Disclaimer: Doc Martin is the property of Buffalo Pictures. I own nothing except my over active imagination.

A spoof Smutfic story using lots of very silly names and terms. To be read with a broad mind, a good sense of humour and not to be taken seriously! With many thanks to Little Guinea for all the fun of writing for our little challenge to pass the time during the long cold winter evenings.

The Disinhibited Doc

"I should tell you the main reason that I don't usually drink Louisa… it's because… well you see…" Martin was concentrating on swirling the last dregs of wine round in his glass.

"Come on Martin, out with it! Why don't you drink at all? It's obviously not because you don't like the taste," Louisa pointed out. He'd just opened their third bottle of wine, having shared the first two with her.

"It's embarrassing, if you must know. I become…. lewd and rather crude. Obscene, is the term Auntie Joan uses to describe my behaviour. Not a good idea for a doctor, so I decided years ago never to drink, to prevent the situation ever occurring," Martin confessed.

His cheeks were now flushed and glowing from the affect of the alcohol. He'd only agreed to share a bottle of wine with Louisa because he was so relieved that she'd finally dumped Danny. He thought he'd just have one small glass to be sociable, but of course he hadn't realised that Louisa had been topping his glass up all the time, so he'd drunk way more than one glassl now.

He'd actually found it extremely sexy when she'd waggled her finger at him and ordered him to 'wait here and do not move a muscle' while she went off and bought the wine. He could just imagine her ordering him to strip off and obey her commands in the bedroom too, and it was turning him on and making him feel very horny.

"How drunk do you have to be, and just how rude and lewd do you get?" Louisa asked with a twinkle in her eye. She was intrigued by the idea of the repressed, uptight Martin transforming into the person he was describing - it could be rather fun and well….very naughty. She was sure that under his stuffy exterior there beat the heart of a very passionate man, if she could only reach him. With several glasses of wine now inside her, Louisa was determined that there were certain parts of his anatomy that she was going to reach and get hold of tonight, come what may.

She'd tried plying Danny with the special wine she'd fancied when he'd come over for dinner, hoping to experience some bed action with him, but he'd refused, saying that it wasn't the Christian way, which Louisa thought was just a front to cover up the fact that he couldn't get it up. Probably just as well, she thought, because it'd always been Martin that she really wanted, so she hoped that he wasn't going to fail her in the trouser department. What did a girl have to do to find a decent lover these days?

Suddenly Martin leaned over to tell her,

"You're so beautiful….. so very beautiful, do you know that? All I think about, every day, is just….. shagging you. Shagging you senseless actually. Giving you a bloody good seeing to."

He reached over to kiss her. They both tasted of wine and spent several minutes playing tonsil hockey. His full lips were very good at kissing and she found herself imagining in detail just what else they'd be good at.

"Oooh Martin, I love it when you talk dirty. Do it some more, tell me exactly what it is you want to do to me." Louisa, emboldened by the amount of alcohol she'd consumed, realised that seducing him was going to be easy now that he was drunk, just as long as the most important part of his anatomy was going to be up to it, and wouldn't suffer from brewers droop.

"I want to make you scream, scream when I plunge my Percy into your receptacle of love," Martin told her wickedly, sipping more of his wine. Louisa was a little shocked by this, but thrilled that he obviously wanted to get into her knickers.

Louisa reached under the table and felt his crotch.

"My, my, what do we have here, is this your magic wand? Oh Martin, I think I need to check it out for myself , but this bloody table's in the way!" She came round to his side of the table and pulled him to his feet.

"You want to check out my meat and two veg do you? Go on then," Martin leered at her. "But I want to see your boobs, you have to show me your tits before I get my John Thomas out."

"Martin, you dirty dog! I think you could be quite the stud muffin when you let yourself go. I think your todger is bursting to see some action," Louisa ran her hand up and down the front of his trousers, which were bulging and straining.

"And then when you've shown me your bristols, I'm going to give your lady garden a good going over," Martin was getting louder and coarser as the alcohol flowed through his veins.

"Take your jacket off. Now. And your shirt and tie. Do as your Head Mistress says, there's a good boy," Louisa ordered, standing over him with her hands on her hips.

"Yes Miss. Don't want a detention, Miss," Martin answered as he chuckled drunkenly and fumbled to take his clothes off.

"Come on, take me upstairs and show me a good time, big boy," Louisa declared as she took him by the hand and led him upstairs – they were both stumbling somewhat from the alcohol.

