A/N: I really don't know how did I end up writing this much, I was panning to write a short story around 1500 words and this is how it turned, honestly, I don't know how I made it so long, I think that this is the longest thing I have ever written, at least for a fan-fic.
Well, I don't remember how I had this idea, I was lying on my bed, half asleep when suddenly I had an idea and I say "I need to write this now before I forget it" and that was all. Then I kept writing until my eyes couldn't keep open any more. But well, the next day I continued writing until I finished while drowning in feelings, honestly, this ship is going to be my death.
As always, English isn't my native language, so I'm sorry for any grammatical/orthographical mistakes... This time I had two proofreaders, so I hope that I was able to correct everything.
She was back in that classroom in which she used to spend her days, even if she attended to every class and even if she tried her best, her grades never got better. The teacher started returning some tests that she didn't remember making, "it must have been while I wasn't here..." she thought. Because her, Ayano Tateyama had died and come back.
It almost felt like a long dream, but she knew that it was true. Two years ago she jumped off the roof and convinced everyone that she had committed suicide -they weren't completely wrong- and entered in the never ending world to protect everyone's happiness, she killed herself to protect everyone.
But now she was back and no one seemed to remember that she had died. She didn't tell anyone, there wasn't any reason for that after all. It was just like he said when he saved her, no one would ever remember that she died for two years, it would be like if she always had been there.
"Ayano Tateyama" called the teacher handing a paper to her. She was surprised that he called her, after all it was a test that she never took, even so he walked to him and took it immediately without bothering to see the mark, even if she didn't take the exam she knew that the mark would be low as always.
Even so, when she arrived to her desk the curiosity grew making her turn the paper and look the mark.
She had to cover her mouth with both of her hands to avoid a scream go out. In that recycling paper, with red ink was written something that would make anyone happy but instead her reaction was true horror, eyes open as plates and having to contain a scream.
After that she looked at the seat next to her, at the right. Once again, for fourth time in that same week, the place in which the black haired boy should be sitting was empty. She had a bad feeling since the first day, but she ignored it, there was no need to be worried, if something had happened to him she would know it, or at least that's what she thought.
He wasn't popular, he hadn't many friends, actually he only had three people who he could call friends, that's why she thought that it was normal that no one would talk about why someone like him didn't attend to school for some days.
The weird thing was that not even the teachers seemed to care, but she wanted to convince herself that it was because he didn't make any difference being there or not, he never talked during classes and never tried to answer the teachers' questions even if he knew all the answers. He was really intelligent, that's why he always got a perfect score in his tests, a hundred over hundred.
But this time she was the one with the number of three digits.
Ayano Tateyama, the girl who always got bad grades had a perfect score in a test for first time in her whole life and she didn't like it. She checked the name, hoping to see the name of her classmate instead of hers but if her eyes weren't wrong, the name that was written at the top of the paper was her own name.
She proceeded to check the score once again, she was sure that that couldn't be a perfect score, there had to be a coma somewhere indicating that she had an even lower grade than usual, but it didn't matter, anything but that perfect score was perfect.
Because that exam and the absence of her classmate were making her have a really horrible feeling. "Everything is all right" she closed her eyes and took a deep breath "everything is all right" thought once again trying to convince herself. Her chest felt weird in a bad way, something was wrong but she didn't want to acknowledge it. She wanted to keep hoping that he would open the door and enter to class like if nothing happened. There was no way that something could happen to him... He promised it.
However, at the lunch break she couldn't keep it any more.
"Sorry..." said approaching two of her classmates who were talking while having their handmade lunch together "does any of you know why is Shintaro absent?" She already knew that it didn't matter who she asked to, she would always get the same answer, they didn't know, after all, he never talked to any of his classmates.
The girls blinked twice each one before looking at each other.
"Shintaro?" asked one of them looking at Ayano like if she heard that name for first time in her life.
"Yes" she asserted "Shintaro Kisaragi" added just in case.
Once again the girls looked at each other.
"Shintaro... Kisaragi, you said?" questioned again the same girl and for some reason, Ayano didn't like that, she felt like running away from there, she didn't want to know what she would say next, it was obvious that it was going to hurt her. "Who is that? I never heard about him." And her worst nightmare became true, yet, she didn't want to face it.
