A.N.: This only took two days to get done! I feel good, and yes, I am ashamed that I know so much about Toddlers and Tiaras, but it works for this, I guess. I love my domestic!USUK, and who can refuse some adorable Winston? I don't own Hetalia, never will, because Hidekaz Himaruya owns it, and that's alright. I hope you all enjoy, of course! Also, I've recently learned how to semi-use my Tumblr, so just type this in your search engine! .com
I have this story up there, and I will probably do more Hetalia and Soul Eater and DoD and Kingdom Hearts and...GLEE...and Hetalia and maybe FMA and Harry Potter and Hetalia Hetalia Hetalia. Did I mention Hetalia?
This is the episode that the post-menopausal women of America have been waiting for. An elderly women snatches the remote control from her grouchy husband and turns the television screen from the groundbreaking football game that is playing. The Cleveland Browns are finally, finally intercepting a pass from the Giants. He's got the ball! He's running! They might make it to the Sup-
There is an audible clicking sound as the woman with Afro-like gray hair settles down onto the couple's burgundy couch. She is past her prime with fashion - a bright pink top with a floral print and orange pants. Her socks are neon pink, and this ensemble wouldn't be horrific if it weren't for the blaring yellow flower plastered into her bird's nest hair.
The ending credits to "Say Yes to the Dress" are playing, and a young woman and her new husband are dancing their wedding night away, both with a bright smile etched upon their faces. The girl, tan with dark brown hair, is wearing a Pnina Tornai gown, obviously. It has a sheer corset with rhinestones strategically sewn on to cover up explicit areas. The skirt is big, a statement piece. It, too, has "bling" on it, showering the bottom in gems that shimmer when light hits it in certain areas.
The screen goes black, and lights up in a large stage. There is a backdrop of trees and bluebirds perched on their branches. The sky is blue with billowy clouds, and a sun so yellow it would be frightening in a real setting. Children are screaming - one girl is crying so much with so many tears that her spray tan is fading off in thin lines down her overly-dark face. One toddler face-plants on the center of the stage, and the male judge in front has to stifle a chuckle.
"Welcome to the 'Beauty and the Banner' Pageant!" a chipper male voice booms. He's calling names in the preview to the episode, a girl is late, a mother in tears, smacking her soon-to-be ex-husband in the protruded stomach (if he wants to make it to his late forties, he'd get out of that hellhole soon).
The opening hasn't changed in years - a pink, glittery background with the hair, faces, and cupcake dresses of more than ten girls. Flippers, extensions, acrylics, fake eyelashes - the whole deal.
In the center of the television screen, the bold lettering of "Toddlers and Tiaras" can be made out.
Mindy Young, the subtitles say, is talking. "This is the 'Beauty and the Banner' Pageant here in Salsbury, North Carolina! We have a little over eighty little misses competing this weekend, and I am pumped to see the competition.
"We are having a princess theme. It's an all-out glitz theme, so we are expecting spray tans on top of natural tans. We want acrylics on manicures. Curls on ringlets! I'm excited "
Mindy smiles before the camera pans away quickly, and a new scene opens up. The screen says Atlanta, Georgia; and it's already obvious that this is not going to be a normal pageant family, if the house is any indication.
Instead of a double-wide trailer, a plantation-like mansion is visible. A large porch overlooks the acres of land, and a man with unruly bright, blonde hair is gingerly nursing what can possibly be a mint julep. His other hand is resting nonchalantly on a worn-looking book. The man is watching a little girl frolic in the fields with another man, also blonde (more of a darker shade, however). He is feet taller than the girl, and he scoops her into his arms easily, kissing the top of her wind-blown hair.
"'m Amelia Jones, an' 'm four!" the tiny girl tells the cameraman, her Georgian accent already strong. She does, however, hold up three fingers instead of four initially but quickly rectifies the situation by hiding her face behind her chubby fingers. She peeks an eye out, believing herself to be invisible; and the audience catches a glimpse of emerald eyes and dimples placed delicately on her cheeks. Her only flaw is a tad excess of hair between her already-thick eyebrows, but it looks like nothing waxing can't fix.
