No free lunch
Karel_Stein_Adler
Summary:
What could happen after S3E01-Chameleon?
Here is one potential story...
AU, where (some of) protagonists do (sometimes) also use their 'little grey cells'…
"I'm tired to death!"
Ladybug looked on Chat Noir with exhaustion written in uncovered part of her face. When his enhanced akumas like Chameleon, or more correctly Lila Rossi, as well as frontal attack of his akumatized army failed, Hawk-Moth changed his strategy into attrition warfare. He stopped with extra-hyper-super-active akumas, he used rather several attacks per one night. His 'new' akumas were chaotically active throughout the whole City. They were not really evil people, rather exhibitionists in need to bother their neighborhood with trivial personal petty quarrels and insignificant troubles. Parisians forgot their one (and only) surge of courage during Heroes' Day and became into their normal Frenchmening, being not helping, but always complaining, that saviors were late…
Chat Noir nodded. When he started with this superhero business, it was amazing, but now it was exhausting and stultifying routine…
They ceased patrolling, as they needed at least little rest, just not to die from exhaustion. Chat Noir was often 'unavailable'. When he offered to Ladybug revelation of his identity "So you could agree with my assistant on schedule," she was unsure, whether is he joking with his usual puns or not. But she decisively denied to do so…
In best Daladier – Laval tradition the level of Akuma Terrorist Alert was raised to 'RUN AND HIDE'. Chat Noir was pretty sure, soon it will be 'SURRENDER AND COLLABORATE'. Parisians, did in fact their best to approve Mark Twain's quotes about France and Frenchmen. (France has neither winter nor summer nor morals - apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France is miserable, because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen are miserable, because they live in France. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.)
During rare moment, when Chat Noir spent time as his civil personage Adrien Agreste together with his father and also with his father's assistant Nathalie, watching TV news. After hearing Mayor André Bourgeois's blathering, he thought in disbelief:
"How such impossible lame incompetent moron could only happen to be Mayor of Paris?"
That he told it aloud he found thanks to Nathalie's raised left eyebrow and to his big surprise his father answered him:
"He has money to rent spin-doctors, Adrien. Well, he's stupid snotty, but his opponent in last votes, D'Argencourt? Armand is competent as fencing instructor and school gym teacher. But he's also megalomaniac sociopath. André runs top-class hotel here in Paris, by the way. Once you prove similar ability, feel free to criticize him."
Gabriel Agreste was in quite talkative mood that evening.
"André is in fact unhappy man. His wife is mean evil harpy even not being akumatized. His daughter is nothing but a spoiled brat."
"That's unfair, dad!" said Adrien. "Chloé is not that bad. Now as Queen Bee…"
"Well, yes, she improved herself, a little bit," nodded Gabriel, showing 2 – 3 mm gap between his thumb and pointing finger. "But she'd need to serve at least ten years as Queen Bee day by day to redeem her mistakes. I know, you considered her as your friend, but if you in future decide to marry her, I'd need to make some measures to eliminate risk, that you two destroy our brand."
"Don't worry, father," Adrien smirked. "It's not in my plans to marry Chloé any day."
"That's good," Gabriel smirked back. "I recommended André to change his hotel into trust fund after his death, so his wife and his daughter would obtain only annuity for easy life, but they both should not interfere into hotel work organization."
Father gave Adrien look explaining, that same way the Gabriel Brand would be changed, if Adrien nevertheless decide to marry Chloé in future.
"Speaking of girls, Adrien, there is also Lila Rossi. She spreads rumors about dating with you. I really hope, it's nothing but a rumor."
"Sure father, I'm not a foolish."
"Right, she's probably mentally ill, I guess either case of Pseudologia Phantastica or Narcissistic disorder. Be careful, she could be even really dangerous."
"OK, I'll take care."
"Please, this girl you'd better never marry. It would be disaster for you and for our brand too and you'd need to do DNA paternity tests of each one potential child. Dating with Kagami Tsurugi I appreciate better, there is another problem, ant that problem is you."
"What do you mean?"