"How... How can you say that?" her voice was trembling and she could almost feel how her eyes were filling with tears, "she's lying, she's lying" repeated to herself while she closed her fists. "I'm talking about the dark haired boy... who sits next to me..." even talking was taking her a big effort, she already knew that something was wrong and even if she knew it she didn't do anything.
"But that seat..." started talking the other girl "has always been empty, right?" The two girls looked at her strangely, they obviously didn't understand what was she talking about. "Our class..." continued talking, for some reason that girl felt that if she continued talking maybe she would calm down, she was acting strange, asking for someone who they had never heard about stating that he was his classmate... For a second the two girls thought that she had gone nuts, but it couldn't be, she was a normal girl, maybe she mistook it for another person. "Our class always had that extra seat for some reason, no one knows why... Some rumours started because of that..." She was trying to be polite, but for every word she said stabbed her like daggers.
"Of... Of course that's..." her voice was cracking more than before, but she couldn't let anyone else notice it, she contained her tears and put a bright smile on her face "What was I thinking?" she started to try to use the cheerful voice tone that she always used "today I didn't sleep much... Maybe I'm confusing reality with a dream?" seeing how she was back to normal, the two girls felt relieved, her attitude scared them for a second..
"Maybe you should rest at the infirmary" suggested the first girl.
"Yes... I will do that" agreed lowing her voice tone a little bit, seeming unusually sad and after apologizing for all the problems she gave to them she got out of the classroom.
She still didn't want to believe it, it was just a prank, right? There was no way that they could have forgotten about him, she walked towards the infirmary, she didn't need it, after all she slept well, she told them a lie so she wouldn't sound weird. She couldn't understand what was happening, she had to talk to someone who knew him, someone who would tell her that her classmates were teasing her.
Almost when she reached the infirmary she saw the stairs to the roof. For some reason she felt that she had to go there, some fresh air would help her to think better.
When she arrived there, she found someone that didn't expect.
A girl with blonde hair.
She recognized her immediately, how wouldn't she? The girl standing at the roof was the most charismatic girl of the school, not only that, she was probably the most charismatic teenager of the country being able to concentrate all the attention on her just with a word. That was the most popular idol at the moment. And also, her disappeared classmate's little sister, Momo Kisaragi.
A light of hope started shining once again, if there was someone in that world who would never lie about Shintaro, that was Momo, after all, why would she deny the existence of her own brother?
Yet, she was scared to ask, she had a really bad feeling about it, talking with her could be her salvation... Or it would destroy her even more.
"Momo..." called the dark haired girl, the other one turned to her shocked, she didn't expect someone to be there at that time. Did she call attention once more? Well, if it was just one person it wouldn't be that bad, but if more people started going there, asking her for autographs and photos... At first she didn't really care, it made her happy, she was getting some attention for others as she always wished. But with time, it became more and more annoying, fans reunited around her for hours and wouldn't let her go, that's why she had to disguise herself when she went outside and she even had to take long ways to school to avoid people. But when she discovered who the one who called her was, she relaxed a little bit, it was just her teacher's daughter.
"Ayano! What a surprise to see you here!" started cheerfully a conversation, or at least, that was her intention until the other girl grabbed her hands while looking at her at the eyes.
"There is something I need to talk about" the words that came out from her mouth made the idol surprised. The usual cheerful and happy girl that was Ayano Tateyama was suddenly serious and for some reason, at the verge of crying. Something was obviously wrong and this made the younger girl feel worried.
"What... What's wrong?" It was an automatic question, she didn't even think what she just said. But the girl who was always smiling was worried about something and she wanted to know what was it, maybe she would be able to help.
"Could you tell me..." her voice was cracking once again "where is Shintaro?"
A silence was created between the two of them, Momo was staring at her surprised, with her eyes open as plates.
"How..." The blonde one started speaking this time her voice was cracking too "How do you know that name?" Ayano didn't understand what she meant with that. It was obvious that she would know the name of her classmate, her friend, but the surprise in the face of the idol was making her feel uncomfortable, this time she couldn't lie saying that she confused a dream with reality, her mind went blank, she couldn't understand what was happening. The idol stepped away from her horrified. "He is... He isn't..." She couldn't choose the correct words, she stopped talking and try to think about what she was going to say next while Ayano thought about running away, she didn't like what was happening. "He is..."
