Six Years
A Cardcaptor Sakura fanfic
By RiverLake
Genre: Romance (as usual)
Rating: T (warning about language)
Summary: "You cheated, Li. Twice. And you expect me to run back into your arms like nothing happened?" A story about lies, mistakes, broken hearts and a ruined friendship - Syaoran Li has to figure out a way to get his Sakura Kinomoto back after a major 6-year crush and 6-month relationship that ended with one too many screw-ups.
A/N: Hai...this'll be a really long one-shot 'cause I'm too lazy to fit it into chapters and it'll be really hard to divide the story into chapters anyway. I hope you enjoy this :)
Syaoran stared at the small black box that barely fit in the palm of his hand. It was covered neatly in velvet, the type girls would squeal and shriek and Facebook and Friendster all her friends about if her boyfriend gave it to her; half the time it was a ring. A normal ring, a silver ring, a diamond ring, a gold ring, what did it matter? It was a symbol of commitment. In this box, it was a wedding ring.
Sighing, the seventeen-year-old carefully opened it with his thumbs. Sitting neatly suspended in a groove made specially for it sat a beautiful silver ring - two thin silver strands were carefully molded into a neat circle, holding a diamond-shaped...well, diamond in the center.
Swallowing, he closed the box; tonight was the Tomoeda's New Year Bash, held annually every 31st of December, and also more commonly known as New Year's Prom. He was already in his collared grey shirt, complete with a slim white tie and a black vest. He'd bought the set specially tailored to suit his body frame just for this night.
I want to impress her, he thought miserably. I want to get her attention; I want her to see me, to notice me, to smile that wonderful smile that completely captivates me. I want...I want her.
Flashback
Sakura, walked up the stairs to the badminton courts to see her boyfriend, Syaoran Li, as usual after school for a kiss here and there and some private time together. She pushed open the door, and surpressed a gasp.
In front of her eyes, like the nightmare of two weeks ago, her eyes met the horrific sight of her Syaoran liplocked against some other chick with jet black hair; his arms held her around the waist, close to him, and the other around her neck, as if to never let her pull away from his lips.
Sakura, who had an infamous temper, stood and stared at them, watching them casually as she leaned against the wall with her arms folded across her chest. When Syaoran - Li now - finally stopped making out with the slut facing him, she cleared her throat and fixed him with a steely gaze that sent shivers down anyone's spine and scared the living daylight out of most.
His eyes rose to meet hers, and he immediately released the girl in front of him, who turned to follow his gaze in surprise. Now Sakura recognized her, and she was right - she was Tomoeda's very own whore, Yuki. But she ignored her, directing her anger and attention at the amber-haired, amber-eyed boy looking at her guiltily. Hurt also rose, but she fought it down; there would be time to cry later.
She didn't need to say anything; she gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head, and ripped off the necklace at her neck, one that he had given her last Christmas as a sign of his love before they were together, and let it fall to the ground. Then she walked.
As she suspected, it took only a second's hesitation before she heard the scuffle on the floor - which meant he picked up the necklace - and his footsteps after her. "Baby," he said pleadingly. "Baby, wait, please."
She kept walking.
"Baby, stop, damn it!"
Sakura turned around fast enough to make him stumble on his steps. And then she slapped him. He stared at her in shock. "It's over."
End of Flashback
Syaoran closed his eyes. It was six months since that incident that left him scarred and broken. He opened his eyes, and was not surprised to see a tear running down his cheek. "Damn it!" he muttered darkly and wiped it away. Carefully storing the box in his pants pocket, he turned off the lights and went to his car.
She opened the door tentatively, and peeked inside; the school auditorium always looked it's best for the New Year Bash. There were many students all dressed up their best even though the party wasn't officially supposed to start until half an hour's time.
She was Sakura Kinomoto, the ultimate example of what a perfect successful student would be - beautiful, responsible, smart, athletic and so on. Tonight she was in one of her best friend's designs, a cowl neck midnight blue dress that fitted her upper body perfectly but flowed down from her hips to her knees. The minute she entered, she heard screams that came from the food corner of the room. Slightly alarmed, she swirled in it's direction, and smiled when she saw her best friends waving crazily at her.
A grin flashed across her lips, and she made her way over; on the table were several cups either empty or half-full with pink punch. One of these cups was handed to her by Tomoyo, the very designer of the gorgeous dress on her now. "Sakura-chan, you look fantastic," she winked at her cheekily.
"Oh yeah, I got this dress at H&M when I went over to Singapore couple of months ago - nice huh?" she tossed back, laughing at the narrowed eyes her best friend gave her as her least favourite brand was mentioned. Rika and Chiharu burst into uncontrolled laughter; the former was in a pink cocktail dress that reached the knees, while the latter looked like an angel in a white backless, sleeveless gown. The four of them were all popular cheerleaders in the same class, same status and some of the most sought after in Tomoeda High.
"So, Rika," Sakura said lightly. "Where's Terada-sensei?"
The girl blushed. "At the moment helping out backstage with the sound system," she said, giggling. "We'll meet up later."
"Ooh, meeting up later, eh?" Chiharu added jokingly, elbowing her friend and laughing; her outgoing, sporty personality had made the class clown Takashi Yamazaki her boyfriend, but while their relationship comprised of much teasing and strangling on her part, they were probably the closest couple among the four.
