'St-stop," Jack gasped, gritting his teeth against the pain.
"I'm sorry," the healer released Jack's wounded wing. "I'm not sure what else we can do."
It had been nearly two weeks and little had changed. His wing was still mangled, refusing to heal, much like his heart. Everything hurt. The healer hesitated next to the bed, waiting for Jack to - what exactly? Talk? Cry? Make some stupid joke? Jack ignored her until she left the room. There was nothing left to say. Jack would never fly again.
He'd never see his family again, either.
"Jack?" A blur of colour flitted into the room. Toothiana. "How are you?"
"Same," he managed to reply.
"Oh, Jack." Tooth was one of the only people who visited him. The rest of his friends, they acted like strangers now. Awkward and distant.
The attack had been a shock and it had shaken everyone Above. Warring with the nightmares had long since ceased and travel was safe between peaks and palaces, folk flying the routes frequently. No one could have expected it. The encounter had been entirely random. Bad luck. They'd reassured Jack that the surviving nightmares had been hunted down and extinguished, but it didn't change what had happened. His family was dead. His mother, his father, even his little sister - only Jack had been spared, left twisted and broken. He didn't remember how he'd been brought back, but here he was. Alive.
Alone.
"What did the healer say?" she asked, meaning his wing. They knew he was free of the nightmare taint or they never would have brought him back in the first place and risked it spreading.
"Nothing useful." It was true. Jack's other wounds healed but, despite being free of the taint, none of the medicines and magics the healer had applied had had any effect on his wing.
Tooth's shoulders drooped, he sad sympathy at odds with the lively flashes of colour from her feathers.
"Can I get you anything?"
Jack snorted, "Not unless you can pull a miracle out of your ass."
It was a rude way to respond to her sincerity. But somehow, despite his surliness, Tooth didn't give up on him. He was ashamed to admit later that he'd expected her to. Instead, she kept coming back and always had something to say, some way to try and lift him back up, filling in the gaps in conversations when he was at a loss for words. When the threat of common infection finally passed and Jack was allowed to leave, Tooth was there to help. Only he couldn't go home. The platform wasn't accessible without flight. Even if he could have reached it, Jack didn't want to go. The house was steeped in memories that were too painful to face.
Toothiana understood. She found a small place for him, connected to the main tier, and brought him what he needed. He was grateful for it. Jack avoided going out unless he had to. It had been bad enough while he was healing, the way people treated him, how they'd shied away now that his laughter was gone, but when his feathers had started to shed? He drew the curtains and tried to ignore the carpet of brown and cream feathers that were scattered across his floor like fallen petals.
Once she saw the accumulating feathers, Toothiana stopped coming. The third day she didn't visit, Jack broke, unable to patch up his broken heart any longer. He sobbed until he ran dry and slept on the floor, surrounded by the remnants of his wing.
The fifth day, when his thoughts had stilled long enough for Jack to start fixating on the nearest edge of the platform and what time of night he might take a walk unnoticed, Toothiana came back.
"I'm sorry! I should have told you, but it was so last minute. And they were leaving right away. So I went. But you're all right?" Jack nodded at her onslaught, stunned into silence by how relieved he was to see her again. "Good. That's good. I went to find someone Below who might be able to help."
Below? Down Below was a vast unknown to most of the folk Above. White and green, blue and brown, Below was just a backdrop for their lives. Not anywhere anyone wanted to go. There were too many dangers, stories of those who had landed and never returned.
"You went Below?"
"It's not the first time. Some of my sisters go with the traders regularly. There was someone I met a long time ago. He doesn't make contact much, because he doesn't need to trade really, but he's interesting. The things he can grow, his garden! Oh, if you could see the plants he's brought us-"
"He visits Above?"
"Oh, no. No," she shook her head with a smile. "He can't fly. Aster is... well, he's different. He lives underground."
Jack visibly recoiled from that idea. Underground? With no sky? Tooth settled next to him and put an arm around his shoulders.
"I know. I know it sounds strange, but he's brilliant, Jack. I really do think he can help."
"Help? How?" How could anyone who lived underground possibly help with his wing?
"He's a healer Below, and he knows things-"
"But not about wings," Jack interrupted. Because he couldn't. His wing was beyond help.
Tooth only sighed. "Birds live Below too, Jack."
"No."
"You haven't even seen his magic."
"I can't," he shoved her off. Didn't she know when to give up?
Apparently not. Tooth flitted into the air, hands on her hips and eyes flashing.
"Why not? Why can't you?"
"Tooth-"
"You can't spend the rest of your life hiding here, Jack."
"My wing is ruined!"
"Then how could he possibly make it worse?" Tooth set herself down facing Jack and took his hands in hers, squeezing them tightly. "I know you're still grieving, but you need to take care of yourself. Please, Jack? Just meet him."
"Fine."
It was terrifying. Not the ground itself, but the way that the trees curved overhead and got in the way of the sky...
"Jack, over here," Toothiana motioned him forward. Several of her sisters had worked together to bring Jack down. They hadn't left yet, but they hung back, probably waiting at Tooth's request. She'd promised that they'd take him straight back if he wanted. He just needed to meet this cave dwelling magical whatever first.
Tooth wasn't the sort of person he expected to have visited Below. Traders sometimes, sure, but they were odd folk. Not that he thought about it much. Jack loved the sky. Loved the feeling of the wind in his wings, soaring through the air and chasing clouds. The ground had been nothing but boring scenery. Now it felt ominous. The bodies of his family had been burned Above, as was traditional, and Jack hadn't seen what they looked like beforehand. No one had offered to show him. That meant they'd either had wounds too extreme to reveal or they'd fallen, crashed into the unforgiving world Below. Jack closed his eyes and tried to dull his awareness of how hard the packed dirt was beneath his feet.
He made his way to where Tooth stood, tilting sideways before he recovered his balance. His injured wing was bound against his back, aching in its wrappings, and Jack hadn't quite gotten the hang of walking around without his wings curving behind him. It looked better this way, though. No one could see the featherless gaps or notice that plumage he'd lost wasn't growing back.
"Here?"
"That's what he said," she peered around. The rocky cliff face jutted out, mossy and half hidden by overgrowth. The area was thick with vegetation and, as Tooth had pointed out before, birds. He could hear their chittering in the high branches. There were other creatures too, small and furry. No bears or wolves like the stories though.
A sucking sound snapped Jack's attention back to the rock face in time to see the surface twist unnaturally. A moment later an opening had formed, looking as though it had always been there. Inside, stood a tall figure.
Jack's first thought was to wonder how his legs could bend that way.
"Thank you for coming." Tooth's friend nodded in reply and his ears twitched. Jack was fascinated. The man, or beast, was covered in fur, but he stood and moved more like a person. "This is Jack."
Thick furred fingers reached out, "I'm Aster."
His grasp was warm and firm, the air heavy with magic around him. Jack wouldn't be embarrassed until much later when he looked back and realized how much he'd been staring, examining Aster's whiskers, his broad frame, and his green, green eyes...
Tooth was saying something next to him, but for the life of him, Jack couldn't tell you what.
"All right, Jack?" she asked.
"Uh, sure."
"Great!" Tooth hugged him quickly. "You won't regret it. You'll see. I'll be back to visit soon."
What? Jack froze, not quite believing what was happening. She wouldn't just-
"Bye Aster!" And Toothiana was leaving. Leaving him. Jack overbalanced as he turned to try and follow her.
"Whoa, don't topple over, mate." Aster's grip kept Jack upright as Tooth vanished into the foliage. "She's a bit of a whirlwind, isn't she?"
Jack felt the air around his throat constrict. Tooth was gone and he was alone. Again. The ache in his wing flared, sending shock waves down his spine, Aster's hand an uncomfortable anchor on his arm. Instinctively, he looked up. The branches overhead seemed endless, light blocked, the sky so completely out of reach...
