The title is from a Placebo song : "The Crawl".

Summary : Greg and Nick's relationship comes to big test when Greg discovers what Nick has done. Will they go through it together or will they break apart. Things get even more complicated when a third person steps in. Greg/Nick slash.

Don't Like Don't Read, please. My first fan fiction, Be gentle, people ( ;

Rating : T to start.

My favorite part : Disclaimer : CSI is a CBS property. I don't own Nick and sadly not Greg but I'm working on it ( :

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"Lay me down, to Crawl" - Chapter 1

Written By

SuckerYouSuckerMe

Nick opened his eyes slowly and let himself get overwhelmed by the morning light invading the room. He rose his body slightly and glanced at the alarm over the man heavily sleeping on his chest. It was only 12 o'clock and with the rough shift he pulled on the last night he thought he won't be waking up before six. He fell again into the mattress releasing a long sigh. He did not get much sleep lately and he needed it so badly. He closed his eyes again and tried to relax and let the tension escape his tired body, a few minutes later he gave up. He gently pushed the beautiful head resting against him and pulled himself out the bed, crossed the large living room and headed to the kitchen. As he found nothing he trusted to eat in the fridge, he decided to pour himself some coffee.

He hardly tried to focus on the daily ritual but his mind kept flighting out of him, out off the kitchen, out of the house. His trials came to and end when he dropped the filled mug of hot coffee on the floor, letting a loud "Fuck !" out.

He hurried to clean up the mess he caused praying he didn't wake his lover and wondering what the hell has happened to him lately that made him so distracted and almost oblivious. He wasn't acting like himself neither at work nor back to the intimacy of his apartment and what bothered him the most is that everybody around him seemed to notice the change, especially his partner. He shook his head violently as if the gesture would release him from himself and the overrunning brain what took him over and over again back to the same person. He was surprised to feel a warm body pushed against his back, firm arms rubbed around his waist and a gentle chin resting on his shoulder. As he didn't lean into the embrace, the tender voice of his lover came to him in an almost a murmur.

"Good morning, honey"

"Morning, G" he did not move an inch and just stood still.

Greg's lips met the smooth skin under Nick's earlobe."Preparing a good breakfast to make up to me ?" Greg smirked and then landed a juicy kiss on his man's neck. The kiss was hot and lustful, and he could feel the aroused crotch against him.

Nick knew exactly what Greg meant. He has been noticing the hole widening between the two of them and getting constantly bigger. After they got together six months earlier and Nick asked Greg to move in with him, he has been regretting his decision everyday a little more. He rushed up things, he should have waited to see were this relationship was leading and how strong they felt for each other, well, to be fair to himself, how strong he felt for Greg because the younger man showed him in more than one occasion how much he cared for him and he knew down inside that Greg loved him and waited to say it since he promised Nick to take things slow because this whole situation was new to him. It took the Texan a long time to accept his homosexuality and let Greg get trough the shell he has been confined into. The younger man was more than supportive and patient with his lover's insecurities and doubts. He even agreed to keep their relationship secret because he knew how much the coming out would affect his lover. He did not push the matter of moving in with Nick either, he knew the older man needed his personal space and some escape, but after five months, the situation became really awkward and Nick felt compelled to ask even if he was not ready for it. He made the proposition and Greg jumped on it. Greg was the first man he had sex with and he knew ever since that night that he did not decide to become gay but now that he is there was nothing else he wanted to be. He regretted all these years of lying, pretending and faking. But he was faking right there, in their kitchen, with Greg kissing his neck and brushing butterfly kisses over his bare shoulder. He was faking and it made him sick to his stomach.

"Yeah, I guess....umm...but" he broke from the embrace grabbed a fresh coffee cup turned around and handed it over to Greg " but there is nothing left to eat so... I'll go get us some waffles and Stuffed French toasts"

Greg was silent for a few long seconds, his arms still resting on Nick's hips, their faces inches away, his eyes glued to Nick's. He was scanning the older man's features trying to read beneath those dark pools what was going so wrong, what was keeping them apart. But he couldn't understand or he refused to understand. Instead of thinking he trailed kisses from Nick's ear, down his neck.

