My muse is horribly mean to me and haunted me with this...it is not happy or fluffy. Please don't read if you are looking for that. The angst is strong here...
Also, I have back stories for what happened before this and if anyone truly wants me to write them, just ask...Again, I am so sorry if you continue.
Queen Emma of the Northern Shores loved her children more than anything in the world. She delighted in the uniqueness of each child. She enjoyed the time she spent with them, both individually and as a group. Leopold David, at almost 18, was the oldest, with fair hair and bright green eyes, he looked like his mother the most. Ruth Eva, was a beautiful girl of 16, with bright red hair and the same green eyes she was the perfect mix of both mother and father. The youngest, Quinn Liam, had dark hair and blue eyes the color of forget-me-nots and at 12 he was the one who still shadowed her the most.
Today, she beamed as their father, King Olav, was teaching them how to sail tiny boats in the fountain of the gardens. Soon her children would begin their adventures as young adults, but even Leopold was enjoying himself this fine day. He and his brother were merrily making waves to attempt to turn over their sister's boat. She in turn was attempting to ram theirs with a reed that she had stolen from the fountain's edge. Emma laughed along with her children and avoided the splashing by staying off to the side under her parasol.
Just then, a messenger arrived with a note for the King. He took it and gave it a brief glance before walking over to his wife and handing it to her. Emma raised a brow but took the note and looked at it. She could not help the smile that graced her lips at the words. She excused herself from her husband and children and then made her way into the palace and set about her errands. She stopped in at the kitchens and ordered that a tray with food and drink should be brought to her sitting room. She then stopped by the great hall and asked that their butler please escort their visitor to said rooms once he had been settled. Having completed her tasks, she went to her own bedroom and studied her reflection in the mirror before removing her outdoor hat and taming some tendrils of hair that had escaped her braid. Satisfied in her appearance, she entered her sitting room and waited.
Shortly there was a knock on the door and she rose to answer it.
"Your majesty, Captain Killian Jones" the butler said and bowed to her.
"Thank you," she nodded to the butler, dismissing him. "Captain Jones, do come in and be comfortable" She said politely.
Killian bowed, "Your majesty, it is a pleasure to see you" He smiled at her and sat on the settee next to the fire.
"I trust your journey was not too harrowing. Do you have news?" she asked him.
Killian coughed a moment and then cleared his throat. Emma frowned but waited patiently. "Indeed, your brother the king sends his warmest regards. I have also delivered gifts that he has sent both for you and your children. I took the liberty of dispersing those to the appropriate servants in your household…I…" his speech was interrupted by yet another cough.
"Captain, are you ill?" Emma asked, attempting to keep the alarm out of her voice.
Killian smiled and shook his head. "Nay, tis but a minor thing. It should resolve shortly. Might I have a drink?"
"Of course!" Emma jumped up and poured him a glass of the finest rum in the kingdom. She would say that she preferred it but really she kept it on hand for him. She handed it to him and he took a hearty swallow then gave her an appreciative smile.
"There, right as rain" he said reassuringly.
"Killian."
"It is all right. I am just tired from the journey. Perhaps you could tell me how your family has been faring these long weeks I was away, while I rest." He looked at her with great expectations and it was all she could do not to laugh.
Emma began with telling him all about the kittens that were born in the stables and how they piled onto Quinn the moment they saw him and then would proceed to run after him if he tried to escape the barn. She relayed how Ruth was beginning to show an interest in traveling to other kingdoms on what she termed "diplomatic" missions but that really were just a disguise for going on adventures. She recounted the events of Leopold's first council meeting now that he had come of age. Throughout, Killian's eyes had become heavier and heavier until he had finally fallen asleep to the sound of her voice.
Emma frowned as she watched him doze. He was still as handsome as ever, despite the obvious fact that he was indeed getting older. His once jet black hair was not gray at the temples and speckled with gray throughout. The gray having the effect of making him look distinguished and wise. His scruff too was dabbled with gray yet he still maintained it in a length to suggest some nonchalance on his part, though she knew that it required daily maintenance. What she did not like to see were the dark circles clearly evident underneath his eyes. Nor did she like the slight wheezing sound that she could here as he breathed.