He couldn't breathe.
"Jack? Are you- "
Jack started upright in a panic and cried out, his wing thrashing against its binding before pain brought him back to his senses.
Where was he?
Is wasn't dark, but he was in the shade, atop a pile of blankets on the ground. He could see the sky, sort of, but it was odd and unreal. Tamping down on the seed of panic that appeared in his gut, Jack forced himself to think.
He was below. He'd come to meet Aster, the friend of Tooth's that was going to help him. Might help him. This must be his home.
Underground.
His stomach clenched again and he closed his eyes, breathing in and out. It wasn't that bad. He could do this.
Getting to his feet, Jack examined his surroundings. He was in a massive garden, bigger and more lush than anything he'd ever seen Above, and light too. The grass under his feet was a novel sensation, the blades finding their way between his toes, and the air was sweet. A slight breeze ruffled the leaves. It didn't make sense, for all this to be underground, but it was. It must be magic. The unreal sky wasn't actually open air at all, now that Jack stared hard enough at it, but it was close enough to help.
Maybe Tooth was right. Maybe he'd be okay down here. For a while, anyway.
With no idea where to go, Jack wandered in awe of the vastness of the place, until he stumbled upon Aster himself.
"What are you doing?" Jack stood and watched Aster as he crouched in the garden, removing leaves from a plant that he should probably recognize. He'd never been much of a grower, though.
"Pruning." The plant is staked and the orderly plot looks to be mostly vegetables. "Helps the tomatoes grow faster if you remove the unneeded leaves."
Aster finished working on the plant in front of him before standing and brushing himself off. He was taller than Jack, broader too. Jack had been struck by the look of him earlier, but he hadn't noticed the patterns in his fur or the outline of his muscles underneath. He flushed upon realizing that Aster must have carried him down here.
"How are you feeling?" There was a question he was sick of answering.
"Better."
"I would've taken you to my place, but I didn't think waking up in an enclosed room would do you much good. Bit overwhelming, yeah?" Jack nodded weakly. "Right. Are you hungry?"
"Not really," he replied honestly. Aster looked unconvinced. Jack had lost weight, first because of the injury and then later... he just hadn't had any appetite for food. Nothing tasted right.
"Hmm. Can I take a look at your wing?"
"Yeah, okay." It was why he'd come after all. Jack didn't want to get his hopes up, but if Aster could at least dull the pain and maybe stop the rest of his feathers from falling out, it would be worth trying.
Aster motioned for him to sit on a flat rock. Once Jack was settled, he gently undid the wrappings, supporting Jack's wing carefully as he did. The limb was stiff. He gritted his teeth as Aster slowly began to stretch it out. It didn't go far.
"Don't think it'll open much farther than that. You're losing feathers too."
Jack nodded. The ache in his wing was radiating into his back and he wasn't sure he could keep his voice steady. Aster's hands were warm though. That helped.
"You want to tell me what happened?" No. He really didn't.
What did Aster think? Tooth had promised not to say anything about the attack, not that she knew much, and he didn't have any healer's notes to pass on. They wouldn't have said much anyway. Jack hadn't been in any condition to explain his injuries to the healers when he arrived and after... after he mostly remembered screaming. That and the overwhelming pain when Jack had lost his grip on his sister's hand because his fingers had been slippery with blood.
Jack had told them he couldn't remember what happened at all.
"Only," Aster added, when Jack remained silent, "it'll help me figure out how to spur your wing to heal."
"Nightmare attack," he managed roughly.
"There's no taint. That's something." Lucky, the other healers had said, and Jack had hated them for it. "Must have been wrenched something fierce."
It was a good word. He'd been slashed too, and lost some blood, but the twisting and cracking of the bones in his wing were what had done the most damage. Jack didn't understand everything that was wrong, but he knew the healers Above had been at a loss. They weren't even sure how he'd escaped without a massive infection.
"I've got a few things we can try once I gather the ingredients, though it'll take some time to brew. I'll work up a better sling for you in the meantime. Wrapping it the way you had it will only make things worse."
"Okay."
"If you lay down, it'll be better supported, and I can bring you something to eat. You going to keep sleeping out here? The Warren is plenty safe, but I can offer better comfort elsewhere."
"Where do you sleep?" Aster gestured behind the garden they were in and Jack caught sight of a door in the side of a grassy hill. The house must have been burrowed out from the earth, though not too deep underground. It was completely unlike the homes Above with their open spaces that were often more window than wall.
"You're welcome to a room."
"Thanks, but I think I'll stay out here."
"Fair enough."
Jack's sense of time blurred. He didn't sleep well and his thoughts tended to wander. He wasn't unsure if what Aster was doing would fix his wing, but the unending pain faded like Jack had hoped it would, leaving only his heart heavy with hurt.
The harness Aster had buckled him into earlier helped a lot. Jack's wing was well supported, but not too tightly bound, and it made him realize how tense the muscles in his back had been while they compensated for the lack of strength. His feathers continued to fall out though, on his good side too, his wings a bony, misshapen mess. Jack tried not to think about it.
Mostly he explored the Warren, finding its hidden places. It was teeming with life. Changing too, the way it was warmer or more humid in places, and cooler in others. The gardens Above paled in comparison, both in abundance and variety. Plants Jack could never have imagined, so different from what he was used to, and trees! They didn't have many of those Above.
Once Jack felt more at ease, he began pestering Aster, asking about the people and creatures outside the Warren. What were the small little fur balls he'd seen? Were there bears? How did trees work? Aster had eventually given in to taking him outside of the Warren at times, just to prove something existed, like the impossibly massive trees that had left Jack gaping in awe. One had been bigger than his house!
The wildlife wasn't scary either. Oh, bears and other predators existed, Aster assured him, but they were unlikely to be found nearby and generally didn't want much to do with folk like them. So Jack was left to watch fearless squirrels leaping from branch to branch, and smile at the rabbits that dashed away, even from Aster who so resembled them. Birds were everywhere too. Jack was especially fond of the little ones that nested in the ground, hugging the earth even as they looked to the sky. Woodcocks, Aster called them.
The healer, of course, pestered Jack in return, grumbling and making demands of his own. He steered clear of the subject of Jack's family and the attack, but he readily harassed him about taking care of himself and eating properly, most often when he had Jack cornered and was enacting another treatment on his wings. The biggest challenge Aster presented, however, was pushing Jack to get over his discomfort with small spaces. Jack had passed out his first day Below, panicking at the thought of being trapped, his reaction compounded by the exhaustion of being constantly in pain. Now that the aches were gone, adapting was easier. In fact, Jack's nightmares usually featured his fractured memories of the attack and the fear of falling. Waking up already safe and solid on the ground was comforting in a way.
Luring him with promises about life he'd find nowhere else, Aster finally convinced him. Jack had hated the idea of the cave and its darkness at first, but Aster held his hand and calmed him as they went, urging Jack to close his eyes.
"All right. Open your eyes." Jack looked up.
"Stars," he gasped. How?
"Nah," Aster said, gesturing upwards. "Look closer."
Jack's eyes adjusted to the dark. It seemed warmer than the blackness of the night sky and overhead the cave was dotted with light, strings of it.
"What is this?"
"Larva. They glow to attract prey."
"Pretty way to die." It was, and it looked incredible. They stood there together in the damp, quiet in the dim light, the only sound from some source of trickling water. It didn't feel confining. It felt like he was being swaddled by the universe. "Are there other caves like this?"
"A few. There are glowing fungi in other places too and fireflies, o'course."
"Fireflies?" All that came to mind were the flying bugs he knew, and they were both boring and annoying.
"Flying beetles that mostly only come out at night. They glow and flicker, sometimes even synchronize. It's quite the sight."