"He is your brother, right?" interrupted the dark haired girl and for first time in a long time, she felt that she should pray. She wished that the idol would answer her with a bright smile, saying that she was right. But that didn't happen. Momo was even more surprised now.
"But... He only appears in my dreams..." A pause. None of the girls added another word until the pressure of the atmosphere increased. "Sometimes... I dream about my big brother... Called Shintaro..." The only reason of why she was talking was because she thought that it was better than the silence, but she didn't dare to look at her at the eyes "he's a really caring brother, a little bit awkward and we argue a lot but..." she had to stop for a second, she was remembering those dreams that felt so real "he's just part of my dreams, he isn't real, I know it." he isn't real those words destroyed Ayano completely.
"So...Sorry, I have to go..." after saying that, she run away from there, leaving the other girl confused.
She didn't know what to do. Shintaro Kisaragi was real, she knew it, she even had a proof of it, and she was going to check that proof.
Ayano desperately ran as fast as she could to her house. She was lucky that no one was there at those hours, if they found her skipping classes knowing how low her grades were her parents wouldn't forgive her never.
Completely out of breath she opened the door of her room, and as she thought, the room didn't have that. She wasn't wearing either, which meant that it was true.
The red scarf she loved so much wasn't there and that gave her a little bit of hope, she remembered it, once, when she was dead he visited her and she gave him that scarf, telling him that he was the hero who had to take care of the others.
Thinking about it, she realized how weird it was. Two years ago she jumped off the roof to protect her siblings and everyone, she died, she remembered being in another word that wasn't the afterlife and spent there two years, until he came and saved her.
The more she thought about it the more crazier it sounded, maybe it was true, maybe she went crazy and it was all a dream, after all she was saying that she died but came back to life.
But everything felt too real to be just a dream, the pain she felt when she hit the floor after falling from the roof, the loneliness she felt being by herself in the other world... And she didn't have the scarf any more, because she gave it to him, that was the biggest proof because it wasn't just her memory, it was an object that existed an disappeared.
Yet, it was the same for him. Shintaro Kisaragi was a real person and disappeared completely, not leaving a single thing but confusing dreams for her little sister and memories for his best friend behind him. If a whole person was able to disappear, why wouldn't a scarf?
She took a deep breath, she didn't know what to think any more, it was all a dream, probably it was all a dream, it was all too surreal to be true, dead people stay dead, they can't come back. That boy was probably something from his imagination.
But that didn't explain why did she miss him so much.
She found herself remembering everything about him, the first time they talked, the second time, the first time she saw one of his full scored tests, all those paper cranes she made for him... It was impossible that all those memories were fake.
Then, why was she the only one who could remember him?
"I need to find you..." Muttered after getting out of that trance "I will find you" assured before leaving the room.
Even if she said that, she didn't know were could she start searching, there weren't any places that he liked to visit, he didn't really like to spend time outside, obviously he wouldn't be at the school if he were there, she would already found him.
Where could she find him? As much as she thought about it there wasn't any place she could think of.
Maybe, even if she missed him, even if she claimed to be her friend, she didn't know anything about him.
She stopped at the middle of the street and fell on her knees. Suddenly she felt weak, she didn't have any strength left, after running from school to her house and then trough the whole city, she started to feel tired.
It was curious how no one was around, it was better like that, no one would see that pathetic image of hers. She claimed to be a hero like that? She wasn't able to find a single person in a small city like that, how could she call herself a hero? She didn't know where to find him either, and she called herself his friend?
She looked down, it was impossible, he had disappeared and she didn't suspect anything... That was a lie. Of course she knew something was going to happen, after all, he saved her, to bring someone back from death you must pay something, right? Then, why didn't she stop him?
A sad smile appeared on her face. "Is this what he felt when I jumped" she thought holding her tears, but it was getting more difficult for each second that passed until she had to hide her face with her hands.
