Disclaimer:I do not own Teen Titans. But I've put it on my winter holiday wish list this year...
Secret Identity Blackmail
"...So... Dick Grayson, huh?..."
"I would prefer for this to be forgotten. Permanently."
"Aw, come on! How was I supposed to know that I had gotten backstage passes to your circus when it came into town? The lion tamer can't keep a secret..."
"Whatever. This stays between us, BB. My privacy needs to be respected."
Beast Boy pouted, thinking that the circumstances were hardly fair. "...Like how Raven respects my privacy by not calling me Gar! She never lets me hear the end of it, and you expect me to keep quiet when I'm tormented 24/7 about my name?"
Robin sighed. "...Point taken." ...Where are you going with this? He thought, confused. He knew Beast Boy was rather touchy about Raven's teasing, but his secret identity didn't rest with nearly as much responsibility as Robin's. Oh yeah... Bruce is gonna kill me if he finds out...
Beast Boy looked dangerously contemplative. "I bet you wouldn't want Star to find out your secret..." Of course he was gonna milk this for all it was worth.
"I refuse to be blackmailed." Robin answered calmly, his voice wavering slightly as he realized the situation he was getting into. This has gotta stop. NOW.
Beast Boy shook his head sadly. "Very well then..." A devious grin appeared. "HEY STAR!" He boomed. "CY! RAV-mnhf!" His gleeful yells were cut off as Robin clapped his hand over the green bean's mouth. He knew where this was going, and panicked as he furiously thought of what he could offer the little changeling for his silence.
"No! This has to stay a secret, Beast Boy! What about a whole week of tofu? I'll do the dishes..." BB positively loved how desperately the Boy Wonder was pleading. He knew how important Robin's secret identity was to him, and he intended to make their heroic leader squirm for once...
"...Hmm..." Beast Boy paused, pretending to consider Robin's offer.
"...Let's sweeten the deal..." Robin paled. "...With, let's say..." He was now a sickly shade of white. Just get it over with! He pleaded silently.
"... A whole day on the R-cycle!"
Absolute silence. Then, a dangerously low voice. "...You touch my R-cycle, you are dead."
Robin thought he could scare the little green bean into backing out of the deal. It was his secret identity on the line, after all. His eyes were covered by the large domino mask, but Beast Boy could imagine the positively livid look he was getting from the Boy Wonder. Rather dramatic, I'll admit, but I've got you good and cornered... Beast Boy thought.
"...You know, it can't really stay secret forever..."
Robin knew he wasn't getting out of this unscathed, no matter how much faith he put into his "persuasion" techniques. He'd offer BB something big enough to protect his precious R-cycle from the little monster's wrath. (He wasn't over-exaggerating the damage Beast Boy could do to it in a day. His various vehicle incidents were legendary. Just ask Cyborg.)
"... 2 weeks of tofu?" Robin offered. Silence.
"New video games?" More silence. "No patrol duty for 3 weeks?" Even that was met by silence. If he doesn't accept this I'm dead...
"...I can blackmail Raven into not calling you Gar anymore..."
Nothing. Robin was about to admit defeat when...
"...DUDE! You have stuff to blackmail RAVEN on?.."
That was unexpected. So this is what Beast Boy wanted all along...
"...Uh, yes?..." Robin replied meekly, suddenly aware that there was a potentially fatal flaw in his desperate escape route. The R-cycle could be fixed, but...
Robin swore that BB's elated grin was so big that his fangs grew about an inch.
"Consider it a done deal my friend! Oh, by the way, I'll take the free skip on patrol duty. You're covering for me!" THAT DOES IT!
But before Robin could strangle the evil little grass stain for demanding the extra leniency, Beast Boy had already transformed into a squirrel and scampered away, leaving Robin to shake his fist at the furry green menace.
OK, maybe that was cruel... BB thought. But he enjoyed messing with their oh-so-famous leader once in a while. What he really wanted was Raven to stop calling him Gar. If Robin could stop her from rubbing in her favourite joke, then he's GOTTA see it...
~ The Next Morning ~
Robin woke to a panicked shout from the kitchen. It sounded almost hysterical, and it was accompanied by fervent rummaging and clanging that could've only come from Cyborg.
"ROBIN! Where's all the BACON? And the SAUSAGES? And the HAM?..."
He knew he would regret that. Cyborg loved his morning meat just as much as Robin treasured his extra-black morning coffee. Cy would be insufferable for the next 2 weeks.
But with a sickening feeling Robin knew that he would regret something way more...
The door to his room quietly slid open and he pulled the covers over his head, pretending that he was still asleep. Raven didn't buy it.
"...Robin? Why are photos of me and Mr. Bubbles on Beast Boy's laptop?..." Robin could've sworn that he could see her glowing red eyes underneath the covers.
I shouldn't have ever taken pictures of Raven's cute and fluffy stuffed bunny...
As he had thought before: The R-cycle could be fixed with Cyborg's careful attention, but his own very human and very breakable body wouldn't heal so well after being exposed to Raven's vengeful wrath. Well, Beast Boy had certainly been tossed out the window plenty of times before... Maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad?
After this was all over, Robin swore that he would make sure to call Beast Boy Gar for the rest of his life.
End
A/N: EDIT: Now revised.
This was a story that I had done a long time ago, and I thought I'd go back and clean it up a bit. I still do not own Teen Titans, but if I did then I wouldn't be posting this here, would I?
Thanks for reading!