"She's from Japanese old noble family. You are nothing more, than Gaijin, non-japan foreigner. After marriage with you, her status in Japan would get abased, you'd be in their eyes just only handsome stranger, who seduced their noble woman. In long time perspective it would probably not work fine. What's funny, there is girl in your class, who would be probably ideal for you and in fact for our business too."
"Whom?" asked Adrien being confused.
"Marinette," answered Gabriel. "She's talented, contrary to you, by the way. I'm thinking about sending Nathalie with contract offer."
"Contract offer?"
"Yes, are you deaf or uncomprehending? She's talented designer, so I do NOT let headhunt her to our business rivals. If you finally grow wiser and marry her, I'd know, our brand will be in competent hands."
Well, that was really surprise for Adrien. He had no idea, his father observes his activities concerning girls.
"Well, father, that's interesting idea. But in fact I have no time to ask any girl out."
"Adrien, you need to learn several important lessons. First of them is, there is no free lunch in the world. I tested you, whether you are able to learn enough in public school and whether you are determined to reach your goals. Show me your ability and responsibility and I'll allow you more free time to arrange some dating. Second lecture is forbearance. Means, that you stay in patience, when trying to do something, not giving up untimely, not loosing temper without good reason. As I told you, Audrey Burgeois is harpy, but you MUST NEVER tell that to anybody other, than we three here. You will meet her quite often and she could ruin our reputation, so be really, really careful. And you will have to learn something about business management. Nathalie agreed tutoring you in it. So, do you have your school homework finished?"
"Yes, I do."
"Good. So now you can arrange with Nathalie your schedule."
After that his father left dining room and Nathalie allowed herself small smile:
"Don't worry Adrien, It will not be THAT horrible."
Adrien thought, that Ladybug was possibly right with her suspicion of his father. He is coldblooded manipulator and his disdain to people Adrien always considered as his father's friend, was almost palpable. That is really NOT good…
XXXXXXX
Hawkmoth was in his lair satisfied. His new tactics seems to work. He sent big groups of preprogrammed akumas to snoop around whole Paris, searching for evil emotions enough to 'charge' themselves on their own way. Some of them were probably eaten by birds, but supply of akumas was practically unlimited. Thanks to social interactions between cretins and imbeciles typical for every big city there was food for them in unbelievable amount…
"So here, winner, whose prize was stolen by cheat and manipulation. Justified wrath, what a taste!"
He emitted devilish laugh. What a cliché. Thankfully he was alone here, as he really looked like a true idiot that moment…
XXXXXXX
"So, what do we have here?" asked Ladybug, appearing one or two minutes after Chat Noir.
"She names herself Sphinx," showed Chat Noir to monstrous figure, who looked like she appreciate attention of cameraman. "If they only have some invention and originality."
Sphinx looked like a girl with body covered by yellow-gray fur, with paws instead of hands and foots. In left upper paw she hold ankh. She stayed calm, with strange wise smile on unchanged girlish face.
"What do you think, can she fly away?" asked Chat Noir.
"That's what we must find," smirked Ladybug. "Let's move to her, slowly."
Heavily armored policemen watched their coming. One of them showed his thumb up. Police finally showed its usefulness. These new, weaker akuma were often caught by police forces and placed in special dungeon, nicknamed ZOO-cage by cops. So Ladybug and Chat Noir were able to purify their akumas en masse…
Sphinx turned to them and her smile was even wider:
"Finally you're here. I'll ask you riddle, than you ask me riddle. If I win, I have your miraculous. If you win, I give you my akuma."
"Maybe in your dreams!" shouted Ladybug. "Lucky Charm!" shouted, throwing her yo-yo upstairs.
Result was funny.
"The Great Book of Riddles?" asked Chat Noir. "Seriously?"
Ladybug used her Lucky Vision and only book, Chat Noir's head and Sphinx appeared in polka-dot pattern.
"Show, how clever are you, mon chaton!"
"Meoweles!"
Sphinx started with usual riddles and same did Chat Noir, with some Ladybug's prompter.