"I've never seen anything like that."
"I reckon they don't go to very high altitudes and expect you don't come down to close to the ground at night to see'em." No, that was true. Even traders and explorers stuck to daylight hours when they went Below. "I'll take you sometime, if you like."
Jack could easily make out Aster's face in the pale bluish light, his eyes still vivid green and fairly luminescent themselves. He was really starting to appreciate the colour green. Stop staring, Jack chastised himself, looking away before he was caught. Bad enough he was still holding Aster's hand.
"Yeah. I would," he said and smiled. "Thanks."
Finally letting their fingers slip apart, Jack was able to navigate his way out of the cave himself and felt pretty good about the whole thing until they emerged and the light hit him.
"Oh! Fuck, that's bright." Aster laughed.
Jack's curiosity got the better of him after that and he readily trailed after Aster, deeply envious of his knowledge of the world. He even tentatively visited Aster's burrow of a home for brief meals. It wasn't bad, and while he missed own home, Jack was relieved in some ways. There was less to remind him of what he'd lost in the Warren. It was easier to forget. At least, for a little while.
"The rest need to come out."
"Just do it," he snapped.
Aster gave Jack's shoulder a quick squeeze before he began to pluck the stubborn feathers that remained. There weren't any growing back in, there might never be, but Aster thought that the remaining ones needed to go if there was a chance of fixing whatever had gone wrong in the first place. A way to start fresh. Of course, when he'd first explained all this, Jack had panicked and fled.
Once the initial surge of emotion had burned itself out, he'd recognized that Aster was right. It hardly mattered if he had a few remaining coverts when all of his primaries and secondaries were gone, and there wasn't a single feather left on his injured wing. Still, he'd needed to come to terms with it. Mostly, Jack had realized, he worried that his wings would wither and need to be removed entirely. After two days of sleeping badly in the more far off corners of the Warren, Jack had trudged back, angry and resigned to his fate.
The plucking hurt, though the tears that threatened to fall had little to do with the pain. Jack was grateful for Aster's strong hold, keeping him steady.
"S'all right, Jackie. I got you." Jack believed him.
They'd never talked about it, just as they'd never discussed the attack, but the way Aster looked at him sometimes... there was a well of knowing grief behind those eyes. Aster understood. Not just the feathers, but all of it. Pain and loss and having everything important to you completely torn to shreds...
Jack hadn't been able to bring himself to ask Aster about it. He didn't even have the words for his own grief yet and wasn't prepared to offer the same answers return, so he had no right to ask anyway. Jack had no shortage of curiosity about Aster himself, however.
"Do you ever-?" he gestured when the pulling was finished and Aster was applying one of his salves.
"What?"
"Your fur, I mean." Jack sighed at himself. What the hell was he trying to say? "How do you take care of it?"
"Oh," Aster rubbed at his ears. "Well, it sheds some, though never completely, and I need a brushing now and then."
Brushing. Like preening? Jack eyed Aster where he had settled next to him. Above, family helped you with the places you couldn't see. Jack didn't have anyone to do that for him now, it was a huge act of trust to let someone lay hands on your wings. He might have allowed Tooth if he were desperate. And yet here was Aster, who'd been a complete stranger not long ago, putting his hands on Jack's wings in a way no one else ever had. Aster who was probably strong enough to tear his wing clean off if he wanted to. Jack hadn't even let the healers Above do as much as he'd permitted Aster. He wondered if it was the same with fur.
It wouldn't hurt to ask, would it? Aster obviously didn't have anyone to help him with the hard to reach places.
"Do you want me to do your back for you?" Aster's eyes widened. "Not that it looks bad or anything. I just thought it must be hard, and..." Jack stumbled over his words. Damn it. He was on the verge of apologizing for being an ass when Aster blinked.
"Yeah, all right."
Aster fetched his tools and showed Jack how to do it, gentle but firm, the skin underneath delicate in some areas. It was soothing and he fell into a rhythm, moving the brush down Aster's shoulders and back in long sweeps and carefully tugging out snarls with a wide toothed wooden comb. Aster was wonderfully soft. So different from his own hair. Memories floated to the surface of his mind.
"I used to brush my sister's hair."
"Yeah?" Aster's casual acknowledgement gave Jack the chance to dismiss his unintended comment, forget that he'd even mentioned it, but he found that he didn't want to.
"Yeah," he said. It didn't hurt to think about. Not these memories. Emma had always kept her hair long, longer than most. It had gotten tangled constantly. "I learned to braid it too, otherwise she'd get it so knotted up Mom would threaten to cut it off."
"Little sister?" Jack nodded. "Mine were all older. Used to brush me all the time. Mum had to shoo them off so I'd learn to do it myself."
It was Jack's turn to offer a chance for the conversation to end. Aster didn't take it either.
"They're all gone now."
"Your sisters?"
"Everyone," Aster looked back at Jack, his eyes showing old wounds. "All of my kind. I'm the last."
Jack froze, at a loss for what to say. Sorry? That was what people Above had kept telling him. I'm sorry and It'll be all right. Only, their apologies had been meaningless and it would never be all right. He sat back and dropped the brush into his lap.
"That sucks." It was the best he could come up with. Aster snorted.
"Yeah," he nodded. Aster turned away and stretched, showing off the long lean muscles that Jack both envied and admired. "It was a long time ago."
"Is it easier now?" Because Jack desperately wanted that, wanted the gnawing ache of grief to fade. It didn't feel like it ever would.
"Some." Sad eyes again. Oh no. "Don't look so worried, Jackie. It is better, but it never goes away entirely. Not a loss like that."
The last, with not even a friend left to lean on. Jack was suddenly extremely thankful for Tooth and her cadre of sisters. He'd been such a surly ass. Where would he be if he'd been as utterly alone as Aster had? Would he have been able to pull himself together and carry on? He doubted it.
Aster reached over and ruffled his hair, breaking Jack out of his reverie and making him squawk.
"Thanks for the brushing."
"Yeah, yeah. You gonna burn dinner tonight or do I get to cook again?" he needled Aster.
Meals had been the reason Jack had first ventured into Aster's burrow and the more he had, the longer he'd stayed. He'd gotten used to the way the rooms were dug into the earth. There were even times that he forgot that he was underground at all. Aster's home was full of plants and furnishings made of handcrafted wood, lit in a way that made it feel warm and safe instead of potentially confining. Maybe all the time Jack had spent on his feet helped too. The ground certainly seemed more friendly these days. And while Aster's meals had been the initial draw, Jack hadn't tolerated the lacklustre offerings for long. Between his upbringing of helping out in the kitchen and his own annoyance at Aster's meagre culinary skills, likely because he ate raw foods more than anything, Jack hadn't been able to stop himself from taking over the kitchen entirely. Mostly. He still let Aster do the salads.
"Smart arse," Aster chuffed a smug Jack on the shoulder. He hadn't minded Jack's kitchen coup in the least and knew full well Jack wouldn't let him cook even if he did offer. "Might as well be you then."
When Toothiana visited, Jack hid from her. Aster had been a weird combination of frustrated and sympathetic when he'd hunted Jack down to find out why. Jack wasn't being vain. He just didn't think he could stand the expression on Tooth's face when she saw what he looked like now. He was being awful about it, Tooth was a good friend, but he just couldn't. So he promised to write instead. Aster didn't press the issue, he just agreed to give the letters to traders for delivery.
Tooth did stay for tea with Aster, however, and he later passed along what gossip he'd learned. There had been no more attacks Above and regular travel had resumed. A new floating palace had been commissioned. There was an insect infestation affecting some of their gardens and Aster had offered advice there, asking for Jack's help later in gathering some herbs to send up to them. On a more personal note, Tooth had met several more traders and was enamoured with one of them. Aster knew the man well and seemed to like him despite describing him as a blowhard.
