Dlbn: The emotions in this fic are based on real ones involving a real situation.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Loveless. That belongs to Yun Kouga. I also don't own the song "Revenge Is Sweeter Then You Ever Were" by the Veronicas. They own it, but it was the inspiration for this story :)
000
I can't believe how you left me there alone to cry in the graveyard. What in the world is wrong with you? Only moments before, you begged me to never leave you like everyone else had, and then you left me. Well, I guess you got your wish in a way. I didn't leave you.
Why in the world would you choose Seimei over me? The guy who carved his name and a barbed wire design into your neck like a collar, beat you on a daily basis or made you do it to yourself, and treated you like a dog? No, lower then a dog. Dog crap. That's what he treated you like. But you still went to him when he called for you. Masochist.
Now I can't help but think that every "I love you" that sprouted from your lips was a lit. And it most likely was. You don't hurt the people you love in the way you hurt me. It's not love. I know my mother beats me and yet I still love her, in the same way you still love and follow Seimei. But that doesn't mean that I think she loves me.
Pain isn't love, Soubi, no matter what you've been taught about it. I don't understand it at all. Seimei is a jerk! He's my brother and I love him, but I will never forgive him for taking you away from me or treating you the way he does. It's not right, and he shouldn't be allowed to do it.
I wish I could tell you to stand up to him. I wish that you would listen to me and do so.
But you won't. You've clearly chosen him over me and now I'm not even sure I want you to come back whenever you're done serving him. I'd rather be alone then be with someone who doesn't care.
000
I couldn't believe it when Ritsuka stumbled into the house crying. I'd never seen him cry before, and I'm sure Yoji hadn't either. When he told us what had happened, I was ready to kill Soubi. How dare he abandon Ritsuka like that for Seimei of all people? Seimei was a sadistic murderer/pseudo-rapist. He didn't deserve to have Soubi at his side. And the fact that he took him right in front of Ritsuka made my blood boil.
We went to Ritsuka's later once he realized he had forgotten his bus pass and had come to retrieve it from Soubi's apartment. His mother was acting strangely as she spoke freely of Seimei and gave us treats to nibble on. But what was weirder was the photo album we found in Seimei's room. There were no pictures containing Seimei himself, but there were tone and tons of Ritsuka. Too many to count, really. Seimei was surely a strange person.
But nothing could compared to seeing Ritsuka take a down spiral into his last resort; joining Septimal Moon. I would hate to think that Ritsuka would become like his brother by joining, but it was inevitable. Anyone who joined Septimal Moon either had a few screws loose when they joined, or had their screws go loose after joining and being a member for so long. I didn't want to see that happen to Ritsuka, but it would happen eventually.
Ritsuka told us when Soubi came to try and retrieve him. I knew it was a stupid idea. Ritsuka wouldn't go back to him.
Soubi had hurt him way too much.
000
Soubi is an idiot if he thinks going to Seimei will help anything in any way, shape or form. He was a downright moron if he thought that Ritsuka would come back to him if he showed up at Seven Voices Academy and said nice little words to apologize. Ritsuka…Loveless…was too broken to even listen to him, let alone believe him.
Ever since his name appeared on his side, Ritsuka was a different person. And when his memories began to flood back? Well, he turned downright evil. It was like he couldn't take the hurt anymore, so he projected it onto the enemies he was testing for Septimal Moon. It wasn't the sweet, fun loving, innocent little Ritsuka he had been before Seimei came into the picture. Back when Natsuo and I first met Ritsuka, he was nice and genuinely concerned for not only the safety of Soubi, but of other people in general. He was a good friend. He still is a good friend, but you can tell something's missing.
Soubi was the person that would have turned Ritsuka's life around and made him feel loved. But then he walked away the moment Seimei ordered him to. Sure, Seimei was a scary bastard. That day we met him in the Academy library, the air was suffocating and he had a nasty tone to his voice and look on his face. It was almost unbearable. Good thing Soubi and Ritsuka showed up when they did, or Natsuo and I may have died from lack of oxygen. But that was more of a reason for Soubi to avoid him then to join him.
So why would Soubi go back to someone who did nothing but hurt him and give up someone who did nothing but love him? He must be a masochist, like Kio and Ritsuka both accused. Even Akira, who didn't know him really well, thought the same thing. I wonder if there is something we can do to save him from Septimal Moon's clutches.
But let's face it. Not even Soubi could.
000
Yuiko doesn't know what's wrong with Ritsuka-kun. When he comes to school, he always seems so depressed. It's like he doesn't want to be there anymore, though Yuiko knows he loves school. It's not like he comes to school often anymore. Yuiko wasn't surprised when he announced to the class that he was leaving, but it still hurt. Yuiko just hopes he is okay, wherever he is.
Yuiko doesn't know what caused this, and she doesn't know what to do to fix it. Ritsuka-kun is my friend, so Yuiko should be able to help him when he's feeling blue. Yayoi says there's nothing we can do, and Yoji and Natsuo know something that they won't tell and agree with Yayoi. But Yuiko still wishes she could help.
Around the time he stopped coming to school every day, Yuiko noticed that Soubi wasn't there. Did they get into another fight? Yuiko doesn't know where Soubi lives, so she can't go talk to him, but Yoji and Natsuo say not to ask Ritsuka. The one time that Yuiko didn't listen to them and did talk to him about it and ask about Soubi-san, he snapped at me and told me her was being annoying.
It seems weird not having Ritsuka here anymore. The bullies pick on Yuiko more, but she learned to be tough about it and not let it bother her. Ritsuka taught me that. He said that they bully only because they don't like themselves and want to see me miserable. Ritsuka has helped me in so many ways, I wish I could just help him in this one way. Yuiko wishes she could find Soubi and yell at him for not being there, and make him go find Ritsuka and bring him back.
Yuiko knows Soubi wouldn't give up until he found Ritsuka, so she should tell him as soon as possible…but it's not going to be easy…
All I want is for Ritsuka to be happy, wherever he is…
000
It seems odd that Soubi-san stopped showing up around the time Ritsuka-kun started getting depressed. Ritsuka hadn't come to school the day before, so Yuiko-chan and I had both assumed that he was just with Soubi-san somewhere or something like that. But when he came back to school, he would hardly speak. He spent quite a lot of time not coming to school. We went to his house once to see if we could contact him, but he hadn't answered ad his mother had scared us off. With a mother like that, I think I would be depressed too.
But it was different. It was a kind of depression that could only come from your heart being ripped in two and then ripped out of your chest and force fed to you via IV. It was awful to see him in such a state. He started to perk up a little bit right before he announced that he was leaving for good.
Apparently a private school had seen his grades and deemed him worthy, and he was doing so to get away from some troubles at home. He wouldn't say what kind of troubles, but I'm pretty sure his mother was involved. Yuiko-chan had mentioned that Ritsuka-kun once said his mother had abused him and caused an injury.
But I still can't help but feel like whatever happened had had something to do with Soubi-san in one way or another. Ritsuka-kun got angry whenever you mentioned his name or asked about him or why he wasn't there. I told Yuiko-chan not to ask him, but she did once and he snapped. I don't know what the issue is, but Soubi better come back and fix it.
It's the last he owes Ritsuka-kun after whatever happened between then to send him spiraling down into the depression he was in. He wasn't the same Ritsuka anymore. Sure, he still hung out with us and stuff once he started coming back to school ore, but it still wasn't enough.
Whatever Soubi did, he better fix it before we lose Ritsuka completely.