A/N - So this is my first multi-chapter fic - it started off as a oneshot, but then it grew... It will more than likely end up becoming a Wolfstar (Remus/Sirius, in case you've been living under a rock), so if you don't like slash then stop after the first six or so chapters - or just don't read it at all. This first chapter is quite (fingers crossed) sad and angsty, but the rest of the story isn't like that so much.

So yeah - enjoy! And remember, reviews are as good as chocolate. Ok, maybe not quite as good - but still, please review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or the Potterverse, or any of the characters inhabiting it. Unfortunately. All credit to JK Rowling.

Warning - a bit of mild swearing, and a bit in further chapters which may be a little more than 'mild'.

- 394 :)

WOLFSBANE

Chapter 1

Murderer

'Remus?'

The Remus in question was so surprised at the voice he was hearing that he almost stopped crying.

Almost.

'Remus, I know you're in there somewhere. No, I'm not about to rip open your curtains and see if you really are. I know you are, though. Merlin, it would be awkward if you weren't. Remus… Moony, if you're in there, just give me a signal, ok? Let me know.'

Too tired to play this game, Remus threw open the curtain. 'Sirius, go away.'

Sirius shrugged. 'Nah,' he said, sitting down on his own bed, opposite Remus's. 'What would the fun be in that?'

Remus raised an eyebrow, finally looking up at his friend through tear-stained eyes. What was he doing here? 'Sirius, I've told you. Just go away.'

'Why should I? I told you that plenty of times back in first year, remember? Back when Jamie hated me for being a Black.'

Why wouldn't he go away?

Sirius changed his tone again, so that it betrayed a hint of emotion. Well – more than a hint, which would have been unusual for Sirius, if Remus didn't know him better. 'Look, Remus, this is a thing called helping your friend when they're hurt. So tell me. Why weren't you at breakfast this morning?'

Remus wiped another tear off of his cheek, grunting sarcastically. 'Why do you think?'

'Moony, this isn't the time for sarcasm.'

'Any time is the time for sarcasm.'

'Please, Moony.'

Remus sighed. He should probably just get this over with: then maybe Sirius would leave him to his misery. Then, finally, he could have some peace to give himself what he deserved.

Sirius was sighing internally. Remus was obviously in one of those self-hating moods which he seemed to get after the full moon. Wait – wasn't it only a few days until full moon? And it had never been like this before…

'Moony, just tell me. Are you feeling guilty about the whole Animagi thing again? Because trust me, I'm not joking when I say-'

'It's not that,' Remus snapped. Sirius sighed out loud this time. 'Then what is it, you idiot? Just tell me and then maybe I can help!'

I don't need help. Remus couldn't help but think that this was stupid. A waste of time. He could be…

Just show him the article.

He wasn't sure where the voice came from, or why he was following its orders. But then again, where was the harm in doing what it said?

Sirius didn't quite catch the newspaper; it landed beside him. Best not to tell James about that. He'd be teased for weeks – Sirius Black, famous chaser, unable to catch a bloody newspaper on short notice.

Remus was speaking again.

'Open it… Open it to page three. Read the main article.'

Frowning, Sirius did as Remus said. Page three of the newspaper was filled by a single article. Looking up at Remus and wondering why a newspaper article was making him cry, Sirius began to read.

'Man, 42, arrested on suspicion of murder of Tania Greene, aged ten years old. Nearly two months after-'

Remus was shaking uncontrollably, the tears flowing down his face. Sirius slammed the paper down beside him, narrowing his eyes in disbelief.

'Look, Remy, it's ok to get upset over things that happen. But these things happen all the time. You can't let them affect you – not like-'

'IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!'

Remus was out of control, Sirius could see that. He'd stood up, still shaking, still crying. Casting a quick 'muffliato', Sirius, too, got up. Surely Remus-

Remus whipped round to face his friend. 'You don't understand! You never will!'

'Well, maybe if you told me what was going on-'

Remus nearly punched the wall in frustration. 'You want to know? You want to know why I'm like this?'

'Remus…'

'It's because,' Remus carried on, his voice deliberately slowed down and almost dangerously soft. 'I know that the man in the Muggle newspaper you just read is innocent.'

