Your name is Karkat Vantas and you give up.
You don't really remember how you ended up here, under a huge tree in one of the dream bubbles. You had let your feet carry you here and drop you where you lay, curled up in your ball of hopelessness. You grit your teeth and squeezed your eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears that threatened to flow. You guess this was a pretty nice place to immerse yourself in your depression. Ugh. You hated that feeling. You hated feeling so…so sorry for yourself. You are supposed to be doing your job and leading these people to what they had all been hoping for, for the end of this stressful, deadly game.
Though you hated it, part of you loved the feeling of self pity.
It was better than feeling nothing. It was much better than the emptiness that had settled into your being. It taunted you, pushed you, breaking off pieces of your already aching soul to throw back in your face. Your body and mind were exhausted, making you want to nuzzle into the soft grass and sleep away the horrors that haunted your waking life. Even though you were already asleep. Your eyes shot open with a gasp as the bright red tears dripped from your eyes. You were already asleep. That means…
It doesn't get any better than this.
You're fucked, either sleeping or awake. It doesn't matter, because nothing is going to change.
You broke right then. You let out strangled sobs as the sorrow of sweeps of bottled up emotion rocked through you, river of red staining the grey of your cheeks and the deep green of the grass pressed so hard to your face. Your whole body ached at the stressful sobs, even your heart was aching painfully in your chest. You clutched at it, trying to somehow comfort yourself. It's going to be okay. You tried to tell yourself that over and over again, but nothing seemed to help.
It wasn't just the fact that Terezi had left you, or that Gamzee was hiding somewhere, letting his sobriety take him over. It was the fact that you felt as if no onewas at least trying to make you feel better. Even Kanaya was too preoccupied with her and Rose's relationship to notice your growing depression. Sleep had been your only escape, and even here, when you were alone in the dream bubbles, you were still harassed by the constant thought that no one cared about you.
You are alone, and you will always be.
The words burned into your skull, and because of your now louder sobs and cries, you did not hear someone call your name. You did not hear the footsteps draw close to you. What you did notice though, was that warm arms pulled you close to a broad chest. A thumping heart beat was pressed to your ear through deep red fabric, a brighter red gear pressed to your cheek. Your whole body tensed.
You didn't move, or breathe really. Dave Strider, the insufferable, selfish, cocky dickwad that stolen your matesprite and thoroughly embarrassed you on a daily basis, was hugging you. You wanted to snarl and hiss like an angry pawbeast, push him away and beat him senseless. You wanted to make him pay for going with her, for leaving you alone. For letting the feelings get so bad. Your anger at him made you sob harder, clutching at his God Tier pajamas and digging your blunt nails into his chest. His arms surrounded you in a tight embrace as you cried sad, angry tears into the fabric of his clothes, the candy red blending into his clothing.
He shooshed you softly, his hand running up and down your back at his attempt to soothe the cries of anguish emitting from you. What was he doing? He wasn't your moirail, so why was he comforting you? If anything, you would have thought he felt black for you or something. In anger, you began screaming profanities into his chest. Insults and curses poured from your black lips like the tears still running down your face, falling out like a butchered, painful waterfall. But soon, you found yourself sobbing out apologies, not just to Dave, but to Gamzee, Terezi, Feferi, Eridan, Sollux, Tavros, Nepeta, and even Equius. All the people that you couldn't protect. The human stayed silent as you spewed out your sorry sack of pathetic, apologetic pleas.
Your breathing did eventually even out as the last of your tears dripped from your blurry eyes, your words growing to soft whispers until you were too exhausted to even keep your eyes open. You stayed curled up to his chest, though you still felt the strong anger towards him. Not hatred, but a definite anger. Your pointed ear was still pressed into his chest, his human heart beating steady behind his ribs. The constant beat seemed to have a relaxing effect on you, your eyes drifting closed as you fell asleep to the rhythm in his chest and the faint smell of apples and cotton.
The sleep was dreamless, save for a few images and flashes of suppressed memories. For the most part, all you heard was a steady rhythm in your ears. Though it seemed like an instant later, you felt that same sunlight filtering through your dark eyelids. You stirred softly, hiding your face in the warm fabric next to your head, trying to lose yourself once again in the constant beat in your ear. With a sudden realization of where you were and what the beat actually was, your eyes shot open in surprise.