"All I want for breakfast is you Nicky"

Nick moaned quietly when the wet mouth reached a sensitive spot between his neck and shoulder. "Um...I...I'm ….no...Greg, no" he pushed him gently and looked at his now angry face with an apologetic smile.

"What ? " Greg yelled.

"I....I didn't get much sleep, I pulled a double...I'm beat and...." he tried to laugh " and starving " He run to the bedroom and started to get dressed hoping that Greg was still in the kitchen drinking his coffee. He looked up to the large mirror in front of him and saw the reflexion of his lover a few steps behind him staring with questioning and lustful eyes.

Greg was heavily breathing trying to calm himself and not blow up in Nick's face. "I pulled a double myself " his voice was calmer and colder than he expected. He slowly approached his partner and pushed his hands under his tight green shirt and made him turn around. "I want you to stay, and...." his lips reached Nick's for in a playful kiss " I want you to make love to me"

Nick felt busted. He hated this. He hated fleeing from Greg, he hated lying to him, he hated himself. " I...I'm not..." he struggled to break free from Greg's arms and instead he felt them tighten around his hips. He shoved him harshly "Greg, stop it !"

Greg's body was thrown backward and he almost fell down flat on his ass if he didn't grab the bed. He immediately stood up hurt and confused. Nick watched the scene with wide eyes, he could not believe what he just did he stepped forward his arms opened to apologize but before he could get a word out, Greg groaned "What the hell Nick ?"

Nick could see Greg's hands clench into fists as he approached him quickly. He did not move. Greg had the right to be angry, he had the right to hit him. He actually hoped he would knock him off his feet, beat him to the pulp. Maybe it would make Nick feel better. Maybe it would make them even. But he knew that they would never be even. Not after what he did. Greg did not deserve this. He did not deserve him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you ?" Greg shouted in rage as he stopped his race.

Nick's head fell down in shame and disgust. He did not know what pretext to tell this time. Along the last week he has been making up excuses to cover up his brutishly coarse behavior every time Greg wanted to have sex with him he pretended to be exhausted, sick, tired, not in the mood. But this time he run out of excuses and Greg out of patience. He wished he could tell him the truth, explain to him and then let him choose between sticking around or cutting it off. But he was not ready to take the risk, he could not loose Greg, never.

"I'm sorry G, I'm really sorry" said Nick his haze still on the floor. He could not look him in the eyes.

"You're sorry about what Nick ?" Greg exclaimed with a big movement of his arms. "Sorry you shoved me badly ? Sorry you've been avoiding me for the last days ? Sorry you don't want to be with me anymore ? Sorry what Nick ? Just tell me ! I'm fuckin' tired of this game !"

"No, no, no Greg" he desperately urged "I don't want to be apart from you, ever" his voice was sincere and yet bitter " I'm sorry I've been acting like a jerk lately, I don't....know why..."

"You don't ?" Greg groaned "Well I do" Nick's heart froze. He knew how clever Greg was, he knew that he won't be hiding his dirty secret for long. He stood there silently, ready to accept his faith.

"I think... " Greg's voice came unexpectedly calm and icy " I think that somewhere, deep down, you realized that, all of the sudden, you're in this nice little committed relationship, and it pisses you off !... and now you're punishing me"

Greg was so close to the truth and yet so far. Even with everything Nick put him through lately, how bad he treated him, how much he hurt him, his lover did trust him and his mind never pictured the bitter truth. Nick felt even more sick and disgusted by himself along with the urge to hit something. He shamefully shifted his eyes to the floor and tried to puzzle up the right answer but the words betrayed him.

" I'm sorry" is all he managed to say.

"Then I was right ! And No ! You're not Sorry !" Greg raged.

They both didn't move for a long minute before Greg took a few steps forward until there was only two feet between them, then he lifted Nick's chin with his hand forcing the older man into eye contact. "I thought this could work out, I really did" Greg fought the tears racing to his eyes and crossed his arms firmly on his chest.