Sirius was confused. 'Well – that's great-'

'YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU? I KNOW HE'S INNOCENT BECAUSE…'

Remus sank to the floor, sobbing. Sirius had no idea of what to do. Should he…?

'I know he's innocent,' Remus continued, his voice now barely above a whisper, 'because the day that girl died was a full moon. And on that particular full moon… No-one else knows that on that night I broke out of my garden shed.'

Sirius felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. 'Oh, Moony…'

Remus was up again, throwing his possessions everywhere, scratching his face so that it was red and raw like after a transformation. Sirius could barely watch – was this what being an Animagus would be like? Watching his friend go through all this every month?

'I'M A MURDERER, SIRIUS, don't you see? I've RUINED A LIFE – two lives, in fact! More than that! And I can't do anything about it, because they can't ever know what I am! I'm a monster, I've told you all along – do you have enough proof now?! Do you realise now why we can't ever be friends? I deserve to be separated from everyone, I don't deserve friends, I DESERVE TO DIE.'

Remus turned to his friend, his face full of tears, an unfathomable look in his eyes. Sirius could almost see the wolf's features in the boy's face.

'Kill me, Sirius. Kill me now. I deserve it. I don't deserve this life. Why would anyone ever give someone a life when they would just be miserable? Hey? What kind of a God would do that? Please, Sirius.' He was practically begging by now. 'Kill me. I'm a murderer, I'm a monster. At the very least accept that we can't be friends. Please.'

Sirius was shocked. Remus, innocent, smart, sarcastic Remus – begging for death. He had to be kidding…

He shook himself. What was he doing? His friend was on the floor, in front of him, grovelling, and he was just stood there, open mouthed, still having not replied.

'No.'

Remus looked up at him. 'What?'

'I'm not a murderer, Remus. And neither are you.'

'Did you not hear what I just-'

'I heard every word of it. Loud and clear. Which is why you must listen to me.'

Sirius had no idea of where he was going with this. Then again, he normally spoke without really thinking, and it had never failed him before, had it?

'Moony, is there anything that can stop this from happening?'

Remus looked confused – shocked – but only for a second. 'There is… something... Why are you asking me this?'

'Never mind that. What is it called?'

Remus frowned. What was Sirius doing? 'It's called Wolfsbane Potion. It's a very recent discovery, which is why it's so expensive. I could never afford it, but- Sirius, why are you asking me this?'

'I'm asking because I care about you. What? There's more to me than the girls and the drink, Moony, you know that. Now listen to me, where can I find this… Wolf-main thing?'

'Wolfsbane. They won't sell it anywhere on Diagon, and St Mungo's don't treat people like me. Maybe Knockturn Alley, somewhere… Sirius, you're not thinking of…?'

'I'm thinking of lots of different things, Moony, most of them involving rude words and things you don't want to hear me say about a certain Fenrir Greyba- sorry.'

Remus shook his head: even the name he most feared had no effect on him at a time like this. There was a short silence, during which he could almost hear Sirius's brain whirling.

'I… I went to her funeral, you know.'

'You what?' Sirius snapped, coming out of his reverie.

'Stayed in the shadows. Hung back. I had to pay my respects… Sorry, I'm complaining excessively now, aren't I?'

'Moony, are you seriously telling me that the only time you've gate-crashed is at a funeral?'

'Siri, are you seriously telling me you've only just worked out what kind of a person I am?'

'Don't call me Siri.'

'Sorry.'

Silence.

'Look at the state of you, Moony. You're a mess… Come on. There's Quidditch practice today. And we can go to the kitchens, get you some chocolate. Sounds good, right?'

'…I guess.'

Taking Sirius's hand, Remus forced himself to stand up. They'd been stood there for a while, contemplating the situation, when a new voice disturbed the silence.

'Sirius, you're late for- Holy Merlin, what's happened?'

A quick, pleading look from Remus told Sirius not to give anything away.

'Nothing, Jim. Nothing. I'm coming, just tell Roskell I'll be a bit late.'

'Don't call me Jim.'

'Whatever.'