At length, Emma roused Killian and sent him off to bed after his numerous apologies for losing focus on what her majesty had been saying. She made a mental note to send one of the physicians to check on him and she promised to see him at supper. She made it a point to tell him that she was glad that he was back and hoped that he could rest before his next mission for the king.
After a week of Killian being home, he and Emma were taking tea in the garden. Emma was disturbed to learn that the cough was still present, although Killian tried extremely hard to contain it, going so far as to clear his throat more often and chew on some herb that was supposed to alleviate the tickle. Emma knew better than to mention it again at this time, for he had already relented in seeing the physician, who had said that it was merely an allergy and would go away with time. At present, they were discussing, some would call arguing, about the necessity of another diplomatic mission for the king.
"But you've only been home a week!" Emma said angrily.
"Aye, but his majesty has said this cannot wait." Killian replied gently.
Emma stood up, "Does it always have to be you?"
Killian sighed, "Your majesty…"
"Don't!" she shook her head.
"Emma? This is my job. I have no family and therefore I am dispensible. It is my duty to the kingdom." He tried to make her see his side.
"You…you are not dispensible. The children love you as if you were their own blood." Emma was trying to bite back her emotions with great difficulty.
Killian smiled, "Aye and their 'Uncle Killy' plans to keep them safe. However, there is hardly any danger in this trip. I am merely taking an urgent correspondence to Arendelle. It is not even that far. I shall return in 4 days at most."
"You are unwell."
"I am fine, Emma. You shall see." Killian gave her a cocky grin and she could not contain the smile that it produced.
Emma gave a long suffering sigh, "Very well. 4 days, Captain."
Killian bowed, "As you wish."
Two weeks. It had been two weeks without his return. Emma tried to spend her days not thinking about his absence. They had no word from either him or Arendelle. They did not even know if he had made it there. Presently, Emma was attempting to read a book in the library but not seeing the words. She had been on the same page for hours as she stared out the window, not really seeing the world beyond. She was so distracted that she barely registered the commotion coming from the hall.
"What on earth?" she asked as she opened the doors and stepped into the hallway. Just then Quinn collided with her. "Quinn, what is going on?"
"Mother, it is Captain Jones, he has returned and he is ill but is refusing help to his room." Quinn said out of breath.
Emma's heart sank at those words and she hurried after Quinn to where two of the king's guards were attempting to lead Killian towards the directions of his rooms, rather than the throne room.
"Captain Jones" Emma said in her best regal voice.
He turned and Emma gasped. His face was deathly pale and his eyes so dark and sunken that he almost looked like a skeleton. He had noticeably lost weight. Yet his eyes still lit up when they saw her. He made a stately bow and grinner at her. "Yes, your majesty?"
"You are late" she stated.
"Aye, your majesty, I was delayed first by a storm and then by personal circumstances. I do apologize and am prepared to give a full report…" his words were cut off by a violent coughing fit that had him swaying slightly as if dizzy.
Emma fought not to run to his side and hold him up by her sheer force of will. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "Captain Jones, you will allow my guards to escort you to your room forthwith. I will send along a warm bath and one of the court physicians to attend to you."
He shook his head, "I do not need…"
"This is not up for discussion" Emma interrupted, "Guards, please escort the Captain to his rooms and make sure my orders are obeyed."
The guards bowed and proceeded to help Killian. Emma looked at Quinn, "Go and tell your father the news please." Quinn nodded and ran off.
Emma made sure that the bath and the physician were sent to Killian's room. She also made sure to tell the physician that if he came back with a diagnosis of "allergy" that he would be finding employment elsewhere. He was to report to her immediately once a diagnosis was made. She proceeded to the kitchen where she ordered rum and the special chocolates that were Killian's favorites. Once done, she waited impatiently for the physician to find her.
"Your majesty" he said as he bowed before her.
"Do not waste my time" she said impatiently.
"It appears to be something with the lungs. We could try leeches but the Captain said, and I quote so I beg your pardon, 'I will not bloody sit her while you torture me with monstrous creatures you daft idiot' and then he promptly shooed from he his room with the threat of a cutlass in my back if he saw me again." The physician told her in an indignant tone.
"Is there anything that can be done?" she asked hopefully.
The physician shook his head, "I have only seen this particular malady a handful of times and all with the same outcome. At most we can make him comfortable if he agrees. He is a stubborn man your majesty and he refused the potions I have already offered him. Perhaps you could persuade him?"