"Get them out, let me play with your funbags. I want to squeeze your baps. I want to kiss your chesticles," Martin was grappling with her top, trying not very successfully to pull it over her head, so Louisa quickly helped him by pulling it off herself.

"Phwoar, look at your norks, now that's what I call a pair," Martin buried his head in her cleavage and kissed each breast lovingly as he squeezed them together.

"But there's something in the way, take it off, off, off," he chanted. He was trying to get her bra off, but in his befuddled state couldn't undo it.

"Oh no, it's your turn now, I want an eyeful of your chap to see what I'm letting myself in for first. You might be a bit of a disappointment," Louisa waggled her little finger at him to show him what she meant.

"Satisfaction guaranteed. I'm hung like a donkey, I've got an elephants trunk, it's like a fireman's hose," Martin boasted with a silly grin on his face.

"Really? Then you'll have no trouble filling my pleasure cave," Louisa told him as she pushed him back on the bed and undid his trousers. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head as she saw his tackle straining to be released from his underpants.

"You weren't lying were you? Your trouser snake is ENORMOUS!"

"I told you, didn't I? Now off with that bra and let me play with your puppies," he ordered as he finally managed to undo the clasp.

"Stand up first and get undressed properly. I want to see your full package, undercarriage as well," Louisa ordered. Martin happily did as he was told.

"But now you're overdressed, so down with it," Martin ordered, pulling at her skirt to reveal her little g string lace panties.

"Oh my God, look at your arse cheeks wobbling! I want to squeeze your cheeks, let me feel them. Bend over and let me spank you, you naughty girl," Martin begged.

"Oh Martin, you can spank me if you want, but what I really want is for us to do some horizontal jogging, do the mambo of love together," Louisa bent over for him as he playfully spanked her and watched as her cheeks became red from his slapping.

"I'm your man Louisa, I'm all man, and my tool just wants to get into your tool holder. Don't you realise, all those times you've seen me staring at you, saying nothing, I'm just imagining putting my Adam's whip into your lady muff?"

"Less talk more action Martin. Come here. Now," Louisa commanded as she lay back and stretched out on the bed.

"God, my thrill drill is going to love it in your velvet love folds," he told her as he stroked her magic button.

"Mmmmmm, ooooh, that is so wonderful, you really do have magic hands. I want more, I want your joy stick. But first I need to get the cock socks - good job I bought the extra large size as well as the regular ones," Louisa informed him. She'd hoped that his big hands, big feet, and big nose all indicated a big dingdong, but she hadn't thought it would be quite that big.

"When did you get condoms?" Martin asked. She really was a saucy little minx, it seemed she'd been planning on seducing him all along. He grew even harder at the thought.

"When I bought the wine, I nipped into the loo in the pub and got some from the vending machine. Just in case I got lucky. Be prepared, that's my motto. And I've been dying for you to bonk me for years, so you're not getting away this time," Louisa stated as she fumbled in her bag to find the condoms. "Ah here we are. Ribbed ones for extra sensation."

"I'll give you all the sensation you need with my trouser trout," Martin told her as she ripped open the condom packet. He watched fascinated as she rolled it down over his love truncheon.

"Martin are you sure your pleasure stick is going to fit into my va jay jay? You really are hung like a stallion aren't you? You will be careful, you know, take it easy to start with?" Louisa eyed him up rather nervously. Although she was still desperate to try him out, it was an eye wateringly large piece of equipment.

"Well, you feel very ready and able to take my big beast, but I'll take it easy on your mangina. I'll do my best to ease him in gently," Martin informed her as he once more stroked her pleasure button.

"Oh God Martin, yes, you're so right, just give it to me! I need you, I need you to screw me right now," Louisa moaned at his successful ministrations.

"The love doctor is now going to inject you with his sperminator, so open wide," Martin instructed as he threw her back on the bed, then positioned himself between her legs.

With a sharp intake of breath, he slowly entered, but stopped part way, only inserting the tip of his manhood. Louisa groaned at the sensation and grabbed his hips to try and pull him in deeper.

"What if it was only this big, hmmmm? What if I only had a tiny little pecker? Would just the Head be big enough for you, Head Mistress?" he teased, enjoying the control he now had over her.

"Martin give it all to me right now! I want all of your magnificent bed python, please!" she begged. He didn't need asking twice and plunged into her all the way.

"Take all of me, take all nine inches of me! Feel what a real man is like, because I'm going to roger you senseless," Martin told her crudely as he thrust into her. He carried on pounding and thrusting, grunting loudly as he did, while she clung to him, raking his back with her nails.