Rika shoved her elbow away. "Yamazaki's over there with Eriol and Syaoran, you know," she pointed out smugly.
"Yeah, I know," Chiharu answered, shrugging, casually tossing a wave at her smart, handsome boyfriend who, for some reason, still managed to look messy in a suit. As Tomoyo smiled her charming smile at her own boyfriend, Eriol, Sakura resisted looking behind at the boys and ignored the pang of hurt that shot through her at the mention of her ex-boyfriend's name.
Flashback
Sakura did nothing to stop the tears running down her cheeks; Yukito had been her boyfriend for over a year before they split up over the age and distance issues, but he had promised to come back for her when he left China to return to Japan. However, Rika had just called, to tell her that Yukito had instead gotten into a new relationship with his by-the-side crush. He'd been honest with Sakura about it, but he never told her about this.
And now, he wasn't ever coming back.
Half an hour later, after the flow of tears had gradually decreased, she called Syaoran.
He picked up on first ring. "Hello?" he said groggily.
"Syao..."
At once he was awake and alert. "Sakura? Sakura, you're crying. Wait, I'm coming over..."
"Syao, no. No, I...I just need to talk to you..."
"About what? Shit, it's your damn ex, isn't it? What the fuck is his problem?"
At his words, Sakura couldnt help but smile through her tears - he had been protective since they met each other six years ago, as kids; he would be there when she needed it, when she didn't, at her side always. As the years progressed, they grew apart, but this year, two months ago, she found that security in being with him again.
"Yes. Yes, it's my ex..." and she relayed the morning's events, beginning from the phone call from her bestie. Two months ago, Syaoran had confessed his feelings, and she had turned him down, saying that she intended to wait the three years single before Yukito came back. He hadn't taken it very well; a four-page note of apology was written, explaining that he deserved someone better than her who would only give in under pity. Eventually he gave up, making the promise to bash up anyone who would dare mess with her, including her ex.
After her recount, he was silent awhile. "You know something?"
"What?"
"He was an idiot to lose you."
Then it was her turn to be silent. Syaoran continued, "Why do you do this to yourself? You deserve better than this, you know it. He's an asshole, hurting you like you don't mean shit. Damn, if and when I see him, I'm gonna beat the fuck out of him personally."
Sakura actually chuckled. "Relax, Syao...you haven't heard the good news yet..."
"What's the good news then?"
She swallowed. "Remember how I told you, how I asked for some time to make up my mind? To try and give up and move on from him?"
"Yeah." The hurt in his voice was not inaudible.
"Do you have any idea how desperately I wanted to be your girlfriend then?"
"Yeah...wait, what?"
Sakura laughed, not humourlessly. "Yeah. Syao, I've had feelings for you for four years...never said anything because I thought it was just a crush. And when I got together with Yukito, I thought I got over you, but...I didn't. I still looked forward to seeing you, hoping to catch a smile in my direction or even a 'hi'. The reason I rejected you is because I've been through a lot with Yukito that I wasn't willing to let go. But I've always felt secure and safe and happy with you. The past two months have been...special, feeling that feeling I've always felt when I was around you."
"So what are you trying to say?" His voice was guarded.
She paused. "I love you," she breathed softly. "I love you. It just took me too long to realize it and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you go through what you went through all those six years of waiting for me to love you back; I'm sorry that I talked to you about my ex, knowing the way you felt about me." She was crying again; she was beyond scared now as the realization that he might not take her as her girlfriend hit her hard.
"...forget about it," he said gently.
"No...no, I can't...and I know there's only one way to make it up to you...that's why...that's why I'm telling you now that I love you. And I don't wanna lose you. You mean...you mean everything to me. Please, don't think you're the rebound guy. I mean what I'm saying. This isn't to get over this faster. I really love you and I do want to be with you. You said you would wait. Would you...would you even consider taking me as your girlfriend?"
He was silent for awhile before he spoke. "Sakura...I waited for six years; when you told me about Yukito, it broke my heart and I had to be admitted to the hospital because I stopped eating; before the operation last year the last thing I wanted to do was to see you and tell you how I felt about you because I was scared I would never get the chance to and you would never know; I cried for days over the letter you wrote me, fine by day but yelling at night and crying to my sisters about how I didn't wanna lose you, how I couldn't let you go; I felt like finding your ex and whacking the shit outta him every time you called crying to tell me how much he's hurting you; I didn't believe in love at first sight until I saw you six years ago; I couldn't stop looking at you every time I saw you, and when I did I treasured the smile that came after; I hurt every day of the six years of loving you with all my heart. And now you think that I'm not going to take you as my girl."
Sakura didn't say anything - what was there to say?
When her silence met his ears, he said, "Sakura...I would love to have you as my girlfriend."
She let out the breath she was holding and laughed aloud. "Really?"
The smile across his lips could be heard as he said, "Yes, really."
They both smiled, grinned, laughed, chuckled. They didn't know what else to do. All they did know was that they finally had each other and for the moment that was all that mattered.
After that call ended, Sakura had never felt so happy in all her life.
End of Flashback
Sakura blinked when Tomoyo snapped her fingers in front of her eyes. "What?" she said bluntly, raising an eyebrow.