" It still can" Nick's voice came soft and tender "I know I put you through a lot and I apologize for it"

" Is that all you have to say ?" Greg's voice was shacking with anger and disbelieve " I thought we were mature enough to talk things over and acknowledge when there is a problem, but obviously you're not ready to stop hiding behind some lame excuses and empty apologies !" His whole body trembling, Greg walked slowly to the closet, took a bag and started to randomly throw his belongings into it.

"Greg, please don't-" Nick pleaded as his hands reached to the bag.

"Stay away from me !" Greg interrupted with a fury he did not know he possessed. " This is exactly what you wanted, uh ? So guess what ?" he violently closed the bag and headed for the front door.

"You won !"

"No, please..." Nick raced to the door and stood against it. " Don't do this... please stay " his eyes watering and his voice cracking from emotion.

Greg was surprised to see, for the first time, the Texan vulnerable and shaking on the verge of tears. He dropped his bag and swallowed the the lump in his throat. " we both know this relationship is leading nowhere" he paused not finding a word that sounded less harsh than 'break up'. " I thing we need to have a break from this.... from each other" he grabbed his bag again then moved to the door and opened it slowly. He was disappointed to find no resistance from his partner's body still against the door, passively following its movement. He looked him, one last time, in the eyes "See you at work"

Then he was gone.

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Nick showed up in the lab two hour before his shift. He couldn't stand spending one more second in his house, everything reminded him of Greg, he was suffocating. He was sure if he stayed any longer there he'd ended up doing something stupid. He longed the long hall looking for a familiar face and was relieved to see Warrick in the break room. He pushed the glassy door open.

"Hi 'Rick " he greeted.

The tall dark man sitting to the table lifted his head from the file in his hands and smiled.

"Hey, Nicky" but his smile faded quickly when he saw his best friend as pale as a ghost. "Are you OK ?"

Nick carried his tired body and fell heavily laying on the couch facing his worried friend. "I'm fine" he finally replied.

"Are you sure ? You look like shit, man"

Nick let out a long sigh then looked up to the two piercing green brows " I am just a little tired, that's all"

"No shit !" Warrick smirked "you look like a zombie, dude" he put the file down on the table and pushed his chair next to his coworker. "time is up !"

"What ? We still have two hour until-"

"No ! I"m talking about 'waiting-until-Nick-spontaneously-explains-what-is-going-on' time, and it's been three weeks now that you've been acting weird, the whole team has been worrying and asking me whys, since I'm supposed to be your best friend. So please make my life easier and give me some real answers"

Nick looked to the ceiling analyzing the information he just heard "three weeks you said ?"

"Yes ! and I'm still waiting for the answer"

It makes perfect sense. It's been a month now that Greg moved in with him. The first week was great, they barely left the bed spending their days between mind-blowing sex and busy work, no time to think things back, no worries about tomorrow. But after they settled down, he started to feel confined. The sex he shared with Greg was amazing, like nothing he never experienced before with any girl, but Greg was his only gay experience and Nick was curious, too curious. He wanted to try more and more and it came him back in the face.

"So ?..." Warrick voice came demanding and inpatient.

He wished he could share his thoughts with his best friend, get a third person's view on his miserable situation. Even though he knew Warrick was not the homophobic type, he did not think their friendship would survive his coming out. And he was not ready to loose him, not now that he lost Greg.

Did he really loose Greg ? If he remembered well he talked about 'a break'. Nick spend the day musing on that thought trying to decide whether it meant a little time apart from each other or Greg was gently breaking up will him. Recalling the anger and rage he saw in his partner's brown eyes earlier he pounded it was probably the second, but Greg loved him, no Greg loves him, he couldn't have meant it that way, never. He just had to tell Greg the truth the second he sees him, it was too late to fix what he did but he could still save their relationship from drowning. He might forgive him. He would forgive him.

"Good you're here early Nicky" Grissom's voice pulled him from his thoughts. "You and Cathrine have a DB in Candy Roach, Brass said that she was stripped and probably raped, Doc is on the way"

"OK, boss" Nick said as he sat on the couch appreciating his boss obliviousness for the first time.