The camera switches to the two men from before sitting close on a couch. The taller man with the darker shade of blonde hair and crystal blue eyes hidden behind a thin frame of glasses smiles politely. "I'm Alfred, and I'm Amelia's dad."
"I'm Arthur, and I'm her father, as well," the other man says; he has the same color of eyes as Amelia, and he also has a British accent.
Already, the geriatric women watching television are wondering what a same-sex, international couple are doing on this show.
: 3 :
"Is it hard being a gay couple in a pageant world?" Alfred asks, chuckling. "You know, you'd think it would be - spray tans, glitter, rhinestones on bright pink dresses. I'm surprised we've managed."
Alfred is very attractive in the all-American sense. He looks athletic, with a natural tan to him, and his voice has a twinge of southern in it.
Elbowing his partner, Arthur smiles apologetically. "There's prejudice everywhere you go, but I think the pageant world is the most accepting.". He stops to listen to the question the interviewer has asked. "Who's the pageant dad? Not me."
Alfred ducks his head down and raises his left hand, unintentionally showing a band of silver on his ring finger. "We both have had jobs where we travel a ton, and you see pageants almost everywhere we go. That's how we met-"
"Traveling, not pageants," Arthur interjects.
"Yeah, and Arthur promised me that our first kid could be a pageant princess. I don't think either of us thought that it would end up being such a big part of our lives."
Again, the camera turns, this time to a display case of crowns and sashes and trophies. There is at least a hundred, and Arthur is rummaging through them with Amelia. The two look alike, her hair bright and blonde like his, her eyes the same green.
"Put that'n on, Daddy!" she demands, haphazardly jamming a plastic crown with stars adorning it onto her father's head. Arthur does as told, straightening it only slightly, before placing one delicately onto Amelia's head. The girl giggles and picks up a scepter, knocking it onto the ground before "knighting" Arthur.
The scene cuts away to show Amelia sitting on the interviewer's chair. "Yes, I am a Pag'nt Princess," she explains in her most mature voice.
"Is Amelia spoiled?" Alfred repeats the question. He, too, is being interviewed. "No, I can't say that she is. We have some money, and that's all well and good, but we teach her the importance of work. She likes to do chores, but she can't reach a whole lot of things. I think she'll understand a lot more when she's older."
"Yes," Arthur answers simply, "she is spoiled."
: 3 :
There is a three-minute commercial break before the audience can see Amelia again. She has a cat cradled in her tiny arms, thus spilling nearly all of the cat's body onto the ground. The orange and white feline doesn't seem to mind to much, though it does squall when Amelia knocks it against a coffee table. "Sorry, Winnie," she says, though her words are so muffled that subtitles are required.
"I cain't hold Ronald 'cause he's so fat!" Amelia says matter-of-factly, only erupting into childish giggles when she finished her statement. She gestures to a grotesquely obese cat that might've been a Himalayan underneath four or five layers of fat.
: 3 :
A Peppy score of music plays, and the scene shifts so that the television viewers see Amelia, clad in a purple pair of shorts and a white tank top, slipping on her rubber sandals. Alfred and Arthur stand at the doorway, each holding out an arm for the little girl to take. She happily does so.
"We're taking Amelia to see her pageant coach today," Alfred says whilst he's being interviewed in his own home. "See, a lot of the people we know are gay. The gay community really sticks together, I think," he laughs.
The family is walking to a large studio entitled "Pony's Plaza". Amelia shrieks with delight and claps as they walk inside.
"Morning, broskis!" a short blonde with heavy-lidded green eyes greets. He scoops Amelia up into his arms when she runs to him.