Tomoyo didn't say anything - she knew all too well what was going through her best friend's mind, but sadly there was nothing she could do to make her stop. Instead, she hugged her tight, and whispered into her ear, "It'll be okay."
Sakura nodded, trying not to cry. When they released each other, she managed a smile, and rejoined the chat with her girlfriends.
She didn't know that the subject of her depressing thoughts had been staring at her since she walked in.
The minute she'd walked in, he hadn't been able to tear his eyes off her. God, she was so damn beautiful. I wish you were mine, he thought sadly. Along with his own, several other pairs of eyes had followed his gaze as well, much to his displeasure. He had to remind himself that he didn't have a right to her anymore.
He and the boys - Eriol and Yamazaki - were all on the football team; the latter two had arrived earlier than their girlfriends, and when they'd walked through the double doors of the hall they'd greeted them with kisses and a promise for a dance and a drink later, something Syaoran could only watch in utter envy. Unlike the girls, they weren't gossiping or going on about their dresses; they were simply watching their surroundings, occasionally cracking a joke and breaking into a fit of laughter, something Syaoran rarely did anymore.
As he was watching his beautiful angel laugh and smile with her girlfriends, a movement at the corner of his eye caught his attention. He turned to look, and narrowed his eyes at Han, the dark-haired, light-eyed boy who had set his eyes on Sakura. He threw an easy smile at the girls, and put an arm around Sakura's shoulders, planting a soft kiss on her head.
Syaoran seethed; according to Eriol, she still hadn't accepted his proposal, but he was extremely persistent, taking it onto himself to act at least a little bit like her boyfriend. If Sakura had wanted to say yes, she would've done it months ago, but she wasn't exactly stopping him either.
Memory after memory after memory flashed through Syaoran's head suddenly - the first time he kissed her, every kiss after, holding her hand, saying I love you, teasing her, midnight calls, holding her in his arms, talking to her parents to allow him to date her officially, her falling asleep over the phone, texting into late hours, her smile after every kiss, her laugh, her green eyes...
It was too much. He put his drink on the table and left his friends in the direction of the rooftop garden without an explanation.
Out on the rooftop, Syaoran leaned against the railing and sighed into the cool night air, forcing the tears to stay in. He was pathetic, he knew, pining after a girl he longed for but knew he could never, ever have again; his reputation as a badboy who clubbed and drank and gambled was still intact, but his all-too-sensitive heart wasn't. The facade he put on every day when he came to school fooled everybody, but when he went back home, it fell apart.
It was just too much for him to handle. After what happened, he called and texted every day just to try to talk to her but she never answered. In school he made every effort he could to talk to her but she walked the other direction whenever she saw him coming. After two months he gave up, but his heart never stopped yearning to be with her again; his dreams were rarely not about her and even though they weren't talking he made sure he knew where she was and got himself updated on how she was. But it wasn't the same.
He sighed and hung his head. "God, man...you're such a fucking dumbass..." he murmured quietly. "You wait for the girl you know is the one, then you fuck up - twice - and make one too many mistakes. Then you lose her...for good."
As he stared out at the city, an unwanted memory flashed into his mind again.
Flashback
'Alright, I don't care what you're fucking doing when you get this goddamn text, but when you do I don't give a shit what you're doing, you better fucking call me and tell me who the fuck she is.'
He stared, wide-eyed, at the message. Damn, his mood was already dark and stormy, guess she just had to make it worse. The second thought that flashed through his head was something along the lines of 'shit, she knows.'
When he did call back, she started yelling. "Who the fuck is she, Li? Goddamn it, what's this shit I'm hearing at this other bitch huh? So that's why you haven't been calling? 'Cause you've got a slut on your arm, is that it? I know I'm a hot-tempered chick, alright but if you hated me that much then next time just fucking tell me!"
As her accusations poured out, he lost it and yelled back. "Fuck it, Sakura! What the hell are you going on about huh? So some assholes tell you I'm cheating on them, goddamn it, I'm not!"
"Bullshit."
His temper rose even higher; he was almost at breaking point, he knew, and once he hit limit, Sakura would either parallel him or start crying. "Fuck it! You know what? I don't care. You believe what you wanna believe. I don't give a shit, I don't give a damn!"
"You don't give a damn about me now? Good, thanks for your honesty!"
"I never said that," Syaoran seethed.
"You didn't have to!" Sakura yelled, and hung up.
As Sakura curled up on her bed to cry, Syaoran was half close to exploding, half on the verge of crying; damn it, how'd she find out? Which fucker told her, damn it! Shit...shit, if she knows...oh fuck..."
He left football practice early, unwilling to go on. It was true, he had cheated on his girlfriend but...it was a stupid move. Just because someone else has feelings for you, you don't charm them, lie to them about being single to get together with them. It was a cruel joke, to run a relationship with a side girl just because she wanted it, a relationship that didn't mean anything, a relationship Sakura wasn't supposed to find out about.
When he got home, he crashed into his bed. Damn it, he was so stupid! So stupid to let himself get seduced by another bitch and then cheat on his beloved girlfriend, the one who never failed to give him all her love. So stupid to mess up with the girl he waited for for six years. So. Fucking. STUPID!