She wasn't crying at all, some sobs came out of her mouth but she still managed to hold back her tears. Crying wasn't going to solve anything and if she cried she would be admitting defeat. She still had hope, she still had to find him.
But even if she thought that, it was impossible, right? He had disappeared completely.
She could hear some steps coming from the front, but it didn't matter, if someone offered to help she would said that she had fell, give thanks with a smile and go away like if nothing happened, she couldn't explain her real situation. But even if the noise stopped, no one helped her. Probably whoever was passing by ignored her and continued walking. She thought that is was better that way, she didn't really want to move from there, she was too tired and she felt weak.
"What I'm supposed to do?" asked without expecting and answer, she had hold back her feelings for the whole day, and in that moment, with that gray coloured sky almost telling her to give up, she felt useless, that she couldn't do anything. "Shintaro..." Called desperately, once again, not expecting someone to answer.
"Yeah?" Someone answered to the calling and Ayano froze for a second. That voice that she knew so well belonged to the person she had been looking for. When she raised her head, with her eyes so open that it wouldn't be a surprise if they felt, she saw the person she had been looking for.
An eighteen year old boy, pale as a vampire because he never went outside with a black shirt, the same colour as his hair, under his precious red jacket that he wore even if it was August and around his neck, a long scarf of the same colour as the jacket. He was exactly the same as she remembered, not like he would change a lot in four days, but after all what she suffered that day it seemed an eternity since the last time they saw each other.
She looked again at him, making sure that he was real, she even grabbed his arms to make sure that he was there, that he wasn't an hallucination or a ghost. And then she realized that he wasn't exactly the same as she always imagined him.
The Shintaro she remember had black eyes, as black as a moonless night, but the boy who was standing in front of him had red eyes, the same red eyes he had the last time they saw each other, before he disappeared from Earth.
She got up as soon as she realized it, staring at him at the eyes, she couldn't concentrate in any other thing, she didn't say anything about the fact that he was wearing a muffler and a jacket even if the weather was so hot that he could get a heatstroke, she wasn't the one to talk about it either, she used to wear the scarf everyday of the year.
"Shintaro..." Called once again the girl, still not believing what her eyes were seeing. After all those people who had forgotten about him, she truly started to believe that she wouldn't be able to talk with him again.
"What's wrong?" answered once again him, making the girl open and close her mouth without being able to say anything. And then, there was silence. They didn't know what to say, Ayano, still grabbing her arms like a proof that he was there was looking at him at the eyes while Shintaro looked at her asserting that she was all right, that there wasn't any proof of her falling off the roof, that she was alive and with any injuries.
After some time of observing each other, Shintaro close his eyes and let escape a sight of relief.
"Why..." Ayano spoke without being able to finish the sentence, her throat started to hurt and her eyes were burning, even if when he saw him at first she felt the best kind of happiness, the same second as she saw those unnatural red eyes she felt that there wasn't any escape. "Why do you... why are you..." She couldn't choose the correct words, it hurt, she already knew the answer and it hurt. She had to close her eyes to avoid her tears coming out.
She slowly released his arms, not feeling strong enough to grab them.
And before realizing it, she was being grabbed by them against his chest.
"Sorry" he said supporting his head on hers. He used a soft tone, like if he was scared to hurt her if he raised his voice. His shirt started to feel wet and when he looked at her, he noticed that she was crying.
There were so many things she wanted to tell him. I missed you, I was scared, what is happening?, Come back. But her tears wouldn't let her talk, also, if she started talking with all those words bunched on her head she wouldn't be able to create a proper sentence.
They spent another time in silent, he didn't know how to calm her down so all he did was hug her tighter but not strong enough to hurt her, that was something he wanted to do since a long time and finally he was able to do it. Somewhat, he knew that it wouldn't help, but there wasn't any other thing that could think about to make her feel better.
"You lied" she said suddenly between sobs, those words shocked Shintaro, He thought about releasing her, maybe being hugged by him was making her feel worse, but she cling to him even more. "You lied" she repeated. "You said that everything was going to be right, that there wouldn't be any problem" continued finally being able to talk "you lied" said for a last time.
