Disclaimer: Don't own Ender's Game, so don't sue!
This is actually my very first Ender's Game fanfic. Well, more like a poem
thingie. I wrote it without reading any Ender's Game fics in hopes that it
would be original. Although, I'm sure there's tons of fics out there based
on Ender's angst.
Well, anyway, this is at the end of the first book. I was so overcome by
the ending. . .when Ender spoke with the Hive Queen. This poem doesn't
really fit as much as I wanted it to, but I guess it turned out okay. Maybe
I'll edit it when I stop being so lazy.
~Forgiveness~
Born to fight.
Born to kill.
*Trained* to kill.
The government allowed my birth.
To raise a fighting machine.
Such that they could use it,
Wield it,
Master it to destroy the enemy.
And they succeeded.
They succeeded.
*I* succeeded.
Never has a success so great been accomplished.
And never has a success so great felt so much like a failure.
A painful failure.
The failure to recognize what I was doing.
I did not want to kill.
My hands.
Of murder.
Of death.
All from my own hands.
The redeemer.
The tool for humanity.
But also the finisher.
The killer.
The lives I took.
The lives I sacrificed.
The blood I spilled.
The cost of an alien race.
Because of me.
Because I was a coward.
I knew.
I knew something was going on.
And I refused to acknowledge it.
After all, it was just a GAME.
A GAME.
Just a game. . .
. . .just a game. . .
Yet I know I can't fool myself.
I am a genius.
I cannot deceive with the truth.
Because it is the truth.
And I didn't know.
I didn't know.
Didn't know.
Didn't *want* to know. . .
. . .that the games. . .
. . .were not games.
Yet, that is exactly the reason, you say.
That is your point, you say.
You say it wasn't my fault.
That I had no idea.
But I did.
I did.
Don't you see?
I can never be clean.
Can never be what I've always wanted to be.
To live.
To live for me.
For Valentine.
Not for anyone else. . .
Not for Peter.
Or the government.
Or even Mother and Father.
But you insist?
I am not a murderer?
A cold hearted killer?
You think I am innocent.
But am I?
You are adamant I had not known.
Of course I had not known.
The first enemy;
The adults;
They hid it so well.
That it was a game.
So that is why you forgive me.
But do I deserve it?
I could have found out.
I am a genius.
Plain fact.
I could have known.
But I chose not to.
Because I was a coward.
Still am.
I had always told myself about the importance of truth.
And lies as well.
And yet. . .
When it really mattered. . .
I chose to avoid it.
Because I was scared.
Scared of the truth.
But you still forgive me.
Because you know.
Know that I didn't know.
You. . .the ones I destroyed. . .
Are begging me to believe you.
To accept your forgiveness.
And to let you live once more.
And I will.
I will.
You shall live.
So I was your destroyer,
I shall be your liberator.
I was your finisher.
Ender.
The Ender.
The Ender Wiggins.
And I always will be.
But I will also be your Speaker.
And I will help you.
Because you forgave me;
Even as your people were destroyed.
You cannot hear me;
Whatever peaceful sleep you have drifted off to.
But know this.
Know this, Hive Queen.
I will not fail.
Not at this.
I have been a destroyer of life.
Now is my chance to help create it.
Never will I let this go.
This is actually my very first Ender's Game fanfic. Well, more like a poem
thingie. I wrote it without reading any Ender's Game fics in hopes that it
would be original. Although, I'm sure there's tons of fics out there based
on Ender's angst.
Well, anyway, this is at the end of the first book. I was so overcome by
the ending. . .when Ender spoke with the Hive Queen. This poem doesn't
really fit as much as I wanted it to, but I guess it turned out okay. Maybe
I'll edit it when I stop being so lazy.
~Forgiveness~
Born to fight.
Born to kill.
*Trained* to kill.
The government allowed my birth.
To raise a fighting machine.
Such that they could use it,
Wield it,
Master it to destroy the enemy.
And they succeeded.
They succeeded.
*I* succeeded.
Never has a success so great been accomplished.
And never has a success so great felt so much like a failure.
A painful failure.
The failure to recognize what I was doing.
I did not want to kill.
My hands.
Of murder.
Of death.
All from my own hands.
The redeemer.
The tool for humanity.
But also the finisher.
The killer.
The lives I took.
The lives I sacrificed.
The blood I spilled.
The cost of an alien race.
Because of me.
Because I was a coward.
I knew.
I knew something was going on.
And I refused to acknowledge it.
After all, it was just a GAME.
A GAME.
Just a game. . .
. . .just a game. . .
Yet I know I can't fool myself.
I am a genius.
I cannot deceive with the truth.
Because it is the truth.
And I didn't know.
I didn't know.
Didn't know.
Didn't *want* to know. . .
. . .that the games. . .
. . .were not games.
Yet, that is exactly the reason, you say.
That is your point, you say.
You say it wasn't my fault.
That I had no idea.
But I did.
I did.
Don't you see?
I can never be clean.
Can never be what I've always wanted to be.
To live.
To live for me.
For Valentine.
Not for anyone else. . .
Not for Peter.
Or the government.
Or even Mother and Father.
But you insist?
I am not a murderer?
A cold hearted killer?
You think I am innocent.
But am I?
You are adamant I had not known.
Of course I had not known.
The first enemy;
The adults;
They hid it so well.
That it was a game.
So that is why you forgive me.
But do I deserve it?
I could have found out.
I am a genius.
Plain fact.
I could have known.
But I chose not to.
Because I was a coward.
Still am.
I had always told myself about the importance of truth.
And lies as well.
And yet. . .
When it really mattered. . .
I chose to avoid it.
Because I was scared.
Scared of the truth.
But you still forgive me.
Because you know.
Know that I didn't know.
You. . .the ones I destroyed. . .
Are begging me to believe you.
To accept your forgiveness.
And to let you live once more.
And I will.
I will.
You shall live.
So I was your destroyer,
I shall be your liberator.
I was your finisher.
Ender.
The Ender.
The Ender Wiggins.
And I always will be.
But I will also be your Speaker.
And I will help you.
Because you forgave me;
Even as your people were destroyed.
You cannot hear me;
Whatever peaceful sleep you have drifted off to.
But know this.
Know this, Hive Queen.
I will not fail.
Not at this.
I have been a destroyer of life.
Now is my chance to help create it.
Never will I let this go.