"Mahal kita."
By: the Butterfly-winged Rat

Pacing back and forth in the privacy of his room, Bryan couldn't calm himself down at the thought of something that could change his life forever. Was he or was he not to confess his feelings to the one he liked for just about his entire existence?

No biggie, right?

The decision had been bothering him for the longest time and he took his frustration out of the furniture. "What the hell is wrong with me!" he kicked the chair. "This should be a no shitter for me right? Goddamnit! I'm a man after all." The lamp collided with the door and shattered into a million pieces. "Why is this taking me so fucking long!" The decision had been bothering him for as long as he could remember and almost the exact same scenario would repeat itself every night. Except, on this particular night, the 'little' decision made him more restless than he had ever been.

There was shattered glass on the floor and even broken bits of wood that joined them as his raging continued. An application of strength was the only way he could vent when it came to problems. There just wasn't an easy way for a Russian to handle these feelings straight forwardly. Without a doubt, he'd most likely go insane before he'd ever come clean with it.

"Bry-an, just what the heck are you doing in there?" came a voice accompanied by a loud banging on the door.

Oh Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit- Not now- NOT GOD DAMN NOW! "Mind your own fucking business!' He felt like biting his tongue to prevent all the stupid from oozing out of him.

Something rammed into the door causing a loud bang. "What the hell is your problem, drama queen?"

The longer the conversation dragged on, the more he felt the pressure weighing down on him. Opportune moment! 'God fuck it, no! Not now, not while you've just achieved loser standings!' But if I don't do it now- 'Ack! What kind of man are you?' "GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE, DAMNIT!" Oh, he was a smooth operator.

The person on the other side of the door sounded irritated. "I just asked a question a-hole, but whatever. Just quit your bitching already…"

Bryan tried to pull himself together. "Focus!" He took a few second to compose himself before- "Hiwatari!" but by the time he opened the door, the other boy was nowhere in sight.

"Gre-at." He fell back the doorframe and slumped down on the floor. "Shitte, Bryan… Shitte."

---

Walking into the dinning hall, he maneuvered around the ruckus that the younger children caused, Bryan walked over to the table where the rest of the team were already comfortably waiting. "Ivanov." He growled. "What is it you want?" he asked, not in the nicest of moods. He had, after all, been unceremoniously called in the middle of reading to come out here. It better have been good.

The group looked on at him amusedly. Something was up.

Tala seemed to be the most devious of them all. He was even rubbing his hands together the way villains would on TV... "Truth or dare, Kuznetsov?" he asked with an air of coolness and confidence that was enough to blind the younger orphans into thinking that was who he really was.

Unfortunately, Bryan had known Tala long enough to see the truth. "Aren't we a little old for these slumber party games?" he shot back.

"Do you dread your impending humiliation, Mr. Kuznetsov?" the crowd that had gathered around them made an 'ooooh!' sound.

Child's play. "Fine. I'll play one round of your game. Throw me your hardest dare, Mr. Ivanov. Come on, make it good!"

But Tala knew him better. The red-head smirked, as if having planned this for ages. "I dare you to pick truth Kuznetsov. And I ask you to tell me something incredibly secret about who ever the bottle points to after one spin!" Tala was too confident. He couldn't be trusted.

Weary of their leader's schemes, Bryan stepped forward and spun the bottle roughly signifying he accepted the other's challenge and that he wouldn't go down without a fight. For a while, all eyes were focused on the bottle. It spun until it slowly began weakening. Tala, Kai, Ian, Spencer, Tala… Kai… Ian… Spencer… Tala… Why couldn't that bloody bottle stop, like, right now!

Oh shit.

The walls of his composure began to crumble, and Tala could sense it like the dog he was.

"Well?" he grinned viciously. "Give us a secret now, love." He said in an extremely gay manner. He couldn't have known- 'Oh god! He knows!' He's bluffing! He can't possibly know!

Thoughts raced through Bryans head. He was panicking. "I-I… He…" What had he gotten himself into this time? Surely, this time, there'd be no way out. Bryan Kuznetsov was no liar, but he wanted to be one right now. On one hand, he could bravely declare his secret and be a big man about it, so at least he wouldn't seem like a total idiot; on the other hand, he could be a mouse, break his life long resolve and make something outrageous up lest they suspect him. "He- I always…" He could do it! He could be a man, right? "I've always… I always wanted to know what the hell is with that hair of yours! God, it's so- so- WEIRD!" He yelled, angry and frustrated. He was an angry and frustrated mouse.