"Oh yes, that's it, give me more of your love pump! Keep going, give me all of it, don't stop," Louisa screamed in his ear as the bed bounced rhythmically beneath them.

"You've got the pathway to heaven right between your legs, and I'm going all the way," Martin shouted back as he continued his rhythmic action. He increased the pace, gripping her buttocks with both hands as he raised her up to meet him, adjusting the angle to plunge even deeper.

"Oh God, Martin that is fantastic, amazing, wonderful. I'm going to come, are you nearly there too?" She moaned, digging her nails into him, the exquisite pain pushing Martin to pump even harder into her.

"Aaaaahhh, yes, yes, yes….. oh my God…. yes that's fantastic, Louisa. I love you, I love you, I Love You!" Martin shouted, as he went over the edge to reach his climax, experiencing an orgasm of the most spectacular intensity.

"Martin! Oh God, yes, yes, yes… mmmmhhh…. keep it coming, that's it, yes, yes!"Louisa screamed at the same time, as the waves washed over her too, her orgasm hitting simultaneously as she felt him releasing into her.

Finally they both collapsed onto the bed, breathless and exhausted. After a couple of minutes, Martin staggered to the bathroom to clean up. When he returned, Louisa smiled at him with a drunken, lazy, satisfied grin.

"Martin, what a spectacular stud muffin you turned out to be! That really is an amazing wang you have there. My mound of love doesn't know what hit it!"

"Well, that's a pretty amazing Venus trap you have there too, Louisa." He threw himself down next to her, then instantly collapsed into a deep sleep. The alcohol had finally overcome him, and he started to snore.

Louisa also crashed out too - although more accustomed to drinking, she didn't usually consume as much as she had tonight.

A couple of hours later, she awoke with a start.

"Oh my God no! I've really embarrassed myself now, acting like a common slut! And all those things I said..." Louisa recalled in horror. She really should know by now that it was never a good idea for her to have more than two glasses of wine as it made her lose all her inhibitions. Mind you, being drunk had certainly made Martin lose all his inhibitions too. However, she knew from past experience that as far as men were concerned, it was alright for them to be lewd, crude and rude, but it was not alright for a lady, not unless she was a whore or slut. And to cap it all, her head was pounding, her mouth felt like the bottom of a parrot's cage, and she was fairly certain that she would be puking and retching before long in a very undignified way.

She looked over at Martin, who was still dead to the world, and decided to make her way back home to her own cottage - she really didn't want to start vomiting in his house. Maybe he wouldn't remember very much in the morning if he never usually got that drunk. However before she left, she couldn't resist taking one last peak at his member, as it had been so impressive. Even in its flaccid state, it was huge, softly resting against his leg as he slept. With a sigh, Louisa got out of bed, and quickly got dressed. She went down to the kitchen, and cleared everything away, leaving no evidence of their drinking. She gathered up Martin's clothes that'd been discarded in the kitchen, took them up to his bedroom and hung them up as best she could. After a quick glance round to make sure she hadn't left anything behind, she tenderly kissed Martin's cheek and ran her fingers through his short, cropped hair.

"Good night Martin. Thanks for the ride on your love machine," she whispered in his ear.

"Stud muffin... shag you senseless..." he muttered in his sleep. Maybe he'd think the whole thing had been a dream, Louisa thought as she let herself out.

When Martin woke up the next morning, the first thing that hit him as he tried to move was the pounding headache, and then the dreadful parched, disgusting taste in his mouth, which felt like cardboard. He wasn't wearing any pyjamas either.

"Oh God, why on earth did I let myself drink? I've made a complete fool of myself." Martin tried to recall just what had happened the night before. He remembered drinking wine with Louisa, but after that he couldn't really be sure. He seemed to recall her being in his bedroom, ordering him around – but maybe that was just one of his usual fantasies. He had several after all, this being the one of the schoolmistress telling him just what she wanted him to do to her, although that one usually took place in Louisa's school office. The other fantasies included Louisa coming into his surgery and begging him to pleasure her on his examination couch, Louisa climbing into his bed and helping herself to his equipment, Louisa locking him in her bedroom until he'd serviced her. All variations of the same theme – having sex with Louisa in all sorts of places and positions, at her behest. A man can dream after all, he'd always told himself, and as long as he kept a very tight lid on these fantasies in real life, what harm did it do? But the alcohol had unlocked the lid and let the genie out of the bottle – or out of his trousers in this case.