It took a second for them to adjust before they took in the sight above you. You were still being held against Dave's chest, your arms cramped up between your bodies with your hands gripping the dark fabric. You released your grip on him, though you didn't move much more except to stare up at his pale face. His reflective aviators showed how shitty you really looked, hair messier then usual, eyes rimmed red and puffy from crying, plus the deep red blush that speckled your cheeks.
You grimaced, opening your mouth to question why he was still staring at you, until you realized that the human had his back pressed to the thick trunk of the tree and his platinum blonde head lolled off to the side. He was asleep. You blinked, surprised for the third time in a mere matter of hours. You had never seen him sleep. Whenever you saw him, he was always wide awake with a composed kind of smugness. He looked so….defenseless when he slept. His chapped lips twitching as he dreamed, showing small signs of emotion you had never seen before. You stared at him with wide eyes of awe.
Your eyes were locked on him until you saw your own reflection again, and noticed how positively stupid you looked just staring at him like you were. Blushing deeper in embarrassment, you shook your head and slipped out of his arms, moving silently to your feet. His arms lay limp across his stomach, the blonde still fast asleep against the dark trunk. Turning in a full 360, you sighed with relief when you saw that no one was around. You started your trek away from the blonde, until you felt something deep inside of you stir. You stopped in mid stride, your brow furrowing as you tried to decipher what this feeling was.
It was warm, flooding your limbs with a kind of heaviness that made you want to drop back into the grass, but not onto the greenery exactly. Instead, you wanted to feel the sleeved arms wrapped around you once again. Your cheeks heated to a deep red at the thought. What was wrong with you? Weren't you supposed to hate him? Wasn't he your rival for a girl's attention that…that you don't really even want…
Sure, Terezi was pretty and fun, sometimes caring and compassionate, but she never really felt the same way for you that you felt for her. You knew it and could never except it; first you lost your matesprite, then your moirail, and now you were losing your mind because you have feelings for a human that you know you shouldn't. You groaned out loud and smacked both of your hands against your forehead to cover your embarrassment from the crowd you were glad wasn't there.
After a few moments, you peaked from between your gray digits. Your eyes slowly wandered back to the sleeping human, making you turn your body as well to see him. Why did you feel this way? Was it that sudden compassion he had showed you while you were having your emotional breakdown? Or maybe it was just that your loneliness was finally driving you insane. You sighed as you tried to soothe your raging thoughts by massaging your temples.
Okay. Here are your options. You can either; A) Abscond the fuck out of there and forget this ever happened, B) Abscond the fuck out of there and confront him later when you have thought this through in more detail, or C) Stay and confront him now. Or you could always crawl back into his lap and take another nap. What? No! You could not possibly do that. You had to confront him about this…Even though curling back up in his arms sounded very tempting at this point, you shook the thought off. Did he really have feelings for you…Or was this going to blow over as some sort of sick, ironic joke and then you would personally slit his throat.
You stared at him with intense, scarlet orbs as he slept. Sighing, you pulled the hands from your face and faced him completely. It's now or never, you thought with a grimace present on your face. You had to admit, you didn't want to wake the human. He looked so peaceful and calm. Slowly, you drew closer to him, staying silent so as to not wake the sleeping Strider. When you came in close enough, you kneeled down in front of him. You stared at his half visible face, the other half either covered by platinum blonde hair or by the dark sunglasses on his nose. God you hated those pieces of shit. They ruined your view of him and showed like a sort of claim that the other human had on Dave, John having been the one that gave Dave the shades.
You hated those shades almost as much as you hated the absolute waste of air that Dave called his "best bro'". Growling low, you braced your hands on the bark on either side of Dave's head, digging your nails into the wood from your anger at the situation at hand. God this human made you so angry from the feelings he gave you. You couldn't stand how he made you so mad yet so lightheaded, so blazing with anger yet so warm that you could melt right back into his arms, but the feeling you hated the most, was the feeling that you couldn't have him. It was like someone was taunting you. Dave was taunting you. The way he moved so gracefully in fights, his deep, accented voice, the way he just looked at you and bore through your very soul sent these strange shivers down your spine. The best/worst thing was that his rare smile, his actual fucking smile, made you literally want to giggle like a big eyed, human school girl from one of those funny cartoons that Nepeta watched.
