Nothing Left
Written by: Azael Ruthven
Warning: Character Death, Suicide, Suicidal thoughts
Severus Snape was laughing. One would say 'Snape! Laughing? Sorry I don't think that's possible, it's a wonder if the man even knows how to smile.' But what people didn't know was that there was no joy in Snape's laugh. It was a sad and bitter laugh, which was no surprise when one knew of his life.
As a young child, he was unloved by his parents, one beating him, the other doing as if he nearly didn't exist. If one would see him now, he would wonder how was it possible that this man, a death eater, feared by hi students and many people had once been a shy and lonely boy.
Later on, when he was nine, he met Lily Evans, the girl whom he fell hopelessly in love with. She was one of his neighbours and he used to spy on her before finding the courage in him to go to her. She was the girl with the wide red hair and the bright green eyes. Severus Snape had been the one to tell her she was a witch, the one to tell her about the magical world. Severus had hoped that he had finally found a bit of happiness and when he went to Hogwarts with Lily for the first time, he thought that nothing could be better. Leaving for Hogwarts with his best and only friend, far from his drunken father and his loveless home was supposed to be great, but it seemed that even that would be denied to him.
On the first day on the train, he met James Potter and Sirius Black who decided to hate him just on sight when he had done absolutely nothing to them. But Severus Snape was only the poor little half-blood, with no relations and no chance in a world based on blood purity and prejudices. Severus and Lily hoped to be sorted in the same house, but it was not to be, Lily was a Gryffindor and Severus a Slytherin. Fortunately, the house rivalry didn't stop them from staying friend.
The Marauders, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were a bunch of bullies. People were always seeing well in theme, because they were Gryffindors, while Severus who was the victim of those bullies, was only insulted and bullied, because he was poor, because he was a Slytherin.
In Severus fifth year, the Marauders had gone too far in there humiliation of the one they called 'Snivellus' that he lashed out on Lily, his only friend and called her a mudblood. It had been the day where he lost Lily forever, broking his heart and making him cold. Oh yes, he had tried to apologize, but nobody listened. Nobody wanted to hear his 'petty excuses', he had begged Lily to forgive him but she never did.
From then on, Severus drew himself more and more in the Dark Arts, joining the Death Eaters. He had nothing to lose anymore and they accepted him, and needed him. Or at least they pretended to, a thing that Severus Snape never had in his life, the acceptance of others. He had always been the one no one ever wanted to be around.
When in his seventh year Lily started to date and go out with Potter, Severus just could not believe it. How could she date the one who she once called an 'arrogant toe rag', the one who bullied him? How could she do that to him? After graduation, when Severus learnt about her engagement with Potter his broken heart broke even more, what he thought was not possible. Then he received an invitation to her wedding. Really, Fate was cruel and particularly enjoyed to see him suffer.
At the age of twenty, Severus Snape heard a prophecy which he reported to his Lord and realized his mistake later on when the Dark Lord decided to target the Potters, which meant that he targeted Lily too. So he went to Dumbledore and asked him to protect her, as he didn't care for Potter or his spawn.
Just Lily, always Lily.
When Lily died Severus thought that he was going to lose it. All he wanted was to end up his own life. The Dark Lord was no more and his beloved was dead. He had no reason to live. But he had to stay to protect the Potter brat. How he could even stand the brat, he didn't know. The brat existence in itself was mocking him. Seeing a carbon copy of his childhood tormentor and enemy with Lily's eyes was just insulting him. Showing him how much of a failure he was. How much he never deserved anything.
Severus Snape only grew more sad and bitter through the years; after all, it was not as if he had any reason to live for. So when he survived the final battle which surprised him, he lost it.
This is where we are now. Severus Snape was laughing hard, but it was still a joyless and bitter laugh. He was the last one still alive from his year graduation at Hogwarts. Severus Snape had nothing and never had anything. He had no one too, nothing that attached him to life. So he decided that he would finally end it. Severus Snape was going to kill himself and no one would be able to stop him.
He was laughing in front of his cauldron while brewing the potion that would end his misery, the potion that would take the pain away. The people who saw him the past few days, thought that he had gone mad, which was true and even though he was now consider a hero after his story had been known and that he had been cleared of all charge, he didn't care about any of it. There was no use in caring for something when you knew that the sun would rise tomorrow but not for you. So that night once the potion had been done he cleaned up his quarter entirely and drank the potion he had made still laughing. Severus Snape had died with a smile on his lips.
Severus Snape had been unloved all his life, which is why he had decided to end it. There is no use for life without love.
There is no good nor evil, only power and those too weak to seek it. (T.M.R )