Disclaimer: (look I'm getting better at this!) I don't own any of these characters. They were cleverly thought up by NBC and the writer/director/etc of ER.

Chapter 1

Susan had never felt so completely lost in her life. She hadn't thought what she and Chuck had shared had meant anything. She even tried to break it off with him, convincing herself there were better, more charming men out there in the world. She was convinced she would stay a bachelor for the rest of her life, and frankly she didn't want any strings attached. She had always felt awkward, weighed down while dating men. So she had tried to maintain a rather sexual relationship with Chuck instead of dating him. Despite the fact they had gotten married, she'd figured that it hadn't meant much to either of them, at least she had tried to make it seem like she wanted to get an annulment. Although there was just something about Chuck.

And when she thought he had gone down in that helicopter, she hadn't expected her emotions to run wild. She suddenly felt a need for him, and she felt bad for having turned down his offer to get together later that night. She was sad, that was until she saw him standing in the trauma room next to where she was standing. A huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders as she raced to him, falling in to his arms, letting the unshed tears fall, burying her face in the warmth of his embrace. She had felt something then and she knew she couldn't just let him go, no matter how much she thought she wanted to.

Then when he collapsed from blood loss she was in a state of shock, or so it seemed. She called every few minutes up to the OR to check on him. There were a few scares, but by the end of the operation he was perfectly fine, although he had lost an organ. Susan went to him in the recovery room. He had been asleep and she couldn't help but kiss him awake. His lips felt good against her own. He opened his eyes, slowly registering the room around him. He noticed the flowers he had given Susan earlier next to his bed and he smiled.

Susan stayed up with Chuck almost all that Thanksgiving night, holding his hand, stroking it lovingly, talking to him, caring for him when he needed it. Despite the fact she had an early shift the next morning she stayed with him. When it was time for her shift to start she was reluctant to leave his side. He had drifted off in to sleep less than an hour before and she didn't want to leave before he got up. As she gently separated their hands he stirred, his eyes opening. Susan smiled at him. "I have to get back down to the ER." She whispered, stroking a few strands of curly dark hair from his face. He nodded his head and she leaned down, pressing her lips to his. "Try to get some sleep. I'll be back up when I can." She whispered in to his ear while stroking his hair. Giving him one last kiss, she pulled away and unwantingly headed back down to the ER, not at all ready for the tasks that were in front of her.

When she arrived, Neela was fast on her heels, trying to get her to agree with her on the treatment of a patient. Finally Susan whirled around, causing Neela to run right in to her. "Not right now, okay?" Her voice was more severe than she had meant it to be and Neela looked down for a moment and then turned.

"I'll get another attending to do it." She murmured over her shoulder as she walked away from Susan, who mentally kicked herself. Why was she in such a crappy mood?

Shaking it off, Susan turned and headed towards a bathroom. She hadn't had time to go the night before and she really had to go. It was almost that wonderful time of the month again and she always seemed to have to go pee more. As she entered the women's bathroom she heard someone sobbing in a bathroom stall. Frowning, she went in to the stall next to it and nosily studied the shoes the other woman was wearing. They appeared to be tennis shoes, dark colored, a few blood stains. It was probably a surgeon, and the only female surgeon Susan knew was "Elizabeth?" Susan was washing her hands when Elizabeth finally emerged from the stall. "Are you okay?"

Elizabeth didn't respond at first, just scrubbed furiously at her hands and then began working her face to make it look like she hadn't been crying. "Robert died. The helicopter landed on top of him."

Susan took this information in for a moment. She almost wanted to burst out laughing (what great luck Robert had had with helicopters) but she contained herself. "I'm sorry." Susan tried to comfort Elizabeth, but Elizabeth didn't want her comfort. Instead she just nodded and then headed out of the bathroom, leaving Susan with a mix of emotions. Her shoulders shook with laughter, but she couldn't laugh at a time like this, no matter how silly it seemed.

Heading back out in to the ER she found Abby, who had just finished up with a patient. "Wow, Susan, did you really stay here all night?" Abby asked, noticing she had on the same thing she had been wearing the night before. Susan followed Abby's gaze up and down her own body, realizing her mistake.

Laughing she nodded, "yeah. I stayed with Chuck."

"How romantic." Abby joked, poking Susan in the side with her pen.

"Ow and no we did not stay up all night thumping about in a recovery room. He's in a recovery room for a reason." Susan rolled her eyes as they both walked in to the doctor's lounge.

"I bet you didn't." Abby grinned.

"Shut up, what have I missed?" Susan asked, knowing something major had to have happened in the last ten hours she had been upstairs.