Tala burst out into a fit of laughter which quickly developed into hysteria. The red-head could barely retrain himself and even began banging his hand on the table while the other hand clutched his chest tightly.

On the other hand, Bryan took the opportunity and furiously stomped away from the table and out of the room, mumbling insults and screaming profanities on his way out.

The other three left on the table were confused. The entire situation was absurd and bewildering, and Bryan's behavior was something to be pondered on. "Did anyone actually get what just went on here?"

"-Nope."

"-Beats, me."

One look at Tala showed he wasn't going to be of any help either. Wasn't he out of oxygen yet? "Right… Are we still playing Truth or Dare?"

----

In an attempt to be alone and show he could be emo too- what? Oh Wait- In an attempt to rid himself of all the inconveniences the abbey contained and reminded him off, Bryan took a stroll out into town and headed for the local pub. Maybe he'd get wasted enough to feel happy.

Apparently, Russian pubs didn't care at all how old you are as long as you could pay for it, and he had more than enough.

He didn't know how much money he threw away before he started to feel tipsy. Still not content until he was completely out of it, he ordered up two more bottles of vodka and proceeded to chug them down mercilessly. Some of it dripped down his neck and onto his clothes, but he couldn't even tell. Was he wasted yet?

"Are you wasted yet?"

Almost dropping the bottle, Bryan turned around to see who it could possibly approach a soon-to-be-drunk so easily. He grimaced. "Whad'ya want Hiwatari?" he scowled resentfully. He didn't know it, but his face was already a deep shade of Magenta and it didn't look like he could hold up for much longer.

"You look like shit, man." Kai pointed out, but sat down beside him anyway. "Can't a guy just go drinking every now and then?"

Bryan couldn't protest or say anything about that one. Whatever. Let him be a wise-ass. He made a grab for the other bottle before it was suddenly pulled out of his hands by the other boy. What the f- "What's the big idea Hiwatari?" the peeved Russian asked, trying not to go berserk and kill the other for taking his relief away from him.

Kai just returned an almost bored look. "Nothing really." He replied vaguely. Following Bryan's example, he took a small sip of the alcohol from the bottle itself before putting it back on the table within Bryan's reach.

He eyed the bottle suspiciously. He didn't know just what Kai was planning but he wasn't going to fall for it. Russian machismo was always a good cover. "Look, if you think that's going to stop me from drinking, think again. I can always buy another bottle." He stated matter-of-factly. And he was about to before he was jabbed in the shoulder. "Ouch! What the hell was that for?"

A snort. "For being such an idiot." He replied with a low chuckle. Knowing full well Bryan was most likely going to deck him if he didn't give a better answer; he continued his sentence after another sip. "You read WAY too much into things, you know? Learn to chill out." He was most likely referring to that horrible display he put up after that game of truth or dare they had. Even long after it was over, Bryan's temper had been so short, it seemed non-existent. He blew up at even the smallest things, which was really bad for Ian who couldn't tone his jokes down.

Bryan couldn't reply. He couldn't tell him that all his anger was amplified by the paranoia he had, thinking Tala knew what he swore no one would find out about. He really was afraid Tala knew, but the thing was, he didn't know if he was afraid for his pride, or if he was afraid because he wouldn't be the one who tell that particular secret. He just sighed and shook his head. "You wouldn't understand." He said trying to sound too miserable.

"What's there to understand?" the reply made Bryan want to hit him even more. "I mean, don't tell me you're incapable of calming down, because I sure as hell know that's not true. So what's the big deal now?" from just hearing the tone of his voice, Bryan found that this couldn't go on much longer. He was constantly loosing his nerve and it was eating him alive inside. Everything made his head spin until even he could forget just how he truly felt. He turned to look at Kai, his stomach turned.

He took a beep breath. "Listen, the reason I was so panicked the other day- What I really wanted to ask you was if there was something going on between you and Tala." In the end, he couldn't do anything. He thought about how selfish it would be for him to want to change anything that made them who they were. They were, after all, The Blitzkrieg boys: the toughest team in the beyblade world. And, when it all came down to it, he might not have been in love at all.