The new blonde is sitting on the interviewer's chair, smiling. "Feliks, Amelia's Coach" is printed on the bottom of the screen. "I've known Amelia's parents for years," he says, laughing as he does so. "I'm not a professional coach, but I think I may start a business after Amelia. It's like, totes the coolest thing ever," he finishes, his European accent thick.
The interview shifts to Alfred. "We want our baby to be the next and better Eden Wood."
When the audience is given a new sight of the screen, Amelia is looking into the window of a nail salon. "Daddy, am I gettin' my 'crylicsss?" she asked, drawing out the "s" in the word. Arthur nods wordlessly, irritation etched on his face.
"I can't say that I agree with all the extra things that make for a glitz pageant, but Alfred and Amelia love them, so I guess it's alright," Arthur says, petting the former orange and white kitty; it purrs and snuggles up closer to its master.
Similarly, Amelia is also being interviewed. "Sparkles "
"How much do we spend for every pageant?" Arthur and Alfred repeat.
"Um, the entry fee was two-hundred," Alfred recalls. "Spray tan and nails a hundred and fifty, the dress was three thousand, hair and makeup we get for free - we have a friend, and yes, he's gay - Feliks is free of charge, thank God yeah, I guess about as much as private school tuition."
: 3 :
There is another agonizingly long commercial break before Amelia is seen cramming her stuff into a large car. She is petting both of her feline friends (and another tiny one that she refers to as "Kitten") ferociously. Arthur has the summer look going on, a baby blue long-sleeved with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and tan khaki shorts; Alfred looks like a farmer's son - he is wearing faded blue jeans and a casual tee-shirt.
They are a decidably young couple with a daughter carved out of cream cheese.
"'m gon' miss my lil' Kitten," Amelia whispers sadly, burying her face in the crook of Alfred's neck. The tall blonde smiles and shifts her weight to another arm. He whispers "tired" to the audience.
When Alfred and Arthur are seated in front of the cameraman once more, the two are talking about Amelia's support group. "I would say that she has a large fanbase," Arthur says, "Then again, most of it is family. She has her older brother from my previous relationship, my ex - he and I still talk -, her aunt and uncle, some friends of the family."
Some is an understatement. When the group of "friends" is being interviewed, one can see a blonde with a bit of facial stubble, another blonde with a very curly strand of hair, a pair of twins, a large and intimidating blonde man, a tanned man with dark curls, a tiny Asian with a muscular and wavy-haired brunette next to him, and Feliks, and a slightly taller brunette just a little closer to Feliks than what could be considered platonic.
The camera shifts back to Alfred, who chuckles lowly, giving the illusion that he has been able to see the group of followers. But, of course, he hasn't.
: 3 :
Normally, when children are having their hair pulled to extreme lengths, they scream and holler. Amelia doesn't. She sits quietly when one of the twins from earlier is combing through her blonde locks. He smiles when she runs a tiny brush through her When I Grow Up Barbie. The doll apparently comes with four different outfits, and the one that Amelia has chosen is the nurse.
"'m a doctor."
"Si, you are, little bambino," the man, more like a teenager, answers; he has auburn hair with an unusual curl and honey-colored eyes, and a distinguishable Italian accent. If he were taller, he could easily pass for, ironically, a women's model.
"Feli's a lifesaver," Alfred tells the cameraman, "He can curl hair like it's no one's business."
When Amelia sees the large curling iron positioned in the Italian's hands, she does not flinch or scream like a normal four-year old; though perhaps her clapping at the sight of the steaming object is a bit morbid.
Hairspray doesn't even phase this girl, just a few coughs when the aerosol spray got to close to her nose and mouth.
"Feliks also does make-up," Arthur explains.
Because Amelia's eyelashes are already long, the fake ones only bring out more of her eyes. Her lips are glossy and pink, her blush nice and rosy, eyeshadow impeccably done. One can only wonder how Feliks got to be so good at what he does
When Amelia is changed into her cupcake dress, a sparkly red and white piece loaded down with bling and tulle, she studies herself in the mirror.
