This is kinda based on an internet meme, which is the picture for this oneshot. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. (Or And Then There Were None, if we're going to get into the specifics)

Some people said that Uchiha Sasuke left Konoha to go train under Orochimaru because he was hungry for power. Power that the Snake Sannin could give him so that he could kill his brother Itachi. They didn't know the real reason behind the whole defecting-from-Konoha story. Frankly, it was all Kakashi-sensei's fault.

One decievingly lovely day in Konoha, Kakashi-sensei had taken it upon himself to teach his students the "other parts of being a shinobi". What could go wrong?

"Whaddya mean by that? Do you mean stealth training?" Naruto had yelled, unnecessarily loud at that time. (Kakashi-sensei had called them to the training ground at four in the morning and was, surprisingly, only an hour late.) "It's gotta be really important if you were early!"

"Could it be...kunoichi training?" Sakura mused. "I didn't know you were into that stuff, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi gave an eye-smile. "I'm into a lot of stuff! But no, this isn't kunoichi or stealth training."

"Whatever. Let's just get it over with." Sasuke was in a very bad mood, as per usual.

Kakashi more or less sparkled. "All right, my kawaii little genin. Today, we're going to learn about Birds and Bees!"

"..."

"HUH?! Kakashi-sensei are you out of your mind?" Sakura's face was red and livid in an instant.

"Aren't Birds and Bees just birds and bees?"

Sakura punched Naruto over his head. "No you idiot!"

Kakashi smirked under his mask. "I guess Sakura-chan here already knows about them, ne?"

Said girl turned tomato red and started stuttering. "N-no it's n-not like t-that!"

"What's he talking about, Sakura-chan? Hey Sakura-chan, are you okay?" Naruto was very confused.

Kakashi-sensei clapped his hands. "Okay okay, settle down. I'm going to start off with the basics. Maa, don't give me that face Sakura-chan. This is necessary information that every ninja needs to know. Back to the topic, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they do something very special together! Can you guess what it is?"

Naruto raised his hand. "Do they eat ramen together?"

"Simple-minded idiot." Sasuke muttered, throwing disgusted looks at the team. They were all a bunch of fools.

Kakashi beamed and reached into his pocket. "The best way to learn is from reading Jiraiya-sensei's books. Since you aren't allowed to buy them yet, I'll read mine to you." He produced a very familiar orange colored book.

"Once upon a time, there lived a kunoichi named Takura. She was widely esteemed for her beauty and signiture rose colored hair. Suitors from all over the Elemental Nations flocked to court her, but here eyes were set on only one person. His name was Daisuke of the Muchiha clan."

Sakura leaned in dreamily, forgetting for a moment what the deceiving orange book contained.

"They did WHAT?!" Sakura had tic marks on her face, her fist clenched up. She glared at Kakashi, who held up his hands sheepishly.

"Maa, Sakura-chan. It's just a story, a very educational story."

"Wow, I can't believe Ero Sennin wrote that," mumbled Naruto. "Actually wait, I can…It's not that bad..."

"So now, my kawaii little genin, you know all about Birds and Bees! Meet me here tomorrow- we're going to finish this discussion! It's going to be so fun- I mean educational!" Kakashi's eye crinkled a little and he poofed away in a swirl of leaves.

This whole time, Sasuke had been staring in horror at his teacher. How does he still have a reputation?

"And that, is how baby ninjas are made!" Finally, freedom! From those horrendous orange books!

"Hey Sasuke," Kakashi-sensei was staring at him intently.

Sasuke wanted to bang his head on the table. Repeatedly. "What is it?"

"If a snake man offers you power, say no. He only wants you for your body."

Sakura spluttered. "T-That's…?!"

Kakashi nodded seriously, or as seriously as the situation could allow. "Yep. Say no to snake men, drugs, and alcohol!"

Sasuke was gone before anyone else had a chance to react. He was running for his life and sanity, because if he was going to avenge his clan, he couldn't very well be as crazy as Kakashi-sensei right?

"Wow, I had no idea the teme could run that fast!"

Kakashi frowned a little. "Did I say something wrong?"

*A few months later*

Orochimaru licked his lips. "Well Sasuke? How about it? I'll give you all the power in the world if you come to me." His pale skin and abnormally long tongue bore a striking resemblance to a snake.

Sasuke shook in horror. It was exactly like Kakashi-sensei had said! "N-no please! I want to stay a virgin!"

Kabuto frowned. "What is the boy talking about?"

"Please don't! Noooo! Kakashi-sensei said that you would offer me power for my body!"

Orochimaru looked hurt. "Do you take me for a pedophile? I wasn't going to do that to you! I only want to destroy the Leaf and use you as a vessel body!"

Sasuke paused. "Are you sure?"

"Quite positive, my boy."

"Will you read Jiraiya's books and force me to listen? Or give me "The Talk?"

"Of course not, Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke threw himself down, sobbing comically. "I'll come to you! I'll do anything to get away from Kakashi-sensei's teaching!"

So Sasuke went with Orochimaru to study and become the latter's protegé. Soon after that, Sakura left Team 7 to learn under Tsunade-sama, and Naruto became Jiraiya's student. The way he put it was, "I'm gonna get some first hand information on the real stuff!"

The day Team 7 split up, Kakashi wandered down Konoha's streets, humming 'Ten Little Ninja Boys' to himself. "One little ninja boy with his work all done. He went and hanged himself and then there were none."

He tapped a finger against his mask. "I wonder why all of my genin left me all alone? Was it something I said to them? It can't be my lessons, Minato-sensei's were a lot more graphic and I'm still sane!"

Please leave in the reviews what you thought of this random little idea I had. I'm not sure where it even came from, lol.