.
"Its fine," Bill said, he wasn't as weak as people thought he was.
"Here the nurse brought the gurney and Bill sat Alex on it. He wondered why Alex freaked out over a nurse. The man looked genuine even his blue eyes were kind.
"Whoa," Alex tried to sit up on the gurney and her world spun.
"Alex just lay still for a moment okay?"
"Fine," She stared at the ceiling before making sure she could keep him in sight. The nurse pushed the gurney into a room, pulled the divider shut, and went to find a nurse Alex wouldn't have a heart attack over. A few moments later an old-ish motherly looking nurse showed up. She walked over to Alex who automatically moved into the correct positions for each of the tests. 'So' Bill mused, 'it's not nurses or hospitals why that one nurse? How often is she in hospital's she makes this look so routine…' his thought process was interrupted by the nurse.
"Do you know how old she is? Her blood type? Allergies? Any of it?" She had often had cases of young teens brought in by innocent by standers just trying to help someone.
"All I know is that she's AB- she made sure to tell me that," Bill told her watching Alex carefully her eyes were open and flickering over the ceiling.
"You do know I can here you right?" her voice was slightly slurred but not incoherent."
"Yes dear," the nurse said, "But your out of your mind right now you may not remember things right," she stood up and looked at Bill. "I'm off to get her some blood before she gets into serious trouble."
"Of course I'm out of my mind, it's scary in there," Alex laughed and Bill sent her a quizzical look that she couldn't see.
"Alex, as soon as we get out of here we are going to go to Hawaii. I already have reservations there but I do need to make a few other arrangements first I need you to be quiet while I talk on the phone alright?"
"No promblemo!" Alex sat and traced invisible patterns with her fingers in the air while Bill made flight arrangements and such. He watched her quizzically but attributed it to the blood loss. The nurse came back in and got Alex hooked up with an I.V. and was about to leave when Bill stopped her.
"How long until we can leave?" he asked her.
"Well the transfusion will take an hour then the doctor will need to see her, she really should stay the night though.
"That can't happen I'm sorry we really need to leave as soon as possible." Bill wasn't sure why he was basically kidnapping this girl. Even though she wanted to go with him it wasn't as if he couldn't call the hotel get her chaperone and leave it all in their hands. It was more than just knowing that if he did that she would probably be dead by the end of the week, he was scared by the prospect of never seeing her again. The hour passed slowly but Bill could see the change in Alex's demeanor as the time wore on. Her skin gained back a natural red flush, her eyes cleared, and most importantly she became cognizant once more. That meant however that she was bored. Alex in her years had spent far more time at hospitals than she would care to admit. She usually brought a book or something with her but she hadn't had the chance this time around.
"Well," the doctor's word broke the hour long silence. "She is doing amazingly well. She really should stay but if that wont work she can leave as long as you don't let her do anything strenuous for the next few days?"
"Why are you telling him this? I am quite able to understand directions!" She was pouting.
"Seeing how you got yourself into this mess I don't really believe you."
"This wouldn't be a mess if someone wouldn't have stopped me!"
"Yea well you get to deal with it! Will her arm get infected?" The nurse had cleaned up her arm for her and re-bandaged it with sterile wraps.
"It shouldn't."
"Do you guys have an extra pair of scrubs around here?" Alex asked the doctor. "I don't think the airport would take to well to me showing up covered in blood."
"Of course I'll have the nurse bring you some," Bill exited the room while Alex changed into her scrubs. Suddenly there was a scream from down the hallway. It wasn't one of terror or pain however but excitement. Bill went pale he knew that sound. He turned in time to see a girl running at him screaming. She tackle hugged him, and then released him proceeding to scream her head off unintelligibly. She hugged him again. Her third attempt Bill had evaded the second.
"Get off of him!" Bill twisted to see Alex she was wearing scrubs and had her hair pony-tailed. Most of her makeup had been removed. She also had a gun. She had an even two footed stance with one arm over the other. The girl stepped away from Bill. Bill realized Alex looked exactly like every nurse here.
"Who are you?" the girl demanded thoroughly annoyed that this girl might interrupt her meeting with Bill.
"Security, now move!" The girl moved. She ran. Alex flicked the safety back on the gun and slipped it back into hiding. Bill couldn't tell where she hid it.
"Alex what the hell, all this time you had a gun? You could have shot yourself?" He felt faint.
"No Bill I couldn't have, I'm too dramatic for that!"
"You scare me a little, you know that?" He walked over to her and rested a hand on her cheek.
"I scare everyone, including myself, we should really leave now! They'll realize I'm gone at room check and they'll go on the roof. That's if no one decides they need me for some gay ass reason."
"Okay lezzgo," Alex grinned at his accent and followed behind them as they headed toward the car.
"I'm so sorry about the seats!" Alex made a sad face as she looked at the seat of Bill's car which was soaked in blood.
