A/N: - The first story I've written in a long time. Actually produced from another Turk fic I've abandoned, this appeared suddenly whilst writing. If possible I would like some honest opinions on my writing skills, some feedback etc because I'm hoping to start a longer fic soon and I need some reassurance!
Story is set before FF7. The girl is a Turk that worked with Reno, Rude and Tseng before Elena. Just a deeper insight into how Reno might cope with something bad. Hope that's ok.
Rude rapped his bruised and raw knuckles on the door of Reno's apartment. The impact stung, and after a second or two he brought them to his mouth, wincing. The fight that followed the event had taken toll on his hands.
'Reno?' He decided to call instead.
No answer. Tipping his head back in exasperation, he sighed. Rude decided to try again.
'Reno, this is serious. Tseng has to know what happened now.'
No answer. Rude tutted, and prepared to force the door open with his shoulder. The door proved to be no obstacle and he marched in, quick to slam it behind him again. He had to take off his sunglasses as he walked around looking – all the curtains were closed. Reno's apartment could be nice if it wasn't trashed all the time, Rude thought. He stuck his head in every room, calling his name each time he did so. Rude stopped for a second, looking around. He knew he was here. The tall man started to move towards the last room he hadn't looked in.
'Reno…what the fuck is going on? I know it's bad, but-'
Rude was silenced when he found him. Reno was in the bathroom, sitting on the floor with his legs straight out, back up against the tub. His jacket thrown to one side. His head bowed and shirt rolled up to the elbows. Rude's eyes fell on the bloodied razor that Reno twirled in his right hand, then moved to his left forearm and the hundreds of cuts decorating it.
Rude's mouth fell open at the sight of him. He wanted to say something, but Reno got there first.
'Do you know what the last thing she said to me was…?' He murmured, almost whispering. His head fell forward further.
'Do you know what the last fucking thing she said to me was?' he repeated forcefully.
Rude continued to gape.
'She was there…I was holding her close to me. Bleeding in my arms. I was just waiting for someone to arrive and help…and then she said, 'Reno…you don't give a shit, do you…you don't care for me. Look, you're not even crying…' and then…'
He brought his hands to his face. Rude just opened and closed his mouth. He didn't realise Reno and that her had something going on there. Why didn't he recognize it before? The little quiet conversations they had…little jokes they shared. The way he was holding her dead body, her drained face against his chest, his arms encircling her protectively. Oh god…no wonder Reno was not himself.
His thoughts were interrupted when Reno started to speak again.
'I hope she's happy…wherever she is… 'cause I'm fucking cryin' now…'
With this last statement he finally lifted his head, so Rude could see his face. There were no tears present on his face but…
'Holy shit, Reno…what the fuck have you done…' Rude uttered at last, a hand lifting to his forehead.
Underneath his eyes on his cheekbones, Reno had deep cuts almost all the way through. They were bleeding a fair amount, the crimson liquid trailing down his face.
'Like tears...' Rude breathed. Reno closed his eyes slowly, inhaling through his nose.
'I wouldn't cry…I don't know…God knows I cared, I just…just didn't know what to do,' Reno said quietly. He stopped twirling the razor in his hand, gripping it.
'Reno, don't -' Rude said, just as the redhead brought the razor down on his forearm again, wincing only slightly.
'I gotta do this Rude…I'm sorry. But…the guy, he's dead. There's nothing to take my revenge out on except…' Reno trailed off. As he finished his sentence, he dragged the razor through his slashed skin again. Deeply, slowly, with a flick at the end. Rude walked over, bent down, and snatched the razor from him before it descended upon his arm again. Reno didn't resist and continued to stare blankly at the wall. Rude decided to pull the detached man back together himself. Grabbing him under the arms, his immense strength lifted Reno to his feet as if he were weightless.
'Why do you do it, man? You're already suffering enough. Since when do you get depressed anyway?' Rude said forcefully, gripping Reno by the shoulders. The younger man shook his arms off and turned away.
'I used to hurt myself it loads…stress in the slums, no way to cry out for attention…when I joined SOLDIER and killed someone for the first time…starting this job. It just…releases something when the skin opens…'
Rude turned to the sink. 'C'mon, she wouldn't want you to be this way…' He muttered whilst running some paper underneath the tap to dab at Reno's cuts. Reno laughed humourlessly.
'Yes she would…she would want me to know it was my fault. I'm paying for my arrogance. She would want me to suffer because I killed her…'
Rude dropped the wet paper. Reno had begun to sink back down again, and Rude grabbed him by the shirt, pulling him close.
'What?' Rude spat.
'It was me who challenged him. Skinny, stupid lackey with his arm around her neck…his gun and my EMR at the ready. What did I say? Something ridiculous. I didn't think he would do it. She was shaking her head madly…I made her so scared…and then I said, 'you wouldn't dare…you would die the second you pulled the trigger…' something like that.'
Rude's grip relaxed. This image was all too familiar – Reno's arrogance in situations like that often made things worse. Suddenly, the younger man pulled back.
Reno seemed to have gained a little energy, but was still lethargic. He picked up his jacket and slung it over his shoulder. He pushed a hand through his hair as Rude continued to stare at him. The redhead looked at him eye to eye for the first time with an unreadable expression on his face.
'And he did,' he finished simply.
For some reason, their roles were reversed. Rude, powerless and shocked by seeing this whole new side to his friend.. Reno, trying his best to move on, pulling on the taller man's arm.
'You said I had to tell Tseng, right?' Reno said blandly as he walked out of the door, Rude trailing behind him. He sighed, and put his sunglasses back on.
Not once did he falter. He described the ambush, the fight that ensued and the stalemate that finished it. Tseng did not interrupt, though occasionally his eyes flitted to the bloodstained shirt sleeve and the horrendous wounds on his face. It was only when he had to recall her last moments, her last words, something inside him truly broke. Even with Rude's comforting hand on his shoulder, he couldn't go on.
And for the first time that day, the worst day of his life, the day the only light in his life was taken from him; tears flowed with the blood that dripped from his jaw.