Then he'd handed a short note to Jack in Toothiana's flowing script. She wished him well and promised that his family home was still sealed up and waiting for him. She also offered to take Jack flying.
After the visit, Jack's dreams changed. It was all falling now. Falling for hours through empty air. It was better than the nightmares about the attack, but not by much. They always featured him soaring through sunny skies, feeling at home right up until his feathers began to shed and he fell, spiralling down, down, down...
He always woke just as he slammed into the earth.
He began to linger in the kitchen to keep himself busy, making grumpy demands of Aster until he had what he needed. Making preserves, kneading bread, anything to exhaust him into a dreamless sleep. He felt better in the cozy space. The openness of the Warren was little comfort now, instead feeling empty and lonely, and he was tired of sleeping under a tree.
Jack didn't ask Aster about a room so much as find one ready for him already, furnished and well lit, luminescent plants lining the walls and a wide skylight punched through the turf above, covered by glass. Aster was out when Jack stood there, overwhelmed, stalled in place barely a stride into the room. It wasn't until he caught the image of himself in a mirror on the wall that he startled into motion. He touched everything. The polished wood furniture, the heavy knit blankets, the curled hooks and staggered shelves that sprouted from the walls.
Cautiously laying back on the bed, mindful of his wing, Jack looked up at the sky-like view through the window in the ceiling. When did Aster find the time to do this?
"Ah, there you are," Jack turned his head to see Aster in the doorway, rubbing the back of his neck. "All right, then?"
Jack pushed himself up and nodded, not trusting his voice or words.
"Good, that's... good. So you know it's here, the room, if you want it... Whenever." Aster tapped his fingers against the door frame. "I'm- I've another mix, a salve, to try."
"Okay," Jack managed.
"Right. Good," nodding back absently, Aster stared at the floor. "You- Jack... I don't want you to feel obligated-"
"I don't," Jack cut him off abruptly. Aster looked stricken, however, and that wasn't what Jack wanted at all. "It's really nice. I like the skylight."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," he smiled. It was more than nice. Jack had missed having a proper place of his own.
"Good," Aster smiled back. "Right. I'll fetch the salve."
"And I'll brush you after?"
"Sure."
He didn't go back to the tree, and, while Aster never said anything directly to Jack, he was so obviously pleased by Jack's presence that he didn't have to. Sleeping in a bed again, the falling dream didn't hit him as hard, not with the softness of the mattress draining away the worst of the impact. Jack continued his kitchen exploits, however, working at an easier pace and slowing way down on the preserves. They were running out of shelf room. He supposed Aster could always dig out more room for the pantry.
It was better and Jack let himself relax into his routine. Things were finally looking up.
Jack looked in the mirror and froze. His reflection had stopped unsettling him. He'd even gained weight and gotten used to the sight of his wings, one restrained and one plucked down to the skin, rarely trying to use them instinctively anymore. But he hadn't expected this, not so long after the attack.
His hair was... well, it hadn't fallen out like his feathers, but something was wrong. He hadn't cut it since before he'd been injured, so Jack pulled a handful up, parting it this way and that, peering at where it grew close to his scalp. White. The warm brown hair, the same shade his mother's had been, was turning white.
"Aster!" Still staring at the large oval mirror on the wall of his room, he heard Aster's quick footsteps down the hall.
"You all right?" he ducked into the room, brow furrowed with concern as he looked over Jack's wings.
"No! Look at my hair."
Aster switched his focus and blinked at Jack's head. Then he reached over to run his fingers through the locks, watching as the hair shifted and revealed the contrast of white and brown at its roots.
"Hmmm." What was that supposed that mean?
"What is it? Did something go wrong? Is it the salve or-" Aster clamped a hand firmly on Jack's shoulder.
"Breathe, Jackie." Jack closed his eyes, trying to quash the terror. Was it spreading? Was he going to fall apart piece by piece?
No, stop it! Calm down. Jack tried to do as Aster had said, breathing in and out. After a minute, he got himself back down to a moderate level of anxiety and opened his eyes.
"I think," Aster paused before meeting Jack's gaze in the mirror, "I think it better come off too."
This time, instead of anger or panic, the bottom dropped out of his stomach and he went numb. Empty. His mind blanked as white as the roots of his hair. Jack barely registered Aster guiding him into a chair or cropping the overgrown locks from his head.
"I suppose you won't be joining us for tea, day after tomorrow." It wasn't really a question. Jack had been working up to seeing Tooth again. He'd almost talked himself into it. Now...
The next thing Jack knew he was being prodded into eating the dinner set in front of him. Lukewarm leftovers that he hardly tasted, swallowing mechanically until his plate was clean. He watched as Aster cleared the table in silence. Then Aster said something that Jack missed entirely, the world around him muffled, his thoughts in a fog. All he felt was cold. He'd flown into a cloud once where icy sleet had just begun to crystallize. It had hurt to breathe. Now it was as if that cloud had made a home in his chest, coating his insides with ice and freezing him through.
Catching him shiver, Aster shuffled Jack into bed, piling blankets on top of him. It didn't help. The odd smoothness against the skin of his scalp made the bed feel strange.
He startled when Aster climbed in next to him, curling in close, his warm presence shattering Jack's detachment. The ice in his chest cracked like a dam breaking and Jack sobbed against Aster's fur until he had no more tears to shed.
He was dying. It was the only explanation that he had.
His feathers, his hair, and now his eyes. The dark brown of his irises had bled away and Jack was afraid that they'd lose all colour. That he was going to go blind. Aster had done his best to calm Jack, proving that nothing was wrong with his sight, but it was still another loss. Another stair on the way down to what was looking more and more inevitable.
"You're not dying," Aster told him matter-of-factly, hunched over picking beans. Jack's eyes seemed to have settled on blue now. It worried him. No one in his family had had blue eyes.
"How do you know?"
"Jack, you're fine. Or you will be." Would he? Because when he looked in the mirror he hardly recognized himself. His wings were aching again too. He hadn't told Aster yet, but the ache was constant and he worried about what it might mean. The possibility that he could be facing a slow, agonizing death was terrifying, like being caught on the edge of a storm that you knew you couldn't out race.
"Sometimes..." he hesitated, digging into the dirt with his toes, unsure if he really wanted to say it out loud. "Above, after what happened... I thought about walking off the edge. Sometimes, I think maybe I should have."
"No." Aster's voice was a low growl.
"But if-"
"No," Jack found himself nose to nose with Aster in an instant, shocked by how fast he'd moved. "Don't ever think that. Ever."
Aster was so close, his green eyes blazing, that Jack's heart seemed determined to leap right out of his chest.
"You're not dying," Aster reiterated. "I won't let that happen."
"You can't stop death."
"You'd be surprised at how much I can do." And that? That was the reason Jack took every opportunity to wrap himself up in Aster's reassuring presence in the burrow. He'd hold him and say things like that with such complete conviction that Jack could believe it was true. It was so much harder out here. His thoughts took dark turns. Jack couldn't understand why he'd survived and the rest of his family hadn't. Why him?
Aster stepped back, "What's happening is-"
"Please don't tell me this is all happening for a reason." Another stupid comment meant as comfort that someone had offered. The thought that this was all some kind of plan, his parent's deaths, his sister's, Jack's pain... it had horrified him and he wanted nothing to do with it.
Aster's head snapped back as though he'd been struck, "I would never- Jack."
Oh God. Regret churned in his gut. He felt like an idiot, expecting that from Aster of all people. But he couldn't help thinking-
"Listen, whoever the hell said that to you is the one who ought to be taking a long drop," the healer ran a shaky hand over his ears. "There's no reason to these things. Believe me. The universe isn't kind or cruel, it just is."