And now what? She was mad, hurt, crying, heartbroken, because of him. Because of him, she was feeling the same way she felt with her asshole of an ex. Because of his screw up, she probably wouldn't talk to him. What if she called now, to break it off? What if she didn't give him a chance to explain, or worse, another chance at this relationship? What if he just blew up all his chances with her, what if he never got her back, what would he do if she got herself another boyfriend, what if he lost her for good this time? Fuck it, he was so fucking stupid!
Unable to take the guilt anymore, he called the side girl, and broke it off with her without an explanation, without an apology. Then he called Sakura. Please pick up, he thought. Please pick up.
When he thought it would go to voicemail, her cold, shaky voice said sharply, "What do you want?"
"...I just felt like calling," he said weakly. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing."
He breathed slowly. He was done for, he knew it. "Baby, I...they were right."
"What are you talking about?" She made it sound like a question, but she knew the answer.
"I did do it...what they said..." he began, choking on his words.
"You cheated on me."
"...yes," he admitted guiltily, and hung his head. When she stayed silent, he continued. "I'm sorry for everything. I don't deserve you. I never did. It was...wrong of me to do it, I'm sorry..."
"Sorry doesn't make a difference," she snapped.
Syaoran closed his eyes and hung his head in defeat. That's it - they were over. "I...I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. And...and it's over." It was the hardest thing he had ever done, but the guilt building up in his chest was too much to handle.
"You're breaking up with me," she stated plainly. It wasn't a question.
"I don't want to!" he justified quickly, hurt. "It's the last thing I wanna do. But I messed up. I broke my promises to you, I don't think you'll ever forgive me..."
She didn't say anything. She knew it was going to happen, she wasn't stopping him or asking him to think about it - she was accepting it.
"Please, just...give me some time, a few days, I'll be back for you, I promise..." he began, and then stopped himself - he was beginning to sound like her ex, promising to come back for her. But unlike that dickhead, he was going to do it, he was going to be back for her, he wasn't going to let her go, ever; he was just scared she wouldn't give him another chance. If that happened...if that happened, he didn't know what he was going to do.
"I'm sorry for everything," he said finally, choking back his tears, and hung up.
While Sakura sobbed into her arms, so did he. He was an idiot. A real idiot.
Eventually, when all the crying gave him a headache and made his eyelids heavy he fell asleep; when he woke up half an hour later, he found a text on his phone, waiting to be read. Praying and hoping against hope it was Sakura, he opened it.
It was - a long message thanking him for the most special two months he'd given her, for his love and the way he'd treated her, even though it had probably all been a lie; she said she still loved him, apologized for not making him happy enough, for not being the best, and that she hoped he got what he wanted.
"What I want?" he murmured aloud. "What I want is you."
He tried calling, but she wouldn't pick up. He missed his tuition class, missed dinner, stopped doing everything because he couldn't get his mind off what a jerkoff he was, how badly he'd fucked up and how much she meant to him. The next hour before she replied killed him, especially when all she said was, 'what do you want now, Li?'
'I'm sorry for everything. It won't happen again,' he replied, thumbs going into extreme speed mode.
Another hour. ' That's what my ex said to. Who says there's going to be another time?' It was a stab to the heart. 'Look, I don't know what you want, so you better just tell me, okay?'
What I want? he thought again. What I want is to turn back time, to go back to the point before I cheated on you; I want to be a better boyfriend for you; I want to make this up to you, set things right; I want to be the only guy in your life, ever, from now until the end of time; I want you to take me back, to forgive me the way you always do, to give me another chance; I want to hold your hand, to kiss you freely and hold you in my arms; I want your smile, your laugh, to hear the words 'I love you' from your lips said to me and only me; I want...damn it, Sakura. I want you.
It took him twenty minutes to fit all that into one comprehensible message that didn't make him sound like an utter pussy: 'I want you back. I am really sorry. But I really want you back.'
She didn't reply. He cried himself to sleep that night, curling up under the covers and hugging his pillow tight, imagining it was Sakura, not wanting to let go. That night he dreamt of her; in his dream, even after his begging, his endless pleading, she didn't take him back. Instead, she'd went and gotten herself another boyfriend, richer, better looking, smarter, better in every way, someone he would never be able to match.
He woke up the next morning with eye bags, heart torn as it hit him that there was the very real possibility of his dream becoming reality. He skipped breakfast, and called Sakura.
She killed the call.
He tried again and again and again the whole morning but she wouldn't answer; he tried telling himself she was busy, that maybe her parents were around, but deep down he knew that even if that was the case, she didn't want to talk to him anyway. 'Can you pick up?' he texted in despair, longing to hear her voice.
'I'm out,' came her two-word reply less that a minute later.
'Out where?' he asked immediately, thinking he might be able to go wherever she was; he was willing to do anything for her, anything to see her right now and say to her those three words he needed her to hear from him.
'Nowhere you need to know.'
Syaoran hung his head and tried to stop crying; she really didn't want to see him, and he couldn't blame her for it, after all. But he felt like his chest was about to explode with all the pain and all the things he needed to say to her.
He tried calling again two hours later but she still refused to answer. He was about to give up trying to contact her and go to her house instead when she finally texted. 'Do you wanna call now?'
'I'm studying,' he replied, which was part true - while he did need to study for the exams, he was also trying to study to take his mind off her. 'We text. I want you back.'
