Disclaimer: Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan) is not mine, but this fanfiction bellow is my property, so, if you see it anywhere but here (or on the sites of my profile), report it, please!
Hello, darlings. Well, this fanfiction is a result of a moment of depression kkkkkkk. I tried to make it as I think Hanji would make, since it's a letter from her to Rivaille/Levi. I don't know if it worked as I intended it to, but, well, I did my best xD
English is not my original language, so there are probably a lot of mistakes. I'm sorry about it.
Ah, and I write Rivaille instead of Levi kkkkkkkkkkk. It's just the way I got used to write, you can imagine it as you want to.
I think it's everything I have to say kkkkkkkk I wish you all a pleasurable reading!
Hello. Yeah, hello, no yoo, no hugs, no desperate shouts. Hello, like I know you always wanted to hear.
I don't know exactly what to say. No, actually I know. But you know that I'm not that good in communicating with humans. You know that better than anybody else, right? I'll try my best, so I hope you do your best in reading as well. It's nothing I'm doing without purpose. I need to do this.
Just want to say some things to you. You're probably imagining what will be written and, no, I don't want you to catch titans or name them or whatever. I don't want you to clean my room either, though you probably already did it sometime ago. Yeah, maybe. I hope you haven't used the disinfectant with lavender smell. You know I hate that thing.
Talking to you is so natural that I'm losing myself on the words! I want to ask you for some things, believe or not, that have nothing to do with titans. But it's alright, because I'm sure that you'll feel fear to fullfil my desires just because they're mine and you're involved with them. Well, just listen.
Cry, Rivaille. No, don't laugh scornfully to what's written. Cry. I'm serious. And it's not just because your face when you want to cry is incredibly annoying. Cry because it's what humans do. I can't cry in your place anymore, so cry by yourself. I don't care that I don't want you to cry, so don't care about it too. It's an essential part in healing your heart.
So cry, cry a lot, but stop crying someday. Someday, stay tall, taller than you're staying right now, stand up and go ahead, differently than you did till now. Look to the future, think about it like something distant, live the present and enjoy it, don't just live it. Cry and open your heart, I know you can do this.
And then, go out with people. I mean, Eren, Erwin, everybody you can find. Make friends with them. I'm not asking you to laugh with them, I know you're not like that. But have fun. Make memories. Then laugh when you remember it, and think about how your friends are idiots, even if they're your friends.
Celebrate these friends' birthdays. Forget the fact that they can die, because everybody can die at any moment. Fight beside them. Cry with them. Survive with them.
If it's possible, I want you to travel a lot as well. Go to see a lot of beautiful and interesting places, hear some funny legends – you know that some cities have their own folklore. Oh, you can start with the inland of Rose! You know, near the village where I was born there's a hill full of beautiful flowers. I think it's a funny place to see. Believe me, it's incredibly odoriferous and bright – and there's no lavender! Read something there or whatever. Better, go with companionship. Yeah, yes, take your friends with you. Make a picnic. I already did it. It's funny.
And then, in some of your travels, meet some girls. No, I'm not talking about the girls on the little hotels you will have to stay – except if they're beautiful and free, of course. Date someone. But in the future, search for someone to get married to. You know what material a married woman have to be, right? She's not just beautiful, she needs to like children. And she needs to like you too, of course. If she can do this, half of the trouble is solved!
Have children, a lot, lot of children, kids are funny! No, wait, I can't picture you sorrounded by crying kids. But have at least one baby – and good luck if it's a girl. Take care of him and watch his growth and make more and more memories, cry on the wedding, hit your son-in-law – but not your daughter-in-law, for god's sake. Afterwards ignore your problems with the creature just to make your child happy.
Smile a lot. Yeah, I'm asking you to smile. I know you can do it, c'mon! Smile a lot and make a bunch of the memories I told you before, it'll be important in the future.
And then, if someday you end up like me – what we hope will take some time, right? – stay calm, because you won't have any type of regrets. Think you can do this? I'm sure you're able to.
About me, hm... I don't know exactly what to say. When you read this scribble, I'll probably already know, but I don't want you to discover so soon, so don't be curious. Just picture me with a halo over my head or something like that. No, wait, it doesn't sound funny at all. Ok, imagine me with titans. With titans and kids and flowers and friends and family, and smiling, yeah, this is an important part!
Look how I ended up! I said I'm not good in expressing myself. I started talking about you and ended talking about me, titans, like I usually finish all of our conversations. It's nostalgic, isn't it? I think some habits will go with us to the coffin.
Well, that was basically this that I wanted to say. This isn't meant that I don't wanna say anything else, but you know, there is a time and place for everything, right? I think you can imagine whatever else I would like to say. No, maybe you can't, but I hope you can.
I mean, c'mon, you're smarter than this, right? I didn't want to say to you whatever you need to do because I wanted to do all of this with you. Like travel, cry, celebrate the birthdays, marry and have children. But you would have to endure a lot of kids! I love kids. I don't remember if I ever asked you if you liked kids, but you wouldn't have a choice, so it doesn't matter at all.
In the end, were you able to understand what I meant by this letter? Or do I continue to write a lot of useless trash, like you usually praise my researchs? To be honest, I don't know what I'm doing. No, forget it, I know. I just don't understand. I would like to ask you to explain it to me if you understood, but I know you can't. Maybe I'm just trying to forget my feelings. Or maybe it's just my old habit of writing late at night taking over me. Whatever it is, I think it's finishing by now.
Alright, I'll finish. You're probably not able to endure more of this thing. But I want you to know that I tried really hard to do this – more than you can imagine. Yeah, it's just that. Ok, it's over. Good night.
...
No, I can't do this. I can't finish. It's being really hard, Rivaille. I don't want to write the end. I don't want to write the goodbye. I'm being selfish. When you're able to read it, I'll have already writen it. I don't know why I'm doing such a mess. It's probably because I wrote everything with pen – sorry for not taking a pencil. But I think that if I had writen it with graphite, I would have erased the letter, and would maintain just the hello and the goodbye, if I'm able to write it at all. I feel like I didn't need to say anything to you, in the end. You know, right? What you have to do, I mean. You surely know it better than I do.
So I'll just say the last thing that I want from you. You can ignore the rest of the letter, if you want to. But read this request carefully. Oh, and I'm sorry for my horrible handwriting. My hands are trembling a lot while I'm writing. I think it's because tonight is cold. Yeah, it's probably because of this.
Be happy, Rivaille. Be the happiest man in the world. Believe me, you deserve it. More than you think you do. How you'll do it is your decision. All the happiness I wrote before is the happiness I would like to be mine. It's the happiness I would like to share with you. But it doesn't matter anymore. Just be happy. It's everything I ask you for. If you can be happy, then I will be, as well.
Now I feel that I can finish it. Now the pen feels lighter. Maybe soon the wheater becames hotter, but I won't be able to make a more beautiful calligraphy because I wrote when it was cold. There's a pleasant smell of daisies entering the window, though I don't know where it's coming from. The last time I saw daisies was on the hill I told you before. It's really far away. There is hot. There I can be happy.
Why am I saying it? God, talking to you is so easy that I'm just being carried away again. I'll miss you, Rivaille. But I don't have any regrets. I hope you don't have as well.
I love you. I'll never forget you.
Hanji Zoe.