Aster would know. His whole race was gone. Maybe he'd considered following the rest of his people into death once or twice too.
"You can't change the past, Jack," Aster said, continuing softly, "and there's no sense in punishing yourself for something you had no choice in. I know it's hard. I know. But we'll get you through this and she'll be right."
"Yeah?"
"I wouldn't say so if I didn't believe it." Jack knew he meant it, but Aster was so much stronger than Jack thought he could ever be.
"It could still get worse," his voice cracked. "What if you have to take my wings next?"
Aster pulled him into his arms and Jack went easily.
"I don't think it'll come to that, but if it does you can always stay here with me."
Jack didn't want to die or lose his wings, but more than anything, he didn't want to be alone. That had been the worst thing about the attack. Not his injuries, or not being able to fly, but losing his family. How had Aster done it? Losing all the people he loved, Jack would give his wings without hesitation to have even one of them back. It was an impossible wish. But here, living with Aster? If Jack could stay here with him maybe... maybe he could survive losing his wings.
"Right, beans can wait. We need a change of scenery." Aster scooped Jack up, shocking him out of his reverie.
"Hey! What are you doing?"
"Going topside." Aster carried him until they reached the surface through one of the tunnels. Jack could never tell where they were going to come out. This time when they emerged he was immediately assaulted by the cold air. Above it got cool sometimes, but most of their places were in warmer climates and his family hadn't visited any of the few mountain peak settlements that had snow.
"Where are we?" Aster set him down on his feet. "Ah! That's cold!"
"Maybe you should try wearing the shoes I brought you."
"You carried me up here!" Jack pressed back against Aster, stealing warmth from him. "How was I supposed to get shoes?"
"Fair enough," Aster grinned. "You going to take a look around?"
Jack huffed and glared out at the water. His jaw dropped open.
"It's something, isn't it?" A massive chunk of ice was in front of them, floating majestically past the shoreline. It was incredible. Jack had seen ice before, on the few occasions it had been brought Above, but never a colour like this. It was a bright blue. Almost luminescent.
"How did it get so blue?"
"That's glacial ice. You won't find it on any of your mountain tops."
"It's beautiful."
"Same colour as your eyes." Jack felt himself both flush and shiver, spurring Aster to loop his arms around him, though it wasn't the cold that was affecting Jack. "You're going to be all right. I promise. There's nothing wrong with you. Actually, this is a good metaphor."
"What do you mean?"
"Most ice doesn't turn that colour. It only forms in glaciers after it's been compressed for a long time. Nothing wrong with it. It's just older, stronger than other ice after all that pressure, and like you said," he curled his arm around me a little tighter, "beautiful."
Beautiful. I pressed a little closer into Aster's fur. Maybe blue wasn't so bad.
The pain got worse.
"Fuck."
"Breathe, Jackie," Aster held his broken wing firmly, its featherless frame straightened out into what looked like a normal shape and yet flaring up in agony as though it had been set on fire. "I wish you'd told me earlier. I could have saved you worrying. This is good."
"Good? It's awful," he whined. Aster relaxed his hold. He pulled Jack into his arms and Jack sagged into the embrace, soaking up the comfort offered. This was getting to be a habit.
"Your hair came back, didn't it?" Jack felt Aster's breath ruffle said hair. It was pale white and had come back in soft and fine, still short but growing at a normal rate. "I know it hurts, Jackie, but regrowing feathers this way isn't a normal thing."
That lit a spark of hope in him.
"You think-?"
"Maybe. Probably. Everything else about your wing is mostly healed." That was true, actually. The twisted bones and scarred flesh had gradually been healing as the herbs and magics Aster applied did their work.
Before the pain had started up again, Jack had enjoyed the ritual that went with the salves, with Aster tending his wings and Jack brushing out his fur. More than was needed really. Aster sighed into it every time. He wouldn't ask Jack to do it, though. He never asked Jack for anything. Jack knew Aster saw himself as the caretaker, the healer, and didn't want to burden him.
It wasn't any kind of burden that Jack could see. He loved being with Aster. At first, he'd put it down to being the same sort of sappy crush that he'd always teased others for. He'd expected to get over it. They were so different, after all, and he didn't want to mess up their friendship.
They got along so well. Sometimes they'd talk for hours about places they knew or ideas they had, and Aster took him more seriously than any of his other friends ever had. Jack had always been the fun one, the person who lightened everybody else up, and he'd taken to that role easily. He'd enjoyed it. But when things changed, when he was the one who was down, he'd floundered and no one had known how to talk to him anymore. Jack realized now how superficial his relationships had been outside his family. Even Tooth, who pushed through and helped him, didn't really know him.
Aster did. Jack had opened up and said things he'd never known that he wanted to, but that made so much sense once he said them out loud. He could tease and joke, even with the pain and background fear of his condition, and Aster would give back as good as he got, but didn't define him. Aster never made him feel like he had to cheer up or be anything other than what he wanted to be. Never made him feel foolish or unwanted when he had a hard time finding words or put his foot in his mouth. The only time he'd flat out challenged Jack's feelings had been when he'd confessed his thoughts about suicide. Jack had replayed it in his mind over and over, how Aster had reacted to that, so fiercely determined and protective.
Jack didn't get over it. In fact, he was pretty sure that he was falling in love with Aster. Their friendship was so important to him and he liked the person he'd become in the Warren. He wanted more. He wanted everything, to be near Aster, touch him and make him smile... Jack didn't think Aster had noticed. Even if he did hover near Aster at home, and help while he was working, and climb into bed with him on difficult (and sometimes not so difficult) nights... All right, maybe he wasn't that subtle. Jack's nightmares were few and far between now too, so there was no excuse for him to fall back on. Aster never questioned him, however, and there was an awful lot of nuzzling when they cuddled. Jack wasn't sure if that was a friendly thing or closer to Aster's equivalent of kissing.
If Aster was right about the feathers... Jack was torn between being thrilled and being terrified. Oh, he wanted to get better, but better had stopped being about flying months ago. Now all Jack wanted was to be healthy enough stay. If he healed completely, if he could fly again, what would that mean?
Oblivious to Jack's whirling thoughts, Aster picked up yet another salve and slid his hands soothingly along Jack's wingspan, dampening the pain.
"Tell me about Tooth's last letter." A change of subject, though not exactly an easy one.
The last letter had been a large packet of paper bound with ribbon. Tooth had written reams about Above, as usual. Aster hadn't told her much about how Jack was progressing, only that he was well enough, which meant that Tooth optimistically expected a full recovery. She'd also offered to take him flying again. Jack had rebuffed her in his brief responses, but she seemed to think it was important and kept on about it.
"She still wants to take me flying."
"You should have her to tea first."
"I know," he grumbled. "I'm a crap friend."
"I'm not judging you, but if you keep putting it off it'll only get harder. Have you told her about how you look?"
"Not really." Tooth knew by now he'd lost his feathers, but that was it.
"You ought to start with that then. Unless you want to see her reaction?" Aster leaned over Jack's shoulder and gave him a Look.
"No. Can you imagine? I'll write," and maybe use more than one sheet of paper this time. Jack wasn't much of a writer, but Aster had a point. Tooth would react dramatically if not warned beforehand. "I'll tell her everything, but can we wait and see about the feathers before she comes?"
Aster patted him gently, "She'll likely come down in a few weeks either way, Jackie. We should know by then."
"Right." A few weeks. Would that be enough time for Jack to sort out his feelings? Figure out whether Aster might also want more than friendship? He was affectionate and supportive, but he wouldn't ask Jack for anything and that likely extended to their friendship too. Aster wouldn't want him to feel like he owed him anything. It would be up to Jack to decide.
The feathers were still hypothetical though. Jack lifted the end of his harness and passed it back to Aster to buckle.
