Unprepared
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect.
Shepard knew that things were going to be far more complicated than they should be when Anderson somehow managed to beat her to the Citadel and jerkily turned around, panicked and protesting that he could not do something. And then the Illusive Man shoed up with half his face and neck covered with what looked to be the same sort of technology that Saren had self-installed towards the end. Hadn't he extensively studied what happened there before he even rebuilt her?
"I underestimated you, Shepard," the Illusive Man told her.
"Yeah but I don't even know how it's possible to do that at this point," Shepard complained. "I mean, you had me brought back from the dead because of how unstoppable I am and then you kept throwing me into traps that I made it out of just fine. I even had a no-death suicide mission! Which we should probably stop calling a suicide mission, come to think of it…"
"Why do you keep ruining my plans?" the Illusive Man demanded.
"Well, your plans do run counter to the general survival of humanity," Shepard explained.
"Why, because I don't want to destroy the Reapers but rather control them?" the Illusive Man challenged.
"Stopping us from destroying the Reapers is definitely not in our best interest," Shepard agreed. "Even if we could control the Reapers, which I doubt, what do we need giant Reapers for? Because they're cool?"
Anderson nodded at that. Giant Reapers would be cool but not worth the risk.
"Of course not," the Illusive Man scoffed. "We could learn so much from studying them and imagine how useful they'd be in rebuilding."
Shepard tried to imagine a Reaper helping to rebuild but simply couldn't. "There comes a time, such as maybe when you're risking the extinction of everything that has ever heard of the Citadel to learn to make genocide machines, when you have to wonder if gaining new knowledge is always worth it."
"And I assure you, Shepard, that it is extremely possible to control the Reapers," the Illusive Man boasted, ignoring her. "In fact, it is the means to survival."
"Let's pretend you can control the Reapers," Shepard began.
"There is no need to pretend-" the Illusive Man bit out.
"How does that help us survive any more than killing them would?" Shepard interrupted.
"I'm thinking long-term," the Illusive Man explained. "This alliance will be short-lived and soon we will need to be able to defend ourselves again."
"Maybe it wouldn't be so damn short-lived if people like you would stop screwing over every other species in the galaxy even when you really have no reason to," Shepard helpfully suggested. "And it will be at least a generation before tensions like that start up again. No one that lived through this would do anything like that. And maybe a generation isn't so long in the grand scheme of things but it is to me."
"This is just like the Mass Relays all over again," the Illusive Man declared.
"Oh, right, you're old enough to remember discovering them, aren't you?" Shepard asked, her eyes widening.
"There were those who wanted them destroyed, they were scared of what we would find and let in," the Illusive Man continued. "But look at us now! Look at how far we've come!"
"Although, really, if we had just destroyed them then we wouldn't be facing down the Reapers now would we?" Shepard countered.
"That is hardly the point," the Illusive Man insisted. "We can still win this!"
"We wouldn't have to if the Relay was safely neutralized," Shepard muttered.
"Don't you see?" Anderson cried out, getting them back on track with difficulty. "They are controlling you. They'll never let you control them."
The Illusive Man crossed his arms petulantly. "Why does everybody always say that?"
"Maybe because it's true," Shepard said pointedly.
The Illusive Man shook his head. "That can't be it. Just tell me, once and for all, why you think I'm being 'controlled by the Reapers.'"
"For one, you don't want to destroy the Reapers and that sounds like something that the Reapers would be in favor of," Shepard began.
"That's not fair," the Illusive Man protested. "You cannot use my desire to do something as proof that the Reapers are controlling me."
"Well, what if you desired to help the Reapers kill all life in the galaxy?" Shepard inquired. "Could we conclude that they were controlling you then?"
The Illusive Man shook his head. "Not necessarily. I will concede that that is the probable conclusion but I could just have a genocidal bent. And that's not what I'm seeking anyway."
"Well, what about the fact that your eyes are glowing blue just like the husks and those that we know are indoctrinated?" Shepard tried again.
The Illusive Man shot her a look. "My eyes were glowing blue since before we even met and since I was the one who rebuilt you and sent you off to stop the Reaper agents from abducting and murdering human colonists I cannot possibly have been indoctrinated then."
