I wanted to be cute when I was younger. I didn't want pokemon to keep their distance or watch me with fear. I wanted to be normal. I didn't have a shot at being normal, though. It was too out of my league. Xylia, though, she could have had as many friends as she wanted if she didn't hang out with me. That wasn't what she wanted, though. We found each other when we were both tiny and helpless. We kept each other warm and safe. She washed me off after I found meat to eat and made sure my feathers weren't matted with mud. She was my keeper and she paid for it with social isolation. It's not a good thing. I wish she could have had as many friends as she deserved. I wish she could have left me behind and unburdened herself.
I wished it with all my heart, but I didn't want it one bit. She was my only friend and the only pokemon I'd ever known. Nobody else talked to me. Nobody else cared about me. Nobody else told me I'd get those ghosts next time, don't worry. And, I know I shouldn't be selfish, and I know that you're supposed to want the ones you love to get everything they deserve, even if it means they get it without you. But. I could never bring myself to really want that. I pretended I would be happy as long as she was happy. I pretended as well as I could.
The truth of the matter was, I wanted Xylia to stay with me, even if it meant she wasn't reaching her real potential. And knowing that? Knowing that, after everything she did for me and all the sacrifices she made? That I couldn't bring myself to want what was best for her? It reminded me of how much of a monster I really was.