I don't own Doctor Who.
The Doctor makes this throwaway comment in The Wedding Of River Song, and it got me thinking about the scenarios he mentions…
Catchup
"I've got a Time Machine, Dorium, it's all still going, for me it never stops!" Time can go in any order for me. Time is my… well, time is my playground sounds a bit unfair, but along those lines.
"Liz the First is still waiting in a glade to elope with me,"
My mind spirals back to me- the last version- shoved up against a tree with the Queen of England's arms around my neck.
"Look, Lizzie, please, can we just talk about this-"
"What is there to talk about, Doctor? I love you. I said I would never marry, but you…"
"Yes but you have…obligations here, surely?"
I try to pry her hands off my shoulders.
"They do not matter! Nothing matters when I am in love! I have sent a servant to pack me a bag; I shall run away with you,"
"But you- you can't do this,"
"And you, Doctor, cannot tell the Queen of England what she can or cannot do," she says indignantly, moving away from me slightly and frowning , "I have never met anybody quite as impertinent as you," she smiles, "And that is one of the many reasons why you are the keeper of my heart,"
"Alright, OK, fine. Yes, we'll elope, brilliant. Just give me five minutes to…um….saddle my horses. Five minutes-please?"
"Agreed. Five minutes Doctor and we shall be together!"
"Yes," in my haste I'm already stumbling away from her, catching the ends of my trench coat under my trainers "Oh, and if you ever hear of a playwright named Will Shakespeare, you might want to get him to write for you sometime,"
She looked puzzled, I smile and break into a run.
"Five minutes!" I yell over my shoulder, and keep on running until she is out of sight and I am sprinting through the trees towards the TARDIS door.
"I can help Rose Tyler with her homework," I continue. Again my mind wanders- except this time the scene is imaginary because I could never, can never cross over her timeline like that. And also, I think it would hurt too much. So I imagine what might happen.
A small blonde-haired girl opens the front door.
"My Mum's not in,". A friendly greeting.
"Oh. Hello, then," I would say.
"If you're here for Jackie, she's out at the moment,"
"So you're here on your own?"
"Yes, but I can look after myself, I am nine,"
"I was wondering if I could come in,"
She would put her hands on her hips, her eyes would narrow and she would ask, "Why?"
"I'm a friend of your Mum's,"
"You don't look like a friend of Mum's. Strange men are Bad News. Are you a kidnapper?" Typically blunt.
"No, I promise I'm a friend. I can prove it. Your name is Rose Tyler and you're nine years old. You go to Clayton Primary School and you're in year four, your teacher is Miss Ramsgate and your favourite subjects are geography and PE. You don't know what you want to be when you grow up. Your favourite TV programme is Mike and Angelo, and Howard is your favourite member of Take That,"
After this speech, she would pause and cock her head, her blue eyes would peering suspiciously at me. Then she would say- "Come in then,"
I would follow her into the kitchen, avoiding look around because that would be too painful. Rose would sit down at the table and pick up a pencil.
"Help yourself to tea,"
"What are you doing?" you would ask.
"Oh, nothing. Maths homework. Negative numbers, I don't really get it,"
"Could I help?"
"Dunno. You look pretty clever. Clever people wear bow ties,"
"Cool people wear bow ties. Let's see…so you add a minus to a minus and get a…"
"Minus?" she would guess.
"Plus," I'd correct her, "Because the minuses cancel each other out…"
We would sit there for a good half-hour before I'd have to make my excuses and leave.
The idea of it is bittersweet, probably more on the bitter side. See- that shows how old I'm getting.
"I can go to I can go on all Jack's stag parties in one night," I tell Dorium- well, Dorium's head to be precise. It's really rather surreal, talking to a blue man's head in a box. Then again, although I haven't been on one, one of Jack's stag nights would be pretty surreal…
"Doctor! So glad you could make it!" Jack exclaims, slapping me hard on the back.
"I wouldn't miss a party of yours, Captain. So who's the lucky…um, organism," Man? Woman? Alien? There are a lot of possibilities.
"Loretta. She's from Jupiter in 4062. Were you there when humans landed on Jupiter?"
"There? I was the flight captain!"
"Aha. Have you met my friend Ghaneyani?" Jack would say, grasping an extremely tall figure in red robes by the arm, "Ghaneyani, this is my friend the Doctor. You can call him the Doc,"
"No. Not the Doc. I will take many things, but not being called the Doc,"
"Yeah, yeah, Spock the Doc, anyway, this is Ghaneyani He's an expert in Nafrikanian trinket gold. We'll talk later, boys, see you,"
And like a hurricane he would sweep off, calling to some other friend of his and enveloping three women in a bear hug.
"So. Doctor," Ghaneyani would begin, "What do you do?"
"Well, I travel a lot. Bit of a jack-of-all trades I suppose, but tell me about yourself. Trinket gold must be a dangerous business in Nafrikania,"
"Yes, but we have the best Stroonyan structures in place to avoid accidents like that one on Blalkain a few years ago…"
The conversation would go on, I would introduce yourself to other guests, mostly Jack's friends and some of Jack's enemies. Then the band would begin to play and I would dance with everybody, some people twice. I might even ask the band how good their knowledge of twentieth-century Earth music is, as this would be an excellent time to introduce everybody my Crazy Little Thing Called Love routine…
"Time catches up with us all, Doctor!" Dorium's angry voice wrenches me out of my imagination. Says who? I have to die sometime, of course. But not yet. I refuse. You hear that, Time? You ain't gonna catch the Doctor, not today!
"Well it has never laid a glove on me!" I retort. But then somebody picks up the phone of the other side. Her voice is soft and solemn.
"I'm sorry, Doctor…" I don't need to hear anymore. Time has caught up with the Brig. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm wrong.
"It's time,"
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