'You think it hasn't been ultimate hell for me? Why would you want me back? I didn't make you happy. It doesn't make shit sense to want someone who didn't make you happy in the first place back.'
Syaoran sighed and closed his History book. 'Baby, you did make me happy.' In an effort to convince her he meant what he was saying, he refused to stop using pet names. 'I was stupid to do it. Give me a chance please baby.'
'A chance to do what? Cheat on me again? What about her?'
'I won't see her again. Please trust me again baby.' Please, he begged silently.
'Oh yeah, so you won't see her again. Great. What about all the other available girls in the world? Guess you'll cheat on me with them instead huh.'
His desperation reached its limit. 'I know, Sakura! I won't!'
'Yeah. Sure.'
'Fuck it!' he swore; he wasn't mad at her like he was implying - he was mad at himself for doing what he did, mad at himself for letting this happen to them.
It was a while before she replied. 'What do you want? For real. Tell me. And for the love of God, we're not going to get anywhere if you're pissed off.'
He sighed. half exasperatedly, half hurt. 'Baby...I really want you back...and I'm sorry for what I did, but I won't do it again, I promise. Please trust me and give me another chance.'
She didn't reply. At night, he got SOS credit for his phone and called at midnight, like he usually did. It took a while before she answered, yet again with a cold, "Yeah."
"Hey," he said nervously; the pain in his chest had increased, and his desperation level was at an all time high. He hadn't eaten all day, had skipped all his medication for his lung condition, because he didn't have an appetite, because all he wanted now was her and her only.
She didn't say anything, making it clear that she didn't want him calling. He tried to start a conversation, but ended up in a hacking cough instead thanks to his lack of medication for that day. After a few minutes, she spoke. "Didn't take your meds?"
"No," he admitted through another series of coughs; damn, tonight's bad, he thought. The crying probably didn't help either.
"Is it even working?" She tried to keep the concern out of her voice but she was failing fantastically.
"Yeah, it is..."
"No other alternative? What about an op?"
Syaoran stayed silent. There was an operation, but it was risky - extremely risky. "There is, but...there's no guarantee that I'll make it."
"You mean no guarantee it'll work."
"No," he said a bit forcefully. "No...ah, forget it..."
"Tell me," she insisted; she gave up trying to stop acting like she wasn't worried for him and tried the cold approach instead.
"For the love of God, the entire reason I've only been taking meds and not trying anything else is because only eight out of ten people don't make it out of that operation," he said finally, yielding.
"Eight out of ten is still a big gap; don't you think it's worth the risk? Instead of being sick and living off useless meds the rest of your life?"
"Sakura, look," he said finally, after a long pause. "If I agree to that operation, and something happens, I won't see you again. Ever. Again."
At first she thought it was for her benefit that he lived and she was about to retort forcefully when he whispered, "Do you think I'll be able to take that?"
That shut her up efficiently. Incomprehensible sounds came from the other side of the line, and it took her awhile to realize he was crying, and that shocked her even more. I knew he's cried, she thought. But he's never let anyone see his weakness, not even me!
"Damn it, Sakura," he said finally. "I can't get enough of you as it is. And I...I'm an asshole, aren't I." It wasn't a question, not even a rhetorical one. "Why do you love me?"
Sakura couldn't say anything, searching for an answer. Unable to stop them, her tears she held back all day flowed freely down her cheeks."Why do you have to know?"
"Because I'm in love with you," he said softly without hesitation. "For the past six years, since I looked at you in your faded jeans and pink blouse; I love everything about you, and being with you gave me everything I wanted and so much more that I didn't deserve; I really, really messed up. And I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry."
Sakura closed her eyes and more tears streamed down. Her pillow was getting wet and the temperature in the room felt like it shot up, but she just cried. God, she loved this boy, this desperate boy looking only for her care and affection - and she gave it to him, freely and without reservation. And he treated it like it meant nothing. "Maybe you mean what you're saying now," she choked. "But how do I trust you again? How do I give you the chance that you want without constantly wondering whether there's another girl on the sidelines?"
"I don't know," he admitted softly in defeat. "All I know is that if I don't get another chance with you my life will end. I know I fucked up. And I'm so. Fucking. Guilty for it. I'm so sorry, Sakura..."
She sobbed, unable to stop even though she didn't want him to hear how weak she was, how much she did want him back. God, I love you, damn it! she thought, letting her tears wet her pillow and the phone pressed to her ear. I trusted you but you broke my heart. "Why did you have to cheat on me to tell me you didn't love me, that you weren't happy?" she asked suddenly, and clapped her hand to her mouth; that wasn't supposed to be spoken.
Syaoran could be heard sniffing. "Do you really believe that, Sakura?" When she didn't answer he said, "Baby, I...I do love you. With all my heart. And you made me happy. Beyond belief. You...getting together with you is the best thing that has ever happened to me."
"...are you sorry?" she asked carefully. She was close, so close to giving in.
"What do you think I mean when I say I'm fucking guilty?"
"Answer the question," she snapped, voice quavering.
He sighed. "Yes. Yes, Sakura, I am. I'm so sorry. For everything."
"...what would you do for this chance...?"
"Anything," he said immediately. "Anything. Just...please, don't leave me."
