Remus sat on the floor of the prefect's bathroom. It was well past the time for bed and in fact Remus was busy writing away on a piece of parchment. His hand jostled the quill shakily, the usually perfect curls of scripture now seemed like a young child's writing. All in all, in couldn't help it.

This was his suicide note.

Tears strolled down his cheeks and dripped down onto the paper obscuring his writing even more. Once in a while a hand would brush harshly at his skin- wiping away those tears of frustration and pain. Sure, he was ending his life in just a few moments, taking everything away in one selfish act of eternity.

Nothing wrong with that.

Scrawling his name quickly he sighed reading over what he had written.

Dear Who Ever It May Concern,

Don't hate me. I just need a vacation… that's all. I'm sorry Peter, James, Lily… Sirius. One last thing… since I am too much of a coward to say anything.

I love you Sirius.

Okay?

Don't hate me for that. Don't hate me for this. Just remember me happy… which wasn't very often, but still. Just try. I know you'll be able to.

Love,

Remus

Accepting what was written, Remus kept the paper beside him as he took hold of a basic box cutter. It was something he stole from Sirius one day. Of course, he hoped that his crush wouldn't figure out that it was his razor that was ending his gay friend's life- but where else was he going to get something that was quick and easy with less mess.

Remus sighed.

Then he pressed the razor to his wrist and slit it slightly but pulled it back quickly.

That hurt!

Once more he sighed. Every month he dealt with pain worst then this and every month he dealt with it. Why was it so hard to just draw one single line down his arm and end it all? It was most likely fear. Remus noticed that his entire body was shaking now and he shivered, hiccuping little wimps of melancholy. Then he tried once more, tracing a small cut with the razor on his skin. He was getting the feel for it and in fact it was rather strange to watch the little droplets of blood form at the shallow cut. It didn't fall just form in a row of droplets. It was strange but Remus knew he did not cut deep enough to cause any rush of blood.

And it hurt.

This suicide thing wasn't working out.

Remus looked once more at the letter and then at his simply cut wrist. All of this was madness and yet he pressed the razor once more to his skin. This time he cut deeper, trailing it further down his arm then before. He traced the crook in his elbow and stopped watching the line of red form once more. Again, it was too shallow but certain places did bleed rather rapidly. Now, maybe he could make it to the end.

Grasping the blade in his hand he touched it to his wrist and stared at the trail of blood already formed. Was he really going to do this? Was he really going to go and take his own life because life was not worth living? Yes. Yes he was. All of life was not worth living. He was in love with one of his best friends and that'll certainly make everything strange between them. No, it would make things strange between them. Life wasn't some fairy tale. It was strange to be homosexual and the unlikeness of having his best friend being one as well as himself was next to nothing. So let him spare the humanity of seeing the absolute disgust.

With that the blade pushed down, separating the skin easily as he dragged it along his arm. All of his pain was numbed by his anger of assumed rejection. This world was hell. That was all.

And then his eyes closed as his head swirled. Remus smiled, looking one last time at his suicide note before collapsing on the tiled floor.