Lena Luthor thought she would always stay closeted and miserable. She wanted to use her voice to praise Jesus ever since she was a little girl and her father passed away. Now, at 18, she's at a crossroads. She met the woman of her dreams but in order to live her dream she must deny her true self. Can she ever reconcile her Christian Faith with her sexuality? Or will she lose the one chance she has to be truly happy?

Or

The Christian singer AU

Lena Luthor: On Coming Out, Reconciling Her Christian Faith with Her Sexuality and What She's Been Up to Since She Left the Spotlight Years Ago

By Clark Kent

When Lena Luthor sits down for coffee and sticky buns at Noonan's, a National City staple, she looks nervous and slightly out of place. Given that she's been living on the west coast for over a decade, it's surprising to hear that signature drawl tripping out of her mouth as if she had stepped off the plane from Nashville. She laughs when I tell her that she still sounds like she's from Tennessee. "Do I really?" she asks with humor in her voice.

Disappearing from the Music Scene

In May 2004, Lena, now 33, walked away from her career as a Christian singer-songwriter. One that spanned 7 years, millions of records sold, and multiple Dove awards won [the Christian version of the Grammy's for those unfamiliar with the GMA Dove Award]. There were rumors circulating this abrupt departure. It had happened when her start was shining brightest in the gospel genre.

Leaving fans speculating as to why she would choose to retire when she was on top of the world. Most of them thought it was related to the highly publicized jury trial of brother, Lex Luthor, who was indicted on charges ranging from conspiracy, obstruction of justice, making false statements to federal investigators and insider trading and embezzling. However, Luthor was sentenced in June 2004 to serve a six-month sentence in a federal correction facility and a two-year period of supervised release [to include five months of electronic monitoring]. Proving that both events were unrelated.

"I know what people think, of my brother and of my family…" She pauses and looks away. Squinting at the setting sun as she tries to find the right words. "Lex is a flawed human being, but he never faltered as a brother. He, just like my mother, never stopped supporting me. And in turn, I always stood by his side, even when he was wrong... so, to answer your question, no, I didn't quit because my brother's a crook and I was in on the take or whatever people say about me."

Why She Quit

"I quit the music business because I had to live my truth. I fell in love and after four years of being together I was ready to start a family. But in order to do that, I had to leave the industry."

"And you're sure you had to leave?" I ask, pointing out that a lot of Christian singers bring their husbands or wives on tour with them. They say that it strengthens their faith as well as their family bonds.

Lena shakes her head and looks down at her coffee. "No. I'm gay." Such a simple statement is so powerful and unexpected that I took an audible breath. I, just like the rest of the world, had no idea that Lena Luthor was a lesbian. This is why she had to give up her career as an internationally renowned Christian singer.

"I had always struggled with this truth about myself, but I had never dared to act upon it until I met my now wife because I thought I couldn't be Christian and gay." This rift between her faith and her sexuality is the reason why she decided to exchange her musical career for one in producing. Keeping in line with the family tradition of remaining in the music business. Even while she was no longer in the spotlight.

Focusing on God Instead of Cash

A lot of people know the Luthor name due to her brother. However, their influence in all things Country and Gospel runs deeper than people know. Their label, Luthor Corp Records, is the parent label to a lot of niche labels throughout the country. Those vanity labels started by artists to have more creative freedom? Most likely fall under the Luthor Corp Records umbrella who acts as their larger and more established distributor.

Music has always been in Lena Luthor's blood, her late father, Lionel Luthor, was an outlaw country singer that shared the stage with Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson. She chose a different path after her father's illness. "I know that a lot of people thought I'd go into Country music, just like daddy, but I…" Lena dabs at a couple of stray tears. Years later her father is still a touchy subject, one that she's brought up in interviews only a handful of times. Showing that she is ready to be completely transparent about everything. "I just couldn't bring myself to do it…"

"Why Christian music then?" She smiles at the question, taking a minute to compose herself as she takes a bite from the sticky bun that has mostly remained untouched, until now. "It reminds me of him… of Sunday mornings, driving down dusty roads in his Impala, as he got us lost in his attempt to avoid traffic with a new shortcut he heard from a friend. Mama hated that we were always late to mass. Even when we left an hour early… I feel close not just to God when I sing, but to my father. I feel like I'm flying the same way I did when he would hit the gas when he spotted a pot hole, instead of slowing down."