"No, we'll leave it off for now. And if the pain gets to be too much, you tell me, all right?" Jack would, of course. It had been stupid of him not to, before. He carefully flexed his wings. They ached, but the bulk of the pain had been dulled by Aster's work.
"Yeah. Thanks, Aster."
"Thank me by going and writing your ruddy letter so I don't have to sit through another afternoon of tea and interrogation."
Jack laughed at Aster's exasperation, "Okay, okay. I'm going."
Aster turned out to be right.
Jack's feathers came back, white as snow, filling out his wings shockingly fast. They were even fuller than he remembered. The pain decreased too, dropping as new plume emerged until he hardly noticed the odd pricking that accompanied the appearance of another feather.
Tooth would be coming tomorrow to see. He tried not to think about flying.
Aster checked them daily, carefully examining his wings as they grew, aligning the feathers and sending shivers down Jack's spine. Despite his fears, he felt whole again. It made him grow bolder. Jack's fingers carded through Aster's fur along with the comb, tugging out tangles before finding their way upward to trail along his ears or sideways to follow the shape of his arms. Aster didn't shiver, but he did go still while Jack worked. Finally, one evening Jack finished and, instead of coming around to face Aster, put his chin on one furred shoulder and slipped his arms around Aster's chest.
"Aster?"
"Yeah?" Jack flared out his wings and brought them curving around where they sat on the floor of Aster's Burrow.
"They're almost done, aren't they?"
"Looks like."
"Do you think they're strong enough for flying?" Jack had enough feathers to be flight ready, in theory. Whether he could actually stay airborne was another matter.
"Well, I-"
"Because, it would be better to wait, wouldn't it?"
"Wait?" Aster's ears flicked up. Was that a good or bad sign? Jack couldn't tell.
"I was thinking that I should stretch them out more and build the muscles up... I mean, it's not like there's a rush."
"No," Aster's hands came up to cover Jack's. "There's no rush."
"And you promised to show me synchronized fireflies."
"I can't make them perform on command, you know, but we can go again." Jack pressed his face into Aster's neck. "Tired?"
"Mmm. Can we sleep in my room tonight?"
Aster didn't answer. They'd fallen into the unspoken habit of sharing a bed over the last week or two. At night, they'd retire to their own rooms and before morning one of them would have climbed in with the other. No matter which way it happened, however, Aster always woke first, rising early enough to allow them to separate their nighttime cuddling from their waking interactions.
The silence dragged on and Jack began to wonder if he should have kept his mouth shut.
Finally, Aster shifted closer, "If you like."
A breath he didn't know he was holding whooshed out of him. After a moment, Jack got to his feet and pulled Aster up. Neither of them said a word as they entered his room, snuffing out lamps as they went. The Warren had gone dark. Only the luminescent flora provided dim light to see by. Jack quickly shucked off his pants, preparing to sleep in his underclothes as he usually did. Aster wasn't wearing clothing to begin with. They fell into place easily then, already knowing how they best fit together, leaving Jack to wonder if he was dreaming it all.
"Aster?"
"Yeah, Jackie?"
"Don't leave in the morning, okay?"
"Okay," Aster nuzzled the bare skin of Jack's cheek and Jack turned to kiss the side of Aster's mouth.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
That morning, Jack was elated upon waking to see Aster still beside him. They didn't talk all that much, but there was an unspoken understanding between them as they rose, and they hardly moved beyond each other's reach all day. Jack almost forgot that Tooth was coming.
"Oh Jack!" Toothiana gushed, fluttering around him. "Look at you!"
"You got the letter right?" She wasn't shocked, at least. That was good.
"Yes, but seeing you is..." Tooth began to tear up. "I'm so glad that you're better!" She threw herself into Jack's arms and he patted her awkwardly. He'd hoped that the letter would help, but Tooth was just an emotional person.
"Uh- thanks."
"Sorry," she said, retreating to dab at her eyes. "But I was so worried. I know I pushed you and you never really said much in your letters."
"I know. I'm crap at writing. You were right though, really Tooth," and he was going to find some way to thank her eventually. Jack was pretty sure she'd saved him as much as Aster had, watching out for him Above.
"And you look lovely," Tooth admired his change in colouring openly. It was nice to hear. Jack didn't think of himself as vain, but what she thought mattered to him more than he'd expected. "Oh! Your eyes are different too. What a beautiful shade of blue."
"That's what I told him." Aster had, several times, most recently while helping preen Jack's feathers that morning, nuzzling him affectionately and receiving Jack's kisses in turn. "Coming in for tea?"
Once inside, Tooth bubbled over with news and gossip from Above, chatting amiably with them and filling Jack in on months of happenings. It didn't escape his notice that she avoided talking about his old friends. Aster, well used to Toothiana's tea time enthusiasm, settled in next to Jack closely enough to brush their knees together, an arm slung across the back behind him.
"But what about you?" Tooth turned the conversation his way. "Did you make all of these?"
She gestured to the table between them that could hardly be seen it was so densely covered. Jack may have gone a bit overboard with the baking. They'd never be able to eat it all. Maybe Tooth could take some back with her?
"Yeah, pretty much."
"Aster said that you'd taken over his kitchen. I didn't know you liked to bake."
"I did a bit. With my Mom. I mean, Aster can barely boil water, so-" That earned Jack a half-indignant glare.
"Oi. I can manage well enough."
"Uh-huh. If you like salad and half burnt bread."
"Ungrateful brat," Aster chuffed Jack on the shoulder.
"Ungrateful, my ass," Jack shoved back, laughing. "Your pantry would be floor to ceiling strawberry jam if you didn't devour whole jars at a time."
Aster grinned at him, "Well, I suppose you're good for something."
"I hope you don't mind," Tooth began hesitantly, "but after Aster mentioned it, I went and got these." She pulled a couple of slim books from her bag.
Jack inhaled sharply and took them from her, turning them carefully as he recognized the covers. They were his mother's recipe books.
"The house is still locked up. I didn't touch anything else, but I thought, maybe you'd want them?" He did, desperately.
Aster didn't have recipes. Not that it mattered, Jack could throw together basic meals with little effort, but eventually he'd wanted to branch out. He'd attempted to recreate some of the dishes his mother had taught him from memory. It hadn't gone well and, after the first few disappointing results, he'd given up. Even if it tasted good, it didn't taste right. The books though, with her note riddled recipes and hastily scrawled changes, would make all the difference.
Jack struggled for a moment before managing a rough, "Thanks."
"It was no trouble! And there's no hurry for the rest of it. Or, if you know there are things you don't want, I could-"
"No," he winced at his own rudeness. "Sorry, no. I- I'll do it myself." Eventually. He would. Jack valued the memories of his family and it was his responsibility.
"All right," Tooth nodded, unsurprised. "So, have you tried flying, yet?"
"Not yet." Jack set the books aside. He'd known this conversation was coming.
"But soon?" she asked. "I'd be glad to help. My sisters too if you want to get used to being in the air before trying your wings solo. You could try gliding to start. I think there's a hill not far from here."
Aster rescued him.
"His feathers are mostly in, but the wings themselves are a bit weak from lack of exercise. Waiting a few more weeks to work on strengthening them might be best." Jack grasped Aster's hand where it rested between them and squeezed gratefully.
"In another month, then? I could find a few good spots and come back. How does that sound?"
"I- yes. Maybe? I think so." Aster was ready to speak again, but Tooth beat him to it.
"I'll come for tea anyway and if you're ready we'll try. If not, you can just feed me more cake," she smiled. "I won't complain." He really needed to stop assuming things about Toothiana. She was emotional, determined, and pushy when she felt the need, but she was extremely empathetic too. Jack shouldn't have worried so much, in retrospect.
"Deal." And now that that was done with, Jack floundered for another topic. "Are you Below a lot now? Aster said you'd met someone."