You had bitten into your cheek as the anger raged inside of you. You could have him if you wanted him. He could be yours whenever you said so, no questions asked. You wouldn't fight for his affection, you would just take it. That was about the time you found yourself kissing him. His soft lips were pressed hard against yours, making one of those crazy shivers shoot down your spine. You took in a sharp breath through your nose at the rush of it all. That was also about the time that you felt his hand on your lower back, pulling you closer and moving his lips against yours.
First of all, you were not expecting that. Not in the slightest. Sure, you knew that kissing the blonde while he slept was wrong and pretty fucked up, but the fact that he was actually kissing you back made your stomach do acrobats off your rib cage. You were stunned for a few seconds, freezing up completely. He must have been trying to bring you back into the kiss because he tilted his head a little to have more access to your mouth that he was still exploring.
When did his tongue even get in your goddamn mouth? You were so frozen in fear and shock that you really couldn't remember, but the feeling of the moist warmth over your lips made you relax back into the kiss, kissing him back. You moved your mouth and tongue with his in a passionate little ballet that you were probably going to regret later. The thoughts about how much you were going to get fucked with later about this were slowly melting away as you worked your lips with his. Your brain was getting all misty and your thoughts were turning to the dirty side.
Seeing this side of yourself, you broke the lip contact, both of you letting out labored breaths from the lack of air. Your eyes opened to meet the scarlet irises of your reflection in his sunglasses, but since you were so close, you could see through them and define the outlines of Dave's tinted eyes. You still couldn't see the color, but at least you could see what he would remotely look like without them. It was also then that you realized, holy shit, you just kissed your ex-matesprites' current matesprite.
And he had kissed you back with just as much passion.
Your face tinted a deep red and your eyes widened, your breath sticking in your throat. The human's own lips curled up into a smug smirk, his voice coming out just as cool and collected as usual, with a cocky tint to it. "Surprise kisses, Vantas? Didn't expect that shit out of you." Your look of surprise quickly changed into a scowl as you snapped back "Shut the fuck up Strider. When I want to know your goddamn opinion, I'll ask. And trust me, I don't want to know what shit goes on in your undeveloped, dusty human think pan" His smirk grew wider at the obvious anger in your voice. God, you hated that smirk.
"It's called a brain, Crabby McCrankypants. And mine is chalked full of all sorts of cool shit that you couldn't fathom if you tried" Your rolled your eyes as he began to go on and on about how ironically cool he was and all his amazing bullshit skills and blah blah blah. You grabbed his face in your hands, your patience disappearing as you smashed your mouth against his moving lips, silencing his babbling. He seemed to get the message, because he shut up really fucking quick and focused back on your lips.
You focused back into your passionate kissing, your fingers slipping up and tangling into his platinum blonde hair. His arms made their way around you and settled on your hips. Heat flooded your face as he pulled you closer, making your bodies press together like matching puzzle pieces. Another shudder shot through you, this one so heavy that even he felt it. His lips curled into a devious grin as he broke the kiss, ducking under your jaw and covering you gray throat in affection nips and kisses.
The sudden attention to your neck made your blood rush north to your face and ears, causing a red blush to spread over your cheeks and the tips of your pointed ears. You sunk your teeth into your lip to contain any sounds of pleasure. It wasn't until he sucked a dark mark onto your throat that a sound escaped you, sounding like a purr and an angry growl. "Holy shit Strider I swear to god I am going to fucking murder you if you do that ag-Ahn!" You dug your blunt nails into his scalp as he dug his teeth into your shoulder in a hard bite, a growl of his own emitting from the taller male at the pain.
You gnawed your lip and started smacking his shoulder rapidly with the heel of your palm, demanding being let go in sharp whispers. After a few moments of the painful bliss, he released you and leaned back so he was looking you in the face, his collected coolness present on what part of his face you could actually see. You opened your mouth to release to gushing river of profanities, but he cut you off with his own calm voice. "Tell me why you were crying earlier"
A little put off by the question, you stared at him with the 'How fucking stupid are you?' look. "And when has that ever become your goddamn business? I didn't ask for your shitty human comfort and I didn't….need…it…" Your voice had trailed off as you stared back at him. He was staring at you with an intense glare behind his shades. You felt that feeling again, the one that felt like he was piercing your soul with his covered eyes. Suddenly, you let the truth spill out.
