Hello again! I just remembered this idea I had a while back! I love this song, and Chameleon Circuit is my favorite band! Well, hope you enjoy!
Hey old man, rest your head
He was finally trying to sleep. The case had taken days, leaving him exhausted, though he wouldn't admit that to anyone. He let his defenses down, and finally let himself sleep. It wasn't very long before he woke with his heart thumping.
You're breaking down inside
The nightmares had started back in April, not long after John and he had finally met Moriarty. He had been so close to losing John.
Armor's cracked, set to collapse, d*mn you don't you cry!
His shell was breaking down. He was beginning to show emotion. He knew that was normal, but he didn't want to be normal. Normal was full of emotion and pain and other things that distracted him from his work. The only emotion he wanted was the thrill of cases. He would not allow fear, or pain. Nor would he allow too much love. Love only resulted in pain and fear, like the fear that caused his nightmares.
I've ended lives and ended worlds, I guess I've done it all
It wasn't like he was new to this. He had seen plenty of bodies, heard the pleas of people covered in bombs, at risk of dying within an instant. Why was this different? But he knew why. He knew that this was different because of the people who were in danger.
Fire and ice and rage inside, how long till I fall?
He was feeling too much! He was just going to get hurt, like every other time!
Somewhere all my darkest fears are gathering, it's not enough to save the day
He thought of all the people who had abandoned him and left him, of the pain he had felt.
I can't escape my nightmares
How was he to get away? He couldn't leave John. But maybe that was the only way to stop the nightmares. The horrible dreams where John was killed by Moriarty, or shot by one of his snipers, or blown up. Every single time, it was because of something Sherlock said or did. Every time he had one of the nightmares, it was his fault that John died.
Dreams have shown me who I am, a danger to myself
He was putting his friends in danger. That put him in danger. They would get hurt, and yet another person who cared about him would be gone. Then he would go back to the drugs and the nicotine, like last time.
Trickster feared, far from revered, so I must fear as well
He couldn't risk losing the few friends he had. Everyone else thought he was a freak, or that he was pulling tricks. They didn't admire what he did, like John did. They hated him for it.
Words and laughter's wearing thin, breaking this disguise
He had to get away before it was too late for them. He couldn't let them know he cared. He couldn't let them notice how happy he was, or how much he liked to be with them and talk to them.
Where do angels fear to tread?
How can I think to hide
Where could he go that was far enough away?
Somewhere all my darkest fears are gathering, it's not enough to save the day
I can't escape my nightmares
Where could he escape? He needed to get away!
Somewhere all my darkest fears are gathering, it's not enough to save the day
I can't escape my nightmares
He had to escape the nightmares...
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it. Please review to let me know what you thought!