"Don't worry about it, I can pay to have it washed and if that doesn't work I can reupholster the car could use it." Alex used a towel she had gotten from somewhere and got most of the blood off the leather. When there was no liquid left for her to get on her clothes she sat down. She set her head against the window and watched the city fly by. They got out of the car and headed toward the airport.
"BOOKSTORE!" Alex yelped and ran into the bookstore that was right next to the entrance.
"She is such a kid!" Bill muttered following her.
"Sorry!" Alex said in a singsong voice hugging him and clutching a book to her chest.
"Do you want that?" he asked pointing to the book she was holding. She nodded vigorously and he smiled. "You are too cute!" She blushed and shook her head so her hair spilled over her face. He let her lead him to the counter he handed the woman behind the counter his credit card. The woman behind the counter smiled at him even though she looked exhausted it was probably the end of her shift. It was nearly 5 a.m. Bill held Alex's hand and pulled her through the throngs of people in the airport. They paused at a Japanese restaurant to buy food to go. They took it with them as they collected there tickets and sat in the terminal. Bill's heart sped as she stepped through the metal detector thinking the gun she had was going to go off, it didn't.
"You think I would take a metal gun through a metal detector!" She laughed evilly and put her hands around his face. She pulled him forward now that they were out of hearing range for the security guards and leaned in. "I may be crazy but I'm not stupid. My friend Dan got me this gun, it's undetectable!"
"Of course," Bill was done believing in impossible. He had found an angel. He had watched her try to kill herself. Now she was mentally deranged, why didn't any of this surprise him? Oh, yea, he never got anything the easy way but that was okay. There was something compelling about Alex's nature that no one else had ever held.
"I'd never get you into trouble like that!" she pouted until he put his hands on her face and kissed her.
"I believe you!" She clapped her hands together he laughed and guided her toward a set of open chairs where they could sit for the next ½ hour until they could board the plane. "What book is that?"
"A Complete Collection of the Works of Edgar Allen Poe," she stroked the spine lovingly.
"What's it about? You've read it before right?"
"Yes, it's a bunch of different things, he's my favorite author," suddenly a voice came on the intercom interrupting their conversation.
"Flight 618 is early could all passengers please come to the loading dock?"
"That's us," Bill pulled Alex to her feet. She held the book to her chest with one hand the other was intertwined with Bill's. They had boarded the plane when they heard a gasp behind them. Alex ho was as always curious turned in her seat to see what had happened.
"What is it?" she asked when she saw the old lady behind her holding a news paper. Adults always found her charming for some reason this one was no different.
"This girl has gone missing, she is so pretty, they think she killed herself though," the old lady looked really sad. "I wish my eyesight was better I could read it this print is so small!"
"I can read it for you!" Alex offered clambering over Bill who watched her with worried eyes.
"Thank you dear," the woman said as Alex sat next to her and began to read the words out loud. In front of her Bill went pale that was undeniably Alex they were talking about.
"That's just terrible!" Alex left the old woman to her mutterings as she went back to her spot next to Bill. They couldn't talk about it with passengers everywhere so Alex picked up her book leaned against Bill and started to read. Bill held her close to him as she read silently. He was lost in his own thoughts. He watched Alex as the sun shone through the window and fell on her. He was amazed yet again. He vividly remembered his first sight of her, all black and silver, now seeing for her for the first time in the sun he was amazed. Her alabaster skin took on a slight golden glow but still held that blue-ish silver translucency only now it was silver and gold. Her curls were deep mahogany not the black he had thought before the sun light gold and red fires into her hair. Her eyes were a beautiful green that held more shades of green than he had ever seen; he long dark lashes held similar fires to her hair. She had turned from a fallen angel into a goddess of life. She put her book mark into her book looked into his amber eyes once before closing hers and falling asleep. She slept the rest of the flight normally Bill would have been bored but now he was fascinated by her. He was reluctant to wake her but the plane had landed.
"Alex, angel, wake up!" She opened her eyes they were still slightly dazed with sleep. The look of pure innocence on her face in that moment was beyond anything he had ever seen. Bill realized exactly how hard he had fallen for her then and he didn't really care. She was so cute as she clung to him that he felt his heart soften even more which he hadn't believed possible. Too tired to think by herself she let him lead her. He was confused by her, her depression, hyper activity, scary clarity, psychotic-ness, and now this innocence, it was beyond him but he was willing to spend the rest of his life figuring it out.
Authors Note
I'm HYPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe this is done….
It's soooooo Long'
It wanted to be a novel…..
WELL I'm sorry it took so long but it's 4 times longer than my normal stuff…
Can I have some reviews please!!!!
I love them
They make me happy
Less depressed…..
I can't wait for my class trip!!!!!
SKYSCRAPERSS
Collette THE PLAN
JKJKJK I'm not going to do that
Maybe
But anyway PLEASE REVIEWWWW