I OWN NOTHING. ONLY THE PAIN IN MY HEART OVER WHAT HAPPENED, AND I'D HAPPILY SELL THAT TO YOU IF YOU WANTED IT. BUT NONE OF THE CHARACTERS I OWN, ONLY THE IDEA.
Oh, and its AU (ish).
I knew. I really did know. I knew that he would choose her. I should have always known. I know that it started when I first met him. He didn't really take notice of me, which is until we had to do a project together. I thought maybe, just maybe, someone would like me for who I am. I don't know if it was desperate-ness on my part, or just plain blind faith, but we started talking. I realized that we had so much in common. That we were practically brother and sister, only not, because that would have been weird. I went to his house once. I met his mom and his sister. I don't know why I trusted him. When we would talk online, he told me that he liked me, but he also liked Ashley. That if Ashley didn't care, then he would pick me. I told him, ok, whatever, that if you like her, tell her. Don't make me be second choice again. Just don't; go to her. Tell her how you feel. I told him that I didn't care. He ended up calling me after I signed off, and telling me how I meant more, how he liked me better. That was what confused me. If he liked me BETTER, then that meant he still liked her. He says now that he said that because he was confused. I talked to him today. He even said so:
Sexy101 (4:37:39 PM): why would you say you liked me better if you didn't?
SupremeHunta (4:38:13 PM): Because I was confused..
I told him that I couldn't talk to him anymore. I don't know if he really was confused or not. Later, when I was at work, he texted me and told me that he chose me. That Ashley didn't like him that way anymore, so things were A-okay with "us." That left me confused, but happy. When I did eventually go over to his house, we went into his room, and he kissed me. I can't say I didn't expect it, because I did. I just didn't expect it to go as far as it did. I don't think that he knew what he was doing. When we went to the movies later, we sat in the last row; that row I don't know so well, despite what you may think. It was a three-hour long movie, and most of those hours were taken up through making out. He even got so far as to put his hand down my pants (something that he had surprised me with earlier at his house). I didn't object; I liked it. Then the hand went up my shirt, and I started to get a bit nervous, because see, at his house, I wouldn't let him; but at the movies, I felt like I could trust him; he told me to relax, and I did. I know that I shouldn't have let him, but I did. I know that you must be saying, calm down, it isn't any big deal. But to me, it was. He was my first kiss, he was my first make-out; he was my first everything. But then came the credits. We had been told to stay, because there was an "end-part" and that's when things got really heated. He put his hand down the front of my pants. I told him to stop; I pushed his hand up. He looked at me and asked me "why?" Much like he had earlier when I told him he couldn't touch me under my shirt. I had given up saying "No," and he got his wish. He 'fingered' me and told me "you're horny, aren't you" and I told him he sure knew how to ruin a moment. He just looked at me, and kept at it. All the while I was wondering, why the hell am I letting this guy that I don't know very well (mentally; during the movie, I had kind of touched him over the pants, and got an interesting effect). It seemed he liked it, so I allowed him to keep going. I knew better, I knew that we weren't officially going out. I know that even though making-out and all that stuff will ruin any relationship before it even starts; and I didn't stop him.
I started to think though. Is this what I want? Does he love Ashley? I think he might. I talked to him online in the morning today. He was completely cryptic and mean. I was completely confused. I talked to one of his friends today too. She said that he seemed mad at her too; and that he needed, really, really needed, to talk to his best friend. At lunch I found out.
"You're scaring me…" I told him. He told me it was nothing good. I started to get nervous. It was prom night, he told me. I realized something, baby. I realized that you were a mistake. He looked down at his hands. I realized that I really do love, or like, Ashley better. You're still a great person and it was fun, and you have your gre- - -
Just stop. Just stop talking to me. I pushed him away. I was crying and he told me not to. I just looked at him; then I remembered. I need my dance stuff back earlier last week he had held it for me and put it in is locker; he obliged, and I walked, head-down, towards his locker, so no one would see the tears. He gave them to me, and I gave him the bracelet that had been in my purse; the one that gave me such happiness, such joy. He ruined me. He ruined the black ring that I wear; the one that reminds me that I make mistakes, but everything gets better. He had taken it; to remind him of me, he said. When he gave it back, I was kind of happy, kind of relieved. He had given it back before we had stopped being "committed."
That's what he called us. "Committed." I went to the hospital for him. To support his best friend who wanted a position at said hospital, and I voted for her. I got to know him. I spent time that I should have used for studying for him. I was fine with being his friend; he was the one who initiated the sexual (but no sex) relationship. He said I would be the one to end it. That I would break his heart. He promised me over, and over, and over, and over again, that he would never, ever break my heart. That I meant too much to him. Fuck that, and fuck you Craig Manning.
For my lovely lovely ex (if you call someone you were "committed" with breaking said "commitment" off an ex, and i kinda do, cuz he broke my heart just the same), you know who you are.
Review pretty please. I poured my soul out….so tell me what you think.