"Al'ight, I ain't no cowgirl, anymore," she mutters, mystified in herself. Alfred chuckles and kisses his daughter on the cheek; when Feliks slaps him away, claiming that the American will ruin her pretty makeup.
Arthur is once more talking to the interviewer. "Beauty is first, and I know that Amelia will do fine. The worst she's done is the time when she completely fell down the stairs, but that was after her routine. So, we can all be thankful that there was no point deduction."
You know that iconic walk that the little pageant girls do when they're going to their pageant? The one down the hotel hallway? Yeah, Amelia skips.
"An' Daddy, 'mma win a big ol' crown, an' you can wear it," Amelia tells Arthur. He nods and grabs the little girl's hand as Alfred reaches for the other one.
: 3 :
Once again, Amelia's group of fans are visible. The tall blonde has on a bright pink shirt with "AMELIA" printed on it. The back says, "PROUD ALMOST UNCLE LUDWIG". He is standing beside the Italian that had previously held the fearsome curling iron.
The other (apparently Italian) twin was waiting withthe man with the dark curls. They were both wearing neon green shirts that read, "SPARKLE SOCIETY".
Remember the tiny Asian and wavy-haired brunette? Their electric blue shirts said, "JAMMIN' JONES, INTERNATIONAL ICON, WORLDWIDE WINNER".
"We may or may not have used CustomInk," Alfred confides, wearing a patriotic-looking shirt that said, "PATRIOTIC PRINCESS'S PAPA".
And Arthur's was a Union Jack style with the words, "THAT'S MY BRITISH BEAUTY BABY".
: 3 :
"Now for the Little Miss portion of the 'Beauty and the Banner' Pageant. This is Contestant Number 13, Amelia. She has beautiful, blonde hair and big, green eyes. Amelia's hobbies include running, playing with her two daddies, and carrying her kitty, Winston. When she grows up, Amelia wants to be an American ambassador or a political correspondent. This is Amelia!"
: 3 :
"We have Talent next. Amelia wanted to ride Ronald like a horse, and it might have worked, but the Animal Humane Society may have been a tad upset."
Amelia is dressed in an Artist's frock and a red beret. "I like to paint with my toes!"
To say that Amelia's talent was both groundbreaking and surprising was an understatement. But, when the picture of a convincingly convincing rabbit appeared, it turned out her talent wasn't too unappealing.
: 3 :
"Lastly, we have Princess Wear," the Pageant Director, Mindy Brown says, "All the little girls are allowed to dress up like their favorite princess, or they can be their own princess."
: 3 :
"Because Amelia's blonde, she had a ton of options for a Princess. She didn't want to be Cinderella " Alfred trails off.
"She don't 'cycle her glass shoes."
"Or Sleeping Beauty "
"Daddy says ladies have to not be lazy 'cause idle hands make evil work, I think."
"There's only one reason why she wanted to be Rapunzel "
"I like ka-melons!"
It's cute because she's trying to say "chameleons".
: 3 :
Amelia, clad in a purple and pink gown and hair extensions that reach the floor (and they aren't the cheap ones, either), follows her fathers once more to the pageant room. She seems pleased that she doesn't have to wear any shoes.
"I gotta stuffed ka-melon!"
And that she did.
The Princess portion goes off well. As with anything she did, Amelia's innocent appearance and large green eyes really did make her resemble a young Princess Rapunzel.
Alfred scoops up his daughter when Amelia exits the stage. "You did so well, Princess," he whispers, kissing the top of her head. The child wraps her tiny arms around his neck as he steadies her.
"D'you think I gots me a crown?"
"I'm sure you did."
: 3 :
The judges are being interviewed. One woman, a redhead with tight curls (whose name happens to be Trina Phillips), faces the camera. "Oh, I'm definitely obsessed with Amelia. She's a beautiful little girl; but not only that, she's a character. I judge a lot on personality, you know," she finishes with a mysterious wink.