"She already headed to the parking lot, so you better hurry" Grissom added as he left the room "and Warrick, I'm not sending you on the field before you're done with the paper work"

"I would love to stay and chat, but duty calls" Nick said as hurried to escape the break room.

"It's OK since Cath is leaving with you." He quickly pushed his chair back to the table. "She's the 'how-is-Nick-doing' team's leader"

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Greg was struggling to sleep. It's been a long time since he last slept on his cold bed in his sadly quit apartment without his Texan's arms wrapped around his warm body. His heart jumped as he heard his cellphone ring. He quickly pushed the sheets off and almost fell as he run to his living room where he earlier dropped his bag looking for the phone between clothes and CDs and was disappointed to see his boss's name. He seriously considered not replying since there was still an hour until the shift starts and was tired of doing over time.

"Sanders" he finally said.

"Hi Greg, I know you pulled a double yesterday but I've already called Cath and Nick in early and Warrick is way behind with paper work"

Since he had nothing better to do and he knew he won't be teaming up with Nick he replied "OK, I am on my way"

"Thanks Greg, see you at my office"

Greg threw his phone on the top of the bag and headed to the bedroom cursing Nick than himself for being back to his monotonous old life.

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Greg took his assignment from Grissom and walked towards the exit by his side discussing the case details when Warrick's head popped in their way.

"Greggo, can I have a word with you ?" he looked at his boss "I promise it won't take long"

Greg was surprised but he simply said "Yeah, I'll meet you in a minute Griss"

He fallowed his coworker into the break room.

"Do you know what's going on with Nick ?"

That was the question he was hoping not to hear. "I don't know. What makes you think I might ?"

"I guess I am officially hopeless since I'm asking you about it" he laughed but soon stopped as he saw that Greg was not amused.

"He's probably tired" Greg lied "he has been pulling doubles lately" he opened the door and added "He will be just fine"

"Hell no !" Warrick glanced "He didn't pull a single double during the last week, since he was tired and preoccupied all the time, we have been covering for him until he gets better." He returned to the files laying on the table. "It's not work. I'm sure. It's more personal"

"Yeah, maybe" Greg said with a shaky voice as he run to the hall, feeling his head dazing and his legs going weak.

Liar . Nick has been lying to him all along. He told him he pulled three doubles last week and when Greg asked how come he didn't see him back in the lab he pretended he was on the crime scene collecting evidence or any other look alike excuses. He even remembered that it happened many other times earlier in their relationship too. Liar .

What has he been doing during all these spared hours, night hours ? The though filled him with sickness and the acid in his stomach started to churn. He raced to the toilet feeling all the looks on him. Cheater . How many times did he cheat on him and with how many men ...or even women ? All the bets were open. He didn't know Nick anymore. Maybe he was just one 'fuck buddy' on his long list. Maybe he was cheating from the very start pretending he was not comfortable with his homosexuality needing help and support when he just used his innocence and naiveté. That would explain it all : First, he waited five month to ask him to move in because he was busy getting laid in the intimacy of his bedroom and when he did it was only because, as any good player, he hated to loose. Second the sex-free week they had due to how much Nick was spent having sex with other partners and naturally he was up to nothing back with him. Last and not least, Nick never told him the L word, in a six month relationship he didn't even give him a single hint or made him understand he did care.

Nick lied. He lied so well. Greg saw him using his actor's talent many times in the interrogation room and even admired him for that. He played me well.

He got what he wanted from him and left him drained and empty. Greg felt humiliated and used. He remembered the argument they had in the morning and for the first time that day he felt happy. Happy he left, for good. He looked up at his reflexion on the glass and broke into a long hysterical laugh that went lowering until he felt warm watter on his cheeks. He was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. He stared at his own reddened eyes and suddenly stopped crying. How pathetic ! He was warmly crying over the man who has been lying , cheating and using him for the last six months of his life. He recalled the Nick he used to know as a loyal, caring friend and felt lost an somehow guilty. He washed his face, took deep breaths and walked out feeling more confused and hurt than he did walking in.

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Author's Notes :

Updates will come at least weekly.

Second chapter will be up on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Reviews, comments, suggestions or even light blame are always welcome ( :