"You left me!" she sobbed and cried freely. "You left me, I don't even know if, if we could get back what we had, whether you ever meant what you said about forever, I...I don't know..."
"I meant it," he whispered gently. "Of course I meant it."
"What about your mission?" she sobbed. "To marry me. What about that?"
"It will always be my mission," he whispered, almost too soft to hear.
Sakura cried freely for the next ten minutes, murmuring how much he hurt her, how much she loved him, how badly she wanted him back, amidst his profound apologies and his own sobs. Finally he said, "Baby?"
Sakura coughed. "Y-yeah?"
"I love you."
Despite the situation, she said, "I love you too. Syaoran...Syaoran, please don't do this again...you want your chance, you got it, but please don't...don't leave me..."
Even though he knew she couldn't see it, he nodded in obvious relief. "I won't, baby, I swear to you. I won't lose you again. I won't let you go this time."
As she cried even more, he sighed exasperatedly. I love her, but damn she can cry even when everything's okay again, he thought with the hint of a smile. Then he went on to say how much he loved her, how much she meant to him, how he'll make it up to her. It proceeded into one of those talks about their future together, and he knew, even without seeing her, that it made her smile. He made sure she stopped crying, then let her fall asleep.
The next day, Monday, when they met up at the badminton courts as usual, he threw his arms around her and held her tightly enough to choke her. "I love you," he whispered into her ear. "I love you so damn much."
He then pressed his lips to hers, and she let his tongue explore her mouth freely. As her hands slipped under his shirt, so did his under hers. Pushing her back against the wall, the kiss got more heated, and when they pulled away for breath he stared into her eyes, and smiled.
End of Flashback
He laughed aloud like a madman and yelled profanities into the night air, letting out all the pain and anger and heartbreak. When he stopped, he heard the door to the rooftop open. He turned around, prepared to tell whoever it was to get lost, when he found himself staring into the unmistakable green eyes of Sakura Kinomoto.
"Sakura," he said before he could stop himself.
Her initial shock at seeing him wore off and her expression hardened; she turned and made her way back to the door.
The sight of her leaving him again knocked him out of the surprise and he dashed after her, managing to grab her wrist before she disappeared. "Sakura, I'm begging you, please..."
"Damn it, Li, let go!" She struggled against his grasp, even though she knew it was useless; he yanked her back to him and held her firmly around the waist.
"No," he said quietly. "I've made that mistake too many times - I'm not gonna lose you again."
A bit taken aback, she glared up into his eyes. "I have nothing more to say to you."
"But I do!" he half-shouted at her. "I do. And all I'm asking is for ten minutes of your time to listen to what I have to tell you. Please. Please, Sakura, please."
She stared at him, then roughly pulled away. But instead of walking back to the door, she pushed him aside to stand at the railing. He took it as an indication that she was allowing him a precious ten minutes to talk to her, but he didn't dare go any closer. He was still a little breathless after that encounter, that five seconds of having her in his arms again, now this ten minutes of talking to her...those were the first words she'd spoken to him in six months. Six long months of not having to do anything with her, but now, staring him in the face, was his last chance.
"Sakura..." he said, voice breaking. "Sakura..." he tried again.
"What?" she said emotionlessly.
Syaoran was breathing heavily; God, he couldn't screw this up - this was his last and only chance to tell her how much she meant to him or she was gone, out of his life forever.
"Sakura, I'm sorry," he said finally, the words coming out in a rush; he was so nervous, so worried and so scared; sure, he'd thought out millions of things he wanted to say to her, but now, telling her these thing...now, that was a different matter entirely.
"Yeah, sure you are," she said coldly.
"I am!" he insisted, voice rising. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for screwing up so badly this time, the second time; I'm sorry that I...that I did what I did - I didn't do it because I didn't love you or that I wasn't happy, but because I was stupid enough to let myself be seduced by that whore; I'm sorry that I'm not good enough for you, sorry that there'll always be someone who's better than me; I'm sorry that I didn't treat you right, the way you deserved; I'm sorry that I'm not rich enough to buy you the things you want; I'm sorry that I hurt you so badly and made you cry, I...I'm sorry."
Sakura merely tilted her head to one side and rearranged her hair, as if bored.
"Sakura, I..." he began, and swallowed; "I love you.
She finally turned to face him, glaring at him, staring him down with her gorgeous emerald eyes. "Don't you dare," she said, voice barely above a ragged whisper. "Don't you dare tell me you love me, you bastard."
He flinched at her cold tone, longing for her warm voice again. "Sakura, I do..." he said softly, growing a pair of balls and finally walking towards her. "I love you so much it hurts; you don't know the torture of being without you; it's been hell since you left me, and I don't blame you, I fucked up so badly; I understand if you hate me now, and I've been trying to tell myself maybe you're better off without me now, but..."
He was beside her now, and she still hadn't moved. Sighing, he continued, "I forced the boys to change tables so I could be closer to you in the canteen; I'm the one who suggested to the homeroom teacher that we change places in the hope I might be able to sit somewhere near you; I did anything and everything I could to see you smile; the guilt that clenched my heart every time I saw you was not enough to make me stop wanting to be with you."
"It's been 6 months, Li," Sakura said finally in frustration. "6 months! You have to get a better hobby than hurting me for your amusement!"
