Title: This Time
Author: snarkysweetness
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Emma/August
Summary: While waiting for the results to the most important test of their lives, August and Emma discuss her fears.
Warnings: Implied sexy times occurring.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: Written as my Drabble entry for the Wooden Swan contest; I just really liked the idea of a vulnerable Emma and August needing to be the strong one for once.
August reached over to grasp Emma's hand, trying not to focus on the pounding of his heart. He'd never been so excited and yet terrified in his entire life. He wanted nothing more than to embark on this journey with Emma, but the fear in her eyes scared him. Did she not want this at all? Or was it just that she didn't want it with him? And either way, what did that mean for him?
"Emma?"
It took her a moment to look up, as if she hadn't registered being spoken to until now. She squeezed his hand before whispering.
"Yes?"
"How much longer?"
Emma shrugged, her hand trembling in his.
"Three minutes," Emma said, barely above a whisper.
"So we wait?"
She nodded.
August waits thirty long seconds before he can't take it anymore and he has to know.
"Is the idea of having a child with me that horrible to you?"
Emma looked up at him again, shaking her head in confusion.
"Why would you-"
"Look at you!" August pulled away from her and stood, pacing in front of her, running his hands through his hair. "You can barely look at me and you look like someone's died. You haven't spoken more than ten words to me in the last half hour. And when you told you me you thought you were pregnant your eyes were dead. So it me? Or do you just not want this at all? Because if you don't want this and I have to-
No-
I want this, even if you don't, so please just-"
August lowered himself to his knees in front of her, taking her hands in his.
"What's going on up there?"
It would kill him if she had this baby just for him but it'd also kill him if she didn't. And if she wasn't pregnant and he knew that it was something that wasn't in the cards for them, could he be happy never having his own child? He loved Henry, but he was a teenager and he'd be on his own soon. August wanted the whole experience and he wanted it with Emma, no one else.
"August I'm…" Emma swallowed and closed her eyes, letting out an unstable breath.
He hated seeing her like this. This wasn't his Emma. Sure, she was strong and he'd seen her vulnerable side, but this was different, she looked broken, and no matter how hard life had been for her or what she'd been through, she'd always kept that spark of life to her. Not seeing that spark killed him inside.
"I'm scared," she said finally. "I don't know if I can do this. And I know it's different this time, because I have you," she whispered, reaching out to touch his cheek. "And I'm in a better place but I don't know what I'm doing. I had so much help with Henry and I mean Regina did all of the hard stuff. Henry was already an amazing kid when I got him. What if…
I just want to do it right this time. And I don't know if I have it in me."
Her voice quivered as she spoke and August fell, if possible, even more in love with her.
August leaned up to kiss her forehead and brushed away loose pieces of hair from her face.
"Emma, do you think I'd want this if I thought you-we couldn't do this? I don't just want to be a father for the Hell of it; I want to be one because of you. I don't want a child unless it's with you. We've only had Henry for a few years but it's been the best time of my life and I know if we do this and do it right, we'll be the happiest people in this whole town."
"You really want this, don't you?"
Emma doesn't even bother to hide her surprise.
"Yeah, I do."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
August smirked.
"Have you met you? Do you remember how freaked out you got when I proposed to you? You don't exactly do commitment well and this is big, I was okay to wait until you were ready."
Emma leaned down to kiss him.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
He waited a moment before speaking again.
Do you think it's been three minutes?"
Emma sighed nervously.
"Yeah, I'll um-yeah."
She stood and squeezed his hand before going into the bathroom. After the longest twenty seconds of August's life, Emma emerged from their bathroom with tears in her eyes.
August's heart dropped to his chest and he stood, moving to hug her.
"Emma, I'm sorry, we can try-"
"It's positive," she whispers, holding the test out to him and letting out a half-sob, half-laugh. "We did something right for once!"
August pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head, relieved. Nothing had ever come easy for the two of them, so to have this really be happening, when they were both ready, was a miracle. With their luck he'd expected a long few years of trying and failing. August silently thanked whatever God there was out there for their good fortune.
"This is really happening?"
Emma pulled away, crying and nodding, before kissing him. He kissed her back, picking her up off the ground and holding her close before carrying her to their bed. This happy occasion called for lots and lots of celebrating.