"Thank you, that will be all." Emma said, knowing that Killian would most likely refuse anything that might dull his senses.
She made it a point to compose herself before heading to his room. She knocked lightly and waited. She heard his cough through the door but no other movement. She knocked again and heard him bid her come in. Killian was lying in his bed, propped against some pillows. He was bare chested with the counterpane pulled up across his hips.
"Your majesty, let me just get dressed and I will be with you momentarily." He said as he started to move.
Emma shook her head, "Rest, Killian."
"But…" he began.
"FOR ONCE WOULD YOU LISTEN TO ME!" Emma shouted.
Killian jumped in shock and looked chagrined. He slumped back on the pillows. "Aye."
Emma cleared her throat. "Good. You will rest and stay in bed until you are told that it is ok for you to leave it. Is that understood?"
"Aye" he said again. "I apologize for the inconvenience m'lady"
Emma choked on a sob, determined not to cry. "Killian, just stop. Please. You were never an inconvenience."
He nodded, "Would you perhaps talk to me until I fell asleep?"
Emma crossed over and sat next to the bed. "Of course."
Another week had passed and Killian's condition had not gotten any better. In fact, Emma swore that it was getting worse and that he was doing his best to hide this fact from her. Olav had suspended all non-essential council meetings and state visits, declaring the weather too nice for everyone to be cooped up inside. The court of course knew that the Queen's most trusted and loyal friend was ill. They loved their Queen and it pained them that she should suffer such a loss. They remembered when the Queen's own father had passed. She had been in such a depression and the only thing that revived her was finding out that she was pregnant several months later. She had then nearly glowed with the discovery until the child was born.
Emma was sitting in the garden with her children for afternoon tea. She had felt as if she was neglecting them these past few days and welcomed the fresh air. She had even ordered that the windows be thrown open in Killian's room and that he be allowed to sit on the balcony instead of in the bed. Her fervent hope was that it would somehow revive him and cure his ills.
"Mother?" Leopold said.
"Hmm, yes?" Emma asked, coming out of her reverie.
"I was just asking what you thought of the new book that Master Lester has written?" Leopold asked.
Emma smiled at him, "I have not yet read it." In truth she had not been able to focus on anything but thoughts of Killian and was hard pressed to even care about her daily duties.
Quinn spoke up, "Can we visit Uncle Killy?"
"Oh yes mother, perhaps it will cheer him up" Ruth agreed.
Emma smiled at her children. Killian had always been great with them, somehow knowing what each of them needed when he was with them.
She nodded, "But one at a time. He tires easily and we would wish that he keeps his strength to fight the illness." She missed the look that Leopold and Ruth gave each other.
"Your highness, it is good to see you" Killian stated as he rose to bow to Leopold.
Leopold smiled and hugged Killian warmly, "Please sit Uncle. You need to rest."
Killian chuckled, "So much like your mother."
"So I've been told."
Killian sat back in his chair as Leopold sat across from him. "What brings you to visit a boring old man such as myself?"
Leopold laughed outright, "You are far from boring. I wanted to visit one of my favorite people. Plus, you have been missing our sword training."
"Aye, I do apologize highness. I have been a bit preoccupied and your mother insists that I not leave my room, though she has finally granted me the leave to move about it as I see fit." He grinned and raised an eyebrow.
"Mother can be persuasive. Can I speak frankly?" Leopold asked.
Killian nodded, "Of course."
"We both know this is bad, do we not?" he asked.
Killian looked away and scratched behind his ear. "Aye" he whispered.
"Mother refuses to believe this."
"I know. I have tried but she will not listen. What would you have me do?" Killian asked.
Leopold thought for a moment, "I don't know. I just wanted you to be aware. There is one other thing."
Killian waited for Leopold to continue. Leopold struggled with what he wanted to say.
"I am afraid. I am afraid of being king. What if I am not a good king? What if my people do not like me and I bring the kingdom to ruin?" He asked.
"Leopold, you will be a great king. You have your mother's spirit and your father's leadership abilities. I do not doubt that you will be loved far and wide for being just and fair. It would have been my pleasure to have you as my monarch."
Killian was surprised again when Leopold let tears course down his face. "See I am already weak."
