It has been four months now. Four months missing him, the way his arms used to feel when he hugged her, the way his lips used to taste when they kissed. Four long, long months missing everything about him. He was setting her free that was what he said to her when he sent her on that train to New York City to start her life in the big city, to go to NYADA and to become the successful and enthusiastic actress she deserved to be. It was all those things that he had told her, but he changed the plan, their plan. He is supposed to be with her, in New York City. But instead he sent her on that train to New York, she could never forget that day and the tears that she shed, she can still feel every single one of them on her cheek, how he was running along the train until it fully left the station, how she saw his face for the last time, how he disappeared behind her blurry vision, a vision full of tears.
She hasn't heard from him in those four months. She's just confused. They were happy their Senior Year at High School. They shared everything. Their sectrets, their hopes, their dreams, their beds...everything. This just isn't right, he should be here with her, in New York City. How is it possible that two people who shared everything don't know where the other one is, or what the other one is up to, or most importantly how this is supposed to end. She has waited for him, for a call, for an "I miss you", for a sign to let her know where they stand.
I think you'd like my new hair
I cut it when you weren't there
And pieces of us everywhere
were falling down.
My bed is now a girl's bed
Pink flowers under my head
and pillows on your side
intead of you.
He has set her free, does it mean, they are no longer together? Does it mean, that he wants to give her her freedom to achieve her goals? What is she supposed to do?
She meets Brody during her first month at NYADA. He is really nice and seems to be interested, but Finn keeps appearing in her mind over and over again. She doesn't know where they stand.
She decides that moving on is the only real option to avoid any more pain. Four months without a call, without an "I miss you." or any sign at all make it pretty clear what Finn really wants. Maybe setting somebody free is like ending a relationship, maybe he wants her to move on, or maybe he just doesn't care.
Cause that's what single girls do
Don't think about you...
She desperately tries not to think about him, she doesn't allow herself to. This is her new life in New York City, just how he has wanted it. She just hopes so badly, like so, so badly, that the pain will go away soon – that she will be better soon. Slowly she's adjusting to what has seemed impossible to her in all these years – a life without Finn... not that she has another chance than to be free.
I'm reading books on meditation
praying for my heart's salvation
Oh I've got the motivation to be e free girl now.
Brody is a nice guy, really. He asks her out one day and she says yes and she doesn't know what to feel. When they are out drinking he mostly talks about himself and how he was on Broadway and that he will be finishing in a year or so. Rachel doesn't say that much at all, which surprises her, since she has always been one to talk. Something doesn't feel right, Brody doesn't notice. But she does.
NYADA-practice keeps her busy which is good, since she doesn't get the chance to think that much, to think about him. Kurt and her renovate their apartment in Bushwick and it makes her feel better, at least a little bit.
I've gone drinking with the guy down the hall
Put up a new colour on my bare walls
I'm so damn busy after all.
Everything is good if it makes her feel distracted, but at night, when Kurt is asleep and she would love to be to, his face can't be banned from her mind, although she tries so hard, so hard not to think about him and she realizes that although she tries so hard, giving up on everything she has been used to just because it all has to do with him and tries to change that fact with little differences she pushes into her life...after all she still knows that she's lying to herself and that deep down inside she still thinks about him everyday and wonders what he is up to at the moment or if he is thinking about her just like she is thinking about him. It still hurts.
Cause that's what single girls do
Don't think about you...
I keep trying
Yeah I keep trying
To make my way back to the light where I belong.
She misses him like badly and just wants to see him again. She keeps asking herself why he chose to set her free and how he could have thought that this is for her best because she's never felt worse.
She really feels desperate, this can't be for her best – for their best.
But God keeps lying
God keeps lying saying
This is for the best and nothing here is wrong.
Brody asks her out again and once again, she says yes. This has to come to and end, she knows it. At least she tries to make it end, although she probably will keep thinking about Finn because that is what people do, when they're in love.
But I'm still thinking about you...
Brody is her biggest distraction. Sometimes she can even convince herself of liking or even loving him (nothing will ever compare...never).
She notices that she isn't quite the same anymore. She would be, if he was still with her, but he's not and still doesn't call her or tell her "I miss you." It feels like she doesn't care but she does of course. She is still thinking in the usual way, she still is enthusiastic about the same things, she even auditons for Funny Girl. But she is also lying to herself, something she has never thought she would do.
I think you'd like my new hair
I cut it like I didn't care
that pieces of me everywhere
were falling down.
She knows that the situation can't continue like this. She knows that everything will be better she will be better and they will be better.
One more glass of wine
Before I turn off the lights
This time, this time I'll be fine...
She just knows.
Song: Single Girls
by Laura Jansen
Link: watch?v=-479ojoLgxg