"Oh, yes," Tooth flushed. "North's a trader, so we talk sometimes. He's very dashing and... exuberant."
"What she means is, he's a flirtatious blowhard-"
"Aster!"
"-and she's smitten," Aster finished and Tooth's eyes narrowed.
"You're one to talk," she shoved the teapot into Aster's hands. "Go refill the pot."
"Wha-"
"And take your time," she added with an arched eyebrow. Aster's mouth opened and he glanced back and forth between Jack and Tooth. "Go!" she shooed him off.
Jack watched in confusion as Aster exited the room and Tooth turned the full force of her attention on him.
"So," she quickly switched to sit in the seat next to Jack, "you and Aster?"
There was no point denying it, so Jack nodded. Tooth made a high pitched noise in response.
"Really?"
"Is it that weird?"
"No! That's not what I meant at all!" Tooth's hands waved anxiously as if trying to dispel the impression by sheer force. "You were never serious about relationships Above is all, and Aster's always been... well-"
"Kind of a recluse?" Tooth nodded. "He's always made me feel welcome and being here has given me a lot of time to think. You're right. I wasn't very serious about anything Above. I spent too much time trying to be fun without really being happy, and I want both. The person I want to be... Aster doesn't expect me to be anything but who I am. I like myself more with him. We fit."
"You do seem more settled than I've ever known you."
"I feel really at home here."
"Home as in moving here permanently home?"
"Yeah. If he'll have me."
"Looks to me like he already has you." It was Jack's turn to blush now. Things were good, but he was still a little worried how things might go if and when he got back to flying. "What do you want me to tell people Above?"
Jack grimaced, "I really don't give a fuck what they think. Have any of them actually asked?"
"One or two. I think the seriousness of it came into focus when you vanished and didn't come back." Huh. He didn't know what to make of that.
"Oi!" Aster called from the kitchen. "Have you finished with whatever it is you don't want me overhearing?"
Tooth shook her head in amusement and glanced at Jack, who nodded. They'd discuss it another time. She didn't stay much longer after that, though. Tooth was meeting up with a few others before flying Above for the night and she didn't want to make them wait for her.
"I should probably start dinner," Jack said as the tunnel Tooth had departed through swirled shut.
"It can wait." Reaching out and cupping Jack's cheek, Aster stroked the skin softly. "I'm not sure what Tooth was on about with you, but I feel like I should make myself clear."
"Okay," he said, moving closer and putting his arms around Aster's waist. Aster rested his brow against Jack's, breathing deeply.
"What we're doing together, it means a lot to me and I don't take it lightly. Honestly... I'd keep you here with me forever if I thought you'd be happy never flying again." Oh. Jack's throat clamped shut, blocked as it was by his hopeful heart. He hadn't been expecting such a blunt declaration. "I know you wouldn't be, though. It's a scary thing, I understand, but it's part of you too. You'll fly again. I believe that."
Jack made a poor attempt at keeping his tears at bay. Damn it.
"But listen," Aster pulled back to meet Jack's gaze. "Whether you come back or not, that's up to you, all right? I'll still be here no matter what you choose."
"I'm not going to go back Above."
"We can figure that out after-"
"No. I mean it." Jack knew what he wanted and now that he knew Aster wanted this too his answer was easy. "You want me to decide, well this is me deciding, okay? I'm giving you permission to keep me."
"Jack-" he could feel Aster begin to withdraw.
"I love you, Aster." There, he said it. He'd say it a thousand times more if Aster needed to hear it. "I love being here and living with you and exploring Below and absolutely everything about this. I was never this happy Above. Flying isn't going to change that."
Aster's mouth opened and shut twice before he rasped out, "I love you too."
The hell with flying. Jack was pretty sure he could just float off the ground now.
"Good. Fuck., now all I need to do is get comfortable with the idea of flinging myself off a cliff again." Aster chuckled, tightening his hold around Jack's shoulders. "You'll be there to catch me right?"
"I wouldn't miss it for anything."
Oh crap, was he really doing this?
The breeze tugged at the loose, wide-necked tunic he'd chosen to wear. Jack rarely wore a shirt in the Warren and only sometimes Below when they went exploring. He hadn't been this far out in the open air for months. But today the sun was shining and the wind was the right sort...
"Do you need a minute?" Both Aster and Toothiana looked at him with concern, though only she spoke.
"No. I'm good." Jack stretched out his wings like he had been doing, strengthening them and preparing so he could do this. Fly. Jack gripped the grass with his toes, the sensation comforting now instead of strange. The ground was solid and safe, and he could stay right here if he wanted to.
Except, he couldn't. He had to know. Jack flapped his wings a little.
"Ready Jack?" Tooth asked, holding out her hands to guide him off the cliff's edge.
It had taken three weeks after Tooth's visit before Jack had truly been able to believe he might fly again. The falling dreams had come back with a vengeance for a few days, along with his anxiety. Jack fought with his own thoughts often, fighting the negativity that threatened to overwhelm him using techniques that Aster had taught him. He was pretty sure that if he could get over this first leap, things would be easier.
"You can do it," Tooth encouraged him. It wasn't very high, just enough that he'd have room to catch the wind and glide. She smiled, waiting. Aster was there too. Between the two of them, they'd grab him if he fell. Right?
A handful of birds soared by, riding the updraft. Jack watched them go and then flapped his wings in the air again, shaking them out.
"Okay," he said to himself. "Okay. Let's go."
Jack grasped Tooth's hands and steeled his resolve.
"Now?" He nodded at her and leapt.
Everything was a blur after that. Sunlight and wind, terror and amazement... He'd forgotten how good being in the air felt. Every doubt and hesitation was blown away as he soared. When he came back to himself, Jack looked down and watched the trees sway in the breeze, Tooth flying below just in case. It was simpler than he though it would be. In spite of months being grounded, his body remembered flight. Jack savoured it for a minute before he was ruffled by a shift in the air currents and opted to circle back to the cliff.
"That was wonderful!" Tooth bounced on the cliff top when they touched down, humming with delight.
"It was pretty great," he grinned and waved to Aster who was waiting patiently below, "but I think I'm done for today." Jack was wary of pushing too hard and straining his wings. Slow and steady was his goal.
"But now you know you can do it. Do you want to try again tomorrow?" Tooth would still be here. She was staying in the Warren for a few days. He was pretty sure they'd arranged that so Jack wouldn't feel pressured in his first attempt.
He nodded and looked for Aster, trying to decide whether he should glide down to meet him, but Aster was already ahead of him.
"Back to the Warren?" The tunnel he'd emerged from remained open behind him.
"Oh, actually, I was thinking I'd go by the camp." North, Tooth's friend, was encamped somewhere in the general area. Aster waved towards the tunnel and they descended through it until reaching the door where Jack and he had met all those months ago.
"So, I just knock here later?" Tooth asked, stepped out of the opening.
The door here was a fixed entrance to the Warren, though heavily warded and protected. It was where Aster directed the few folk he had any real patience for. He could sense, through whatever magic he'd placed there, when someone approached or knocked.
"Sure, whenever you get back," Aster smirked. "Have fun."
Tooth flushed before swatting Aster affectionately and departing in a whirl. Jack sighed. Watching her go brought to mind the first time she'd left him here. So much had changed since then. He felt as different as he looked.
And then there was Aster, who stood in the shadows, expression warm and fond. The braid Jack had worked into his ruff was displayed prominently, tied off with a bit of blue string and one of Jack's smaller covert feathers. Displaying tokens had been important to the Pooka, Aster's race. The day he'd revealed that had been long. They'd talked for hours, Jack eager for any scrap of information that would help him better understand his lover, and had both been emotionally exhausted by it. Some things wouldn't ever make sense given their differences, but Jack had immediately understood Aster's shy request to exchange tokens.
