It wasn't often I left home. After the last time-Something I dubbed "The Helgen Incident" and spoke nothing about, to anyone, Jarl or not-and the following Shout I had accidentally ingested (Was that the right word? Ingested? Maybe absorbed would work better, but when you absorb something, you don't feel it forcing its way down your throat), I'd only gone to speak to Arngeir, refused his offer of training, and promptly locked myself in Riften.

Unfortunately, after going through the mountains of books that cluttered my small house, I'd finally read up on one particular ancient crypt that had held my interest. Bleak Falls Barrow.

So, I'd grabbed my weapons-my partner, an Ebony bow with a Storm enchantment, a quiver of glass arrows, and a Daedric sword of Vampire that I had stolen from a house and never let leave my side-and promptly set out with nothing but the clothes-literally, clothes, as I had no armor-on my back and a vague idea of how to say a healing spell.

An hour into the dungeon-I could tell I was following in the steps of someone who had passed by not too recently-I got bored, and happened to emerge into a massive burial chamber with bodies stacked to the roof.

Bad things happen when I get bored.

"NAMIRA'S ROT TAKE YOU ALL!" I shouted-it was my favorite curse with a Daedric Lord's name in it that people wouldn't kill me on sight for saying-and I charged into the room, swinging my sword.

I hadn't technically had any formal training in combat besides archery. So it was mostly my sword that did the work-being made of Daedric metal, it had a personality and could subtly influence my movements to suit its own needs, something the spell only gave more power too. Mara forbid it ever decided I needed to die-I had no inclinations to go stabbing myself yet, but the sword could easily change that.

I-technically, the sword-cut down another Draugr and I turned. An Argonian stood there, gaping in shock with one of her swords dangling from her fingertips. As if my amused look had made her realize what was going on, she drew her other blade and jumped into the fight.

"What are you doing here?!" She yelled, neatly decapitating another Draugr.

"Getting a Shout." I called monotonously, shoving my back against hers as another wave of mummified corpses charged us.

I felt her suck in a sharp breath, and I frowned as we finished up the horde. I sheathed my blade and turned-

-to find a blade colder than the Sea of Ghosts resting on my collarbone.

"Were you being sarcastic?" Even as she asked it, I could see her already deciding that's what I'd meant-yes, that's it, she was just being sarcastic, ha ha, that silly Bosmer-and I scowled.

Fine. Proof.

"UL!" The Argonian shoved her sword forward, her momentum taking her forward. She recovered into a nice roll, and I'd have complimented her on it had she not tried to kill me.

My scowl deepened as I leaned against one of the pillars behind her, tapping my foot.

"That's impossible!" She gasped. She'd gotten to her feet and now stared at me. I'd never seen an Argonian with such huge eyes.

"No, that's called a Shout."

"You can't do that!"

"I've never been one for rules…"

"That was a Shout!"

"You don't have to shout when you say it, you know. The name itself is pretty self-explanatory."

"But...I'm the Dragonborn!"

"And I'm the Dovahkiin. Nice to meet you!"

She stopped panicking long enough to give me a very impressive death glare, and then promptly turned and Shouted at the corpses littering the floor.

"TOOR!"

"Ooh! I saw some skeever's back there-we can roast 'em! They're actually not that bad if you don't mind eating decayed feet, but-"

"Will you shut it?!" She snapped, stopping me mid-rant. I visibly deflated (It was dramatic, of course. It's not every day you find out that you're the legendary hero who's going to save all of existence from a dragon so hungry he's literally called the World Eater and then find out you're not alone) but I didn't argue.

The flames she'd created flickered dryly against stone walls, and I dropped down in front of one. The smell was terrible, of course, but I'd lived in the streets of Riften for years. My nose had no life.

"How is this possible?" She demanded, looking at me.

"Well, there are two names. Dragonborn and Dovahkiin. Maybe it's more than just a translation issue. Or maybe Fate realized the world was going to Oblivion with me, because I told Arngeir he could shove his prophecy up Mehrune Dagon's-"

"This is insane."

"I betcha Sheograth is enjoying this." I cackled, falling onto my back.

I wasn't very concerned with suddenly having another person to take my place. I was mostly amused.

Even more amused, because the fate of Skyrim now rested in the hands of an Argonian and a Bosmer, both of whom were from races not only looked down upon in Skyrim but races infamous for thievery and con work. The Stormcloaks would be overjoyed!

"This isn't funny. Why are you here anyway?"

"Uh….I read about this place in a book, so I came out of my self-imposed hibernation and made the trek. Which, was a very long trek. Riften is pretty far away…"

"All of that for a book?" She demanded. I shrugged.

"You?"

"I'm helping the Jarl of Whiterun. His wizard, something-or-other Secret-Fire, hired me to get a tablet. So I'm getting it."

Curious. Was she a mercenary? Or had she just been roped into it?

Lacking enough heat to successfully melt the ancient armor the Draugr wore and having exhausted dried linen and flesh, the fire was beginning to die out. I stood, stretched, then flashed a grin at the Argonian.

"I'm Athe."

"Nyt." She replied, her tail swishing behind her. I'd noticed she didn't have much of an accent-she must have been raised here in Skyrim. Definitely not in Honorhall, like me, but somewhere. Whiterun, perhaps?

"By the way…" I trailed off as I rummaged through the bag sagging on my hip (Who knew there could be so much treasure in an old Nordic ruin that the Argonian had already went through?), eventually producing the object I'd been looking for.

"This is your tablet, right?"

Yes, an Argonian's eyes really could get that big.

XXXXXXX

So, this is a collaboration with Agent Firebird. She'll post her character's chapters under the title "The Misbegotten Adventures of the Dragonborn" Whenever she gets around to it. I'll post a link when she does. Anyway, this is my first attempt at comedy (It feels so awkward to type this stuff O.O), so please review. I'd very much appreciate it!

Moving on-this won't actually follow gameplay strictly. As will get very obvious soon...But I hope you enjoy it.