Killian shook his head, "Crying is not a sign of weakness. It is strength. Be strong in your emotions always and let your heart guide you and you will be a king of legends."
"Thank you" Leopold said.
Later, after supper, Ruth made her way to Killian's room. She knocked on the door gently in case he was sleeping. He opened the door and smiled widely.
"Are you up for a chat, Uncle?" she asked.
"Always my dear princess" he replied.
They made themselves comfortable and Ruth reached into her pocket.
'I brought you something" she said and handed him a handkerchief filled with a bright blue stone. "It is supposed to ward off pain but keep you from being woozy"
Killian took the object, "Thank you princess."
"Does it hurt much?" she asked as he coughed into his own handkerchief.
He shook his head, "Not too bad. I've had worse. It feels much the same as when I broke my ribs."
"Oh I remember that story. Mother had been furious with you before she had met Papa and she pushed you off the wall into a cart." Ruth clapped a little with her excitement.
"Aye, your mother had a temper when she was your age" he said as he chuckled, which started a new coughing fit.
Ruth frowned, "When you go, who will tell me of adventures and far off places? I had almost convinced Papa to let me go on a state visit with you as my escort. So who will take me now? Mother and Papa do not trust anyone else."
"Your parents love you, my princess. They just want you to be safe. But I shall tell you a secret, shall I?" he asked.
Ruth nodded her head.
"You just need to remind your mother that she was once young and adventurous. That she once denied wanting to marry a prince and stay in a castle. She was quite insistent that she wanted to run away and be a pirate. She almost succeeded." He smiled at the memory.
Ruth gasped, "She didn't?"
"Aye, she did. Got all the way to the tavern and was busy chatting, well intimidating really, the waitress for information when she was found" he said.
"What happened?"
"I found her before the pirates did. So when we got back to the castle, she pushed me off the wall and broke my ribs."
Ruth laughed merrily, "THAT was why she pushed you off? You probably saved her from a terrible fate."
"Aye but she believed I had condemned her to a life of boredom."
"But Mother always said she felt horrible that you were in so much pain afterwards."
Killian smiled, "Your mother's heart is pure and so she could not feel good about hurting me. She just did not think through the consequences of her actions. She learned a lesson that day and she never took her anger out in such a fashion ever again."
Ruth nodded. "I see."
"Do you" he asked.
"I think so," Ruth replied, "but I am not quite sure."
Killian nodded. "Remember this, there is a time and a place for everything. Explain to your parents that you know your responsibilities and that you accept them, but that you would like to see the realms before you of age to settle down and marry. They will appreciate your sense of both duty and adventure and you will most likely get what you want while reassuring them."
Ruth jumped up and hugged Killian. "Thank you. You have always known how to get me to see things form a different perspective."
A few days had past and Killian was getting worse. Small spatters of blood came up when he coughed and he did his best to hide it from Emma, going so far as to burn anything that was stained in the fire. One of the physicians, not the original ponce who had wanted to bleed him dry, had demanded that he now remain on bed rest and that visitors be limited to servants that brought his baths and food and the Queen, who refused to be barred from the room.
He was lying in bed reading when suddenly Quinn appeared at his side. He jumped a little but tried to hide it behind a cough.
"Hi Uncle Killy" Quinn said brightly.
"Bloody Hell, you aren't supposed to be here" Killian said.
Quinn shrugged, "I know. But I hardly think it is fair that they let Leopold and Ruth see you and then barred me from coming."
"Quinn, did you freeze everyone again?" Killian asked.
Quinn shook his head, "No. I told them I wanted to read in the library and then when the coast was clear I came here."
Killian laughed, "You are such a tenacious lad."
"I need to talk to you." Quinn said seriously. Killian nodded and patted the spot next to him. Quinn climbed into the bed and sat cross legged. After a moment of studying Killian he spoke. "I'm different."
"Aye, you have magic." Killian observed,
"Yes, but no one else does." He said quietly without looking up.
"Your mother has magic."
Quinn nodded, "So does Uncle Neal. They are the products of True Love. But Leopold and Ruth don't have magic so if Mother and Papa were True Love, wouldn't all of us have magic?"
Killian thought a moment. "Perhaps it skips around in the second generation?"
Quinn narrowed his eyes at Killian, looking for something. "I don't think it works that way" he said with finality.