Struggling with Her Faith

In a familiar struggle to most gay people that have God in their hearts, it's hard to reconcile both their faith and their sexuality. Lena Luthor is no stranger to this. She describes it as "…a constant feeling of being broken. And I didn't understand for the longest time why there was this one part of me that refused to be fixed through prayer."

"I was only able to make peace with myself and stop being so fearful and defensive thanks to the kindness of my wife and the patience of my therapist." She laughs at that last part. I'm unsure whether to include it in this article or not, until she clarifies that it's important that others see that real healing doesn't happen on its own. "You have to first find the courage to live authentically. Then you have to find ways to mend. And therapy was a big one for me. Before my songs were my therapy. But after I had quit the industry, I couldn't even pick up a guitar. I had to face everything in a neutral environment."

"After months of therapy, something changed. Well, not something, it was months of grueling work and lots of crying sessions… but for the sake of a good story, let's say something just changed." She jokes before continuing. "While I was seeing family down in Nashville and I went into the theology library, down at my alma mater."

"The whole day I got lost reading about how Christian interpretations of the Bible have shifted over time. About the different translations made by men and how culture even shaped the different versions of the Bible we still study today. I thought about Exodus 20 and Romans 1:25 and how these talk about idolatry. And I realized that if we say with certainty what God meant when it comes to things, such as homosexuality, we might be making God into our own image and thus fall into the trap of worshiping false idols."

It's a powerful statement, but one that feels apt for a woman that concludes that "faith is about being comfortable with being uncomfortable. Because we can never, ever, fully understand God. We must surrender to his greater plan. We have to trust his infinite knowledge."

Behind the Music Instead of In Front

After that revelation, Lena was able to pick up a guitar again. Instead of wanting to sing her own songs, she decided to write and produce for a friend. "I didn't want to feel like a hypocrite. I couldn't sing my own songs openly, but I could still write about being in love with a woman. So, I helped a friend [Jack Spheer of "Truth be Told" fame] with a couple of tracks and suddenly we went number 1." She shrugs her shoulders, as if it were no big deal to dominate the charts.

Once her peers saw that she was able to generate Country music hits, even with her "Jesus music" fame, she garnered a following of loyal collaborators and friends.

"Was it hard, hiding your big secret from them?" I ask, wanting some clarification as to why she was publicly coming out now. "No. It wasn't hard because I stopped living in shame. Once I embraced my truth, I started being honest with those around me. Honestly, I'm shocked you hadn't heard about me being gay before this interview Mr. Kent. It's the worst kept secret in Nashville." She laughs good naturedly.

"If you can live openly in Nashville, why settle down in National City?" Finally, the question some broken hearted fans have been meaning to ask. Why did Lena Luthor abandon her Nashville roots? The answer is surprisingly simple. "We got hitched before Prop 8 got overturned in November of '04. Got married in July in a court house ceremony with just our family… the problem was that just cause we were legally married in California didn't mean we were recognized as a couple in Tennessee. My wife's family was already here, so we decided to buy a house and stay."

The Future

Today, Lena says that going back into the spotlight isn't her priority. "I have a new appreciation for the little things in life. Most of which I share with my wife and kids." Her kids are twin boys who just turned 3. "They're just neat little people who love playing their instruments along to my guitar… my wife's sister keeps gifting us anything that makes noise. They just got drum kits and although I wish I could strangle her most of the time, I wouldn't trade these moments with them for a minute of silence. A noisy home means we have a happy home… or at least that's what my wife says."

Author's Note: The interview is our happy ending, the rest of the fic (about 2 more chapters) is going to explore how Lena got from being closeted to gay married. Hopefully you guys want to stick around for that.