The boy stroked her head softly with his hand. He remembered what he said perfectly, and he didn't lie, at least, he didn't feel that he lied. But he understood what Ayano meant, yet, this was the best solution.
"Ayano" his voice was as soft as before. She never heard him talking like that, so gentle. She almost feel like crying again, because she knew that even if he was trying to be nice it meant that something bad was about to happen.
She looked at him at the eyes once more, this time with confidence even if the area below her eyes was completely red after all that crying, even if her eyes were still full of tears, even if she didn't have her usual smile on her face, she tried to look confident. But that façade only lasted for three seconds.
"Please, stay..." She begged.
The boy didn't know how to answer to those words and his face showed the terror that he was feeling. Even if he wished to stay with her, with everyone and have a happy life, remembering that summer like a weird experience or even a dream, he couldn't.
"I can't..." Those words hurt him more than they hurt her, because when he was finally able to make some friends, he would have to stay away from them, forever.
"Why..." Even if she already knew the answer, she was hoping for a miracle, maybe if she asked him enough times, he would find another solution, a solution in which all of them would have a bright future together. But they both knew that it was impossible.
"Because if I stay, everything will happen again" his answer was so direct that it almost hurt her like if it was a bullet directed to her hearth "I have to stay at the Daze, making sure that everything stays the same so..."
"Why?" Interrupted her "why does it have to be you? Why can't it be another?" Her voice started to tremble, once again she was at the verge of crying.
"Because that's my ability" Ayano realized that it didn't matter how many times she asked the same question he would have an answer. Typical from him, even at the very end, he always had an answer for everything.
"This isn't fair..." She muttered looking down. "You are going to stay there, forever... And no one is going to remember you, not even your sister..." she closed her fists and bit her inferior lip helping her to hold her tears. "That's... Too cruel..." She finished closing her eyes.
"Sorry" apologized the boy even if it wasn't his fault. He was sacrificing himself for the sake of everyone else making his best friend hurt in the process... He already knew that story, he already knew how the other person felt, but there wasn't any other choice.
Silence. None of them said anything. There wasn't anything to say, it didn't matter what they said, there wouldn't be anything solved like that.
"It isn't your fault..." Ayano was the one who finally broke the silence keeping the track of the conversation.
Shintaro smiled. A fake smile, trying to cover all his sadness and culpability.
"But it is" answered hugging her once again, this time tight, so tight that it almost hurt her, but she didn't care, that was a proof that he was still there. "I answered the questions of that exam" started explaining "if you didn't saw that full score, you would never had realized that there was something strange about me not being there" he paused and took a deep breath "I'm sorry, it would have been better if you forgot about me" the hug was getting more and more tight, like if he was scared that she would disappear in any moment when it was the other way "but I can't, sorry" once again he apologized with his voice cracking this time "you are the last person I want to forget about me" he whispered those words, even if it wasn't to her ear, she heard them clearly. The way in which he said it made her feel worse. He didn't say it in the tone of someone who's full of confidence, who is sure that everything will be all right, it didn't even sound like a confession, even if he said it like a child who was angry because they took his favourite toy away from him, it would sound better.
But the way he said it was like someone who gave up on everything. He obviously didn't like the idea of spending his whole life alone, he didn't like that his existence had been completely erased. He didn't belong to there any more, but it was obvious that he wanted to stay.
Even so, he promised to Ayano that he would be a hero for everyone, that he would bring happiness to them. And heroes never break their promises.
"Shintaro..." The girl didn't know what to say. A situation like that was something that she never imagined, it was like a nightmare, but she had to face it, she had to be strong for his sake. She knew that it was impossible that he could stay, even if he didn't want to sacrifice himself, she knew that he would do it anyway, after all, she did the same two years ago. "I don't want to forget you" stated hugging him back for first time.
Thinking about it, this was the first time that Shintaro was the one trying to make physical contact with her and not the other way. Normally Shintaro wouldn't even like to grab her hand, slapping off hers when she tried to grab his hand.
And now they were hugging, probably it wouldn't mean anything for another people, it was just a hug, friends all around the world give hugs to each other.
But for Ayano that hug was something special, they jumped from not being able to touch each other to not wanting to let the other go.
That thought made her smile a little bit.