Syaoran was so surprised, his jaw dropped and he stared. "What?" he asked, bewildered. "My hobby? Hurting you...?"
She rolled her eyes at him, half in exasperation, half in disgust. "You finally stopped texting and calling two months after that like I knew you would. Four months later you're telling me all this bullshit? Please. Don't make me laugh."
Syaoran gaped at her. "The reason I stopped was because I knew you wouldn't talk to me anytime soon. I gave up and tried to concentrate on changing so I could be with you again, you understand? To show you how I felt instead of apologizing through the phone. You deserve more than that. You deserve more than this," he spat, throwing his hands in the air and gesturing at himself.
He felt like screaming. Like grabbing her shoulders, shaking some sense into her, forcing his lips onto hers to make her feel his want, his obsession, his love for her and only her. God, I love you, damn it, he thought desperately. "Sakura, you deserve nothing less than the best, and that's something I don't know if I'll ever be able to give you. But what I do know is that I'm not unwilling to try, to give it my all to give you what you deserve. I am willing to do anything...no, scratch that. I was willing to give anything to talk to you, but I would give up everything to be with you again."
He saw her open her mouth to say something - to retort, no doubt - so he pushed on. "Listen, I know you're mad, and you have every right to be! But just hear me out, okay?"
Finally, after a long pause, she glanced at him. He caught his breath as her eyes met his, but composed himself to continue. "Every time I saw you, my mind went blank, everything and everyone around me disappeared because all I saw, all that mattered, all I cared about was you. The guilt that hit every time I did tore me apart but you took my breath away and stopped my heart when I caught you smiling. Earlier I would apologize for not being able to buy you all the things you want, but now there's a box at home filled with things I saw and bought for you because I knew you'd love it, regardless of how many digits the price contained. And whenever I saw you with...with Han," he stopped to swallow nervously, "I got pissed off. So pissed off, Eriol had to hold me back from breaking his nose. I wasn't just mad because he was taking you - I was mad because I was letting him."
He sighed. "Sakura, I know that I fucked up. No one knows that better than me. But I am more than willing to change for you. Only you. You always thanked me for being such an amazing boyfriend but I look at myself and I'm wondering what you see in me, because all I'm sure of is that I'm grateful. But you...you are the most incredible girlfriend, you're every guy's dream and I'm the lucky bastard who got you but I screwed up, badly. You gave me all your love, everything you had to offer, everything I wanted and so much more more I didn't deserve. But baby...you're the one - the one and only one for me, and that is something I have absolutely no doubt about. Losing you so many times has killed me over and over again, and I was stupid enough to let you go, but not anymore. Please. I'm...I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Please give me another chance. Please. Angel, I'm begging you..."
"You cheated, Li," she sobbed. Syaoran started - when did she start crying? Then he felt a rush - she still loves me! In his completely ill-timed ecstasy, he almost missed her next sentence. "You cheated, and you expect me to run back in your arms like nothing happened?"
"No, I don't expect you to run back," he replied gently. "I expect you to stay there." Without any warning, he wrapped his arms around her small body and held her close. The girl stiffened and winced, shifting weight and moving around uncomfortably, but made no move to get out of his embrace. When she finally gave up on her subtle hinting at him to hold her tighter, she stilled, and let her ex-boyfriend rest his chin on head.
"I missed you so much, babe..." he whispered in her ear. "I cried for days, texting and calling without a reply, I just wanted to hear your voice so bad. I went over to your place several times, and even though I knew you wouldn't see me, it hurt so bad after. I thought you hated me. I thought you wouldn't want to have anything to do with me ever again. I thought I lost you for good, especially when you were getting close to Han."
He shared her tears now. "You know, I never believed in love at first sight until I saw you. You were my first love. You stole my heart and you've kept it with you all these years. Whenever I tried getting with another girl I did it in the hopes that maybe I could get over you, but if anything, the feelings got stronger until I couldn't take it anymore. And I promised myself that I would marry you one day. I told myself that if I failed not to hurt you, I would become the best boyfriend for you, and make you happy. I promised myself I would never give you any reason to leave, and even if you did, I wouldn't stop at anything to get you back."
"I was - am - crazy about you. When you told me about your ex, I cried and cried about not wanting to lose you. I told myself I'd let you go, as long as you were happy, and I would be there for you if you needed a shoulder to cry on. But that was before I got to be with you, the most amazing six months of my life, and now I know that I will never, ever be able to let you go."
Sakura let out a wracking sob.
"Being with you, your love, our relationship...it means the world to me. And it's my fault it ended. Do you know why I came back for you so quickly after the first time? Because it felt like you were slipping further and further away from me with each second that passed. And that's what been happening. We don't know each other anymore, do we? But I don't care, because I don't mind starting over as long as I get to be with you again. And this time, this time, baby, I'll make it work. I'll mend your broken pieces, I'll give you everything I have to give and more if that's what it takes because that's what you gave me. I'll tell you I love you, everyday, and I'll prove it everyday and every time you want me to. Sakura, you are everything to me. And I...I love you. I love you so much, please don't make me live one more day without you. I can't. So please, please give me one more chance..."
"Damn it, Li!" Sakura pushed him away, sobbing into her hands and made a fast attempt for the door. Syaoran caught her wrist before she fled and pulled her back to him, turning her around to face him and pressing his lips against hers hard; it wasn't lust-filled, but full of longing.
