AN: I started writing this in 2006....and just found it today. I decided to finish it so, sorry if I get some facts wrong. Also, I might possibly make this into an Ouran HikaHaru fic. I mean, all I have to do is make Kyo- Haruhi and Yura-Hikaru. (Chiharu-Tamaki) :)
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Pathetic.
That's what I really am.
My grades, my talent, my parents, all they tell are lies.
I know what I want to do but I don't do it. I keep trying to avoiding the unavoidable.
I neglect my feelings for the sake of another's. I know I'm doing something good, but why does it feel so awful?
All the pain I had in my life I didn't deserve. The scars and memories of a should-be forgotten past I remember clearly. But can I really blame anyone other than myself? No. I was too trusting back then, I thought I had changed. Seems I haven't.
I let another person into my life. Into my heart. Into the endless dungeon I call my memory. That person is Aizawa Kyo.
"Hey Kyo!" I said in a cheerful tone. "Can I walk you home?" I smiled to her as she walked out of her class.
"Sure I guess. I was going to go back with Chiharu though." Said Kyo blushing a bit.
'Chiharu huh. Not Eniwa anymore.'
I frowned.
"Are you sure he'll think it's ok?" asked Kyo
"Don't worry." I said with a mischievous look on my face. "He won't notice."
"Wait? Wha-"
Before she could finish her sentence I had grabbed her and started to dragged her outside. I could hear Chiharu's tantrum in the distance. It made me laugh a little. A lot.
"Yura-kun, you shouldn't do that." whined Kyo, breathless. The expression on her face was priceless.
"Too late now" I smirked, hunched over, also catching my breath.
It's been a few months since Kyo had revealed her gender to the entire basketball team. Things are going well I suppose. The team has accepted her almost entirely, except now they won't let her into the boy's showers anymore. Kyo and Chiharu are now officially dating even though they don't show it much in pubic much to the disappointment of Kyo and the relief of me. For the time that Kyo has been with Chiharu, it's had me feeling almost……disappointed. What am I am to be disappointed about? I've got the best grades in class, I've started to make honest friends, and with my efforts I've started to forget those painful memories.
It's just that something feels wrong. I'm supposed to be happy right? Kyo promised me a bright future and I have to help her with that promise by at least being satisfied with myself, but I don't. What does Chiharu Eniwa have that don't? For god's sake, I'm at least 5 x better than him. Not counting the fact that I was at least honest about my feelings. I feel sort of hollow now that Kyo is dating Chiharu. It's not that they aren't a good couple and Kyo's still good friends with me but now it's different. It's hurting me.
We started walking toward her home, a scenic landscape spread out in front of us….Made for lovers.
It made me sick.
"It's good that you and Eniwa are finally acting like a couple." I said with a forced smile
'You two don't belong together'
"Hey, maybe after graduation you guys will get married." I laughed, but inside I was breaking
'Please don't.'
"Hey!!! Don't say things like that!!!" Complained Kyo as she blushed, She was as red as a tomato. I knew she was lying, she likes it, but she's cute that way.
I stopped walking. Why do I feel so wrong? I'm doing the right thing. Aren't I? They belong together.
"Yura-kun?"
"Huh?" I muttered. I glared at her. I wish she would shut up some times. (AN: bipolar much?) I'm trying to think. No matter how much I like her, she still annoys me once in a while.
"Yura-kun are you ok? You've been daydreaming a lot." said Kyo. What a hypocrite. She daydreams more than half of the day.
"I'm fine Kyo." I forced another smile. "Just getting a bit tired. Let's hurry and get back, Eniwa's going to have my throat if I don't get you back on time"
'If I spend any more time looking at your face I'm going to throw up.'
"Yura-kun, is something wrong?" asked Kyo. Geez, for a girl who took so long realizing her boyfriend loved her, she sure is perceptive when it comes to me.
"Nothing's wrong Kyo, you think too much." I forced a laugh out of my lips again.
'Everything. That's what. You were supposed to be mine. '
"Alright, I guess. Just tell me if there's anything wrong ok? We're friends right?" She smiled at me.
'I don't know what I am to you, but to me you're more than that.'
I blocked my thoughts. If I'm going to survive another year, it's best that Kyo and I stay only friends. That's what I wanted in the beginning, right?
"Of course." I responded to Kyo. This was true. After all I put her and Eniwa through they were now two of my most important people.
"We're here" she said
I had barely noticed the huge building in front of us.
"Un. I suppose. Well, see you tomorrow Kyo!" I yelled while walking away
"Ah, thank you!! See you tomorrow at practice ok!!! Bye!!" she yelled whilst running toward her house.
I stopped and turned around to see her again, but she was already blocked from sight.
I sighed and when back on my way.
'This is the way it is, this is the way it'll always be. You're the only one who won't accept that.'
I chuckled to myself, thinking back to all those miserable days full of assholes and bitches and me, judging them, when in fact, I'm no better than they were.
"Pathetic, that's what I am."
I smiled.
'I'll never change.'