"What are you asking, lad?" Killian asked after a moment.
"Well, I have magic and I don't look like Mother or Papa. I love Papa and I don't want to hurt him, but I don't think he is my father, do you?" Quinn asked seriously.
Killian was silent. He did not know what to tell the boy and it was not his place.
"Quinn, you are a very astute boy. I cannot honestly tell you why you have magic and the others do not. What I can tell you is that you are a very special boy and that you will make your parents proud." He replied as best as he could.
Quinn thought a moment, "Do you love mother?"
Killian choked and a coughing fit started. Once it had subsided he answered, "I love all of you."
"But do you love Mother the most? Just tell me this one thing." Quinn prodded.
Killian sighed. "I will love your Mother until my last breath and beyond."
Quinn nodded and they sat in amiable silence for a moment.
Oustide the door, Emma covered her mouth with her hand and fled down the corridor as fast and as quietly as she could.
That evening, Emma was summoned by the physician and rushed to Killian's room, taking only a moment to wrap a dressing gown around her nightdress. Once there, she sent the physician away. She took a deep shuddering breath and then went into the room.
"Hey beautiful" Killian smiled and promptly began coughing.
Emma rushed to his side and gasped at the sight of the blood on his handkerchief. She went to the basin and grabbed a warm, wet cloth. She gently wiped his lips and helped lay him back.
"You've been keeping things from me" she admonished.
He nodded, "I did not want you to worry."
"I have worried since the first moment you coughed weeks ago." She said.
"Aye, but this was too much."
"Oh Killian" Emma said and a tear fell down her face.
"It's all right Emma" he tried to comfort her. She shook her head. Then she removed her dressing gown and lifted the comforter.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
She lifted his arm and put it around her, then placed her cheek on his chest. "Shh, Killian….can we just for once forget about the rest for tonight? Just for tonight can we be together? You are just Killian and I am just Emma and we are one."
"Aye, my love" Killian agreed and pulled her closer, dropping a kiss on her head.
Emma started to cry. "I need more time."
"I know Emma. I'm sorry I have failed you." He said.
She shook her head, "You never failed me. It is I who failed you. I should have waited. I should have known you would not leave me. I could have made them wait but my mother convinced me to let you go. I gave up on you too soon and ruined everything." She was sobbing uncontrollably now. Killian held her while she sobbed, rubbing her arm and holding her close.
"Emma, I don't blame you. How could I? You have always been perfect in my eyes. You allowed me to be near you and that was a balm. You gave me a life I never thought possible." He was now unable to hold back his tears.
"It wasn't enough" she whispered.
His arms tightened around her and he swallowed a lump in his throat. "You were always enough. Just being in the same room was enough. I have always loved you."
"I love you Killian. It was always you." She said.
"Aye, I knew."
Emma reached up and kissed him softly. It was a kiss filled with lost love and longing. Shortly his coughing grew worse once again and she helped him through the episode. When he lay back, exhausted, she looked up at his handsome face and eyes filled with pain.
"Would you like for me to help you feel better?" she asked.
"That would be brilliant, love" he replied through a grimace.
Emma raised her hands over his heart.
"Wait, will it knock me out?" he asked.
She shook her head, "No, it will only mask the pain for a while."
He smiled and she proceeded to cast the spell. He relaxed in relief as each breath got eaiser until it almost felt as if he was not sick at all.
"Thank you, love" he said when she was finished.
They talked for a while and Emma could tell that the exhaustion was creeping up on him. His words were starting to get a little slurred and he was having trouble keeping his eyes open. He had not slept well in weeks due to the coughing and she knew that she should let him rest but was reluctant to let him do so.
"I think you need to sleep now" she told him.
"Aye, but I don't want this to end." He said.
Emma choked back another sob as a tear rolled down her cheek, "Rest now and I will be here when you wake."
Killian looked at her, "Emma, I love you."
"I love you as well. Rest" she said and laid down beside him, held in his arms. He was just drifting off when she decided to tell him one last thing. "Killian?"
"Hmm?" he hummed sleepily.
"Quinn…he's, well he is…" Emma was struggling with how to tell him.
Killian gave a small chuckle, "I know."
She raised up to look at him, "You do?"
"Aye…he is the product of true love. Take care of him for me?" he asked.