But she wasn't here, and none of her things were here, so maybe he had just dreamt it. He made his way down to the kitchen – it was neat and tidy, no wine bottles or glasses, so they must have cleared away, meaning he couldn't have been that bad. He got a glass of water and drank all of it, and then slowly made his way back up to his room to get dressed for work. No evidence of her here either, so he relaxed a bit. But as he made the bed, he couldn't help noticing a suspicious stain on his sheets, as well as some long dark hair on the pillow. Then he noticed something just under the edge of the bed. He bent to pick it up and discovered that it was an empty condom packet. It dawned on him then just exactly what must have occurred, and it also explained the scratches on his back too.

"Shit. She's done a runner. I've frightened her off. How the hell am I ever going to face her again?"

He tried desperately to recall exactly what had gone down between them, but alcohol had a very unkind affect on him, in that apart from making him lewd, it also gave him amnesia. This situation reminded him of his student days, when girls had plied him with alcohol, once word had got out about the size of his didgeridoo. But afterwards, they didn't want to have anything to do with him, finding him too much of a weirdo. So they just used him and dropped him, which had hurt like hell at the time, and was one of the reasons he never let anyone get close to him. It was also why he never usually drank alcohol, because then he never lost control.

Martin was even more foul tempered than usual during the day at work. He felt like crap, but worse than that was the thought of having to face Louisa. At the end of surgery, he headed outside for some fresh air to clear his head. He nearly bolted back indoors when he realised that Louisa was walking up the hill to him. But she'd seen him, so alas, there was no escape.

"I thought you might not know about these wonderful tablets if you're not used to drinking. They're brilliant for hangovers, that's how I got through today with my class." Louisa handed him a tube of Alka Seltzers. She'd decided it was preferable to face her demons, so she'd forced herself to come to see him, get the first meeting out of the way, and find out just how much he remembered from the night before. Martin had actually told her that he loved her after all.

"Right. Thank you. Look about last night, I think I embarrassed myself." As Martin apologised, Louisa smiled back at him in relief. Clearly, he felt just as mortified, and didn't seem disgusted with her, so that was a good start.

"No apology needed, I think it's fair to say that we both had a bit too much to drink yesterday evening. At least I don't need the morning after pill thanks to the pub vending machine. You didn't embarrass yourself, because I'm really glad that you said what you said, and I just wish I'd said it too, and I'm sorry that I didn't"

Louisa assumed he was embarrassed because he'd told her he loved her, and she hadn't said it back. Well, she had been in the throws of her orgasm, not a time for coherent thought. Then Martin had more or less passed out, and she'd left to get home to throw up in private.

"Wished you'd said what?" Martin puzzled, having no idea what she was talking about.

"I love you Martin. I wish I'd said that I love you too last night," Louisa elucidated. But from the look of sheer panic and horror on his face, Louisa instantly realised he had no recollection whatsoever of confessing his love to her. So she'd blown her chance with him, because now she'd scared him back into his protective shell. She'd forgotten rule number one – never believe anything a man tells you when he's rat arsed thanks to the influence of alcohol.

"Well, it's a bit of a strong word to use isn't it - 'Love'? I mean, we don't know each other that well... I don't see how you can say that you love me…." Martin burbled in total shock at her bringing up the 'L' word.

"Martin we've known each other quite a while, and now that we've got to know each other a bit better…" she started to explain.

"Yes, but for you to say you love me, when you can't possibly know that you do is…" The expression on Louisa's face caused him to falter.

"Is what?" She challenged defensively, the wrath gleaming in her eyes. But it was too late for Martin to heed the warning signs. having started on the path of denial, he forged on with his lie, warming to his theme and almost convincing himself it was true in the process.

"Potentially delusional. There are certain quite well known disorders where a person falls, without good reason, for someone else and believes that they love them. De Clerambault's syndrome, also known as erotomania. It's more common in women… errr… they fall for an older man of a higher social standing than themselves…" Martin had no idea where his mind had dredged up all this bullshit coming out of his mouth, but he couldn't help himself, he had to get out of this situation somehow.

"Pardon? What the hell are you talking about, Martin?" Louisa looked at him in complete disbelief.

"Delusional romantic attachments are often associated with excessive, uh, intrusiveness into the life of the object of the irrational affection…. stalking if you like….." Martin waffled on pompously.

He was stopped short in his medical lecture by a sharp slap on his face, before Louisa turned on her heel and stormed off down the hill.

"Well done, Ellingham. Marvellous job. Sorted out that misunderstanding with Louisa once and for all. She certainly won't be bothering you again, will she?" he murmured sarcastically to himself as he shook his head and sighed.

Then he turned and retreated back into the lonely sanctuary of his surgery.