She pulled back and started crying again, instinctively raising her fists only for Syaoran to catch them and hold her. "Sakura, listen," he said desperately. "Please listen. If I don't get to be with you again, then let me have one last kiss, one moment with you to savor and cherish for the rest of my life. Please, Sakura..."
She looked at him with her big bright green eyes, staring into his amber orbs that had always captivated her to no end. He saw him lean forward hesitantly, reading from his body language that he was about to kiss her. An inch away from her lips, he stopped and met her eyes. She didn't blink, and he touched her lips with his own.
It started out slow and careful, her lips barely covered by his own. Then he moved - he held her cautiously by the hip, and edged ever closer to her body; she still didn't react, obviously nervous, until he began mouthing her lips gently. Hesitantly, she responded, moving according to his body. Their kisses had always been like this - it would start slow, and heat up as he would move against her, and their bodies would collide, and they would move according to each other, like a dance they were made to dance together.
God, I miss this, she thought, almost breaking down. Her hands rested on his chest and she allowed him to hold her around the hips and waist and caress her back tenderly. His tongue suddenly flicked out against her lower lip, and she could tell he hadn't meant it to, but both of them went with it anyway. She opened her mouth against him and allowed a little tongue play, stretching her arms to rest behind his neck.
Neither knew how many minutes had passed; all they knew was that they were together again, and they were happy, and that was all that mattered. When the kiss finally slowed to a stop, Syaoran pulled back a little, lips still exceptionally close to hers, almost touching, and regarded his angel in front of him; her eyes were still closed, like she was expecting more, and he surpressed an ill-timed smirk, until she opened her eyes. "Enjoyed that, didn't you," he said with a wry smile, not even planning a bit of humour.
Her eyes widened and she turned red, biting her pink lips. Syaoran sobered and touched his forehead to hers. "Sakura Kinomoto, I love you with all my heart. And I will never stop trying to change, to become better so I can be with you again; whenever I see you, whenever I'm with you, I'm falling in love with you all over again; you drive me crazy, you make my heart do flips, you send me head over heels...and I love it," he whispered softly. "I'll beg you one last time before I back off, please, please don't leave me, I love you..."
"I love you too..." she breathed, staring at him. "Please don't hurt me again..."
With an arm around her neck, he pulled her towards him roughly and pressed his lips to hers hard. "I'm not going to take any chances again," he said hoarsely, breathing heavily. "I love you. I love you so fucking much..." He really began to sob as he held her close to him, more than thankful he had her once again, and this time he was not going to fuck up. "Thank you, baby. Thank you so much, for everything, for your love, for being with me and putting up with all my fucking bullshit and forgiving me each time. I swear, baby, I'll make it up to you, I'll change and I'll belong to you, now and forever, forever and always. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I love you, baby, I do and I've missed you like fucking crazy, my life without you means nothing, thank you baby, thank you..."
He went on and on and on about how sorry he was, how thankful, how much he's missed her, until Sakura couldn't stand it; she grasped a fistful of his vest and yanked him down for a kiss just to shut him up. He moaned gratefully and gave her another heated make out session, aching to get under her dress, until he remembered something and pulled back, earning a small, disappointed hmph from his girlfriend. Again, he thought smugly as he reached into his pocket.
"Firstly," he said, undoing a silver clasp of a white gold chain, "this is yours, and forever will be." He secured the necklace around her neck and watched as recognition flashed in her eyes: it was the very same necklace she'd ripped off her neck after seeing him making out with that slut, still with the fine heart consisting of two 'S's entwining together with a diamond at the top of the heart where it dipped.
Sakura fingered the pendant carefully, a small smile on her lips, a tear trailing down her cheek. "You still have it..." she began, looking up to thank him...
...but finding him on the floor on one knee.
Her mouth opened slightly, and her jaw dropped further when he produced a small black velvet box that fit neatly in his palm. Using his left hand to open it, he looked up at her to smile - quite smugly - and said in the sweetest voice she had ever heard him speak in, "Sakura Kinomoto, I love you more than enough to know that there is no one else in the world for me, and what I've gone through for you - what I'm more than willing to go through with you - is proof enough. So would you make me the happiest man alive, and be mine for the rest of my life?"
Her jaw was open so long Syaoran thought she might have a heart attack. When he was about to repeat his proposal sheepishly, her soft lips broke into a sweeter smile and she said the one thing he had never thought sounded like the best word in all his life: "Yes."
He grinned and slipped the diamond ring onto her ring finger on her right hand; then he stood up, watching her admire the ring, and when she opened her mouth to say something, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her again. "You know what's the best thing that's ever happened to me?" he asked her.
"What?" she said, eyes half-closed, awaiting her next kiss in so much anticipation it didn't even cross her mind what the answer probably was.
He smiled. "You."
A/N: Yay, it's done!(: Finally. It's been in my head for a while - parts of it is written based on a true story. The next one will be a sweet one, also based on a true story. But you'll have to wait for that. Please review, let me know what you think, and go ahead with the flames if necessary. I apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes, rest assured they were not intentional, but surely accidental. I'll see y'all again soon. Hope you enjoyed it!(:
Disclaimer: I do not own Cardcaptor Sakura.