"Well, maybe not far enough along to-" Shepard began but sighing. "Okay, fine, but they're definitely bluer and glowier now than they were before."
"Very eloquent, Shepard," the Illusive Man said mockingly. "Although I don't know how you can be sure as this is the first time we've met in person."
"Well I can't possibly have missed the…modifications that you've made to your face," Shepard announced.
"No but I don't see what that has to do with anything," the Illusive Man said stubbornly.
"Do you remember when I confronted Saren about his own modifications and he claimed that allowing Sovereign to talk him into getting all those implants was perfectly sane and not at all indoctrinated?" Shepard demanded. "And then it turned out that it allowed Sovereign to control him and so all he could do was kill himself? And how even that wasn't enough as his corpse started attacking me and so we had to dismember his dead body?"
"I do," the Illusive Man admitted. "But this is completely different."
"So you didn't use Reaper technology on yourself," Shepard said skeptically.
"I can control it!" the Illusive Man cried out.
"I'm just saying that if I have to dismember your corpse, too, then I will be pissed and so I will not be kind," Shepard threatened.
"I have dedicated my life to understanding the Reapers!" the Illusive Man shouted.
"Really? Because we've only even known about them for like three years now," Shepard reminded him. "That's really not much time to devote or sacrifice."
Annoyed, the Illusive Man waved his hands and a strange black energy came out and suddenly Shepard's gun-wielding hands were forced up and aiming right at Anderson.
"Hey!" she protested. "What the hell?"
"Well how am I supposed to control the Reapers if I can't even control you?" the Illusive Man asked rhetorically.
"That doesn't even make sense!" she complained. "What was that weird black energy? Is this some hitherto unseen Reaper power? I would have thought that this would come in real handy when they were trying to stop me. Do you really think being so connected to the Reapers that you can use their magical powers means that you're not theirs?"
"I am controlling them!" the Illusive Man insisted.
"Really? Because it seems like you're doing a lot more to stop me than they are," Shepard pointed out. "And if you're in control then why did you take the Citadel to Earth and not stop the Reapers from massacring the people you've sworn to protect? And while we're at it, why did Sanctuary target humans instead of other aliens since you don't give a damn about them but claim to want to protect humanity? And then there's the fact that-"
A strange purple glow formed around the Illusive Man's hands then and Shepard could only watch in horror as her finger squeezed the trigger of her weapon. Anderson, his eyes wide, braced himself for the impact that never came.
"What the-" the Illusive Man broke off, looking incredibly confused. His hands glowed again and again Shepard's helpless fingers obediently squeezed the trigger and again Anderson just kept standing there quite un-shot. "What's going on?"
Shepard coughed awkwardly. "Well…"
The Illusive Man seized on this. "You know! Tell me! How did you overcome the Reaper's control."
"Well, it's not that exactly," Shepard said, embarrassed but also highly relieved. If things had been different she could have just killed her mentor and one of the brightest stars that the Alliance had. "I just…you know…"
"I really don't," the Illusive Man growled out. "What have you done?"
"I might have runoutofammoawhileagoanddidn 'tfindmore," she said as quickly as possible.
"Very good, Shepard, now let's try it in English," the Illusive Man said impatiently.
"I said that I ran out of ammo awhile ago and didn't find any more," Shepard explained. "And so no matter how many times you make me pull that trigger, I'm still not going to be able to shoot him." Suddenly, she found herself able to move again. He must have believed her then.
Anderson was frowning at her now. "Are you telling me that you just happened to run out of ammunition now? You haven't had to shoot anything since coming up here, have you?"
"I have not," Shepard confirmed, refusing to look at him.
The Illusive Man was starting to look confused as well. "So you just happened to use up all of your ammunition as you reached the ship?"
"That does sound logical," Shepard said evasively.
"Shepard," Anderson said sternly.
"I…but…oh, alright," Shepard grumbled. "So maybe, just maybe, when the time came to charge down the path to the beacon I didn't have any ammunition left."
"The-the whole path?" Anderson couldn't believe it. "But there were creatures attacking along that path."