Unfortunately, Jack's hair was short and wild, easily slipping free of any attempt at confinement. Instead, Aster had inked the backs of Jack's hands with the patterns of his own markings, smooth dark lines that were even more striking against Jack's pale skin. They weren't permanent. Apparently, that had been important in their culture too. Tokens weren't brands of ownership, they were choices and needed to be purposefully maintained along with the relationship.
He liked the concept much better than the rings and bangles folk wore Above.
"Any plans for the rest of the day?" Aster turned and asked, green eyes gleaming in the dim light. God, he loved him.
Jack shoved Aster against the wall in lieu of answering his question, pressing kisses into the side of his mouth and on the bridge of his nose before nuzzling close.
"I flew."
"I saw," the Pooka raised an eyebrow at Jack's wandering hands. "Are you angling for a reward?"
"I jumped off a cliff, Aster."
"A small one."
"A cliff!"
"C'mere then," he laughed and scooped him up, Jack's legs wrapping around his waist. "I'm too old to be doing this against a wall, though. Let's go home."
Jack linked his hands behind Aster's neck, "Sounds good to me."
Meeting North was a shock. Both Tooth and Aster had described the man to him and Jack still hadn't expected him to be so damn big. At least it took his attention away from North's missing wings.
According to Aster, North had badly injured his wings in an accident. Being accustomed to Below, however, North hadn't hesitated to remove them when infection had threatened. He had a little of his own magic and had sought out Ombric the sorcerer for assistance, who had seen the extent of the damage and promptly summoned Aster to stabilize the injury.
Jack was sure that Aster would have told him about North's circumstance earlier if he'd thought it would help, but reassurance about living without one's wings would have only sent him into a spiral of panic. The wait and see approach had worked out much better.
"And you must be Jack!" The bear hug that enveloped him lifted Jack clean off his feet. "It is good to meet you."
"Put him down, you mad bastard," Aster ordered with a smile in his voice. North did.
"Uh- hi," was all Jack could manage with air rushing back into his lungs. North patted him on the shoulder, his strength sinking him a little further into the snow-covered ground.
"Is good to see you as well, Aster. Have you come to see my work?" The eager grin on the man's face was contagious and Jack was drawn in, extremely curious as to what North had done. Tooth had been teasing and mysterious about it too.
"Isn't Tooth coming?"
"Soon, yes. But why wait?" he gestured for them to follow him into the small town. It was the first actual settlement that Jack had visited Below.
Next to one of the larger houses, which was as brightly coloured as North himself, was a large mass draped with a tarp. Jack had no idea what to expect. Aster's grumblings indicated that North used his magic in the creating of various contraptions, from the smallest of toys to large, complex machinery. The man's reliable engines were said to have helped many of the surrounding villages better withstand the winter months.
"Ready?" North whipped the covering way to reveal a sleigh. Huh. It isn't quite like the one the traders use, but... something's different. Jack reached out to touch the wood and could almost feel the magic vibrating within it. But why?
"Oh no," Aster responded flatly North's excitement.
"Oh yes!" he cries. "Aster, we will fly!"
"Like hell, I will. What are you even going to get to pull the thing? Reindeer don't have wings, North."
"Ah! But you are thinking too literally my friend! I have already thought this through-" North rambled a bit about his spells and ideas, ignoring Aster when he put a palm to his face and shook his head. It was all Jack could do not to laugh out loud.
"You will come, Jack, yes?"
"Absolutely! Have you shown Tooth?"
North nods, "She was very impressed." He waggles his eyebrows in a way that suggests things Jack would rather not know about.
"Perhaps you will change your mind when you see it in action, Bunny?" Aster's glare could have seared the skin off North's face if its heat had been any more literal. He hated that nickname.
"I'll pass on the death trap, thanks."
Jack wasn't surprised. Flying wasn't something Aster had ever been interested in and Jack didn't care if he visited the Above. He loved living in the Warren and Aster never begrudged him the time they spent apart when Jack went up by himself or with Tooth. It didn't make sense anyway. Aster was grounded to the Below and the magic he worked there.
"What is your family name, Jack?" He startled at the sudden question. North was the first person Below to ask him.
Family names were important identifiers Above because Folk travelled so much between palaces and peaks. The house where his family had lived had only been their anchor home for two years. He hadn't used his family name since he'd come Below, where more emphasis was put on where you were from. Oh, the people here had them. They just introduced themselves more often as "North, of Santoff Clausen" or "Aster of the Warren".
"Overland." Which was now kind of ironic for someone who lived underground most of the time.
"Overland..." North mused. "Hmm. That does not sound like an Above name. Have you met any Overlands Below?"
Jack had suffered enough mockery as a child to know that North was right. Land or ground was rarely referenced in names that tended towards Skyloft, Swiftwind, Airson, and Cloudess. It had never occurred to him to think there might be people Below with the name.
"No." Jack was vaguely aware that some winged Folk had lived Below, but that had been before the fearling wars. Those that could had fled Above where the attacks had been less frequent. Then again, maybe mixed families with wingless members had remained? The Above was hard to manage if you weren't capable of flight. "Have you?"
"Not as such. There is a town by the name Overland, however. Perhaps there?"
Jack looked to Aster, who nodded distractedly, "in the Northeast, is it?"
"Yes. Overland, Burgess, Hawley,... I can show you on my maps."
"No worries. Burgess, I know. I'll find it if it's nearby."
There was a little more back and forth conversation before North went to see about dinner for them.
"Aster," Jack sank his fingers into the fur of the arm he held, "do you think-?"
"Maybe." That was a familiar response, the word and tone. Aster's way of cautioning Jack without quashing his hope. Jack had learned that Aster was inherently optimistic, though streaked with pragmatism, and he admired him for it. It was a bit contagious too. Looking up and forward, to new things being born from the old. "Can't hurt to make a visit."
There were no more Overlands Above that Jack knew about. His father had been the last, his parents passing when Jack was small, their distant relatives having broken away long before. His mother's own family line had been whittled so thin over time that she had no other kin left either, except for the family of Jack's father. They'd spoken of how the families had relied on each other after the war. He wondered now if the reason for their isolation had been that they'd left their larger clans Below.
"What was your father's family name?" He tried to remember. Jack's family name had come from his mother.
"I'm not sure. Benton? Bennett? Something like that." He'd have to check the papers he'd saved from the house.
"Huh," Aster's ears flicked back and forth. "Never met an Overland myself. But Bennett? I know of a few."
"Yeah? I'll check my Dad's journal when we get back." Aster smiled at him. Jack desperately wanted to kiss him, but North chose that moment to bellow at them to join everyone for dinner, so he held back.
Aster was less inclined to be hurried and pulled Jack closer, nuzzling him. "We'll make some friends regardless, Jackson Overland."
"Jack of the Warren," he corrected. "Pretty sure I'm taking your name, right?" It felt right. Jackson Overland had gone through a lot and becoming Jack of the Warren didn't mean leaving all of that behind, it just showed what was most important to him now. He loved the little family of choice he was building.
"That's... yeah," Aster sounded a little hoarse. "That's fine by me." Jack hugged him tightly.
Then North bellowed again, "Aster! Jack! Come and join us!"
"Hold on a tic, you bastard. We're coming!" Aster hollered in return, before turning back. "Jack... if you start introducing yourself that way, people will think we're married."
"Yeah, I know," he let his fingers ghost over the token braided into Aster's fur. Most folk didn't realize what tokens meant. Naming, though? It would be a Big Deal, Jack with his wings openly choosing to live with Aster. Everyone would know just how very together they were. "We kind of are, aren't we?"
"Yeah."
"Good," he stood on tiptoe to kiss Aster's nose and wondered if he could get away with calling him Bunny at least once. "Come on. You can introduce me at dinner."