Disclaimer I don't own CBS, CSI or any of the characters portrayed.
A/N I couldn't sleep last night because of a conversation i had with my sister, sparked an idea for a story in my head, and ended up writing the story in my head at 3 in the morning, but i just had to get it on paper today. And in light of the depressing story line with Sara and Grissom at present, i though i would try and inject a little humor in to some readers lives. Read and enjoy!
A/N - Warning this story refers to Flatulence, so may offend some readers.
Methane Me, Methane you.
Gil walked in to their house, after calling at Jim Brass's house to pick up a file after finishing his shift, and a quick stop at the local supermarket "hey honey I'm home" he shouted to Sara, as he deposited his jacket keys and bag in the hallway, and went into the kitchen and put the bag of groceries at his feet, where she was preparing the coffee machine.
"you were not long, didn't expect you back for a while, so i didn't start the food" she said with a smile and turned to face him, as he approached her for a lingering morning kiss.
"no, just went to collect the file and used his toilet" he sat down at the breakfast bar, and looked at her thoughtfully with a smirk on his face, trying to decide if he should ask the question he wanted to ask her.
She looked at him skeptically "come on out with it bugman, what is it you want to ask me" she said knowing he was dieing to ask her something.
He tilted his head to the side questioningly "how do you do it"
"do what" Sara said amusedly.
"know when i want to ask you something" he said.
"i just know how to read you, with the smirk, tilt of the head and the look in your eye" she laughed at him
Looking at her and thinking for a few minutes he decided to ask her "wanna do an experiment with me"
"if it means me getting hurt, wet, rashes, pulled or pushed around or squashed, No way!" she said adamantly.
Gil laughed "would i do any of that to you honey" he asked her honestly "we will both be doing the experiment, and all we have to do is eat certain foods and do some recording of data, how hard can that be" he said hopefully.
"if it means me vomiting, or any really adverse reactions, i swear to god Gil, you will be sorry you even asked me, got it"she said warningly at him.
"there wont be" he paused and looked at her seriously "do you want to do it or not, it is after all in the interest of science" he finished hoping he had convinced her on the last part.
"okay tell me about it" she said demanding details of what she was letting herself get involved in.
"okay, first of all i will be cooking us omelets for breakfast, then we will go to bed as normal, then for dinner i will be cooking us chickpea curry..."
Sara interrupted him "whoa... wait just a minute, have you not forgotten what happens when either of us eats anything containing chickpeas" she said flabbergasted.
"if you will let me finish, chickpeas are pertinent to the experiment and the out come of..." he said trying to explain again and being interrupted by her again.
"Gil are you insane" she asked his exasperatedly.
"are you going to let me finish Sara" he looked at her shaking his head.
"okay" she reluctantly conceded.
Gil tilted his head and waited to see if she had anything more to say then smiled "as i was saying before i was interrupted, we will eat the curry then proceed about our day as normal. As you have pointed out when we eat chickpeas it causes us to suffer with abnormal amounts of flatulence, which is what i need to run our experiment.." Sara opened her mouth to say something, but closed it when Gil's eyebrows raised "we will both carry around a box of matches, and when we are in an enclosed space or small room, and we need to pass wind, we will strike a match after the said action, and record the results. According to my source the sulphur occurring in the striking of the match should eliminate the methane produced by the flatulence, therefore the only lingering smell is the burning match, which is kinder to the sense of smell" he finished
"i just want to test the theory out, is all" he sighed sensing her reluctance.
Sara looked at his pleading beautiful blue eyes "you really wanna do this" she asked.
"it's all in the mane of science Sara" he tried.
"okay, but don't make me regret this Gil" she said still feeing skeptical, but not having the heart to say no to him damn them baby blue eyes she thought.
Gil grinned like a little boy "great, i will get on with the breakfast" he said.
All the team were sat around the break room table awaiting the nights assignments, in walked Grissom who looked over to Sara first who was squirming a little in her seat, he smirked at her and received a glare in return "right Warick Greg B&E on the strip Sofia is waiting on you" he handed the slip to Warick and watched as they left.
"Catherine Nick DB in Henderson, Brass is waiting for you" handing the slip to Catherine, as they went to leave.
"Sara your with me, paperwork" he smiled wildly as she groaned loudly.
"need the toilet" she said as she ran out of the room, to odd looks from the other three occupants.