"So there were," Shepard agreed, shuddering at the memory. "But the ones that got close enough I just beat to death with my gun and the ones that didn't I just ignored."
"They were shooting at you." It wasn't a question.
"Well, yes," Shepard conceded. "But do you know how many shots I can take before my shields are fully depleted and I actually get injured from getting hit? I just ran past them."
"Why didn't you get more ammunition?" Anderson demanded.
"Well normally I find ammunition every ten feet or so and I was kind of in a hurry so I figured that I could grab some on the way. I didn't but it seemed pretty reasonable to me," Shepard said defensively.
"It seemed 'pretty reasonable' that you would just happen to find ammunition lying around?" Anderson asked skeptically.
"Hey, I've found ammunition just lying around everywhere I have ever gone that I would need to shoot people. Ever. Except along that path evidently," Shepard said sheepishly.
"And you weren't at all worried about what you might find once you got to the top? For God's sake, Shepard, you were charging a Reaper beacon!" Anderson cried out.
"And my biggest problem with that was the laser from space that nearly killed me but I don't really see how me being adequately armed would have made a difference there," Shepard argued. "Besides, I'm sure I can find some around here if I really look and if I had been armed you'd be dead right now. In fact, you might even…" She trailed off as she realized that she didn't want to give the Illusive Man any ideas about doing it himself. "So where were we anyway?" she asked brightly. "You being a Reaper puppet?"
"I am not a Reaper puppet!" the Illusive Man snapped.
"Don't listen to him Shepard," Anderson advised.
"I was not planning on it," Shepard assured him.
"So who will you listen to?" the Illusive Man asked with a derisive glance in Anderson's direction. "A tired old soldier who can't see the world except down the barrel of a gun?"
"I'll have you know that killing everything in my path has really worked out well for me," Shepard declared. "Often better than not shooting things has gone."
"Well what if he's wrong? What if controlling Reapers is the answer?" the Illusive Man demanded.
"I will admit that just because you're totally indoctrinated right now that doesn't mean that there isn't a possibility that the Reapers can be safely controlled and used to help or whatever but I know that killing them will work so how can that possibly be wrong? This is like with that base all over again," Shepard grumbled.
"You gave me the base," the Illusive Man reminded her.
Shepard threw her hands up in the air. "And look what you did with that! Once bitten, you know." Although maybe that might have been what finally got him indoctrinated. Somehow she had never gotten herself indoctrinated – as far as she knew – but everyone else who spent a fraction of the time she did with Reaper technology did and how the Illusive Man must have obsessed over that precious base. But did that make this her fault?
"I can control them!" the Illusive Man was looking increasingly desperate.
Shepard often had that effect on people. "Are you willing to bet humanity's future on it?"
The Illusive Man bent over as though he were fighting a powerful headache. "I know it will work!"
"It hasn't yet and I think you know why, deep down," Sheppard said knowingly. "And surely with all your research you must have realized that these headaches of yours are the sign of indoctrination. Do you randomly hear Reaper noises, too?"
The Illusive Man stalked over to Anderson and took his gun.
"Let me guess, yours is loaded," Shepard said, groaning.
"I'm not an amateur, Shepard," Anderson sniffed.
Okay, she probably deserved that.
"You know that because of you humanity is in a far worse position than they should have been and we might even lose because of it?" Shepard asked.
The Illusive Man's hands shook. "That's not true!"
"Really. Then what do you call forcing a two-front war when we desperately need to focus all of our efforts on the Reapers?" Shepard challenged. "Come on, just let Anderson and I go and kill the Reapers. It'll be great."
Shepard could see the exact moment that he believed her and accepted the terrible truth about himself. She shook her head helplessly but said nothing as she understood what he was going to do because she couldn't see any other way.
"I tried, Shepard," he told her quietly and then it was over.
Anderson, free to move again, gingerly grabbed his gun and then quickly stepped away again. "Come on, Shepard, we need to figure this thing out."
Shepard nodded. "Agreed." She glanced down at the body of the Illusive Man. "Although I'm really not sure how I feel about the fact that I keep talking people into suicide…"
Note: Being out of ammo legitimately happened to me in the game so I never understood how Anderson ended up dying which is why this is more-or-less my head-canon.
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