It could all have been in his head.

"Do you like Tala?" Kai asked slowly, realizing this was probably a sensitive situation.

Shaking his head, Bryan let out a quiet laugh. "Who knows? I'm not sure about anything right now, to tell you the truth." He said attempting to make it out as a joke. "I don't believe in love anyway."

There was a short silence before Kai spoke up again. "Well… Why not?"

Could he really have answered that question? "For one thing, I don't even know what it really is." He didn't like reminding anyone he was an orphan because frankly, he didn't want their pity. Everyone in the Abbey was practically an orphan and there were always worse things to be. But in cases such as this, he'd have to make up excuses to keep him from breaking down and giving in. "I probably don't deserve it anyway…"

"Bryan?"

"Whatever, right? It'll eventually come to me eventually…"

"Kuznetsov."

"And shit, who really falls in love nowadays? Its all for money and wealth…"

"Are you still alive?" Kai asked impatiently as Bryans incoherent murmuring had died down. He had passed out on the bar table, looking more content than he had in weeks. Kai sighed when he realized all the drinking had finally caught up with his team mate. "And you think I'm weird…"

---

A cold wind against his face woke Bryan up slowly as his recollection of what had happened slowly began to return. Looking around him, it didn't take him long to realize that he was sitting against the wall of the Abbey's entrance. He also soon realized that he wasn't alone. Kai was sleeping beside him, sitting a lot like he was, just colder due to the fact that he didn't have as much on as Bryan did. They had probably been locked out, seeing how dark it was right now, and there was nothing they could do but wait until morning for someone to open the door. He wondered why exactly he didn't have a spare key. I mean he did live there, after all.

His thoughts were interrupted when the boy beside him began shivering in the freezing cold.

He wouldn't know what drove him to do what he did next, but he took of his jacket and draped it over the other boy so as to keep him warm. He was used to the cold any way, so what did it matter.

Looking at him as he slept peacefully, Bryan felt a pang of guilt in his chest. For this secret, he'd become a liar and a coward, things he worked so hard not to become. It made him wonder if everything was worth the trouble.

"Look," he said, looking away from the other boy in a desperate and pathetic attempt to keep what was left of his pride, for he hadn't much of it left. "I like you. I've liked you since you first showed your little punk face in the abbey when we were kids. For the longest time, I've wanted to tell you, but I could never find the opportunity, or never find the courage to do it. I know you've probably got the hints and shit from my stupidity, but I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I like you as in, a lot and I don't know what I'd do if anything ever changed that. I can't even imagine what it'd be like to just stop feeling this way. I never wanted to tell you because I wasn't sure of how you'd react or how you'd handle it. Heck, I wasn't even sure you swung that way. But most of all, it think I was scared of my feelings and scared of rejection. It's pretty hard for me to even say stuff, you know. I just wanted to finally get this off my chest and maybe wait for the day you'd feel the way I do, but if that never happens, it'll be fine with me because I know I can't control other people... I wouldn't want to anyway…" as he trailed of and his little monologue came to an end, he found that he did feel better about it right now. He turned back to look if he had even caused a reaction.

Nothing. He was contently asleep and comfortable as it was, and strangely, Bryan didn't mind. Even if he knew the other boy would have any knowledge of this incident, he was happy.

And for now, that was enough.

If people can make English fics with French titles or what not, then why can't I make one with a Tagalog title? Heck, If I wasn't so horrible at it; this whole fic would be in Tagalog: Inspired by the song by Rocksteddy. If anyone wants it, just say so.

Alright listen, the bar scene: Bryan is not an angsty emo type of guy, but as Kai said, he reads too much into things and combine that with alcohol gives you one confused and problematic Russian who is too stoned for his own good. He was already was out of it before Kai even came, m'kay?

Secondly, I'm not afraid anymore! Mwahaha! I dun care if you read it because I've got closure! Yeah:D And while we're at it, Imma gunna tell you the first BryKai fic I've read was a one-shot entitled Hot Chocolate. And that was about two years ago, and that's how long I've liked this pairing. :P

Imagine they speak Russian. Kai most likely knows the language, and they are in their homeland. I just can't type Russian.

I wanna write a Kai version of this fic.