Emma nodded and kissed him again. She lay back down in his arms and listened to his breathing even out into sleep.
Emma did not sleep as she held the man she had loved for so long in her arms. She wanted him to be at peace even as part of her wanted him to fight like hell. He had always fought for her and it was time she let him rest. Sometime in the early morning, she could feel his breathing getting shallower. Frown lines appeared and she soothed them away.
"Shh, my love, it is ok. You deserve to rest now. I love you." She said as she kissed his forehead, then his lips. She rested her head over his heart as he breathed his last. She sobbed for all that she had lost until she had no tears left. Then she composed herself and called for help.
On a quiet day, the King and Queen and their children attended a small ceremony by the banks of the castle. Their beloved friend and Uncle, was laid out on a floating funeral pyre. The Queen had helped prepare the body and known to no one but herself, had placed a beautiful golden swan in his hands. The very same swan that he had brought back from his first travels in the royal navy for the Princess of Misthaven, The one that the Queen had worn every day since she had received it from the bright, young Lieutenant.
As the boat was launched and floated out to see, the Queen lit a bright white fireball in her hands and set it afire. Long after the others had retired to the castle, the Queen watched until the very last flame had gone and the sun had sank into the ocean.
Captain Killian Jones had left all his worldly possessions to the Queen and her children. Leopold was given his compass, so that he may follow the true path of a great king. Princess Ruth was given the maps he had hand drawn of all the places he had been so that she might find her way wherever she roamed. Quinn was given the most curious gift of all for he was bequeathed the Jolly Roger. With the gift of the ship, he was told that she would never lead him astray and help him to follow his heart wherever it may lead.
Finally, Emma was alone in her rooms with what Killian had left her. It was a small chest that she had yet to open for fear of its contents. She did so and her breath hitched in her throat. First there was a buttercup that had been dried – it had always been her favorite flower and they had picked them endlessly when they were teenagers, Killian adorning her head in a crown of them and pronouncing her the loveliest of all maidens in the meadow. The next item was the Jones emblem from his brother's extant case that he had kept on his person his entire life after his brother passed in tragedy. Finally, there was a note tied around something with a blue ribbon, the color of his and Quinn's eyes.
Emma unfurled the note and a ring fell out. It was a beautiful silver band with a small stone set in it. Inside the band was engraved the words, "To the end of the world."
Emma read the note and tears streamed down her face once again:
My dearest love,
Our time is growing short and I do not know how to say everything that I must. The only important thing is to tell you that I love you. Death will not change that and I will love you even beyond until the universe blinks out of existence and the sky is blackened forever. You are my heart and I would only wish that you protect it and carry on. Your children need their Mother to be strong and brave and I have every faith that you will see them grow into wonderful and benevolent rulers. Many years ago I was prepared to give you this ring and swear my life to you forever. I was too late and another came and took you away. I do not blame you for this and in truth you had my oath of forever even without the ring. I give it to you now as a token of my undying devotion, for even in death I am still yours. Thank you for everything my love. Until we meet again, my heart.
Yours to the end of the world or time,
Killian
Ten years later, the beloved Dowager Queen Emma of the North Shores passed quietly in the night. She had not been particularly ill and had only retired the night before claiming she was just a little more tired that day than usual. King Leopold held a state funeral for his mother and the country mourned their beloved Queen. Leopold had an elaborate tomb built next to his father's, complete with an effigy in the likeness of the Queen, reposing as if just asleep. For hundreds of years after, the tomb would be covered in flowers in remembrance of the Queen.
After the mourners had all departed to return to their normal lives, the Queen's three children stood at the docks next to the moored Jolly Roger. Prince Quinn waved his arms and the ship began to float into the ocean. Princess Ruth cried on the shoulder of her brother Leopold as Quinn lit a white fireball at his hand and threw it at the ship. As the ship exploded into flames, one could just make out the outline of the Dowager Queen laid out on the deck. She had a wreath of buttercups in her hair and on her left hand she had a silver band with a small stone set in it that was inscribed with the words "To the end of the world."
The three adults watched the fire burn and then Leopold led Ruth back to the castle. Quinn remained and watched until the ship had sunk and the sun had long left the sky. He watched the stars twinkling overhead. "Now you can be together for eternity mother and father." Quinn said and he would later swear two stars shone brighter in the sky that night.