You're words stumbled out without going through the 'don't embarrass yourself' filter "I was lonely okay? And can you stop fucking staring at me you big eyed shit stain? Do you know how irritating it is staring at those fucking ugly stupid ass glasses on your dumb nooksucker fa-Mph!" That was about the time he grabbed the back of your head and pulled you back into a deep kiss. He broke the contact before you could even respond, his voice dropping to a low whisper "You don't have to be lonely Karkat…"
You stared at him in confusion. What did that mean? Was he insinuating you find another matesprite? Shouldn't you have gone ahead and explained to him that no one would want a cranky, controlling, unattractive little ball of messy haired fury that was you. In fact, you went ahead and told him. He chuckled and shook his head, his fingers running down your back to the base of your spine. Emitting a squeak, you were yanked up against his chest and forcing you to sit in his lap.
In an instant, his lips were against your ear and whispering "Karkat, were you not paying attention when we kinda just had a hella hot make out session under this here tree?" He whispered out another question before I could respond to the first one, my cheeks burning because they were so red with frustration and embarrassment at the previous kissing being mentioned "And why, my dear Karkitten, would I kiss you back if I didn't already have some damn nice feelings for you? Think about it Vantas. Make that superior brain of yours work a little." You blinked in shock as it clicked into place in your brain. Dave Strider felt red for you. Your heart fluttered in your chest.
Why did this excite you so much? Why did you actually smile when you heard him say it in your ear with that deep voice that drove you crazy? You knew exactly why, and it drove you to not respond to him and just pull back enough for him to spot your small smile before meeting your lips once again. You must have startled him a little because he didn't respond at first, but he soon melted into your kiss. You tilted your head to have a little more access to his mouth, his thick sunglasses pressing into your skin. You growled out loud and broke the kiss in anger of the dark aviators. His mouth opened in protest just as you ripped the eyewear from his face.
Your eyes grew wide as they were met with equally scarlet red eyes, that were also wide with surprise. In a split second, he screwed his eyes tight to hide the color. You frowned. "What the fuck are you doing Strider?"
"What does it look like I'm doing, Vantas? It's bright as fuck out here. You trying to make my eyes burst into flames or something"
You rolled your eyes "That's fucking bullshit Dave. I know your hiding your eye color. I just want to know why"
He's face softened a little at my words. He sighed and slowly reopened his eyes, his eyes locked with yours. They seemed to soften and harden with his emotions, the ones he obviously had trained so hard to hide. You reached up and held his face in your hands, stroking your thumbs under his eyes. "I like them, so deal with not wearing your shitty, cool-wannabe shades" A small smirk played on his lips and he opened his mouth to probably make a cocky comeback until you silenced him with your own mouth for the second time that day.
You were just getting back into the comfortable feeling of his lips, until you heard distant footsteps and a loud cackle of laughter. You sat bolt upright, jerking away from Dave and scrambling out of his arms. You were now seated a good few feet away from him as the energetic Libra turned a corner, her toothy grin spread on her lips as she spotted, or rather smelled, you and the blonde's position under the tree. She ran over and flung herself into Dave's general direction, landing in his lap and planting a lick on his bare cheek.
Your stomach sunk in disappointment. Dave's eyes met yours as she leaned up and met his lips to hers, his scarlet irises tinted with sadness. You frowned and moved to your feet, silently moving away from the couple. You hurried along until you turned a corner and pressed your back against the wall, biting into your lips as a single tear rolled down your cheek. You quickly wiped it away, shuddering and swallowing to calm your nerves.
You sighed and held your face in your hands, trying to ignore the voices that drifted to your ears. Until you realized that one of the voices was Dave, and you could obviously hear the anger. You leaned your ear a little closer to the corner, listening in on their argument.
"….I understand your whole romance shit, Tez, but the least you could have done was told me you were fucking the juggalo wannabe behind my back."
"Oh come on Dave! You are so over reacting, jeez"
"Oh, I'm over reacting? Really now? You know what Terezi? Enjoy your lunatic giggle shit of a boyfriend, because I'm done. See ya"
You stiffened as you heard Dave's steps drawing closer to your hiding place, your heart beat quickening in fear. Would he be mad at you for listening in? What if he yelled at you too? Oh shit shit shit! You didn't give it much thought; you just took off in the opposite direction of Dave's footsteps. He pumped your legs as hard as you could, your dark, worn out shoes slapping loudly against the hard concrete.