"Ayano..." The boy buried his face on her hair and then closed his eyes. "Thank you" the words that came out from his mouth were words of relief, those two little words were so sincere that almost made her cry again. For every time he talked she thought that it would be the last time she would be able to hear his voice, and that scared her. She knew that this would be the last time they saw each other, and she wanted to treasure every second of it or she would regret it for the rest of her life.
She wanted to tell him once again to stay, but she knew that if she did, it would be harder to leave for him, so she started thinking about what she could say, probably they didn't have much time left until he had to disappear forever.
"From now on" she started, with a smile on her face and a soft tone of voice, she was finally back to her usual self even if deep inside, she still didn't want to let him go. "I will make a paper crane every time I think about you" Shintaro smiled, she always did paper cranes, that wasn't a new thing. But if she was going to make one for every time she thought about him it meant that she was going to think about him a lot. He didn't know if he should feel sad or happy because she wouldn't be able to forget about him. He choose the second one, after all, he wasn't going to forget her either. "In exchange" continued explaining "I want you to make a paper crane for every time you think about me" the boy let a nervous laugh escape, it wasn't because he was happy or anything else, he knew that if he stopped smiling and laughing he would cry, and crying in front of her was the last thing he wanted to do, that would destroy her. "And then..." Those words caught him by surprise, he thought that she had already finished "when we make 1000 paper cranes between both of us, we will wish to reunite again" they both started to release each other from the hug to look at each other faces. They were both smiling even if it was obvious that they were covering their sadness. "Okay?" finished Ayano closing her eyes and offering a bright smile.
Ayano was now grabbing Shintaro's hands, and for first time, he let her do it, even if he wasn't grabbing her hands back, he liked the warmth of her skin.
"How will we know that we made 1000 cranes between both of us?" Asked Shintaro finally being able to light up the mood.
"We won't" answered with brutal honesty the girl "Isn't it funnier like that? For every crane, wish for our reunion, and someday, suddenly, we will see each other again"
The boy looked at her amazed, it was impressive how she was using a belief with any scientist base as her hope to meet again. But he didn't care, that was his only hope too, and if Ayano believed in her beloved paper cranes, he would too.
"You will never change, right?" Those words came out of his mouth without realizing it, accompanied by a sight, and he didn't get an answer to that question. Not like he needed one anyway.
Then, Ayano looked horrified at his foots to realize that they started to disappear. It wasn't like in the movies, he didn't start glowing and there wasn't any bright light at his back indicating that he should go, it was just that he started to disappear, it didn't even seem that he was going to another place.
For a second she thought that he would truly disappear, that he wasn't entering to the never ending world, that she would never be able to see him again.
Shintaro noticed her worries and he put his hand on her head.
"There is no way I'm dying, okay?" said getting closer to her "we still have our promise of 1000 cranes"
Ayano closed her eyes and nodded obediently.
And then she felt something warm on her forehead.
When she opened her eyes again, she realized that Shintaro was kissing her. Then, he slowly stepped back from her and smiled.
"I forgot to tell you" Ayano listened to Shintaro's words carefully, she didn't want to miss anything, not even when he paused to take a breath
"I love you"
The girl didn't know how to react to those words. It wasn't something that surprised her, but she didn't expect it either. So she looked at him, with her eyes open and her hands placed where she received the kiss, she noticed how the blood was rushing to her checks and realized that probably she was red as a tomato now. It would be a lie if she said that she didn't like that kiss.
She was starting to feel bad because she still didn't give an answer to him, but the words didn't come out of her mouth, probably because she didn't know what to say. But thinking back about everything that happened that day, how she felt with him and how she was feeling right now, it was obvious what was the answer.
"I love you too"
And Ayano Tateyama's short confession were the last words that Shintaro Kisaragi was able to hear before he disappeared.
A/N: I... I should avoid writing at 6AM, right?
Träumerei is the german word to daydream.
Actually, I wanted to make a joke with the title and Haruhi series, being the disappearance of Shintaro Kisaragi instead of the disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya but I would be lynched if I made a bad joke like that, wouldn't I?
Anyway, thanks for reading and I hope that you liked it. I'll be trying my best in the next story too.