Finally Sphinx used 'heavier caliber':
"Why do Frenchmen eat snails and frogs?"
"That's easy, other animal would kick them ass!" answered Chat Noir. "It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, cannot be heard, cannot be smelt. It lies behind stars and under hills, and empty holes it fills. It comes first and follows after, ends life, kills laughter."
"It's Darkness!" smiled Sphinx. "But Gollum said it better, than you. How many Frenchmen is necessary to change one lightbulb?"
"One is enough!" answered Chat Noir. "He keeps the lightbulb and the whole Europe rotates around him. What is green and red and goes round and round and round?"
"Green and red and goes round and round and round?" Sphinx frowned. "This one I do not know. You win."
She stretched out her hand to Chat Noir: "And what's the answer?"
"Don't dare to give it to him!" shrieked in her head Hawkmoth's voice, as purple mask on her face appeared.
"Screw you, Hawkmoth!" shrieked Sphinx. "All I want is justice. If he answers now, he win and you go to Hell!"
"Answer is 'Frog in cuisinart'," answered Chat Noir and grabbed the ankh. "Did you never ever read 'Trumps of Doom?"
Sphinx laughed and observed, how Chat Noir tried to destroy ankh.
"It's magic, silly kitty," said with teasing tone. "You'll have to use your powers."
"Cataclysm!" shrieked Chat Noir and observed small dark moth escaping from dust.
"No more evil doing for you, little akuma!" used her catchphrase Ladybug and yo-yoyed escaping insect. "Time to de-evilize!"
Released moth was white, as usually.
"Bye-bye little butterfly! Miraculous Ladybug!"
Book of riddles changed into myriads of little ladybugs and Chat Noir observed piece of paper with printed text on it.
"I'm Stéphanie, I should win a puzzler's tournament," explained ex-Sphinx. "According this I was best, but one of organizers prefers his girlfriend and due his machination I was only fourth. This document I obtained anonymously, from an insider."
"Probably from organizer without girlfriend," smirked Ladybug. "What a big deal?"
"Winner got weekend on Riviera with plus one," explained Stéphanie. "It's gift from sponsor and organizers should not got profit from that, but there is always way…"
"As usual," nodded Chat Noir.
Stéphanie grabbed piece of paper from her purse. Hard to say, where it was, once she was akumized, Chat Noir did not remember any purse on Sphinx. She wrote something and passed it to Chat Noir.
"That's my phone number. If you wish to be MY plus one…"
Chat Noir laughed, but placed paper into one pocket of his costume.
"Lieutenant Raincomprix!" said Ladybug. "This document can be used as evidence in case of swindle or embezzlement, I believe."
"Thanks, Ladybug, I'll take care of it!" answered policeman in task.
"Bug off!" said Ladybug and yo-yoyed away before her timeout.
Chat Noir made Cheshire Cat's grin to camera and said:
"Have a meoweleous day."
He never care, whether his puns are original (usually are not).
XXXXXXX
"Tikki, what the heck Chat Noir thinks?!" asked Marinette angrily. "How could he dare accept phone number from THAT girl?"
"How many times did you accept phone numbers or mail contacts?" asked Tikki.
"That's something completely different!" shrieked Marinette. "I always threw it away."
"And how do you know, Chat Noir did not throw it away too?" asked her kwami.
Interjection "Arrrgh!" is hard to be considered as valid answer, so Tikki laughed and said:
"Better give me some food, there is another akuma for sure somewhere."
Scream of horror from another street could be caused by another akuma. So Tikki ate her cookie more quickly.
"Tikki, spots on!"
XXXXXXX
"You know, that making Ladybug jealous will not work well!" Plagg flied before Adrien's face, so Adrien used piece of Camembert to clog his mouth.
"It seems to me, they play our song," said Adrien, hearing screams of terror from another street. "Plagg, claws out!"
XXXXXXX
Ladybug and Chat Noir met upstairs, as usual. Street under their random roof was cold and empty like a hearth of professional politician. Dark snarling was some twenty, forty meters from them, hidden in shadows.
TO BE CONTINUED…