You let your legs carry you as fast as you could across the dream bubbles, passing with fellow tolls and humans alike as you sprinted past. You startle Mituna as you passed, causing him to spaz out and fall off of his skateboard for probably the billionth time that day. You ran by your dear friend Kanaya, who was, as usual, talking to Rose. Your eyes met hers for a split second as you darted past, concern obvious in her eyes. You ran until you reached your respiteblock, collapsing into a black bean bag in the corner of your room.
You were exhausted, breathing heavily against the dark fabric as you relaxed into it. You buried your face into the fabric, sighing out heavily. Part of you is thrilled that he broke up with her, but the caring part of you feels horrible and confused. You couldn't help it as heavy negative thoughts flooded your mind, your eyes becoming blurry with deep red tears. So there you were, laying with your head shoved into a beanbag, sobbing your confusion and pain away for the second time that day.
It seemed like an hour later that you heard a knock at your door, making you screech in anger "Go. The Fuck. Away!" But, despite your order not to, the door opened and closed again behind you. You felt your face heat up as the familiar smell of apples drifted to your sensitive nose. Your sobs had long since died down, leaving you sniffling and whimpering on the bean bag as Dave kneeled down in front of you. You peaked up at him, narrowing your eyes as they met the reflective surface of his dark aviators.
Your glare softened as he reached out, caressing your cheek in his hand and wiping your tears away with one rough thumb. You blushed deeper red as a soft purr escaped your lips. "Care to explain why in the hell you are crying again? Weren't my Strider cuddles enough to soothe your raging troll mood swings?" You glared at him and pushed his hand away from your face, rolling over and curling up on the bean bag, your back to him. After a few seconds, you heard him sigh and the bean bag shift underneath you. Before you could protest, he had his arms around you with your bodies pressed together on the large seat.
"I don't care if you don't tell me or not, I'm going to cuddle the shit out of you because, well, my cuddles are amazing and they make everyone feel better" His voice came a little lower in your ear, not exactly a whisper not exactly his normal voice either. You sighed and the two of you just lay there, spooning on the bean bag. It was actually kind of nice. You could feel his heart beating against your back and his breath on your ear. After a few minutes, you sighed and peaked over your shoulder at him. A small smile played on your lips at what you saw.
He had taken his shades off and was staring at you with deep scarlet eyes swirling with emotion, mostly concern. You couldn't help the chuckle that bubbled in your chest as you reached back to stroke his face with your hand "Calm your shit Dave, I'm fine now…You worry like a mother hen" His own lips curled into a smile at your words, nuzzling into your hand and pressing a chaste kiss to your palm. The smile made your heart flutter like a newborn butterfly. A faint red blush heated your cheeks and you rolled your eyes at him, a smile of your own crawling onto your lips.
His face changed to a look of seriousness, his hand moving up to rest over mine "Karkat…." The sound of your name in his deep voice made you almost shiver at the thrill. He never called you Karkat. "I need to tell you something" You raised an eyebrow at him from the serious look on his face, though you could tell he was hesitating. You waited for a few seconds, noticing him swallow and fear tint his eyes. "Alright, spit it out already Strider. I don't have all day for you to just stare at me"
He sighed and laid his head against yours, the room getting silent. The only noise was the quiet breathing between both of you. "I broke up with Terezi…" His voice was quiet, barely over a whisper. I rolled my eyes and mumbled "Yeah I know, she was seeing Gamzee behind your back. That is a pretty legit reason to-" His voice cut me off again before I could finish.
"No Karkat. I broke up with her so I could be with you"
Your heart skipped several beats at his words, your breath hitching. You could feel the blood flooding your cheeks in a dark blush. "I-I…Uh.." You stammered with your words, trying to put the pieces of your scatter brain back together. You eventually sighed and rubbed your temple, rolling over to face him. Your faces close together, you mumbled to him "Do you…Do you really mean that?" Your voice raised in anger "Because I swear to fucking god Strider, if this is some sick joke I will rip your human bulge off and shove-Hmphmum!" Like you had before, he silenced you with a deep kiss. He broke the kiss after a split second, a smile spread on his lips. "That's too sick to joke about, bro, even for me. You can't possibly expect such a cool, sly motherfucker like me to fuck with someone's love life? Psh. That just ain't cool, man. Not cool at all. And I, my ignorant little troll, am the master of cool. "
A smile of your own spread on your dark lips as he began to ramble, holding his face in your hands and mumbling "Better fucking be" You closed the space between each other, purring out softly as his lips met yours for the thousandth time that day. And you expected a thousand more to come.