"Actually not much. The ER's really quieted down. I think since the ambulance bay is blocked they've been taking patients to other hospitals." Abby poured Susan and herself a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." Susan took the coffee gratefully, equally grateful for the fact that there probably wouldn't be too many big cases which meant more time with Chuck. "You know, I feel bad about yesterday."

"Why?" Abby asked, the two settling down at the table.

"I kinda blew Chuck off. I mean I thought we were to that stage where we both realized this relationship wasn't going anywhere and so we would spend more time apart. So yesterday when he invited me over, again, I just said no." Susan shrugged.

"Are you sure that's where both of you were in the relationship?" Abby asked after studying Susan's look. She had seen the way Susan had reacted when she found out Chuck was still alive and she knew there were some feelings for him that Susan probably wasn't ready to admit she had.

"I thought so." Susan frowned, twirling the coffee cup around in her hands. "I just feel so guilty."

"Don't; just make it up to him. And maybe give him a chance, I think you might be overlooking something here." Abby tried to subtly point out Susan's feelings.

Susan looked in thought for a moment and then her pager started going off. "You're right." Pulling out her pager, she studied it. "Looks like they need me. Do you want to come along?"

"Sure." Abby, feeling important, nodded and followed Susan to a man who had been bit by a dog, several times.

After taking care of several patients, Susan stole away and returned to the recovery room where she found Chuck half asleep, watching some silly cartoons. He loved his cartoons. She sat on the edge of his bed, watching the screen as some crazy cartoon characters raced across the screen, battling one another, or maybe they were jelly fishing...becoming engulfed in the show, she didn't notice when Chuck awoke, quietly watching her face as she studied the screen. She was so beautiful; he really didn't want to lose her. Why he didn't just come out with his true feelings was beyond him.

Unable to keep himself from doing so, he lifted his hand and brushed the back of it across Susan's cheek. She turned, slightly startled and then smiled at him, leaning down so their lips met for a long, passionate kiss. "I thought you were on." Chuck smiled as their lips parted.

"I am; I just came up to see how you were doing." Susan grinned, taking his hand in her own, stroking it gently with her thumb.

"Well not much has changed in the last half hour you've been gone." Chuck smiled, and Susan raised an eyebrow, turning to see a clock. She had only been gone for a half hour.

"Well I missed you." She turned back to Chuck, trying to hide her semi-embarrassment.

"I can tell." Chuck leaned up, capturing her lips in his own.

As their lips moved together, Susan thought about the last time they had had sex. It had been invigorating, having such a powerful man on top of her, his largeness pleasuring her between her thighs. Every time they had sex it was amazing. There just didn't seem to be that bond that held them together. At least Susan wasn't feeling it. It had always been pure sex, fulfilling Susan's sexual needs. And if she needed Chuck, she's pull him in to the nearest unisex bathroom and have her way with him, then toss him to the side. She knew he was resilient and would pop back, asking her to dinner, or out for drinks, which she would then brush aside, saying she would probably be busy. She had always done this with men, never letting one get really close to her. It was usually all about sex.

"What are you thinking about, Susie?" Chuck asked, letting his hand slide gently down her smooth cheek.

"Nothing," Susan shrugged, "and don't call me Susie." She said a bit too bitingly.

"Sorry, Susan." Chuck retorted.

"Chuck, oh, I'm sorry." Susan felt bad for snapping at him. "Listen, why don't you rest. Oh, and see when you can be released. I'm taking you back to my place." Susan got up, their hands coming undone. It was an order, not an option.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Chuck asked as she began walking towards the door.

"Yeah, I want to make sure you're okay." Susan said without turning around, and then she opened the door and headed out.

"Whatever." Chuck shrugged, his gaze turning from the door back to the cartoons which danced around on the screen in front of him.

It was almost six o' clock. The day had gone by so sluggishly. Susan, too embarrassed to rush back to Chuck's side, didn't return until about three o' clock. He told her that Elizabeth thought it best if he stayed a little longer, but he could go home and get some bed rest that night as long as he had someone with him. Susan, relieved, planned on coming to get him as soon as her shift was over.

Waiting for the minute hands to move a few centimeters took so long. It seemed to take a century to get through one whole minute. She knew she shouldn't watch the clock, watching it only made time go slower, but she couldn't help it. She wanted to get Chuck home and in bed, but not like that. No, tonight she would cater to his every need and she promised herself she wouldn't lay a single finger on him, unless he was ready, but she was pretty sure he was not.

