This was written for The Summer 2013 Wizarding Modly Forum-Wide Comp of Awesomeness on HPFC: Pass notes to your classmates. Tell a story entirely through letters/notes/articles/textbooks etc - no normal narrative allowed! Stipulation: include a Slytherin character at some point, either as a mere mention or one of the main characters. Even Professor Scrunchy will catch you passing notes if you aren't sneaky enough! Your maximum word count is 1,200 words. 5 bonus points are available to any student who: segments their story with date and time headings at least three times.
I hope you enjoy reading :) Also, thanks to FrenchTranslator for translating this story in French - the story can be found on her profile!
I don't own Harry Potter, by the way.
First Period, Wednesday, September 11th, 1993
I'm bored.
You always are.
That's because you're boring, Greengrass.
It's not my fault you're too stupid to entertain yourself, Malfoy.
So you're having fun here, then?
Of course, this is my favourite subject.
…
I'm kidding, don't be ridiculous. CoMC is more interesting than this.
Oh, right, I forgot my arm hurt.
Idiot. Nice job on the Hippogriff, though.
Thank you, thank you. Speaking of CoMC, Blaise has decided to begin a competition – three Galleons to enter, the one whose Flobberworm dies the most interesting death wins the money.
This is exactly why we hang out with him. He has the best ideas.
He's less stupid than the other ones, isn't he?
Definitely. Anyhow, I'm in.
I'll pass it on.
Do you know anything about what the rest is doing, then?
We're not supposed to share plans.
Are you a Slytherin or what? Surely you've done some digging already.
Of course I did. I'm just not telling.
I still have that picture I took on Christmas, you know. I'm sure your mother would love to see it.
You wouldn't.
Is that a challenge?
…no. I think Goyle is going to feed his to the squid.
There's a good boy. Funny, but hardly creative… Pansy will probably just step on it or something, the girl has the brain capacity of a rock.
True. I bet Millie will kill hers very slowly – do you remember what she did to Longbottom's toad?
Ugh, don't remind me, that was revolting. He never found out, though, did he?
No, she got scared after and replaced the thing. It was pretty original, though. She might win.
I doubt it, I'm planning something already. Besides, her plans won't work if she doesn't have the guts to carry them out.
Okay, you have a point.
I always have a point. I'm brilliant.
Or perhaps you're just pointy.
No, I'm going to go with brilliant, but thank you for your suggestion, you git.
How modest.
Slytherin, not Hufflepuff. Most others have noticed after more than two years, but then again, I know you're not the brightest.
Brighter than you.
In your dreams… you didn't even realize the lesson is almost over.
Finally! I'm starving.
First Period, Wednesday, September 18th, 1993
Reducto? Seriously? That was the best you could come up with?
It seemed like a good idea when I thought of it…
That'd be because you are less intelligent than an empty soup can.
Your insults are always so creative.
Don't try to change the subject with your flattery, even though you are completely right, of course. How could you not realize what would happen?
I was desperate, okay? Two more minutes of that class and I would have blown up my own head.
Well, if it's any comfort to you, I thought you looked rather charming with those guts all over your face.
Oh, shut up, you. I already showered for over an hour and I still feel disgusting.
You smell disgusting.
Are you done yet?
I suppose, though I do suggest you remove that spleen out of your ear.
That was NOT funny! Fuck you, Daphne!
I beg to differ, you jumped halfway to the ceiling. It was hilarious. I'm dying with laughter here… Merlin's pants, I just had the worst image ever.
What?
Imagine if Granger died in here and started to haunt us, too. She'd pair up with Binns and bore us all to death and then we'd be stuck here as well, doomed to listen to their lectures until the end of times!
…I might get nightmares now.
Maybe we'll wake up screaming at the same time, then we could grab some hot chocolate before hiding under our sheets again.
Sounds good. Hey, wait, it'd be even worse than that! Scarhead and the Weasel are here, too!
AAAH, THE HORROR! And Pansy, by the way. She would keep trying to suck your face forever.
Okay, now I'll never sleep again. Oh, hey, Potty sent me a message. Awh, how cute, he's standing up for his half-breed.
What does it say?
The usual. I'm mean, I shouldn't bother nice people like Hagrid, a few semi-bad words, haven't I caused enough trouble by faking the Hippogriff-attack, etcetera, etcetera.
Standing up for his friends even when they are idiots… how Gryffindor. How is your arm anyway?
I'm bleeding out, of course. The pain is killing me.
You poor thing.
Certainly, but your compassion makes me feel a lot better. Should I ask Saint Potter which death he thinks is the most spectacular so far? He's onto us anyway.
Onto you, you mean. No need to ruin the game for the rest of us. My murder is going to be spectacular, by the way. Unlike yours.
Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad. The giant nearly cried.
Yeah, okay, that was pretty funny. It was still horribly unoriginal, though,
I'm the best so far!
You've successfully surpassed Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle – your family will be so proud.
Oh, shut it, you.
Normally I wouldn't, but hey, we've only got five minutes left!
Thank Merlin. If Binns hadn't been dead already I would have killed him myself a long time ago.
I'd help you. Hey, we could share a cell in Azkaban! Maybe your aunt could join us, too, and we could have a party.
You're forgetting about the Dementors, Daph.
They can come if they bring food.
Remind me to not come to your birthday party.
Don't worry, you're not invited.
First Period, Wednesday, September 25th, 1993
You've outdone yourself, Greengrass.
Yes, yes I did. I'm amazing.
As much as I hate to admit it, you definitely earned those Galleons.
I sure did. Hehe, look at Potter's Glare of Fury!
Funny, usually that's reserved for me.
Jealous?
At you? Fat chance.
I happen to be amazing, as I already said.
Only at killing Flobberworms.
It was quite brilliant, wasn't it?
Yeah – did you see the face of that horrid excuse of a teacher?
Hilarious! I wish someone had taken a picture…
Oh, don't worry, I'll be adding it to my Pensieve when I go home for Christmas. You can come see it when you and the others visit.
Sounds like fun. Hey, do you think Snape will cancel my detention if I tell him I need to train for the Quidditch match? I am the best Chaser, after all.
I doubt he'd be able to get away with that. There's no way anyone will ever believe your innocence.
Was it the hysterical laughter that gave me away?
That and the fact that you are the only one insane enough to do something like that.
Insane? I call it creative.
No, I'm pretty sure the word is insane.
You are insane. And stupid. And addicted to hair products. And arrogant. Should I continue? I could do this all day, you know.
Please do change the subject.
Fine. I think my sister has a crush on you.
What? Why- How do- What did she- Are you sure? [A/N: Most of this sentence was supposed to be crossed out, but ff won't let me.]
Pretty. She keeps staring at you, so I asked. Blushed scarlet, stammered something and made a run for it. Much like you're doing now.
Hey, look, it's time. How convenient. I'm not sitting next to you at lunch.