: 3 :
For the final time that night, Mindy Young is speaking. Already, her male co-host from earlier that afternoon has retreated to his hotel room.
"May we have our Little Miss Division come to the center stage, please? We are going to begin our crowning of the Little Miss Division."
Amelia toddles up to the stage and sits down politely, even if she wants to bounce with excitement.
She knows that if she is not called for a Title in this part, that she will win a crown in the Grand Supreme Titles. And these crowns are ones to be envied - silver with red roses etched in rhinestones. In other words, sparkly.
"Alright, Best Hair goes to Contestant Number 13, Amelia! Amelia also wins for Prettiest Smile, Most Beautiful, and Princess Wear.
"Our 'Beauty and the Banner' Little Miss Princess is Contestant Number 11, Kayla!" Mindy announces. A tiny brunette with green eyes raises her hand and is given a sash and a trophy that comes up to her chest.
"And let's all give a big round of applause for our 'Beauty and the Banner' Little Miss Queen! Our Queen is Contestant Number 4, Sarah!"
There is a modest applause for the chestnut-haired, blue-eyed Southern Bell. She seems pleased with herself and the plastic prize that goes to her neck.
Mindy continues talking, "If I call your name, then that means that you do qualify for a higher title. That would be Lindsay and Amelia. So, stick around because you do qualify for a Supreme title!"
When the green-eyed blonde runs off the stage, "Feli" pats himself on the back. "Okay, that hair was kind of amazing, am I right?"
A whack to the back of the head is answer enough for the Italian. "That hurt, Lovino!"
"Meh."
Amelia sits patiently as she watches the rest of the Crowning commence. It isn't easy, since she is only four, but she tries her best, only kicking her legs out when she sees a large trophy being given to another girl.
When the minor awards are finally given out, Amelia clasps onto Alfred's hand. His long fingers intertwine with hers. "Oh, Daddy, 'm so 'cited!"
"And what do we do if we don't win the biggest crown?" Arthur asks; he seems to be the voice of reason concerning his glitzy family. When Amelia and Alfred both give him a dark look, he puts his head down. "But of course that won't happen, I suppose."
Beauty Supreme goes to a nine-year old named Courtney. Talent goes to a singer (how ordinary) named Hailey. And Princess Supreme goes to that Lindsay girl.
Mini Grand Supreme (this is where the nail biting starts) goes to a ginger-haired girl, one Erin. She runs to the front of the stage and jumps excitedly when a rose-covered crown is placed into her delicate curls.
"Our Grand Supreme goes to Contestant Number 23, Gracie! Let's give it up for Gracie, everyone!"
Amelia is one of the loudest cheerers, and Alfred draws his little girl in closely. She won't always be happy for everyone who wins before she does. In fact, she will probably want to beat the other girls' faces in. But for now, she claps and does not slap.
"And now," Mindy Young starts, "the moment we've all been waiting for! Our 'Beauty and the Banner' Ultimate Grand Supreme goes to Contestant Number 13, Amelia!"
The group behind Alfred and Arthur erupts into yells and whistles. Amelia makes her way to the front of the stage, face bright, and accepts the larger than life trophy, lets a pageant veteran drape a sash around her, and smiles even more when a giant crown is placed onto her thick curls.
Now, the crowd begins to disperse, and Arthur begins to pick up some of her other awards. Alfred is holding his daughter and whispering little congratulations in her ear.
When they are being interviewed in the next few seconds, Arthur speaks first. "I think Amelia will continue to do pageants until she gets bored of them, and we'll continue to support her in everything."
"She's our little girl, and of course we're going to keep her as involved as she wants to be. But I think she's a happy little thing right now."
When the camera shifts for a final time, with the credits rolling, Amelia is seen with her three cats. "'mma let Winnie wear my Belle crown. Ronald can have the one with the spider. Kitten, you'll have this'n."
The last shot the audience sees before the remote is snatched away from the elderly women of America is a very annoyed-looking orange and white Scottish Fold named Winston.