Ten minutes later Catherine went to use the restroom to comb her hair and redo her makeup in the mirror you never know i might meet Mr right tonight, one can hope she thought as she did her lippy.
A right rip roaring fart sounded from one of the stalls, and Catherine nearly swallowed her lipstick when she shrieked with the shock, but ended up with a red line across her cheek, she quickly wiped her face not bothering to redo the lipstick, she wanted out of the room as quickly as possible to prevent inhaling the smell that was sure to come and to avoid contact with the embarrassed culprit. Well it can't have been Sara she was in there earlier, not Sofia surly, it sounded more like a male now i think about it she thought as she made her way to the car.
Four hours later Gil was in the break room getting himself and Sara a coffee, when he felt the need to pass wind, so after a cursory quick look around and no one about, he let out a low "parp" sound. Phew he thought as he reached in his pocket for the matches, just as Nick walked in the room "wow Griss! You left another experiment in the fridge to go rotten, if i were you, i would get it cleaned out before Sara and Cath smell that and kick your ass" the Texan said as he grabbed a cup and poured himself a coffee.
"yeah, i will do that Nick, thanks" Gil replied as a slow blush crept up his neck as Nick left the room.
Sara was in one of the labs looking for Gil an hour later, when the urge to fart came, so a quick look around established no one in the vicinity, she let out a low raspberry sounding fart. Relief crossed her face at the release, until Warick came in "hey have you seen Greg anywhere Sara" he asked her.
"no" she replied trying to hide her face and the crimson color on her cheeks.
"God is someone, running a nasty smelling experiment in one of the labs, it wreaks" he wrinkled his nose "see you later Sar" he said as he went on his way to find Greg.
Jim Brass had called in the lab to speak with Gil about a case, but couldn't find the elusive entomologist, so went to little boys room to relieve himself. He was just peeing, stood in front of the urinal when a from one of the stalls came a thunderous, long, motorbike sounding fart. Jim jumped at the shock of the sound and dribbled urine on his trousers "damn, son of a bitch" he said as he zipped up quickly and moved over to the sink to try and dry his trousers off with paper towels. Not being able to get rid of the wet patch he said angrily to the occupied stall "looks like i pissed myself, thanks a lot" as he washed his hands, removed his jacket to hold in front of him and exited the room
Gil and Sara were sitting talking and laughing in the break room at the end of shift, both had been passing wind all night and striking matches to cover the smell, then recording the results. Both let out small sounding farts as they looked around for anyone, and as they reached in their pockets for the matches, the whole team marched in including Jim Brass to update Grissom on their cases.
"Jesus who is running the nasty experiment" said Warick wrinkled his nose.
"nah, thats an experiment in the fridge, right Griss" Nick looked to Grissom apologetically
"either that or someone has a bad stomach, because someone was having trouble in the little girls room this morning" Catherine added frowning.
"yeah i know what you mean, lets just say i had a similar experience in the little boys room" Jim grimaced.
They all looked around at each other questionably, not seeing as Gil and Sara locked eyes, twinkling in both sets, a stifled giggled from Sara was all it took for Gil to roar with laughter, which set Sara off doubling her over and tears streaming down her face.
Brass, Warick, Catherine, Nick and Greg stood stock still and stared at them dumbfounded and stunned, as if the pair had lost their minds.
Both Gil and Sara managed to get their composure together at last as Gil went on to explain, that he had been to Jim's house in the morning and used his toilet, and had seen a box of matched in there. So when he had come out, he had asked Jim about the matches being located near a toilet. Jim had told him, that he had been told, that if you strike a match after passing wind or having a number two on the toilet, it takes away the smell so you only smell the burning match.
"so i decided to test out the theory by running my own test with Sara and myself being the test subjects, we just expected it to end before the shift started tonight, sorry guys" Grissom said apologetically blushing slightly and looking to each of them in turn.
"sorry guys we are responsible for the bad smells and noises around the lab tonight" Sara said her neck and cheeks burning red.
They all shook their heads and started to laugh.
"does it actually work then" asked Greg.
"why do you have a problem with farting Greg that we don't know about yet" asked Sara as the room erupted in howls of laughter.
The End
A/N I was told this solution to the problem, but have not tried it out yet, feel free to try it out, but do not leave matches in the reach of children, as this could be very dangerous. I hope you liked my first attempt at humor, and i hope you will press the little button below to review and tell me what you think. Happy days!