As she waited, staring blankly at the clock hanging on the wall, having nothing better to do, a hand tapped her on the shoulder. She turned to find Abby standing there.

"Hey, do you want to go grab drinks with Neela and I?" Abby asked, while shuffling files and pulling several out to write in.

"I thought we didn't like Neela." Susan leaned towards Abby, keeping her voice down so the others wouldn't hear.

"Oh, no I absolutely adore her. You just have to get to know her, Susan." Abby grinned.

Susan just rolled her eyes, standing up straight, noticing that the clock had finally reached six o' clock, and said, "I can't. I'm taking Chuck home with me and I have to watch him." Susan shrugged, signing herself out and heading towards the doctor's lounge.

"Have fun with that." Abby raised a sarcastic eyebrow as Susan walked away, entering the doctor's lounge.

After retrieving her coat, hat, and gloves, and putting her lab coat away, Susan went up to the recovery room where she found Elizabeth helping Chuck. She was helping him sit up and making sure everything felt all right. Susan went around to the other side of the bed, pulling his clothes out from underneath the bed. Dropping her coat on the other bed in the room, which was empty, she dumped the bag of his clothes on it as well. She sorted through the clothes, tossing out a shirt which was covered in blood. Once Elizabeth was done, she left the two alone to get Chuck dressed. Susan went to him and undid his robe. She gently pulled it off his shoulders, revealing a large gash which had been stitched up in his back. She grimaced at it, but continued to help him undress. They did this without talk, as if they were going to have sex, except this time she was helping him in to his clothes.

She made him put on a green medical shirt and then put his jacket on over it. Next were his pants, which still had a bit of blood on the back, but she knew she would just be taking them off of him when they got to her place. He kept a few spare pajama pants around at her house. Finally she put his shoes on and then helped him up. He leaned heavily against her as she helped him in to a wheelchair.

Once in Susan's car, Chuck broke the silence. "Thanks."

"No problem." Susan smiled over at him, reaching out and taking his hand in her own. His hand was trembling, and rather cold, she noticed. He was probably reacting to the pain medication they had given him and it was getting colder outside. "What should I make for dinner?"

"You cook?" Chuck grinned, but Susan gave him an evil look.

"Of course I do." Susan shot back. "How about some soup. You're hands are freezing."

"Well, it's getting colder." Chuck reached over with his free hand and turned her heat way up.

"It's almost Christmas." Susan said, seemingly out of nowhere.

"I know, I can't wait." They were the two biggest kids in the world.

Arriving at Susan's they felt at ease with one another. Susan helped him inside and then changed him in to some of his plaid flannel pajama pants, a T-shirt, and a large sweater Susan had gotten as a gift years ago. She left him, propped up in her bed with the TV on to go make some soup. When she finished she put everything on a tray and brought it back to her bedroom, putting the tray gently over Chuck's lap. She sat carefully on the side of the bed, picking up the spoon and spooning a little bit in to his mouth. He tasted it for a minute and then smiled.

"Chicken noodle, my favorite!"

"No way! Mine too." Susan got wide-eyed. They broke in to a fit of laughter. They were so comfortable together, so at ease.

Chuck watched Susan intently as she fed him, helping herself to a few bites now and then. When the soap was gone, she sat the tray to the side and slipped in to bed beside him.

"You don't have to do this, you know." Chuck whispered, as they lay together, watching pointless commercials.

"Do what?" Susan looked down at him, for he was resting his head on her chest.

"Let me stay here. I mean I thought you wanted to end this relationship." He had realized exactly what she had been trying to do.

"Well, I thought you did too." Susan frowned.

"Not really, but if you don't want to see me anymore, that's okay. I'd understand." Chuck looked so vulnerable at that moment. He looked like a little boy, who had just uncovered the truth about Santa Claus.

"No, I mean, I thought we were going to spend some time apart, but then when I thought you were in that helicopter…things changed." Susan looked back at the TV screen, stroking Chuck's long hair.

Chuck sulked momentarily. What had changed, exactly? "Well when I'm better I'll go back to my place and give you some room. We can take a break, if that's what you want." He became rather bold.

"Chuck, I didn't mean…okay…fine we'll take a break and see how we feel." Susan gave in, not wanting to argue. Although she didn't want to take a break. She had figured that this was going to begin something, but if Chuck wanted a break, then they would take a break.

And so after several days of personal treatment from Dr. Susan Lewis, Chuck and Susan went their separate ways, not even speaking if they happened to pass each other in the hallway.

TBC...okay I know I'm in the middle of another story, but I really like Chuck and Susan...so tell me what you think. I want lots of reviews, even if you hate it. Tell me!